I think celibacy unhinged me

[Tryingtodobetter]

I practiced strict celibacy for a time before returning to marijuana use and now I'm in the midst of having a relationship with a woman.

 

The celibacy lead to sexual deviance at times, I fear that it corrupted me energy or worse and I'm unsure

 

Women react to my thoughts more so than men, almost immediately. It's like my thoughts are loud sometimes 

 

I notice acute numerical patterns amongst people sometimes and it seems that things I do reveal themselves in conversation with others, especially certain women

 

I feel like people lie to me sometimes, I think I pick up on things and oftentimesim right, it's lead to a lot of paranoid with the woman I'm seeing

 

I've gone through a deep depression for years and at times feel like I've lost my personality and sometimes creativity,  though the creativity seems to come back in spurts and I'm not too sure of the cause. I've noticed it happens sometimes when I have an extreme emotional state

 

I'm trying to get back my life and sometimes it feels as though I'm operating on another level that I'm trying to come down from

 

I spent a while in isolation while celibate

 

I want my life back or at least a fulfilling life and even though I've taken steps it's hard to fully believe in at the moment

 

Sometimes it's like people are telling me about themselves through conversation/metaphor and sometimes I have flashbacks paranoid and anxious of feeling like my experience and those within it revolve around me

 

Ravens follow me, vultures occassionaly

 

4s have been a theme as of recent, 7s occassionally 

[Michael Sternbach]

Both strict celibacy and marijuana use can mess with your mind and uproot you. Seek out activities that 'ground' you. For instance, spend time in the green; get some sun and fresh air; work in the garden; meet with family and (down-to-earth) friends; do physical exercises. And try to avoid smoking marijuana at least for the time being.

 

Hope you will be feeling better soon.

[doc benway]

People often lie, both to themselves and others.

The lies are an expression of their own ignorance and insecurity.

It is not about you.

 

Women are naturally more intuitive and sensitive than men.

That is what you are feeling.

Be genuine and empathetic in your thoughts and feelings.

 

The mind is good at noticing and attaching significance to things - numbers, associations, and so on...

Whether or not there is significance is mainly a matter of projection, IMO.

While it is good to notice and be open to your intuition, I think it is an unnecessary distraction to be too focused on such things.

My connection is with crows.

They sometimes teach me things but mostly we simply share a moment of connection here and there.

 

Celibacy can be a useful tool for some at certain times in their lives.

In and of itself, it is not of much value.

It does not sound as if it is healthy for you at the moment.

 

Marijuana can be a useful tool for some at certain times in their lives.

While is can be a source of opening to deeper feelings and interrelationships, it can be very possessive and misleading.

For me it is far more unbalancing and distracting than supportive or instructive.

The problem seems to be that it emphasizes the illusory value and primacy of the thinker.

That one is already far too strong and domineering, and needs no help.

I agree with Michael that you would be better off abstaining at this point.

 

Many of the things you describe suggest a disconnectedness to me.

Celibacy and marijuana accentuate that powerfully, as does social media and anonymous interaction.

Antidotes to that are real community and social interaction, mind-body practices, and sobriety.

 

Good luck

 

[liminal_luke]

I`d like to echo Michael and Steve`s comments about community.  Sometimes when we`re feeling bad the temptation is to move away from everybody.  In the moment that can feel better, but the isolation ends up making things worse.  So try not to cut yourself off from people who care about you.  

 

Maybe just get back to basics.  If celibacy isn`t working for you let it go.  Spending time in nature is great.  No need to do any fancy spiritual practice, just do the basic things to take care of yourself -- being with people, eating well, some exercise or movement.

 

You might have all sorts of thoughts about other people seeming to be effected by you.  Like everybody else, you`re probably right about what other people are thinking sometimes and wrong sometimes.  In any case, thoughts are just thoughts.  You don`t have to take them too seriously.  You might say to yourself...oh here I am again, thinking this thought.  And then go on with your life.

 

Just my two cents,

 

LL