Hello from a searcher

[searcher7977]

I'm posting because I'm interested in reading the Flying Phoenix thread, but I'm not sure I'm able to until I get some sort of approval. However, I would also like to try and participate in the community if I am able to.

 

I am a 27 year old guy, and I've been a student of the path since I was about 13, starting with with Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen and Shunryu Suzuki's Beginner's Mind. 95% of my practice has been reading and meditating on my own. 

 

What brings me here, aside from access to super secret Flying Phoenix techniques, is that recently I have begun struggling so much at work and at home with concentration and loss of will power (among other...phenomena), that I have devoted almost all my free time towards some sort of awakening or liberation. I think I spent too much time trying to cultivate stillness and made some errors, because I kept getting worse and worse until all of a sudden I could not seem to sit and meditate for even 5 minutes, let alone the 30 minutes or sometimes 2 hours i had in the past. 

 

So, here I am trying to find some way of unfu-...healing myself and trying to figure out where the hell is the peace or bliss or happiness or strength or whatever it is that any of these practices are supposed to help with. 

 

Also, thank you to this site and community, you are one of the few genuine places I've found and trust online. Hopefully I too can contribute and help others grow.

 

-Searcher

[Fa Xin]

Hello,  Searcher7977,  and welcome.

 

Your membership is approved and we're happy you found your way to us. We look forward to accompanying you on some of the way that you still have to go.

 

Please take the time to read the post pinned at the top of this Welcome page and take a look at the forum Terms and Rules.   This covers all you need to know when getting started.

 

For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like. Also, until you’ve posted fifteen times in the forums, you’ll be a “Junior Bum” with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day.

 

Good luck in your pursuits and best wishes to you,

 

Fa Xin and the TDB team

 

Welcome Searcher,

 

Well I think your at the right place.  My own journey has shown me that some days I question myself and struggle, and other days things seem to flow with ease.  It's all the process of clearing out the junk, and the unfolding of deeper aspects of this mystery of awareness and life.  It waxes and wanes, like everything else.  Don't lose hope, sounds like your close to figuring some things out.

 

Enjoy the forum my friend.

 

You are welcome to jump right in to the ongoing discussions, revive an older thread, start a new thread of your own, or start a discussion in the "Newcomer Corner" sub-forum to expand on your introduction or ask general questions to help you get started.

 

May you enjoy your time here.

 

Fa Xin

[Marblehead]

Hi Searcher.  Welcome.

 

Yes, perhaps you went too far too fast?

 

We need listen to our body.  It will communicate with our mind but we need to pay attention.

 

Best wishes at getting on a more peaceful path.

 

[rideforever]

12 hours ago, searcher7977 said:

 

 

What was the result of all the meditation practice ?

Where you able to recognize your true identity ?

[thelerner]

Sitting can be a bit ethereal.  There's a time to sit and a time to walk/connect with the earth.

Maybe your body is telling you its time to walk  Get grounded before doing much more long meditation.. maybe. 

[searcher7977]

19 hours ago, Fa Xin said:

Hello,  Searcher7977,  and welcome.

 

Your membership is approved and we're happy you found your way to us. We look forward to accompanying you on some of the way that you still have to go.

 

Please take the time to read the post pinned at the top of this Welcome page and take a look at the forum Terms and Rules.   This covers all you need to know when getting started.

 

For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like. Also, until you’ve posted fifteen times in the forums, you’ll be a “Junior Bum” with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day.

 

Good luck in your pursuits and best wishes to you,

 

Fa Xin and the TDB team

 

Welcome Searcher,

 

Well I think your at the right place.  My own journey has shown me that some days I question myself and struggle, and other days things seem to flow with ease.  It's all the process of clearing out the junk, and the unfolding of deeper aspects of this mystery of awareness and life.  It waxes and wanes, like everything else.  Don't lose hope, sounds like your close to figuring some things out.

 

Enjoy the forum my friend.

 

You are welcome to jump right in to the ongoing discussions, revive an older thread, start a new thread of your own, or start a discussion in the "Newcomer Corner" sub-forum to expand on your introduction or ask general questions to help you get started.

 

May you enjoy your time here.

 

Fa Xin

 

Thank you for the welcome and your encouraging words Fa Xin. I do get a sense that I get closer with every passing day, despite whatever feelings arise or mood I'm in.

[searcher7977]

13 hours ago, Marblehead said:

Hi Searcher.  Welcome.

 

Yes, perhaps you went too far too fast?

 

We need listen to our body.  It will communicate with our mind but we need to pay attention.

 

Best wishes at getting on a more peaceful path.

 

 

I do think that is the case most days. Sometimes it seems like nothing works and I have no choice but to keep trying as best I can. I have faith that I can find solace though. At this stage I have both peace and suffering (or stress). It is a very weird combination =)

[searcher7977]

9 hours ago, rideforever said:

 

What was the result of all the meditation practice ?

Where you able to recognize your true identity ?

 

Hahaha, not really. I cannot blame my meditation practices for the state of my mind, however much I want to. My mind would probably be the same without any of the practices, I would just not be aware of it. Funny though, In a certain way that question makes me wonder what meditative practices have done for me, or to me. And while things are certainly different in many ways, I cannot point to one or two things and say these are how I have changed. The Way that can be named is not the Way I guess =)

 

As far as recognizing my true identity, I'm afraid not. I mistook my heart for myself once, which was a happy moment. I once separated and saw my worldly self for a moment. Other than that, no matter how much I have looked I have not found something that I would call my "Self." Everything I perceive has been "Not me, not mine, not my self."

[searcher7977]

2 hours ago, thelerner said:

Sitting can be a bit ethereal.  There's a time to sit and a time to walk/connect with the earth.

Maybe your body is telling you its time to walk  Get grounded before doing much more long meditation.. maybe. 

 

I think your intuition is correct, it sounds like you have been in a similar position! Very recently I realized what an important part walking played in all sorts of Buddhist meditative traditions. I find that when I struggle it helps to pace back and forth. Prostrations or bowing also seems to help. Very basic stuff, but very helpful for me.

[thelerner]

14 minutes ago, searcher7977 said:

 

I think your intuition is correct, it sounds like you have been in a similar position! Very recently I realized what an important part walking played in all sorts of Buddhist meditative traditions. I find that when I struggle it helps to pace back and forth. Prostrations or bowing also seems to help. Very basic stuff, but very helpful for me.

There have times I've gotten too head heavy.. too much reading not enough practice.  Other times too much sitting (& standing facing the sun) and I got too energized/burnt. 

 

So as in all things balance an that includes seeking out wisdom, listening to dharma talks and insights from experienced people helps.