Blocked heart chakra.

[daimai]

Hi guys,

I am seeking your advice.  I am in an unusual situation and it’s hard to know what to do.

 

Basically, I have experienced a freak incident after which I can no longer feel my heart in the same way.  What (seemed to) have caused it is the following:  one day several years ago, I was practicing the MCO and sent energy up my spine upon ejaculating. Nothing special at the time- I felt a blissful feeling for around 30 minutes afterwards but then it faded away and I was never the same since.

Since that moment (and it has been 6 years now), I can’t really feel my heart, or the full range of emotions associated with it, especially compassion and empathy.   When I scan my body and get to my heart, or just try to “feel” it, what I feel is mostly like a dead mass- it just feels like a big knot where no energy passes through.  

 

Before this incident, I was able to feel the energy of love, appreciation, compassion, empathy, etc. in this exact place (heart chakra), and it would radiate with very pleasant and positive energy. It would activate at the right times, or I could activate it with intent, just like any normal person. Everything was fine.

 

Following this incident, I can no longer feel the feeling I just described. I only have a memory of what it used to be like.  I have gone through a countless number of healers and tried a lot of healing modalities, but nothing has ever improved this.  In one desperate attempt, I took some MDMA just to see if I was still capable of it, and it was just not the same.

 

I know this whole thing sounds incredibly bizarre, as if it is in my head, but I am not imagining things. It’s as real as can be.  Because of what happened, I have also noticed drastic changes in my personality, and I have lost most of my ability to relate and empathize with other people.  I still have some cognitive ability to recognize these emotions, but I no longer actually feel them, ever.   

 

Here is an example:  when I try to conjure up the feeling of love and compassion, I can feel the energy trying to move through my chest, but instead of feeling love and compassion, I just feel a big knot, like a garden hose that is completely blocked off, and nothing can pass through it.  It is very physical and visceral.  And as I described earlier, I can vaguely feel the contour of what seems like a completely dead mass, like a tumor. That is literally what it feels like.  Prior to this incident, the energy simply flowed through my entire chest area and the inside of my heart naturally. I could feel the inside of my heart and I could feel the full range of emotions there.

 

I’m completely puzzled as to what is actually going on. What it actually feels like intuitively, is that I had some sort of stroke, and the “cells” that were responsible for enabling these feelings, mentally and emotionally, are either dead or non-functional. That is, either something was injured in either my brain or my actual chest.  I don't think it was actually caused by the incident I described, but I may have had some kind of mini-stroke without knowing it.   Like I said, the best way I can explain it is that it feels like there is a dead rock in my chest, and there is no way of getting the energy to flow into it. I’ve tried everything I can think of, from deep meditation, to energy work (I have been practicing qigong for nearly a decade), to deep breathing, etc.  I’ve seen therapists, acupuncturists, and everything else I could think of.  Everyone to whom I describe this seems to be puzzled and does not really have any ideas.

 

As I mentioned, it has been 6 years now and the situation has not improved at all. It happened overnight, and nothing has changed since then. There has not been any healing or improvement whatsoever.

 

The other symptoms that simultaneously occurred after this incident was an intense feeling of pressure in my head, which has since subsided. In addition to that, a feeling of tightness and floating pockets of energy that will move around my body randomly. They are not exactly pleasant- the best way I can describe the behavior of this moving energy is like air bubbles.

 

I did some research and it seems that this is not something that happens to people. We speak of things like “heartbreak” following a devastating incident, but not this, it is something completely different.  I’m feeling quite lonely and isolated as there does not seem to be any help or information out there.  I am wondering and coping with what the rest of my life is going to be like given these circumstances. 

Edited February 8, 2018 by daimai

[Jeff]

You are stuck in a hyper receptive mode at the heart. Maybe think of it like an open heart is a pendulum that bounces back and forth between transmission and reception.  The mind tends to notice the transmission side more, because it is kind of like a sonar pulse that goes out and you feel the reflection coming back. When stuck on the reception side of the polarity at the heart, it is like you have a radio receiver, but not the transmitter to feel.  Also, since you have opened the heart, you have started moving beyond the simple mental translation of the underlying energy, so you don't feel the mental emotions like most people either.

 

My guess is that without the balance, the bubbles are sort of energy build up from the emotions. Like you are not releasing them (since you are not transmitting). Any specific tradition or religion that you follow?  May be able to make some specific recommendations.

[RiverSnake]

I do a bit of healing work. Let me know if you'd like me to take a look. 

[joeblast]

Well, I guess if I ever get around to writing a book about MCO, I'll begin the preface with a statement about what the M does NOT mean...

[Yinja]

Hi

 

I am experiencing the very same condition you are having.

Every word in your post is very much falmiliar to me, and i know how rare it is 

to find someone else with the same condition. (as you i havnt found anyone or anything about it yet)

For me its been 3 years already but, there is an improvement and im positive great healing is coming.

 

What was for me a situation of feeling broken numb and incapable of feeling, 

today is something that happened for the best. 

 

My case triggered a little different than yours

I was in a festival and had (what today i think was, but im not even sure anymore) some "bad water" by accident.

Only after two years i felt like i found a "lead" on whats going on.

At first all of my perceptions were widned, and all of my burried down emotions came up to the surface.

It felt very alive as i didnt waste anything on holding back those emotion, but it was too much too fast for me.

anxiety attacks started to occur and slowly my body depressed this high untill i became the very same way you describe above.

 

I also went to sick someone who can shed light on the situation, but no one realy had a clue or a cure.

Only after sometime a small jump in consciousness level(to my best knowledge) occured and i was able to look a little deeper into myself. I got into pyschotherapy and investigated deeply. Only then i started to have a clue about what im telling you now. Today i feel very clearly that i am not broken and the way to healing is there.

 

Please contact me, i think i can be in help, even if its just to have someone who gets what youre going through.

I know i'd love to talk to  someone about it! 

 

I wanna say that i can assure you that youre not broken and that you can feel again, but i dont claim to know alot of things in general and especially not for other people, but you can be sure ill put my money on it.

 

Sorry about the lack of punctuation marks folks, Im still trying to figure out how to use them.

 

 

Edited February 17, 2018 by Yinja