The power of words and how we deliver them

[dwai]

Look back at your day and find what might have triggered a strong negative emotional response in you. Odds are that is rooted in bad behavior you had to endure sometime in the course of your day. 

 

I was flying back from San Francisco to Chicago earlier this week and after the plane took off, an elderly gent sitting next to me, managed to cut a chunk of skin off his right wrist (caught on the seat somehow).  The flight attendant was right behind us, and prepping to sell food items. The old gentleman was so frail (and later we found out taking a connecting flight from his long travel from Sydney Australia) and tired that he couldn’t even call the attendants for help. 

 

I called out to the attendant a few times and he turned around and snapped at me “wait your turn! I will be right with you!!”. I pointed out, it’s not for me, please attend to this gentleman’s injury.  All was well but I realized the way the attendant reacted when first approached, left an imprint in my mind. I actually experienced pain from his aggressive reaction. 

 

I wonder then, how many times has an irritated retort from me had a similar effect on others? Did my words and manner of delivery negatively affect others? Odds are, yes.  While we cannot undo what has passed, we can and should be mindful of our speech and manner of delivery. Approach the world around us with gentleness and loving kindness, for are we all not cut from the same cloth of awareness ?

 

[Lost in Translation]

This is an example of intention vs perception. One person may intend to convey X as a message, but another person can perceive Y as the actual message. From that point on the two are (from their relative points of view) discussing different topics without knowing it. Much confusion results. Thank you for shedding light on this.

[silent thunder]

Resonant, vibratory things words.

 

They flow through the emptiness of our lungs and out the tubes of our mouths.  Into the ear tubes of those who hear... and those who listen. 

 

They are pinned to a page in formal lines and broadcast on paper and screen.

 

They ring in the mind.

 

Hit me and I will bruise. 

 

Slip a fierce word/concept into my mindscape and I may suffer a leaking bruise the rest of my conscious life. 

I recall one very short demonstration of the power of words:

 

Grasp a sheet of paper    

and wrinkle it up, good and tight.                 

now smooth the paper out like it was...

 

Grasp the attention of another person

and speak to them vindictively, with intent to inflict pain

 

now smooth the paper out like it was...

[silent thunder]

words... may behave like actions, though action in sound only, in mind.

 

words:  an exchange of intention and concept through sound and potentially, though I suspect rarely, with identical meanings.

 

an exchange of presence and intent, yet without form

existing in time, emanating in space

ephemeral, non-things...

 

yet able... seemingly, to heal and pierce.

 

what then i wonder... indicates what is piercing and what will heal?

 

if everything i love... and all that i despise, truly emanate from one source...

as it seems to my awareness

 

where is the distinction in all of what is one?

 

 

[七星門]

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” -Victor Frankl

 

I don't know that we can help when people automatically react, the burden of observing, pausing, & responding lies with them. We can, however, take responsibility for our own response. We can choose not to respond in kind, we can choose to yield like water, we can choose to understand that they are not reacting to the person that is in front of them but to something inside of them. 

 

It is compassion & kindness we can offer in response, because in our pause we get to choose the kind of person we want to be. 

[dwai]

35 minutes ago, 七星門 said:

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” -Victor Frankl

 

I don't know that we can help when people automatically react, the burden of observing, pausing, & responding lies with them. We can, however, take responsibility for our own response. We can choose not to respond in kind, we can choose to yield like water, we can choose to understand that they are not reacting to the person that is in front of them but to something inside of them. 

 

It is compassion & kindness we can offer in response, because in our pause we get to choose the kind of person we want to be. 

The yielding is a great step. It'll be more interesting (imho) to find out how we can simply 'disappear' when such incidents happen. Nothing to push against...like trying to stand on air itself. 

[Jonesboy]

1 hour ago, dwai said:

The yielding is a great step. It'll be more interesting (imho) to find out how we can simply 'disappear' when such incidents happen. Nothing to push against...like trying to stand on air itself. 

 

When it’s air we don’t notice it.

 

We only notice that which gets hit.  It is both a blessing and a curse depending on how you look at it.

[dwai]

55 minutes ago, Jonesboy said:

 

When it’s air we don’t notice it.

 

We only notice that which gets hit.  It is both a blessing and a curse depending on how you look at it.

I meant it as being like air itself. Not there. Borrowing from taiji concepts. By not “being there”, there is nothing anyone can push against. 

[neti neti]

21 hours ago, dwai said:

Look back at your day and find what might have triggered a strong negative emotional response in you. Odds are that is rooted in bad behavior you had to endure sometime in the course of your day. 

 

I was flying back from San Francisco to Chicago earlier this week and after the plane took off, an elderly gent sitting next to me, managed to cut a chunk of skin off his right wrist (caught on the seat somehow).  The flight attendant was right behind us, and prepping to sell food items. The old gentleman was so frail (and later we found out taking a connecting flight from his long travel from Sydney Australia) and tired that he couldn’t even call the attendants for help. 

 

I called out to the attendant a few times and he turned around and snapped at me “wait your turn! I will be right with you!!”. I pointed out, it’s not for me, please attend to this gentleman’s injury.  All was well but I realized the way the attendant reacted when first approached, left an imprint in my mind. I actually experienced pain from his aggressive reaction. 

 

I wonder then, how many times has an irritated retort from me had a similar effect on others? Did my words and manner of delivery negatively affect others? Odds are, yes.  While we cannot undo what has passed, we can and should be mindful of our speech and manner of delivery. Approach the world around us with gentleness and loving kindness, for are we all not cut from the same cloth of awareness ?

 

 

 

The heart of the lessons in one's experience is often overlooked, and repeated with increasing negative reinforcement until one "gets it." Perhaps yours was a subtle message that most if not all "others" do not need or even want to be helped.

 

One could espouse the philosophy of approaching this world with a rough hand and an air of snobby indifference with similar, although apparently differing, results. The reflection displayed in such exchanges may also very well be that which is required. It's all a matter of perception, thus there is no right or wrong way of being... Just being is right.

 

Edited March 23, 2018 by neti neti

[dwai]

2 hours ago, neti neti said:

 

 

The heart of the lessons in one's experience are often overlooked, and repeated with increasing negative reinforcement until one "gets it." Perhaps yours was a subtle message that most if not all "others" do not need or even want to be helped.

 

One could espouse the philosophy of approaching this world with a rough hand and an air of snobby indifference with similar, although apparently differing, results. The reflection displayed in such exchanges may also very well be that which is required. It's all a matter of perception, thus there is no right or wrong way of being... Just being is right.

I do think that there are things that turn us inward and those that turn us outward. Outward turning increases avidya. Inward turning reduces. 

[doc benway]

11 minutes ago, dwai said:

I do think that there are things that turn us inward and those that turn us outward. Outward turning increases avidya. Inward turning reduces. 

 

This depends on where one is along the path.

When the outer forms are realized as a display of the base, they can be used to exercise with and actually reinforce, deepen, and strengthen wisdom.

[dwai]

46 minutes ago, steve said:

 

This depends on where one is along the path.

When the outer forms are realized as a display of the base, they can be used to exercise with and actually reinforce, deepen, and strengthen wisdom.

Indeed. But not for most of the “ordinary” people. And even then it is a slippery slope. In Vedanta we have a concept called “pramāda”. It is explained as being akin to having reached the top of the stairs with a ball in your hand, the ball slips out. You chase the ball only to realize you have reached the bottom of the stairs again. 

 

The outward going mind or pravritti is like the man chasing the ball. The world outside is like that ball. 

Edited March 23, 2018 by dwai

[neti neti]

2 hours ago, dwai said:

I do think that there are things that turn us inward and those that turn us outward. Outward turning increases avidya. Inward turning reduces. 

 

The sword of the tongue is double-edged, in the sense that its wielder is indeed injured along with its victim. However, there can be no inward turning without the outward. The rubber band stretches in all directions, and tends to bounce back into its original state. The times when it snaps, is that friendly reminder that perhaps one has pushed the limits too far into one extreme. Boundaries are being tested, and what a grand experiment it is.

 

Where knowledge becomes folly and ignorance is bliss, I tend to opt for just being still and enjoying the show. Most people are completely unaware of my presence as it is. 

 

Edited March 23, 2018 by neti neti
circular logic. :)

[Geof Nanto]

On 23/03/2018 at 8:13 AM, 七星門 said:

It is compassion & kindness we can offer in response, because in our pause we get to choose the kind of person we want to be. 

 

Yes and no. Experience has shown me the self I’m conscious of is only the tip of the iceberg of my whole psyche. From my observation, we all have much hidden psychic content. That’s why personal cultivation is a life-long task. Uncovering deeper, darker layers is a slow, and emotionally fraught, process. It takes a lot of courage – or desperation – to look deeply inwards and acknowledge the totality of what is to be human; that we're all made of the same stuff, saints and sinners alike. For me, true compassion and humility arise spontaneously from within and deepen the more I'm able to acknowledge myself as the complex mishmash of often contradictory feelings and emotions that I am. 

[七星門]

1 hour ago, Yueya said:

 

Yes and no. Experience has shown me the self I’m conscious of is only the tip of the iceberg of my whole psyche. From my observation, we all have much hidden psychic content. That’s why personal cultivation is a life-long task. Uncovering deeper, darker layers is a slow, and emotionally fraught, process. It takes a lot of courage – or desperation – to look deeply inwards and acknowledge the totality of what is to be human; that we're all made of the same stuff, saints and sinners alike. For me, true compassion and humility arise spontaneously from within and deepen the more I'm able to acknowledge myself as the complex mishmash of often contradictory feelings and emotions that I am. 

 

It's a good point, but I don't think that we have to know how the watch works to give the time. We should start where we are, choose as best we can with the information we have available & learn as we grow. 

 

A point that's unclear, that perhaps I'm reading meaning that isn't there is "acknowledge the complex" &c. The meaning is that we become aware of & dissolve the complexity in a process of simplification that gradually unveils the light, yes? 

[Geof Nanto]

2 hours ago, 七星門 said:

 

A point that's unclear, that perhaps I'm reading meaning that isn't there is "acknowledge the complex" &c. The meaning is that we become aware of & dissolve the complexity in a process of simplification that gradually unveils the light, yes? 

 

Yes, hopefully. But as I'm very much a work in process I can't claim any ultimate knowledge where I'll end up. The Daoist approach that I like is one of removing the disharmonies that keep me from alignment with Dao. That way I allow the Dao to flow freely through me and hence I allow it to grow me, in my own individual way, to my fullest extent . So yes, a dissolving of complexity and simplification. And so far I've had excellent results. I wouldn't like to go back to the person I was decades ago. (I use the terms 'I', 'me' and 'my' with full knowledge that such usage is problematic / inadequate in this context.) 

 

Edit: Rather than opening my previous response to your comment with the ambiguous, “Yes and no”, it would have been clearer if I’d said. “Yes, this is good for the reason you state, but as well……

 

(Not so simple to avoid ambiguities and hence potential misunderstands, hey.  But I do try for the very reasons you mention.) 

Edited March 24, 2018 by Yueya

[Boundlesscostfairy]

I think focus is like an iceberg.. the perfect pointed accuracy of the moment can take away a person completely.. but there is still other things that are part of the person.. The body works the cells works, the atoms rotate.. There is sub conscious and unconsciousness.. in general the theory and dynamic rythm of a moment can be to jarring to forget.. its like a memory that takes you back to that place you once were.. and then you leave the attention of the present moment.. or tune out of a social  experience..

 

Everything is attunement.. we tune in and turn on into and about things..

 

The whole sham of it all is that we cant focus on everything at the same time.. but we take our life in a sequence of events with choice as a central station..and focus

 

You go on a bus ride.. and hope you don't get bored.. you might read a magazine or newspaper.. and then you are partially gone from the awareness that your on the train and with other people..

 

 

[doc benway]

On 3/23/2018 at 9:25 AM, dwai said:

Indeed. But not for most of the “ordinary” people. And even then it is a slippery slope. In Vedanta we have a concept called “pramāda”. It is explained as being akin to having reached the top of the stairs with a ball in your hand, the ball slips out. You chase the ball only to realize you have reached the bottom of the stairs again. 

 

The outward going mind or pravritti is like the man chasing the ball. The world outside is like that ball. 

 

Nevertheless, that is the world we live in.

Unless we spend the rest of our lives in isolation or leave our practice on the cushion, that is where our growth lies. 

[dwai]

1 hour ago, steve said:

 

Nevertheless, that is the world we live in.

Unless we spend the rest of our lives in isolation or leave our practice on the cushion, that is where our growth lies. 

Why isolation or cushion? Just knowing that the world is nothing but your own expression is enough, is it not? And so, accept the expressions as they rise and fall. That there is nothing to reject or resist or crave for. Only happenings happen. 

 

All the “trouble” we experience is because we think that the world is separate from us. 

 

So outward going of the jnani is different from that of an ajnani.  The jnani doesn’t identify with the mind that tends to go outward. So jnani stays as the Self. The ajnani moves with the mind.

 

But vigilance is needed because maya is very powerful. 

Edited March 24, 2018 by dwai
More context

[silent thunder]

words for me hold no power in and of themselves.

they are neutral sounds... vibration.

i am not afraid of them, nor upset by them, nor pleased with them.

 

 

the timber and intention words are used with however... that is paramount.

 

In my line of work, there is a plethora of locker room talk (by the guys and the gals) and a veritable nonstop onslought of verbal assault and back and forth, in the form of ribbing, joking and creative expression.  This banter fosters and strengthens bonds, rather than causing strife.    However, change the tone of the intent of a phrase and the wars get going in nano-seconds.

 

Intention is everything. 

When an energetically sensitive person intends to use words to inflict pain... seems to me, only a rare master is able to slip out of the hook of shenpa and remain uninjured/engaged.

 

Some wounds are inflicted by what is said... most, I find are inflicted by how and why something is said.

[Starjumper]