Frightening meditation experience, need help

[AugustGreig]

So about 36 days ago, I got out of detox at a medical treatment facility. And as they taught me that spirituality was the only thing that has worked for them, I went back to my spiritual roots which I'd had as a teenager. Thus, I began practicing Qigong and meditation everyday. I search YouTube and settled on a thirty minute Qigong routine for beginners by Merissa from Yoqi. I have been doing that every day in the morning, except when I'm running late, and then I find time to do what I can remember of it.

 

As for meditation, I just go off of descriptions I have read from many sources, such as Zen, Alan Watts and of course Taoism. The other day when I was meditating,I almost stopped after about 15 minutes do to intense back pain, as I suffer from scheuermann's disease, a rare form of deformity which causes kyphosis during growth, like during puberty. Anyway, I pushed through the pain, and eventually got to a place where I could no longer feel pain or my body. I was seeing colorful lights of purpleand yellowand green dance before my eyes, and eventually I felt like I was flying, that I was in the sky and clouds,almost that I was the sky. I didn't attempt to control any of this. The last thing I did before it happened was, I was to a point in my meditation where my mind was clear, and I felt like my consciousness was this golden light floating in my head. I started trying to expand that consciousness below my chin, and once I did, itookit above and beyond m head, and that's when everything happened. I also, after the sky, started seeing these tunnels surrounded by rings of purple and yellow-green light, black in the center, with maybe a glint of light in the center. What I would try to focus on them, they'd almost dissolve, but when I relaxed, I traveled down through it and then this feeling of expanding consciousness rolled out before me like a landscape of serenity and pleasant peace.

 

My questions are many, but I guess I want to know what happened there and what I should do. I need guidance. What is your advice? What should I be practicing as far as qigong and meditation? I'm studying the Secret of the Golden Flower in depth, cross referencing other texts and translations, trying to understand what it is saying. I just need guidance. My experience frightened me and it's made me hesitant. I had someone tell me that I was doing so ething wrong and I should be moving that light through my body. Please help. Thank you all so much.

[Aetherous]

It's a good experience...I'm not sure why you're frightened when you speak of serenity and peace along with it. Doesn't that seem like a good experience?

You've learned something valuable on your own...relaxing into that experience keeps the lights going. Keep doing that relaxation.

There are spiritual teachers and schools that teach about these things...for instance, one I can mention is Kriya Yoga. They teach about seeing those lights. But there are others, and perhaps the teachings differ among them.

You can continue to practice as you have been on your own, and/or you can learn from others about this. It might take some deep research and digging, as well as many years of searching, to finally discover a clear teaching on it...but keep searching. In the meantime, you have a practice that you can continue doing. Perhaps continuing the practice as you have been, along with the searching, will help draw the right teachers to you and you to them.

One thing I would suggest is that maybe with your kyphosis, it'd be good to sit in the most comfortable position, if you're not already. For instance, it'd probably be fine to sit in a recliner as opposed to the back being perfectly straight on a meditation cushion.

Best.

[Lost in Translation]

3 hours ago, AugustGreig said:

I need guidance. What is your advice?

 

You may want to find a local temple in your area. In most urban areas you can find at least one Buddhist temple. You don't need to be Buddhist to speak with one of the monks. They will be happy to let you join their meditations if you ask them. Just being in the same room as a dozen other people meditating can help you along your path.

 

EDIT: If you are uncomfortable walking into a Buddhist temple then go to a Christian church. I have sat in the back of churches and meditated both while service was being offered and when the pews were empty. There is a certain calmness to holy places regardless of the specific faith.

Edited September 5, 2018 by Lost in Translation

[AugustGreig]

6 hours ago, Aetherous said:

It's a good experience...I'm not sure why you're frightened when you speak of serenity and peace along with it. Doesn't that seem like a good experience?

You've learned something valuable on your own...relaxing into that experience keeps the lights going. Keep doing that relaxation.

There are spiritual teachers and schools that teach about these things...for instance, one I can mention is Kriya Yoga. They teach about seeing those lights. But there are others, and perhaps the teachings differ among them.

You can continue to practice as you have been on your own, and/or you can learn from others about this. It might take some deep research and digging, as well as many years of searching, to finally discover a clear teaching on it...but keep searching. In the meantime, you have a practice that you can continue doing. Perhaps continuing the practice as you have been, along with the searching, will help draw the right teachers to you and you to them.

One thing I would suggest is that maybe with your kyphosis, it'd be good to sit in the most comfortable position, if you're not already. For instance, it'd probably be fine to sit in a recliner as opposed to the back being perfectly straight on a meditation cushion.

Best.

Thanks. I always sit in lotus on a stack of pillows, but I often have pain. I just read somewhere that laying down and meditating can stagnate qi. But a recliner sounds like a great happy medium. And thank you so much for the encouragement. I got fear put into my head while I was waiting for my account here to be approved over on 4chan /x/ from someone who said they had been practicing healing and Qigong for 30 years, and that it sounded to him like my lower back was too tense and was drawing too much energy in my head. He said it could be dangerous.

 

 

3 hours ago, Lost in Translation said:

 

You may want to find a local temple in your area. In most urban areas you can find at least one Buddhist temple. You don't need to be Buddhist to speak with one of the monks. They will be happy to let you join their meditations if you ask them. Just being in the same room as a dozen other people meditating can help you along your path.

 

EDIT: If you are uncomfortable walking into a Buddhist temple then go to a Christian church. I have sat in the back of churches and meditated both while service was being offered and when the pews were empty. There is a certain calmness to holy places regardless of the specific faith.

That's so amazing that you said that. I just got home, but on my way, I stopped at the Buddhist temple near my house. There was no one there, as there hasn't been the past three times I've stopped there, but I've seen monks there before. So I wrote a not saying, "I'd be grateful to learn." With my name and number. Thank you guys for the encouragement. 

 

And just as a matter of note, I was a militant atheist until 10/31/2012. I had been practicing meditation for a year, mostly positive affirmations, creative visualization and reflection, nothing transcendant. But that night, I meditated with the assistance of psilocybin and DMT and it changed my life. I'm not sure, but I believe that peak behind the veil has accelerated my progress.

[Daemon]

20 hours ago, AugustGreig said:

So about 36 days ago, I got out of detox at a medical treatment facility. And as they taught me that spirituality was the only thing that has worked for them, I went back to my spiritual roots which I'd had as a teenager. Thus, I began practicing Qigong and meditation everyday. I search YouTube and settled on a thirty minute Qigong routine for beginners by Merissa from Yoqi. I have been doing that every day in the morning, except when I'm running late, and then I find time to do what I can remember of it.

 

As for meditation, I just go off of descriptions I have read from many sources, such as Zen, Alan Watts and of course Taoism. The other day when I was meditating,I almost stopped after about 15 minutes do to intense back pain, as I suffer from scheuermann's disease, a rare form of deformity which causes kyphosis during growth, like during puberty. Anyway, I pushed through the pain, and eventually got to a place where I could no longer feel pain or my body. I was seeing colorful lights of purpleand yellowand green dance before my eyes, and eventually I felt like I was flying, that I was in the sky and clouds,almost that I was the sky. I didn't attempt to control any of this. The last thing I did before it happened was, I was to a point in my meditation where my mind was clear, and I felt like my consciousness was this golden light floating in my head. I started trying to expand that consciousness below my chin, and once I did, itookit above and beyond m head, and that's when everything happened. I also, after the sky, started seeing these tunnels surrounded by rings of purple and yellow-green light, black in the center, with maybe a glint of light in the center. What I would try to focus on them, they'd almost dissolve, but when I relaxed, I traveled down through it and then this feeling of expanding consciousness rolled out before me like a landscape of serenity and pleasant peace.

 

My questions are many, but I guess I want to know what happened there and what I should do. I need guidance. What is your advice? What should I be practicing as far as qigong and meditation? I'm studying the Secret of the Golden Flower in depth, cross referencing other texts and translations, trying to understand what it is saying. I just need guidance. My experience frightened me and it's made me hesitant. I had someone tell me that I was doing so ething wrong and I should be moving that light through my body. Please help. Thank you all so much.

 

 

As @Aetherous has mentioned there's a tradition of meditation upon Inner Light light (and Inner sound), which can be found to a greater or lesser degree within various cults.

For those who stumble across it without having being initiated into the practice by someone who has completed the inner journey upon these vehicles, it can be an extremely frightening experience.

This is not something with which you should experiment without competent support.

If you wish to seek initiation into this practice, you can PM me for details of how to locate someone who might be prepared to offer you that together with the support that you would need to follow through with the practice.

 

☮️

 

Edited September 6, 2018 by Daemon

[Jeff]

23 hours ago, AugustGreig said:

So about 36 days ago, I got out of detox at a medical treatment facility. And as they taught me that spirituality was the only thing that has worked for them, I went back to my spiritual roots which I'd had as a teenager. Thus, I began practicing Qigong and meditation everyday. I search YouTube and settled on a thirty minute Qigong routine for beginners by Merissa from Yoqi. I have been doing that every day in the morning, except when I'm running late, and then I find time to do what I can remember of it.

 

As for meditation, I just go off of descriptions I have read from many sources, such as Zen, Alan Watts and of course Taoism. The other day when I was meditating,I almost stopped after about 15 minutes do to intense back pain, as I suffer from scheuermann's disease, a rare form of deformity which causes kyphosis during growth, like during puberty. Anyway, I pushed through the pain, and eventually got to a place where I could no longer feel pain or my body. I was seeing colorful lights of purpleand yellowand green dance before my eyes, and eventually I felt like I was flying, that I was in the sky and clouds,almost that I was the sky. I didn't attempt to control any of this. The last thing I did before it happened was, I was to a point in my meditation where my mind was clear, and I felt like my consciousness was this golden light floating in my head. I started trying to expand that consciousness below my chin, and once I did, itookit above and beyond m head, and that's when everything happened. I also, after the sky, started seeing these tunnels surrounded by rings of purple and yellow-green light, black in the center, with maybe a glint of light in the center. What I would try to focus on them, they'd almost dissolve, but when I relaxed, I traveled down through it and then this feeling of expanding consciousness rolled out before me like a landscape of serenity and pleasant peace.

 

My questions are many, but I guess I want to know what happened there and what I should do. I need guidance. What is your advice? What should I be practicing as far as qigong and meditation? I'm studying the Secret of the Golden Flower in depth, cross referencing other texts and translations, trying to understand what it is saying. I just need guidance. My experience frightened me and it's made me hesitant. I had someone tell me that I was doing so ething wrong and I should be moving that light through my body. Please help. Thank you all so much.

 

You have more broadly opened your heart and are starting to notice/feel your own internal energy.  In more taoist terms you would say you are currently more "receptive" side (or Yin), and have not started yet to balance the energy and transmit (more Yang).  Without the balancing release, the energy spilled over into your conscious mind which created the visuals and feelings.  All positive stuff, but it becomes increasing important that you learn to balance and let stuff go as the build up can create more negative like visions as your body translates the imbalance/overload.

 

Things like MCO or body scanning will be helpful to you.  Also, engaging more with the people and world around you will help too.  At an emotional level, what you need to do would translate as being more outgoing and loving towards others.  Also, a more advanced practioner can help you rebalance too.  For that, the person would go more "Yin" than you, which would cause you to go more Yang to balance with the joint connection.  For something like that, an advanced female practioner would be the easiest.

[Spotless]

On 9/5/2018 at 8:49 AM, AugustGreig said:

So about 36 days ago, I got out of detox at a medical treatment facility. And as they taught me that spirituality was the only thing that has worked for them, I went back to my spiritual roots which I'd had as a teenager. Thus, I began practicing Qigong and meditation everyday. I search YouTube and settled on a thirty minute Qigong routine for beginners by Merissa from Yoqi. I have been doing that every day in the morning, except when I'm running late, and then I find time to do what I can remember of it.

 

As for meditation, I just go off of descriptions I have read from many sources, such as Zen, Alan Watts and of course Taoism. The other day when I was meditating,I almost stopped after about 15 minutes do to intense back pain, as I suffer from scheuermann's disease, a rare form of deformity which causes kyphosis during growth, like during puberty. Anyway, I pushed through the pain, and eventually got to a place where I could no longer feel pain or my body. I was seeing colorful lights of purpleand yellowand green dance before my eyes, and eventually I felt like I was flying, that I was in the sky and clouds,almost that I was the sky. I didn't attempt to control any of this. The last thing I did before it happened was, I was to a point in my meditation where my mind was clear, and I felt like my consciousness was this golden light floating in my head. I started trying to expand that consciousness below my chin, and once I did, itookit above and beyond m head, and that's when everything happened. I also, after the sky, started seeing these tunnels surrounded by rings of purple and yellow-green light, black in the center, with maybe a glint of light in the center. What I would try to focus on them, they'd almost dissolve, but when I relaxed, I traveled down through it and then this feeling of expanding consciousness rolled out before me like a landscape of serenity and pleasant peace.

 

My questions are many, but I guess I want to know what happened there and what I should do. I need guidance. What is your advice? What should I be practicing as far as qigong and meditation? I'm studying the Secret of the Golden Flower in depth, cross referencing other texts and translations, trying to understand what it is saying. I just need guidance. My experience frightened me and it's made me hesitant. I had someone tell me that I was doing so ething wrong and I should be moving that light through my body. Please help. Thank you all so much.

Your "need to do" can be the undoing of your wonderful experience.

There is no need to figure this out and box it in - this is what good meditation will bring.

 

What is most important at this juncture is to realize the importance of your diet and to work on basic practice.

 

Above all you should not foster worry regarding what took place and do not run this energy through your body being interaction.

 

It is like seeing a beautiful painting and worrying if the author is alright.

 

Diet is extremely important - if you are meditating and doing Qi Gong then your energy levels can become very volatile OR they can progress to participation in vast levels of patience and overview and non- judgement.

 

Contrary to typical notions - practice increases volatility exponentially if Diet is in any way inherently problematic. If you were in Detox then it is probably safe to say that Diet is of extreme importance to your practice. But this does not mean hyper dieting on only the most perfect foods and only the most nutrient concentrated foods - it simply means a simple dietary guideline that is VERY typical of a great many of those serious upon the Way. Very low intake of stimulants, depressants (alcohol), processed foods, high sugar foods and foods that convert quickly to sugar highs, and generally either a vegetarian or vegan diet. 

 

It is also important not to "try" to achieve the recent state with hyper breathing techniques and other ways and means - you had a great breakthrough - do not diminish it - and do not make it some major part of a story you concoct from reading this and that.

 

Regarding the basics - are you breathing into the Lower dan tien? Are you keeping your attention in the lower dan tien while breathing into it and in practice and throughout the day? This is basic practice in Qi Gong. If you build the mountain in such a way the head and the heart will not falter in fear and the body will know its ground is firm in the energies that expand beyond its borders.

 

Part of the Diet is not to participate in the fear and the "must do this and must do that and must read this and must read that and must find the answers and must find a teacher and must find my answers from somewhere else" robotic reactionary dissipation of the energies of transformation that would go to that transformation but are pissed to the wind in endless girations that are fruitless and undermine the beautiful experience that took place.

 

Do not participate in the anxiousness - go the other way - sip the calmness that you experienced and the beauty you experienced and simply be with this. It is often said in many practices - "do not discuss the intimate details of your inner arising with others" - particularly ones that have zero indication of anything "wrong" as in "of questionable mental stability or moral decency". 

 

Your experience was a high experience and one that should be a light upon your path - nothing more or less.

 

It shows a fairly high degree of balance and it is OK to feel excellent in that it portends considerable openness and fearlessness within the context of your general makeup. 

 

But don't make light of the dietary commitments- even in the media you take in and what you "fill yourself with" prior to sleep.

Participating in the worry and banter is "dieting on - consuming" jibberish and it simply dissipates energy and habituates you to looking outside yourself for what is within. 

 

I am not implying not to seek a teacher - but the seeking is not to help define your happening - it is to help you in the basics which are the most advanced levels that you will ever need or come to know.

Edited September 6, 2018 by Spotless

[AugustGreig]

4 hours ago, Spotless said:

Your "need to do" can be the undoing of your wonderful experience.

There is no need to figure this out and box it in - this is what good meditation will bring.

 

What is most important at this juncture is to realize the importance of your diet and to work on basic practice.

 

Above all you should not foster worry regarding what took place and do not run this energy through your body being interaction.

 

It is like seeing a beautiful painting and worrying if the author is alright.

 

Diet is extremely important - if you are meditating and doing Qi Gong then your energy levels can become very volatile OR they can progress to participation in vast levels of patience and overview and non- judgement.

 

Contrary to typical notions - practice increases volatility exponentially if Diet is in any way inherently problematic. If you were in Detox then it is probably safe to say that Diet is of extreme importance to your practice. But this does not mean hyper dieting on only the most perfect foods and only the most nutrient concentrated foods - it simply means a simple dietary guideline that is VERY typical of a great many of those serious upon the Way. Very low intake of stimulants, depressants (alcohol), processed foods, high sugar foods and foods that convert quickly to sugar highs, and generally either a vegetarian or vegan diet. 

 

It is also important not to "try" to achieve the recent state with hyper breathing techniques and other ways and means - you had a great breakthrough - do not diminish it - and do not make it some major part of a story you concoct from reading this and that.

 

Regarding the basics - are you breathing into the Lower dan tien? Are you keeping your attention in the lower dan tien while breathing into it and in practice and throughout the day? This is basic practice in Qi Gong. If you build the mountain in such a way the head and the heart will not falter in fear and the body will know its ground is firm in the energies that expand beyond its borders.

 

Part of the Diet is not to participate in the fear and the "must do this and must do that and must read this and must read that and must find the answers and must find a teacher and must find my answers from somewhere else" robotic reactionary dissipation of the energies of transformation that would go to that transformation but are pissed to the wind in endless girations that are fruitless and undermine the beautiful experience that took place.

 

Do not participate in the anxiousness - go the other way - sip the calmness that you experienced and the beauty you experienced and simply be with this. It is often said in many practices - "do not discuss the intimate details of your inner arising with others" - particularly ones that have zero indication of anything "wrong" as in "of questionable mental stability or moral decency". 

 

Your experience was a high experience and one that should be a light upon your path - nothing more or less.

 

It shows a fairly high degree of balance and it is OK to feel excellent in that it portends considerable openness and fearlessness within the context of your general makeup. 

 

But don't make light of the dietary commitments- even in the media you take in and what you "fill yourself with" prior to sleep.

Participating in the worry and banter is "dieting on - consuming" jibberish and it simply dissipates energy and habituates you to looking outside yourself for what is within. 

 

I am not implying not to seek a teacher - but the seeking is not to help define your happening - it is to help you in the basics which are the most advanced levels that you will ever need or come to know.

Actually, I'm living a complete spiritual life, so everything you said makes perfect sense. I drink too much coffee with too much sugar, but first things first. No pornography, no thoughts of anger, resentment, minimal fear or anxiety... I donate my time and few resources to anyone in need. I'm in recovery. I feel meditation can work best for me if I'm completely dedicated. I read and study all the time.

 

And yes, all day, as much as I can, I try to follow Qigong principles. Right posture, right breathing... I try to a?ways keep my awareness inward even when I'm doing something. I just got done meditating and I was able to finally get it with the Dan Tien. I felt like my awareness was totally there, like I was lost in a good book. Then I alternated between following the breath, relaxing into my head, then back to the Dan Tien.

 

I've noticed my severe back pain going away. My back didn't pop for 10 years, now I can sometimes pop it with just my breath. ITS SO AMAZING!!!!! My diet is the worst thing, and I smoke. But I'm working on it. Thank you so much for your kind words words. Things like that really help me to set goals, and also to relax and know I'm on the right track. 10,000 thanks.

[AugustGreig]

On 9/5/2018 at 3:30 PM, Lost in Translation said:

 

You may want to find a local temple in your area. In most urban areas you can find at least one Buddhist temple. You don't need to be Buddhist to speak with one of the monks. They will be happy to let you join their meditations if you ask them. Just being in the same room as a dozen other people meditating can help you along your path.

 

EDIT: If you are uncomfortable walking into a Buddhist temple then go to a Christian church. I have sat in the back of churches and meditated both while service was being offered and when the pews were empty. There is a certain calmness to holy places regardless of the specific faith.

Guess what!?! I met two Buddhist monks at Walmart today! They teach right by my house and they offered to help!!! Amazing!!!

[Lost in Translation]

1 minute ago, AugustGreig said:

Guess what!?! I met two Buddhist monks at Walmart today! They teach right by my house and they offered to help!!! Amazing!!!

 

It must be a sign! I hope they help you learn what you seek.

[dosa]

It is a dangerous experience.
It is highly likely that you were taken over by the dark energy.
Meditation must be kill Buddha,kill zen masters[殺佛殺祖].