Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 So, I keep getting PMs after I posted an abrupt farewell in an obscure (not really, but hardly read by most) thread, a farewell I wasn't planning on saying to a habit of 12 years (which is the least that can be said about what TDB is for me), and even though I thought that would be the end of it, those PMs (thank you again, everyone who sent one!) made me reconsider. After all, my friends and thought-mates and worthy adversaries (why of course) of many years, and just plain familiar faces, partners in banter, partners in cultivation, inspirations and challenges and more -- are people I wouldn't want to make feel irrelevant, insignificant, disposable enough for me to just slam the door without so much as a nod of recognition in their direction. And of course I owe them a lot more than that. So, here goes a brief why/wherefore. I did hit the "report" button twice, that's my only culpable act. I didn't do it because I'm "pushy" per ZYD's assessment, but because, not having touched that button in years, I was out of the loop as to whether the report got noticed the first time -- I remembered from my own long moderating years that sometimes the mods had bigger fish to fry, were busy with something else, and folks would report the same thing twice to get noticed, and it was never a big deal, or any kind of deal at all. So, yes, this, I did. Mea culpa. But the rest... The rest was gaslighted to mind-boggling proportions. Triumphant contempt, unfair slander, insulting attacks by two mods (ZYD and Kar3n) in response to my request to rule in a bully who happens to be Kar3n's husband (Jonesboy), a request which, when pooh-poohed by the mods, I followed up by a tongue-in-cheek sarcastic post intending to prove that Jonesboy's insult (calling me "butthurt" on the heels of a barrage of bullying and trolling) WAS indeed an insult by giving a few metaphorical meanings of "butthurt" that could CLEARLY reveal the insulting nature of the term, which was my only intent -- made me reconsider my participation. I found the atmosphere where something like this can be a response to my years of pretty much trying to follow a favorite taoist line about the sage -- not that I think of myself as one, but I strive to emulate one whenever I manage to -- the sage who "comes like the spring, benefitting all beings" -- I suddenly found this atmosphere unhealthy and unbreathable. If it changes, I'll come back. If it doesn't, it's a regretful, tearful farewell. Time will heal this wound, of course, in any event. Much love to all. TM 8 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted March 16, 2018 As one of the many people who`ve PM`d you, let me say publically what I`ve already said privately. Your kindness and care in sharing all kinds of knowledge, tips, and wisdom for these many years has made a great difference to me, and, I`m certain, to many others. Whether or not you ultimately decide to stick around or not, please know that your contribution is mightily appreciated. With gratitude and respect, LL 4 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aetherous Posted March 16, 2018 The daobums just would not be the same without Taomeow. We cannot be losing long term bums, who have much knowledge of the Dao, and who have it with such style. I sincerely hope she stays. 3 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted March 16, 2018 I've missed the storm and am shocked and severely bummed reading this! I've taken a couple breaks from the dao bums process and all media, out of a real need, but always find the space to return. Should you not return, then please know in what high regard and deep admiration, love and respect I hold you, your insight and your wit and experience. You are truly one of a kind. Much Love Old Friend! 5 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kar3n Posted March 16, 2018 Yeah, saying that someone was sodomized and sodomizes because it's the only thing they've ever known it's real tongue-in-cheek. It is, quite frankly, disgusting. You have not been slandered by me or anyone else. You flat out said in your report that if something wasn't done and a definition of butthurt was not delivered to you by the mod team you would do exactly what you did and the choice was ours. Admin handled it and apparently it wasn't to your satisfaction and you slandered, personally attacked and insulted jonesboy, yes, my husband. (BTW, that he is my husband is not a secret on this forum.) 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 You hide my post and then interpret it for those who haven't read it?.. Way to go! Now that you've done your noble deed, can you please leave this thread alone? (Unless you wake up to the fact that you and ZYD owe me an apology -- not that I'm holding my breath.) It doesn't seem to require any moderation IMO. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, liminal_luke said: As one of the many people who`ve PM`d you, let me say publically what I`ve already said privately. Your kindness and care in sharing all kinds of knowledge, tips, and wisdom for these many years has made a great difference to me, and, I`m certain, to many others. Whether or not you ultimately decide to stick around or not, please know that your contribution is mightily appreciated. With gratitude and respect, LL Thank you, LL, your kindness and wisdom have often been a lesson and an example. Shine ON. Edited March 16, 2018 by Taomeow 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 47 minutes ago, Aetherous said: The daobums just would not be the same without Taomeow. We cannot be losing long term bums, who have much knowledge of the Dao, and who have it with such style. I sincerely hope she stays. Thank you, Aetherous! I hope someday I can discuss TCM with you as a student discusses something of great relevance to her with a master. I've seen you learn and grow over the years and I've been impressed! Please carry on, you are bound for glory! 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 29 minutes ago, silent thunder said: I've missed the storm and am shocked and severely bummed reading this! I've taken a couple breaks from the dao bums process and all media, out of a real need, but always find the space to return. Should you not return, then please know in what high regard and deep admiration, love and respect I hold you, your insight and your wit and experience. You are truly one of a kind. Much Love Old Friend! Thank you, Silent Thunder, your "thunder," albeit always gentle, has not been "silent" to me, and has not fallen on a deaf ear. I've often admired your heart and your limitless love and optimism even in the face of great adversity. Be well, my dear friend! 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zerostao Posted March 16, 2018 Taomeow, I think you should stay. I was there in the thread when it went down, and I was staying out of the crossfire between your and jonesboy's exchange. I think ZYD's initial Mod Notification is a post that should be hidden, retracted and apologized for, either by him or Admin. Initially, I wondered if perhaps ZYD was trying to inject some humor in hopes of de-escalation, but that attempt missed by a wide mark as it Flamed beyond any posts or exchange posted on the history of the thread, and that is saying something. I felt compelled to reply to ZYD's Mod post, and his response was "so be it"---and I read that as he intended it to come across as fucked up as it read. Maybe some bum that has never been a mod will consider to take on the role. Being a Mod can take a toll over time. I've heard 'butthurt' used, and among guys, it's no biggie, I personally would not direct that adjective towards a female, due to possible (intended or not) connotations, but that's me. Either way, there is no reason (unless you feel totally sure about it) for you to leave. 6 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Astral Monk Posted March 16, 2018 Taomeow, if u go for good plz dont delete all ur old posts like some ppl do!! I still need to read about coffee and taiji!!! 8) 5 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted March 16, 2018 Well, if Taomeow leaves this site I will be greatly disappointed as I have always viewed her as a much stronger person than that. A time out? Sure. I do that on occasion. And I agree with you Astral Monk, she has posted a lot of valuable information that should never disappear. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blue eyed snake Posted March 16, 2018 14 hours ago, Taomeow said: I suddenly found this atmosphere unhealthy and unbreathable. If it changes, I'll come back. If it doesn't, it's a regretful, tearful farewell. due to illness I'm not much here anymore so I missed out on what happened, whether I'll read you again or not, I feel happy to have met you digitally. The times I am here, I feel that the atmosphere has changed and wonder for myself whether this forum will be a nice place for me. Too much good bums seem to have left. love and power to you BES 9 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CloudHands Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) . Edited April 15, 2018 by CloudHands 5 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 15 hours ago, zerostao said: Taomeow, I think you should stay. I was there in the thread when it went down, and I was staying out of the crossfire between your and jonesboy's exchange. I think ZYD's initial Mod Notification is a post that should be hidden, retracted and apologized for, either by him or Admin. Initially, I wondered if perhaps ZYD was trying to inject some humor in hopes of de-escalation, but that attempt missed by a wide mark as it Flamed beyond any posts or exchange posted on the history of the thread, and that is saying something. I felt compelled to reply to ZYD's Mod post, and his response was "so be it"---and I read that as he intended it to come across as fucked up as it read. Maybe some bum that has never been a mod will consider to take on the role. Being a Mod can take a toll over time. I've heard 'butthurt' used, and among guys, it's no biggie, I personally would not direct that adjective towards a female, due to possible (intended or not) connotations, but that's me. Either way, there is no reason (unless you feel totally sure about it) for you to leave. Thank you Zerostao, your clear and courageous (sic!) ability to look reality in the face and call it as you see it truly warms my heart. Yes, moderating takes its toll. A mod who lashes out instead of level-headed moderation may be past the toll booth -- expecting others to pay the fine. Well, cops who run red lights with impunity are not unheard of... and that's why I feel that it's better to get out of the way while a couple of them are at it. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 3 hours ago, blue eyed snake said: due to illness I'm not much here anymore so I missed out on what happened, whether I'll read you again or not, I feel happy to have met you digitally. The times I am here, I feel that the atmosphere has changed and wonder for myself whether this forum will be a nice place for me. Too much good bums seem to have left. love and power to you BES Thank you, BES! Maybe it will change again... TDB has been through many bumps in the road. Maybe it will self-correct... It's not hopeless, although some of it is... but definitely not all of it. Healing and love and power to you. TM 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted March 16, 2018 17 minutes ago, CloudHands said: I truly don't like to compliment people for the same reason I dislike to put someone to shame. Trees grow as they can, and that's what it is. Nevertheless I feel your dedication in your search. You're definitely an exigeant person and that's very VERY beneficial here. If you finally chose to leave, I got a request : a 5 500 books recommandation list Much love to you, godspeed ! Thank you, CloudHands! Truly grateful for the Élan and flavor your posts have brought, and for your appreciation of my humble (and otherwise) contributions. 5 500 more book suggestions is probably more than I have to offer, but some 5 at a time... anytime. Much love, TM 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CloudHands Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) Edited April 15, 2018 by CloudHands 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CloudHands Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) . Edited April 15, 2018 by CloudHands 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dawei Posted March 16, 2018 Ok.... in keeping to the Thread Title part, What have I done for you? Those who can remember the 'owners permissions', whereby you could control your threads. At the time, I really needed to understand the basis, use, application, etc, of it. I relied heavily on TM to get her point of view and peppered her with questions to help me translate an idea to a forum setting. The current version has completely rewritten its permission structure and the only way to make it happen is very ugly in terms of forum settings (ie: tons of groups that become complicated to manage). So we disabled it but I'm still waiting to see if something is updated that allows an easier implementation at some point. For that input, I truly appreciate what TM shared with me. 2 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted March 16, 2018 I'll add this community would be far less credible and interesting without you here, Taomeow. Your presence is a fabulous resource to many and while I don't always share your perspective, I feel that I have grown from trying to be open to it. I recently came across a thread asking to explain the 5 elements and have hoping to see your contribution... Alas I will offer that I share your feelings about how you were treated in that thread. In fact, I reported ZYD's insulting and demeaning attack on you veiled as moderator action. I have no bone to pick with Donald but that was uncalled for, IMO. Curiously, no moderator even acknowledged my report. I recognize the challenges associated with moderating, I did my time and doubt I would ever do it again. Nevertheless, I've been disturbed by some moderating actions over the past year, in particular in this instance and that related to Hancock several months ago. This place is and has always been a microcosm, as Sean intended. As mods and as members we do some good, we make some mistakes, valuable members come and go, and the bottom feeders come and go. I do hope to see you here in the future and, if not, I hope we maintain our connection outside of DaoBums. I know you will do what is right for you. With love and great respect, Steve _/\__/\__/\_ 4 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted March 16, 2018 7 hours ago, Marblehead said: Well, if Taomeow leaves this site I will be greatly disappointed as I have always viewed her as a much stronger person than that. A time out? Sure. I do that on occasion. And I agree with you Astral Monk, she has posted a lot of valuable information that should never disappear. My son taught me that sometimes there is strength in quitting. I was at my wits' end after serving as president of our company for several years. I desperately wanted to quit but felt that quitting was weak, quitting was unacceptable, I had a responsibility to others, etc... My 16 year old son's response to my impasse was "you quit smoking, didn't you?" When things are toxic for us or no longer feel right, quitting can allow us to go in a new, fresh, and unexpected direction which can make all the difference in life. Taomeow's description of participating here was that of a habit. Habitual patterns tend to make us stale, there is a freshness in the new and spontaneous. I don't mean to say you're wrong, just offering an alternate perspective. 2 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted March 16, 2018 17 hours ago, Kar3n said: Yeah, saying that someone was sodomized and sodomizes because it's the only thing they've ever known it's real tongue-in-cheek. It is, quite frankly, disgusting. You have not been slandered by me or anyone else. You flat out said in your report that if something wasn't done and a definition of butthurt was not delivered to you by the mod team you would do exactly what you did and the choice was ours. Admin handled it and apparently it wasn't to your satisfaction and you slandered, personally attacked and insulted jonesboy, yes, my husband. (BTW, that he is my husband is not a secret on this forum.) With respect, I would suggest that you consider recusing yourself from moderating in any cases where your husband is involved. Nothing is more important in moderation than distance and neutrality. That is impossible when the issue involves family and loved ones. It felt to me that you and Donald were both too emotionally invested in this. At least that is my perception from the posts and discussion. I offer this observation in the most constructive way possible. I don't have a dog in this fight. 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted March 16, 2018 14 hours ago, Astral Monk said: Taomeow, if u go for good plz dont delete all ur old posts like some ppl do!! I still need to read about coffee and taiji!!! 8) Unfortunately, she already deleted many of her best taijiquan posts!!! Fortunately for me, I'm much more engaged in meditative practice than taiji anymore... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dawei Posted March 16, 2018 4 minutes ago, steve said: With respect, I would suggest that you consider recusing yourself from moderating in any cases where your husband is involved. Nothing is more important in moderation than distance and neutrality. That is impossible when the issue involves family and loved ones. It felt to me that you and Donald were both too emotionally invested in this. At least that is my perception from the posts and discussion. I offer this observation in the most constructive way possible. I don't have a dog in this fight. Karen did recuse herself... in back-end decisions and contact. She is free to post as she feels but I understand another might post less or even more. I let her decide. ZYD is not emotionally invested in any way... he was left (with Karen's recusal) to try something. If you watch his posts as a member, he is always pressed for time and he only came to staff on my request. I greatly appreciate the sacrifices he is making every day to even show up and comment... I also know that may cause some staff posts to not be a complete reflection of our thought or desired outcome. You know, it can be a tough job on the best days. ZYD attempted a tongue in cheek reply after my really bad attempt to diffuse things... I'm not sure if he saw my Mutt reply as a needed Jeff reply... In any case, I think if we could dial it back a few days, we would likely say it better. Your voice is well heard and appreciated. I would expect nothing less from you. And you speak as an ex-staff... thank you. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
