Okay to be vulnerable?

[cosmic4z]

Is it okay to sometimes feel vulnerable and unsure? Intact, is it sometimes important to feel vulnerable and not pretend that we have all the answers?

[Marblehead]

Of course it is okay.  This always arises when we encounter the unknown.  It's a natural reaction.  It gets you ready for a fight or flight response if necessary.

 

And from my experiences, the best way to remove these feeling is understand the conditions that brought the feeling on.  This requires observations.  Sometimes we don't have the time for proper observation.  Our back-up is fight or flight.

 

[cosmic4z]

I've noticed sometimes with myself, and I imagine i'm not alone here; I can sometimes feel vulnerable, but I'll pretend like I'm not. Like I know what I'm doing, or have experience with a particular thing, when I don't. It's being overly concerned with the opinion of other people I guess.

 

Maybe this relates to...

 

Is it better to ask a question (relating to something you're unsure of) and appear ignorant, or to not ask a question and remain ignorant?

[wandelaar]

There is a saying (I think by Confucius) that only the very wise and the very stupid never change their opinion. I think it is wise to always leave open the possibility that you may have it wrong on some points. Posing as Mr. Know It All will only impress the ignorant.

[Stosh]

1 hour ago, cosmic4z said:

I've noticed sometimes with myself, and I imagine i'm not alone here; I can sometimes feel vulnerable, but I'll pretend like I'm not. Like I know what I'm doing, or have experience with a particular thing, when I don't. It's being overly concerned with the opinion of other people I guess.

 

Maybe this relates to...

 

Is it better to ask a question (relating to something you're unsure of) and appear ignorant, or to not ask a question and remain ignorant?

There's a lot of stuff one doesn't really need to know. We have momentary curiosities about things that don't really matter. You made it this far , with the stuff you do know , and generations before you got along fine on the primitive understandings that they had. 

There was a time when all the world thought the earth was flat, and they all made it through their lives, and loves, and all the rest. 

So,,, if one is concerned with what others think of them , its best to just not say anything indicating you are unaware of some factoids. You don't need to let everyone know where your knowledge ends.

You know the things you do know , and it will undermine the credibility you deserve for that stuff,, if you ask questions and disclose. 

Not only that, but difficult questions scare people , they want to not be exposed themselves , and so if you go running around asking people things , you will be putting them on the spot. Be instead kind to them , retain credibility for the stuff you do know, and keep the questions unasked. In all likelihood , if you don't know the answer ,,, nobody else does either. 

If some info is really important to you , the right thing to do is secretly find out behind the scenes. Google it so that no one knows it was you. 

Do not throw yourself on the mercy of the court of public opinion, it has no mercy. Do you see your favorite politician admit he has no clue on a subject, that they don't have some strongly held opinion they will fight for, on anything? Of course not! 

Can you picture them saying, I couldn't give less of a shit about medical marijuana , that's up to you guys. You want it , I'll pass it. 

Or , I don't have boobs , Why are you asking me about women's issues?  

Edited June 27, 2018 by Stosh

[Michael Sternbach]

53 minutes ago, wandelaar said:

There is a saying (I think by Confucius) that only the very wise and the very stupid never change their opinion. I think it is wise to always leave open the possibility that you may have it wrong on some points. Posing as Mr. Know It All will only impress the ignorant.

 

Truth is relative. What is true in one frame of reference, may no longer hold true once that frame of reference is being expanded. Then it may one day become true again on a higher winding of the spiral. Remaining open is key. Only Fundamentalists claim to have it all cut and dried. All we need is functional 'working hypotheses' in order to keep going.

[wandelaar]

I don't see why cosmic4z (or anybody else) should "feel vulnerable and unsure" by publicly recognizing the limits of his/her knowledge. It is rather the other way around, you actually become vulnerable by claiming to posses knowledge that you don't have.

[cosmic4z]

48 minutes ago, wandelaar said:

I don't see why cosmic4z (or anybody else) should "feel vulnerable and unsure" by publicly recognizing the limits of his/her knowledge. It is rather the other way around, you actually become vulnerable by claiming to posses knowledge that you don't have.

 

Yep, recognising limits in knowledge and experience.

 

Of course, exposing your own (what you see as) short-comings, or how you feel about them, may or may not be appropriate, depends on who you're with, setting, timing etc. In the right setting, at the right time though, I think there's value in appropriately drawing attention to your fears and vulnerabilities.

 

Once you put stuff out there, you're possibly releasing some internal conflict. You may also find that other people don't consider it the monster issue that you do. Maybe it's also laying the foundation stones for authenticity and being more chilled and relaxed within yourself.

 

Conversly, I think being fake (the pretence that you have knowledge or experience, you don't have), is like living in constant fear of being found out.

[cosmic4z]

1 hour ago, Stosh said:

Do not throw yourself on the mercy of the court of public opinion, it has no mercy.

 

I'm inclined to agree with this.

 

That said, I didn't have in mind, exposing my deepest darkest (they're not actually that deep or dark) fears, publicly to all and sundry.

[wandelaar]

Well - I have had some bad experiences on the internet myself. So you have to be careful about what you reveal. But revealing that you don't know everything is harmless, because nobody knows everything.

[Stosh]

1 hour ago, cosmic4z said:

 

I'm inclined to agree with this.

 

That said, I didn't have in mind, exposing my deepest darkest (they're not actually that deep or dark) fears, publicly to all and sundry.

Understood, but , I am not excluding the mundane mild stuff either. Many seem to be ok with sharing the fact they aren't informed about items which , they do not feel emotionally exposed by.

Like , for instance , I dont mind sharing my ignorance about pre-columbian death masks in Meso america.  But for that subject , it's obviously so esoteric , that no one would expect it to be common knowledge,, but also , its not important for me to know about it, and it is pointless to ask random people about it.  Most likely they will be miffed at being put on the spot over it. Right?

So the correct thing to do is Google it .

The reason why a person would feel vulnerable , is that in the past they have asked questions and have been treated poorly because of it.

To Not feel vulnerable , it makes sense to teach oneself that they can recognize what they can boldly share , and what they need to keep relatively private. And that they can Indeed control their speech so as not to make themselves or anyone else feel exposed. 

People will like it most if you avoid having anyone look stupid or vulnerable including yourself , you will be deemed to have sound judgement and be a person with whom sharing can be safely done. 

...Or so I figure. 

 

 

[liminal_luke]

Vulnerability is charming, or so I keep telling myself.  The board abounds with posers who pretend to be more knowledgable and more accomplished then they are, and I`m betting you can spot them from post one.  Most of us can.  We reveal ourselves, in spite of our most secretive intentions.  I`ve been around on the board awhile, and other long-term members likely know a lot about me, good and bad, and a lot of it is even true.  

 

Of course there are limits.  This can be a very rough-an-tumble place and there`s such a thing as opening too much.  But, as a general rule, I say be yourself.  People will sense the authenticity and love you for it.  Trust me.

 

 

Edited June 27, 2018 by liminal_luke

[Limahong]

6 hours ago, cosmic4z said:

Is it okay to sometimes feel vulnerable and unsure? Intact, is it sometimes important to feel vulnerable and not pretend that we have all the answers?

 

Hi cosmic4z,

 

Sure - Life is a question without a perfect answer.

 

- LimA

[Stosh]

Well there it is, the two sides of the coin,  Mine  1) keep it to yourself , do a bit of research on your own ,so you will be a resource ,  or

2) Lukes , tell everyone how you are weak ,fail, and are a disappointment so you will be charming 

Now all there is , is to give the advice a test run.  

[Limahong]

28 minutes ago, Stosh said:

Give the advice a test run.

 

Hi Stosh,

 

The test run starts now¿

 

Here goes...

 

 

- LimA

Edited June 27, 2018 by Limahong
Enhance ...

[zerostao]

ya man it's okay. we're all vulnerable in one way or another.

[Stosh]

8 minutes ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi Stosh,

 

The test run starts now¿

 

Here goes...

 

 

- LimA

Your entry doesn't constitute any kind of personal exposure whatsoever !

I don't even know what its supposed to mean ,

and I am not going to respond directly if I have to formulate some kind of guess as to what your opinion is in the first place. 

Sorry , It doesn't count. 

[Limahong]

6 minutes ago, Stosh said:

Sorry , It doesn't count.

 

Hi Stosh,

 

Apology.

 

It was a test run.

 

It is now 2am at my end and I am vulnerable.

 

- LimA

Edited June 27, 2018 by Limahong
Enhance ...

[liminal_luke]

40 minutes ago, Stosh said:

 

2) Lukes , tell everyone how you are weak ,fail, and are a disappointment so you will be charming 

 

 

Stosh,

 

I think you`re misreading me.  Where did I suggest saying any of those things?

 

What I did say was... be yourself, be authentic, don`t pretend to know more than you do or do more than you can.  What I think is that there is beauty in presenting ourselves as we are, not just the bad and not just the good -- the whole enchilada.

 

 

[Stosh]

10 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

Stosh,

 

I think you`re misreading me.  Where did I suggest saying any of those things?

 

What I did say was... be yourself, be authentic, don`t pretend to know more than you do or do more than you can.  What I think is that there is beauty in presenting ourselves as we are, not just the bad and not just the good -- the whole enchilada.

 

 

As Zero said , we all in actuality are flawed , so to show you as you are , one has to show , to what extent they are ignorant foolish etc , the whole enchilada. Nobody does that , even you suggested not exposing 'too much' , and what you're hiding , is the rest of the enchilada, the stuff that exposes you , the stuff everyone is going to try to cover up ,excuse , gloss over as soon as one blurts it out. 

EX, Im so stupid. Response ,,, No you;re not , you're just less informed.  It's called over-sharing. 

If you like truth , then,, ya gotta see that everybody is out covering their ass to some extent. Thats the truth , and it ain't so pretty. 

Edited June 27, 2018 by Stosh

[liminal_luke]

2 minutes ago, Stosh said:

As Zero said , we all in actuality are flawed , so to show you as you are , one has to show , to what extent they are ignorant foolish etc , the whole enchilada. Nobody does that , even you suggested not exposing 'too much' , and what you're hiding , is the rest of the enchilada, the stuff that exposes you , the stuff everyone is going to try to cover up ,excuse , gloss over as soon as one blurts it out. 

EX, Im so stupid. Response ,,, No you;re not , you're just less informed.  It's called over-sharing. 

 

I do agree that it`s possible to over-share.  And you`re right that nobody shows "the whole enchilada"  -- and they probably shouldn`t in a literal sense.  But I lean in the direction of openness.  That`s my particular style.  I find that it suits me and I recommend it to others.

[Limahong]

5 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

... nobody shows "the whole enchilada"...

 

Hi liminal_luke,

 

A picture - > 1000 words?

 

 

 

 

I am not over sharing.

 

My apology if I am over copying/pasting food for thoughts.

 

- LimA

[cosmic4z]

I wonder if the notion of never showing weakness is predicated on the idea that other people are hostile?

 

Sure, a lot of people are hostile, in all kinds of ways; but if we are not open / vulnerable with anybody, don't we miss out on other people's insights in to our nature (or at least, how they see us)?

[cosmic4z]

20 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

I do agree that it`s possible to over-share.  And you`re right that nobody shows "the whole enchilada"  -- and they probably shouldn`t in a literal sense.  But I lean in the direction of openness.  That`s my particular style.  I find that it suits me and I recommend it to others.

 

Sounds like a good way to be.

 

I'm normally very closed off and insular with people, however, something happened recently that's made me take a long cold hard look at how I am (in terms of being open and honest and connecting with others). I'm finding a big part of it, for me, is being more trusting and open about my fears and shortcomings, with the right people (friends IRL).

[Marblehead]

1 minute ago, cosmic4z said:

I wonder if the notion of never showing weakness is predicated on the idea that other people are hostile?

Good questions.

 

I think humanity is becoming more so now-a-days.

 

I don't hold to that belief, however, there are a few people out there who think that you might have a weakness they may be tempted to see if they can find it.

 

When I was younger and travelling I would try to dress nicely and attractively.  I got hit on all the time.

 

Later in life when I travelled to places I had never been before I would be walking around in jeans and T-shirt.  Never got hit on.

 

1 minute ago, cosmic4z said:

Sure, a lot of people are hostile, in all kinds of ways; but if we are not open / vulnerable with anybody, don't we miss out on other people's insights in to our nature (or at least, how they see us)?

Yes, if we stay behind our protective armor we are going to miss out on a lot of living.  So we can either remain safe and secure or we can try to experience as much of life as possible.