Regret, guilt and shame

[Starjumper]

On 7/15/2018 at 4:24 PM, Papayapple said:

Shit I still sometimes feel shameful about things I did in kindergarden! To the point of spitting curse words suddenly and uncontrollably.  

 

On 7/16/2018 at 6:44 PM, Lost in Translation said:

It takes wisdom to accept one's role as both victim and oppressor.

 

That is a very good point, looking at it as being both oppressor and victim.  I used to call that "looking down that long hallway of mirrors",  Not exactly like but similar to when you're somewhere that has mirrors that are parallel to and facing each other and you can see your reflection going off into infinity, getting dimmer and smaller as it goes.

 

On 7/15/2018 at 10:28 PM, rene said:

Forgiving others is easy; forgiving one's self is a different matter.

Especially when I should have found a way.

 

Ya, that's the harder part, but it can be done and become a habit.  Sometimes it's called embrace your dark side but move towards the light.

 

6 hours ago, Yinja said:

Hahhaa I do the same sometimes! 

My approach to shame(and all other emotions really) is to be shy as your body suggests to you..this means letting your cheeks get blushed and abit sour and maybe gaze down abit. you will see that when you are willing to do so (to not resist) it wont be such a big deal anymore and shame will have a very different meaning. 

 

I read a book about the training of Abelar by the Yaqui wizard in Northern Mexico and it advised that when you're meditating and one of these embarrassing memories comes around you take a big inhale and then turn your head to the right and exhale.  Worked for me.

 

6 hours ago, Yinja said:

I suspect that what alot of people call shame is actually the resistent to it

 

I've seen that defined as feeling guilty, which is different than remorse.  Guilt is like denial.  Like lets say that you do something you don't like, like hit your kid in anger.  Well a common reaction is for the person to think "I'm not really the kind of person who would hit my kid, it's just because (some convenient excuse)".  So if they aren't the kind of person who would hit their kid then there's nothing to fix, is there?  However if they admit that "yep, I am the kind of person who would hit my kid because I just did it"  then there is something that they can work on.  Of course this view of good/bad is strictly a societal thing.

Edited July 21, 2018 by Starjumper