Guru auditions (who wants to guide me?)

[Yinja]

Hi 

 

To my best understanding, i am right now in the process of opening my heart.

I would love someone who has been through this process to guide me. Someone i can PM or even have a skype session with, 

dosnt have to be too often at all.

 

Here is some of what im going through so you can see if we speak the same language:

The numbness of my life cannot burry my emotions(that i casted away) any longer, and they are bursting out(anxiety,shame,anger, hate.).

The subconscious mask i was carrying(relying on achivements to get "love" etc,etc) is crumbling down as i can see through it

It leaves me paralyzd with fear faceing the opinions of others on me without my defenses. I find myself being disgusted and angry with other people which i can see in them all of them qualities im not admitting in myself. 

 

Thats it for now, I will supply more details if needed.

 

Thanks to me for offering you this opportunity to help. 

 

May the force be with you.

Yinja.

[Jonesboy]

Are you currently doing any practices or follow any particular tradition?

[Yinja]

I suppose my practice background is what i will call mindfulness meditation and thats pretty much it.

I was always intrigued and around Zen Hinduism Buddhism Taoism and the more spiritual side of psychotherapy now more than before.

[Daemon]

☮️

Edited October 1, 2018 by Daemon

[Lost in Translation]

Open up. If it hurts then open more. Perception is such a precious gift. Even fear is a blessing. Let yourself feel everything. Try not to judge what you feel. Oh, that is so hard to do. That is so very hard to do. But what's the alternative? Numb your perceptions so the pain goes away, or dissociate from the pain and pretend it's not there? No. Just feel it...

[Yinja]

Thank you. 

 

This is exactly what i intend to do, as the numbness is no longer bearable  

Some feelings are buried deep down, I assume they will show up when im ready. 

Perhaps you can share some of your own opening up experiences?

 

 

[Rishi Das]

On 2/27/2018 at 4:17 AM, Yinja said:

I find myself being disgusted and angry with other people which i can see in them all of them qualities im not admitting in myself. 

 

That's a beautiful statement.

 

It's a funny thing, this heart opening stuff.. 

The flesh is so raw and tender after pulling off the mask. 

We're left naked and feeling totally exposed.

Integrity and self-honesty are imperative.

Vulnerability is a must.

 

Keep in mind that to be broken is to be human. 

You're perfectly imperfect just the way you are. 

The heart opens when we learn to love and accept ourselves. 

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. 

 

I am no Guru but am always willing to listen. 

Take care. 

[doc benway]

On 2/27/2018 at 7:17 AM, Yinja said:

Hi 

 

To my best understanding, i am right now in the process of opening my heart.

I would love someone who has been through this process to guide me. Someone i can PM or even have a skype session with, 

dosnt have to be too often at all.

 

Here is some of what im going through so you can see if we speak the same language:

The numbness of my life cannot burry my emotions(that i casted away) any longer, and they are bursting out(anxiety,shame,anger, hate.).

The subconscious mask i was carrying(relying on achivements to get "love" etc,etc) is crumbling down as i can see through it

It leaves me paralyzd with fear faceing the opinions of others on me without my defenses. I find myself being disgusted and angry with other people which i can see in them all of them qualities im not admitting in myself. 

 

Thats it for now, I will supply more details if needed.

 

Thanks to me for offering you this opportunity to help. 

 

May the force be with you.

Yinja.

 

Hi Yinja,

I'm not a guru and not interested in being a guide but I'll offer a few observations, FWTW.

 

I was emotionally locked down for a good part of my adult life and have opened up to a far richer and deeper emotional and spiritual life. What you are going through is a transition and temporary. And it's worth it.

It is a good idea to find a guru if you are feeling the need of support.

You may be able to find that in an anonymous forum like this one but better yet to find a credible master you can connect with in person, IMO.

 

The fear you feel of others' judgement is a normal consequence of a lifetime of conditioning.

We are programmed from early childhood to be addicted to approval - parents, teachers, friends, lovers - everyone we meet.

All those whose opinions you fear are equally addicted and programmed.

Those very judgements you fear are nothing more than an expression of fears, desires, expectations...

It's all completely empty, that's what you are realizing - you just need to take the next step. 

You are seeing through your own masque, now see how all of those opinions and judgements you fear are equally transparent.

It's all a dance.

 

Acknowledge the negative and positive qualities you find in yourself, just as you see them in others.

They are simply the way things are, nothing more and nothing less.

Don't judge, just be aware and let it be. 

They are a product of years, decades, and generations of conditions and conditioning.

The awareness alone will lead to spontaneous change, to growth.

 

Next, see if you can find a little bit of openness in your heart to just let all of it be as it is.

Is it possible to accept yourself, as you are?

Look at yourself as a friend who needs your help, your support, your love.

Could you accept a close friend, even with the faults you find in yourself?

Show yourself some kindness, some patience, and be proud of yourself for every little step you take on this path.

You deserve that much.

 

One teacher who speaks beautifully to these themes for me is Anthony Demello.

Check out his book Awareness.

Better yet, listen to his live teachings in the set of CD's called Wake Up to Life!

Here's the first part - 

 

 

Good luck on your journey!

 

_/\_

 

 

[Yinja]

Thanks everyone for the things that been said, It helps me a great deal. 

 

If i understand correctly i am in the process of risking the lose of that fake love

to come out the other side and see i survived and its not a true need of mine.(probably one way of many to say it) 

 

Im not sure everyone is going through this process and without it, can you find true compassion? 

Is true compassion that rare? or maybe people have it to some degree. I live in a community that will argue for being very open and compassionate, but i dont see their tolerance for hate, anger, jealousy and ignorance. (or maybe its just my reflections)  

 

It seems very rewarding and also a fun adventure to jump into the water and face my fears(and also do "mistakes" intentionally)  .

That is part of my courageous active strategy so far, but would you say i should let the world see me despising? 

even if its just with facial expressions? I feel like im doing harm this way, but maybe im doing more harm by acting. 

 

Any thoughts? perhaps a personal experience? (before i start booming you with PMs muahaha)

 

Thanks again. 

 

p.s Maybe someone can clarify how i am not any better than others, i seem to still carry it around. 

 

 

 

Edited March 12, 2018 by Yinja

[Stosh]

Master -- slowly turns around , cracks his knuckles . "You wish to lock horns with teacher?" He smiles in a discomforting manner , too many teeth. " condition One ! , No question from teacher is to be considered rhetorical. Agreed ? "

( This isn't exactly a question in the normal sense. ) 
"Two ! Student will be honest and brief when being grilled by teacher. Yes?"

( again , its not really a question ) 
Three ! .... I am waiting for a faster response on one and two... speed it up. Yes? 

[Goldleaf]

You sound, very insightful and self-aware.

 

I think this means that whatever practice you undertake, you can really help yourself further.  (But also be patient).

 

Perhaps a better question, if you are asking about finding a guru (since finding a guru / master , is nnot the issue, once the student is determined enough), is how can one be a better student?

 

Listen carefully when the master speaks.

Practice how you are taught

Be relaxed, not overly stressed

 

And have three hearts.  

heart of confidence

heart of patience

heart of perserverance

 

- Heart of confidence.  You must have confidence in your master and the art he teaches.  If not, why are you doing it?  The master who teaches you should have radiant health and not hesitate to answer your questions.

-heart of patience.  Patience is more than just waiting some tmie.  Trust the process.  Don't expect immediate flowers to bloom

-persevere.  Nothing worthwhile is ever obtained without effort.

 

Good luck!