Emergency situation, seeking advice (content may be triggering)

[Tryingtodobetter]

As of late I have been experiencing a lot of synchronicities, whether they be repeating numbers, overhearing certain phrases in others conversations that I perceive to apply to me or drawing parallels between far too much that I read and see with myself.

 

I have heard that this all may be part of what I have been manifesting for myself or attracting.

 

Years ago I began to practice a candle gazing meditation known as tratak, and while I was relatively dedicated to the practice, I think I proceeded too hastily and at a pace too fast for me. I only adhered to the practice for a few months, and didn't follow many of the safeguards expressed by the sites I visited describing it. There have been very brief periods over the last few years where I picked it up again, again with little precaution. The last time I did it, my reality seemed to be okay, though soon drastic changes began to happen. 

 

I began thinking that too much of my social media feed applied to me, I had difficulty ignoring the conversations of others and I noticed that the negative nightmarish(to put it lightly) changes in my reality were resultant of considering fictional musings of others far too much and my depressed mood at the time. I am sure that semi-regular marijuana use exacerbated all of this to a nightmarish extent.

 

I worked 30 days straight at my job while using marijuana off-and-on, and I felt like I was in hell at the time and my surroundings suddenly reflected that. I also felt like I was in heaven for a time and my surroundings reflected that.

 

I have since quit using marijuana and am currently taking medication, I arranged an appointment during my episode. Im also quitting cigarettes today for at least a month

 

If anyone reading this has any advice as to how I can smooth out this experience and return to some semblance of normality I would be extremely grateful.

 

So far I've been using positive affirmations and meditating on positivity occasionally. There have still been nightmarish "hiccups" in my reality that I would like to permanently go away.

 

I would really appreciate some help and I figured this was a place where my voice might get to reach the right person.  

[Marblehead]

Hello, Tryingtodobetter and welcome.

 

Your membership is approved and we're happy you found your way to us. We look forward to accompanying you on some of the way that you still have to go.

 

Please take the time to read the post pinned at the top of this Welcome page and take a look at the forum Terms and Rules.   This covers all you need to know when getting started.

 

For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like. Also, until you’ve posted fifteen times in the forums, you’ll be a “Junior Bum” with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day.

 

Good luck in your pursuits and best wishes to you,

 

Marblehead and the TDB team

 

 

Hi Trying,

 

My first suggestion is to post your above post in the sub-forum "General Discussions - Healing Circle"  It will get more viewers there.  Sounds to me like you are pushing too hard.  Best wishes.

 

You are welcome to jump right in ongoing discussions, revive an older thread, start a new thread of your own, or start a discussion in the "Newcomer Corner" sub-forms to expand on your introduction or ask general questions to help you get started.

 

May you enjoy your time here.

 

Marblehead

[Limahong]

2 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I would really appreciate some help and I figured this was a place where my voice might get to reach the right person.

 

Hi Trytodobetter,

 

I am not the right person but I think you are on the right path in trying to do better. Why? There is clarity in your self-accountability.

 

Perhaps you may like to take things a little easier. Why?

 

18 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

Sounds to me like you are pushing too hard.

 

Position yourself as 'the right person' to help yourself. My inkling - you surely can.

 

Welcome to TDB.

 

- LimA

[moment]

On 3/9/2018 at 8:16 AM, Tryingtodobetter said:

As of late I have been experiencing a lot of synchronicities, whether they be repeating numbers, overhearing certain phrases in others conversations that I perceive to apply to me or drawing parallels between far too much that I read and see with myself.

 

I have heard that this all may be part of what I have been manifesting for myself or attracting.

 

Years ago I began to practice a candle gazing meditation known as tratak, and while I was relatively dedicated to the practice, I think I proceeded too hastily and at a pace too fast for me. I only adhered to the practice for a few months, and didn't follow many of the safeguards expressed by the sites I visited describing it. There have been very brief periods over the last few years where I picked it up again, again with little precaution. The last time I did it, my reality seemed to be okay, though soon drastic changes began to happen. 

 

I began thinking that too much of my social media feed applied to me, I had difficulty ignoring the conversations of others and I noticed that the negative nightmarish(to put it lightly) changes in my reality were resultant of considering fictional musings of others far too much and my depressed mood at the time. I am sure that semi-regular marijuana use exacerbated all of this to a nightmarish extent.

 

I worked 30 days straight at my job while using marijuana off-and-on, and I felt like I was in hell at the time and my surroundings suddenly reflected that. I also felt like I was in heaven for a time and my surroundings reflected that.

 

I have since quit using marijuana and am currently taking medication, I arranged an appointment during my episode. Im also quitting cigarettes today for at least a month

 

If anyone reading this has any advice as to how I can smooth out this experience and return to some semblance of normality I would be extremely grateful.

 

So far I've been using positive affirmations and meditating on positivity occasionally. There have still been nightmarish "hiccups" in my reality that I would like to permanently go away.

 

I would really appreciate some help and I figured this was a place where my voice might get to reach the right person.  

 

First off, no more candle gazing, avoid it like the plague. Walking meditations  in the forest or nice parks is useful.  Start eliminating stresses.  Everything negative you are feeling is an artificially magnified condition.  You need to soothe yourself.  Do more of the things that relax and calm you.  Absolutely stay away from drugs or alcohol. Simplify. Keep in contact with the people who care about you.  I wish you well and you can contact me at any time.. 

Edited July 5, 2019 by moment

[liminal_luke]

I`d advise paying attention to the basics.

 

Good sleep habits.

Nutritious food.

Plenty of exercise, preferably outdoors.

Time in nature (see above).

Spending time with people who care about you.

Following up with medical care / counseling as seems appropriate.

[Lost in Translation]

You need to ground yourself, literally. Get some dirt under your feet, under your fingernails. Get back to nature. Visit a park for a few hours each day. If you can then take a few days off to go camping.

[thursday]

Welcome tryingtodobetter.

 

I recognize your situation, drawing parallels/connections and such.. It can be frightening, but it can also ease out.

 

Good suggestions from the people above.

 

Also, don't worry too much, and if you do, know that the stuff coming through is not going to harm you if you don't let it. I believe this is like learning a new language, don't worry about the content for now. If you worry a lot and afraid you're going to do something foolish, find a doctor that can forward you some medication that guards against a crisis.

 

What you can try is feel your hand over your abdomen area and feel for the physical sensations, this will help with grounding.. In any case, this is a good time to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that help you feel more calm..

 

Feel free to send me a message.

[thelerner]

When things go off kilter slow down or stop, take a break. Leave the manic cycle. Stop the social media, go for walks in nature. Disregard signs. For a while anyway. 

 

Sometimes we overload our systems, get disturbing feedback  and need to reset. 

[七星門]

Clinically it sounds like ideas or delusions of reference. This is almost certainly exacerbated by the use of Marijuana. It can be pathological, but it can also be the byproduct of spiritual practices & wholesome if the mind is adequately prepared. 

 

Certain crises are catastrophic from our limited view but transformative from a cosmic perspective, as cinnabar is destroyed when mercury is distilled. 

 

There's an effect I've experienced wherein every phenomenon is a dealing of the divine with the spirit. This sounds a bit grandiose & egoistic, admittedly it can progress to that if we grasp too tightly to our sense of self. If, on the other hand, we are able to make our selves permeable & dissolve the barrier between "in-here" & "out-there" it culminates in an apprehension of the essential unity of the Universe.  

 

All that said, without proper preparation this glimpse can drive you mad. Eliminating intoxicants  is a good step, excess caffeine as well. Stop all spiritual practices, stop paying so much attention to the chatter of your mind, concrete activities are important.

 

Look around you, what have you let go? Is your space clean? Is it as jumbled & disorganized as you feel internally? Day by day impose a beneficial order upon your surroundings, change your sheets once a week, make your bed every morning. (This alone is an anchor in the storm.) Pick up, reshelve books & discs, empty the trash, clean your shower, take your car to a wash station & clean it inside & out. Throw things away, clear away the clutter. 

 

Maintain this clarity in your outer space & it will translate to changes in your inner state. 

 

*The words and other con­tent pro­vided in this post, and in any linked mate­ri­als, are not intended and should not be con­strued as med­ical advice. If the reader or any other per­son has a med­ical con­cern, he or she should con­sult with an appropriately-licensed physi­cian or other health care worker. Never dis­re­gard pro­fes­sional med­ical advice or delay in seek­ing it because of some­thing you have read in this post or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a med­ical emer­gency, call your doc­tor or emergency services immediately.*

Edited March 10, 2018 by 七星門

[Rakiel]

that's the risk when you follow the white rabbit down the rabbit hole, isn't it?.... that's why i took up qigong to get back into my body. as a result i was able to bring my attention away from the higher centers and into my lower body, which greatly seemed to "regulate" my psychic climate.

 

 

[Marblehead]

I am impressed by all the offers of guidance for Tryingtodobetter.

 

Thank you all!!!

 

 

[Limahong]

23 hours ago, thursday said:

What you can try is feel your hand over your abdomen area and feel for the physical sensations, this will help with grounding.

 

Hi thursday,

 

I know the feeling of putting my hand over my abdomen - I will feel centred, anchored and safe. 

 

Tryingtodobetter - meditatively (with an open mind) feel the warmth generated. Perhaps you may like to do what thursday has suggested lying comfortably down. You may end up having a peaceful slumber.

 

- LimA

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 2:16 PM, Limahong said:

 

Hi Trytodobetter,

 

I am not the right person but I think you are on the right path in trying to do better. Why? There is clarity in your self-accountability.

 

Perhaps you may like to take things a little easier. Why?

 

 

Position yourself as 'the right person' to help yourself. My inkling - you surely can.

 

Welcome to TDB.

 

- LimA

 

28 minutes ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi thursday,

 

I know the feeling of putting my hand over my abdomen - I will feel centred, anchored and safe. 

 

Tryingtodobetter - meditatively (with an open mind) feel the warmth generated. Perhaps you may like to do what thursday has suggested lying comfortably down. You may end up having a peaceful slumber.

 

- LimA

 

Thank you for the suggestion that I begin to take charge of my own situation and not leave it completely to the will of another("")

 

I will try putting my hand over my abdomen tonight and see if it yields anything substantial. A peaceful slumber is something that I have longed for as of these past few months

 

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 3:53 PM, moment said:

 

About thirty years ago I got into self-hypnosis without proper safeguards.  I went into it way too fast and deep.  I had many of the symptoms your are talking about.

First off, no more candle gazing, avoid it like the plague.  Start looking into more low key, calming influences like Yoga Nidra and Hakuin's oil melt.  Keep either of them or whatever seems right to you down to less than thirty minutes a day until you know them well.  Walking meditations  in the forest or nice parks is useful.  Start eliminating stresses.  Everything negative you are feeling is an artificially magnified condition.  You need to soothe yourself.  Do more of the things that relax and calm you.  Absolutely stay away from drugs or alcohol. Simplify. Keep in contact with the people who care about you.  I wish you well and you can contact me at any time.. 

 

The Hakuin's oil melt resonates with me more, is it similar to "the butter meditation"? 

 

I had a barefoot walk today and felt more relaxed, though the energy seemed to become "heady" again shortly after putting my shoes on, I was only out for about half an hour today.

 

Yea, I quit using marijuana cold turkey about a month ago and recently gave up cigarettes.

 

Thank you 

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 3:58 PM, liminal_luke said:

I`d advise paying attention to the basics.

 

Good sleep habits.

Nutritious food.

Plenty of exercise, preferably outdoors.

Time in nature (see above).

Spending time with people who care about you.

Following up with medical care / counseling as seems appropriate.

 

Do you think that reintroducing meat into my fairly bland vegetarian diet would help to ground the energy more, or do you think it would make things more difficult to manage? I've been sustaining myself on various beans and rices, though I've begun to reintegrate salmon back into my diet in hopes that it will level out the energy.

 

I was jogging for a time, though I found that the energy became Extremely heady sometimes after a long jog and that I was "manifesting" certain things unaware, though that could just be me imagining things. Jogging "worked me up" I think, especially since I didn't like being around other people very much and would encounter a number on my jog. I'm working on being more compassionate and opening up though it is a process

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 6:14 PM, Lost in Translation said:

You need to ground yourself, literally. Get some dirt under your feet, under your fingernails. Get back to nature. Visit a park for a few hours each day. If you can then take a few days off to go camping.

 

I took your advice today and went barefoot for about half an hour and noticed a tangible change in the energy within my body. I noticed where I had blockages about 5 minutes in. It was nice besides it being a little cold outside. I think a few hours is what is needed for the energy to balance itself out more, today definitely clued me in to that. I don't know if I could handle camping at the moment, being that alone is a little intimidating

 

Thank you

[Limahong]

12 minutes ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

... and see if it yields anything substantial.

 

Hi Tryingtodobetter,

 

What substantial?

 

Dada-da has already said -

 

On 3/10/2018 at 2:50 AM, Marblehead said:

Sounds to me like you are pushing too hard. 

 

Please be soft and kind to yourself - love yourself.

 

- LimA

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 6:46 PM, thursday said:

Welcome tryingtodobetter.

 

I recognize your situation, drawing parallels/connections and such.. It can be frightening, but it can also ease out.

 

Good suggestions from the people above.

 

Also, don't worry too much, and if you do, know that the stuff coming through is not going to harm you if you don't let it. I believe this is like learning a new language, don't worry about the content for now. If you worry a lot and afraid you're going to do something foolish, find a doctor that can forward you some medication that guards against a crisis.

 

What you can try is feel your hand over your abdomen area and feel for the physical sensations, this will help with grounding.. In any case, this is a good time to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that help you feel more calm..

 

Feel free to send me a message.

 

Thank you for letting me know that its not going to harm me, some scary things have come through and while they frightened me it was clear that they weren't going to bring physical harm to me. I'm working on being a stronger person

 

When you suggested I put my hand over my abdomen, were you being completely literal? 

I'm wondering if there is a certain position I should be in, or if my hand needs to be a certain distance from my body, or if it matters which hands it is etc. 

 

For now I'm just going to try as is and see what results that yields

 

I would like to be surrounded by people that make me feel more calm, though they're pretty much all gone at this point due to various circumstances and reasons. I'm alone most of the time and it can be pretty challenging trying to solve this on my own and gain the inertia needed to get where I'm trying to go

 

Thank you

[Tryingtodobetter]

6 minutes ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi Tryingtodobetter,

 

What substantial?

 

Dada-da has already said -

 

 

Please be soft and kind to yourself - love yourself.

 

- LimA

 

It's difficult to do that when I've felt like I've let so many people down including myself, and not I'm trying to get out of this mess and be less of a burden to those around me. 

 

I tell myself that I love myself, sometimes I don't think I know how yet

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 6:52 PM, thelerner said:

When things go off kilter slow down or stop, take a break. Leave the manic cycle. Stop the social media, go for walks in nature. Disregard signs. For a while anyway. 

 

Sometimes we overload our systems, get disturbing feedback  and need to reset. 

 

Yea ignoring the "signs" is kind of difficult when they've become so pervasive, or rather that I've allowed them to become so pervasive. I think the most difficult one is ignoring what people say in conversations going on around me and not looking to deeply into conversations I'm having to find some kind of parallel between what they're saying and myself, even though I don't have to look hard most of the time

 

Yea, I think I've been overloading myself for a long time and I'm just noticing the true extent of it this past year

[Limahong]

4 minutes ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I think a few hours is what is needed for the energy to balance itself out more, today definitely clued me in to that. I don't know if I could handle camping at the moment, being that alone is a little intimidating

 

Hi Tryingtodobetter.

 

What... a few hours... clued... camping in the cold... ?

 

6 minutes ago, Limahong said:

 

Dada-da has already said -

 

On 3/10/2018 at 2:50 AM, Marblehead said:

Sounds to me like you are pushing too hard. 

 

 

You better change to Trytodonothing.

 

- LimA

[Tryingtodobetter]

On 3/9/2018 at 7:02 PM, 七星門 said:

Clinically it sounds like ideas or delusions of reference. This is almost certainly exacerbated by the use of Marijuana. It can be pathological, but it can also be the byproduct of spiritual practices & wholesome if the mind is adequately prepared. 

 

Certain crises are catastrophic from our limited view but transformative from a cosmic perspective, as cinnabar is destroyed when mercury is distilled. 

 

There's an effect I've experienced wherein every phenomenon is a dealing of the divine with the spirit. This sounds a bit grandiose & egoistic, admittedly it can progress to that if we grasp too tightly to our sense of self. If, on the other hand, we are able to make our selves permeable & dissolve the barrier between "in-here" & "out-there" it culminates in an apprehension of the essential unity of the Universe.  

 

All that said, without proper preparation this glimpse can drive you mad. Eliminating intoxicants  is a good step, excess caffeine as well. Stop all spiritual practices, stop paying so much attention to the chatter of your mind, concrete activities are important.

 

Look around you, what have you let go? Is your space clean? Is it as jumbled & disorganized as you feel internally? Day by day impose a beneficial order upon your surroundings, change your sheets once a week, make your bed every morning. (This alone is an anchor in the storm.) Pick up, reshelve books & discs, empty the trash, clean your shower, take your car to a wash station & clean it inside & out. Throw things away, clear away the clutter. 

 

Maintain this clarity in your outer space & it will translate to changes in your inner state. 

 

*The words and other con­tent pro­vided in this post, and in any linked mate­ri­als, are not intended and should not be con­strued as med­ical advice. If the reader or any other per­son has a med­ical con­cern, he or she should con­sult with an appropriately-licensed physi­cian or other health care worker. Never dis­re­gard pro­fes­sional med­ical advice or delay in seek­ing it because of some­thing you have read in this post or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a med­ical emer­gency, call your doc­tor or emergency services immediately.*

 

Yea, I quit all substances and stopped all spiritual practices. 

 

I followed your advice regarding my personal space. This afternoon I cleaned and did laundry, I will try to do those things with regularity.

[Limahong]

12 minutes ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I tell myself that I love myself, sometimes I don't think I know how yet

 

Hi Tryingtodobetter,

 

By seeking help, you have already started to love yourself.

 

 

- LimA

Edited March 11, 2018 by Limahong
Enhance ...

[liminal_luke]

14 minutes ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

 

Do you think that reintroducing meat into my fairly bland vegetarian diet would help to ground the energy more, or do you think it would make things more difficult to manage? I've been sustaining myself on various beans and rices, though I've begun to reintegrate salmon back into my diet in hopes that it will level out the energy.

 

I was jogging for a time, though I found that the energy became Extremely heady sometimes after a long jog and that I was "manifesting" certain things unaware, though that could just be me imagining things. Jogging "worked me up" I think, especially since I didn't like being around other people very much and would encounter a number on my jog. I'm working on being more compassionate and opening up though it is a process

 

Opinions about what constitutes a healthy diet vary widely and, honestly, I`m probably not the guy to ask.  Personally, I favor eating meat.  When I said to eat "nutritious food" I mostly meant just not living on junk -- Coke, chips, packaged sugar treats, that kind of thing.  Sounds like you`re not.

 

From what you`ve said above, it sounds like your challenges are more social than dietary.  Not liking to be around people is a very difficult thing.  When you feel that way, it can feel better to isolate yourself, to avoid situations where you`d have to talk to people and just generally stay home alone.  As tempting as this is, you`ll probably end up feeling worse rather than better just being by yourself.  My advice would be to find ways to be with people.  It`s sometimes just enough to be out and about in the world even if you don`t speak to anybody.  That`s so much better than staying home in order to feel safe.

 

Hope this helps.

 

LL

[moment]

On 3/10/2018 at 3:52 PM, Tryingtodobetter said:

 

The Hakuin's oil melt resonates with me more, is it similar to "the butter meditation"? 

 

I had a barefoot walk today and felt more relaxed, though the energy seemed to become "heady" again shortly after putting my shoes on, I was only out for about half an hour today.

 

Yea, I quit using marijuana cold turkey about a month ago and recently gave up cigarettes.

 

Thank you 

 

Yes, it is the butter meditation.

If concentration meditations are done before a certain level of a calm aware mind has been attained, a lot of crap is/can be kicked up that we are not ready for. Eventually, you will become very efficient, just pared down to a few techniques that work best.

Be well..

 

Edited July 5, 2019 by moment