Identity-less and purposelessness dilemma.

[Pilgrim]

On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 1:12 PM, Shad282 said:

Hello,

As I have been practicing and working on attachments and identity. I have reached a state where i have dis-identified myself with my inner self, thoughts, past and such inner stories of me. but now i m stuck with deriving a sense of self and identity from other people, as how people perceive me.

I used to be more of an introverted person, but now i m more of an extroverted person, as the need to have an identity is itching and needed from outside Because i need a kind of purpose or a reason to move and live life.

 

I m not taking the choice to release the identity yet, because in process of doing that, i started being sad, and feeling purposeless. Less motivate to live and no passion to life. I have nothing to live for or something to exist for which makes me feel useless and why i exist?

 

Any help or suggestion is appreciated.

This is a phase you will get through it in your own good time. Practice mindfulness and feel with your heart and exercise wisdom with your head. 

[s1va]

14 hours ago, CityHermit! said:

It's funny you say that, I hardly use the internet for interaction in general, let alone forums. I don't use social media either.

 

So, you think this is not interacting!  Engaging in a dialogue with someone in a forum.  That is interesting.

 

13 hours ago, CityHermit! said:

Sorry, I'm in the middle of something with my significant other and don't have much time to give a thorough response. Plus I am sitting with my dog who is elderly and dying, who was given a expectation to live a week or two at most 3 months ago and I've been trying to make the best of it since. I guess I'm more interconnected with them than you and others here. That's choices of company for you.

 

You accuse someone else of making a point and dragging the conversation.  What is the above, my friend?  You say you are in the middle of something with significant and other and don't have much time.  Yet, you go on to explain about your pet who is elderly, dying, given only a week to live, you are trying to make the best of it, etc!

 

When you explain details this way, whether you are expecting sympathy or not, some are going to feel empathic and respond accordingly.  Can't fault others later for expressing sympathy or good wishes!

 

13 hours ago, CityHermit! said:

Ok, I got another free moment. Person I mentioned in earlier post who argued the same point also said the same exact same thing regarding the forum interaction, only it was a different forum. I see nothing new. There goes my free moment now, duty calls.

 

Ok. We get it.  You are dedicated to your 'real' life and respond here only when you get moments away from that.

 

Let's be watchful and not get carried away too much in any of the stories the mind makes, be it in real life or in the forums.  I am not going to end this with best wishes since I know you have expressed dislike about that part

 

[liminal_luke]

6 hours ago, Spotless said:

You have described the experience of many who have awoken - for many it is extremely disorienting - for many the loss of motivation / non-positioned self has them looking again elsewhere not long afterward. It is an extremely delicate time and one in which others that have not experienced the transition and abidance in it cannot relate to. 

 

It is not at all uncommn to Awaken and be in depression soon afterward. It is common to have some difficulty in having lost the trance of personhood while within a whirlwind of personhood from the outside. The grab handles of position no longer triangulate your projections and you are abiding in a refrain for some time of grabbing onto them - but in the interim - it can be like falling into a bottomless pit.

 

Know that if there is no bottom you do not need to fear hitting it.

Know that you are floating - and youness is not necessary - give yourself more time to simply be with this.

 

It is more common than not that in the West and much of the whole world - the outside response to Awakening is - "you are depressed, would you like a sedative".

 

I would suggest that you go to Batgap.com and begin listening to the treasure trove of over 400 interviews with people that have Awakened and gone on to abide in the Awakening / Enlightening state. Some of the interviews are with interesting people that have not awoken but by far the bulk are with those that tell of what happened just before, during and in the following weeks, months and years. 

 

People are generally agast at the idea of losing personhood - and so the more palatable words such as "ignorance" suffice to make what every single sage has always bluntly said somewhere less noticeable - that the you who seeks is not the You that shall find.

 

Those on the outside of this will entice you to rejoin the trance dance - and rebuild a personhood - they are billable and are "going somewhere".  You may notice depression - a residual pattern of resonance - but also notice the lightness in arising and the lightness even in the lack of "doing".

 

Abide in the lightness and make your way in self - it comes to you and runs through you and is all light - it is not unbearable except to personhood. This buzzless state needs no concoction - but a practice can be of immeasurable help in letting go of residual held patterns that you are discovering and have told us of.

 

It is said by many masters that even though they might easily touch a student and bring them to "Enlightenment" (Awakening) - doing so is no favor unless they are very much ready - and few to none are ready for if they were the masters touch would not be needed.

 

We speak endlessly of work on ourselves to remove and release habits and grasped positions - and this is seemingly endless.

Work also to abide in stillness and non-doing. A sort of doing will arise when it does. There is no need to become anxious.

 

All the very best

 

 

 

 

 

I can`t know if Spotless`s take on this is the right one but it does have that certain feeling of rightness.  Trunk`s as well.  If this resonates with you, Shad, then don`t let us more externally identified folks get ya down.  

Edited September 18, 2018 by liminal_luke

[Marblehead]

2 hours ago, CityHermit! said:

That is true, but it's good to be careful because sometimes that backfires. It's happened to me before, even when I had good intentions I realized later it would have been better if I said nothing, didn't get involved, etc. It's an important judgement call.

I have no argument.  I just don't give a shit.  What I say is just wind passing through the universe.  No one has to listen to me.  And besides, I reserve the right to be wrong.

 

[Pilgrim]

3 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

I have no argument.  I just don't give a shit.  What I say is just wind passing through the universe.  No one has to listen to me.  And besides, I reserve the right to be wrong.

 

Don't give a shit.... Wind passing... this one laughing. Ya old fart! Frappppp joining you. 

[CityHermit!]

2 hours ago, s1va said:

 

So, you think this is not interacting!  Engaging in a dialogue with someone in a forum.  That is interesting.

 

 

You accuse someone else of making a point and dragging the conversation.  What is the above, my friend?  You say you are in the middle of something with significant and other and don't have much time.  Yet, you go on to explain about your pet who is elderly, dying, given only a week to live, you are trying to make the best of it, etc!

 

When you explain details this way, whether you are expecting sympathy or not, some are going to feel empathic and respond accordingly.  Can't fault others later for expressing sympathy or good wishes!

 

 

Ok. We get it.  You are dedicated to your 'real' life and respond here only when you get moments away from that.

 

Let's be watchful and not get carried away too much in any of the stories the mind makes, be it in real life or in the forums.  I am not going to end this with best wishes since I know you have expressed dislike about that part

 

Hold on homie, what are you coming at me for? I don't approach you or anyone else like that here do I? I made one comment, and now you and others have been more busy replying to me than to the OP, when I said I am not trying to hijack the thread. You're not even criticizing the original comment I made to the OP anymore. What gives?

 

First, I didn't bring up the use of forums. I only replied about them to state that they are not my forte, so there is little to question about "Why even be on the forums?" when I barely am to begin with and use them primarily for reading and passing time. No, I don't believe the people you can interact on a forum whom you have never met in real life can be closer connections that the ones you already have in real life. Is that something you really want to make a point against? Why do you have to defend your own forum use to me? Why should you care or care whether I care?

 

It took a matter of seconds, which is what I had in the moment, to post about my dog and it was definitely not for sympathy's sake but what I was actually doing in the moment and also to illustrate that yes there are personal connections in real life people should be mindful of more so than strangers on the internet. You're spinning it all the wrong way. That aside, so called comments if empathy come off as very smug in the context of the rest of the words, so I don't take it as empathy ok?

 

Anything else?

 

 

[CityHermit!]

1 hour ago, Marblehead said:

I just don't give a shit.

 

Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't either.

1 hour ago, Marblehead said:

No one has to listen to me.

 

I said something tantamount to that too.

1 hour ago, Marblehead said:

I reserve the right to be wrong.

 

That is a great, I like it.

[CityHermit!]

3 hours ago, Fa Xin said:

 

Well when you put it that way... perhaps I should’ve been more careful choosing my words. 

 

Didnt mean it that way, CH. I apologize if it came off in a pompous way.  I give the people in my life more attention too... all I meant was that it’s good to be open to other things.

Who cares? We're strangers and not really impeding each others lives, and that's how its going to stay.

[Fa Xin]

4 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Who cares? We're strangers and not really impeding each others lives, and that's how its going to stay.

 

I was working my way up to a Facebook friend request... 

 

...whatever...there’s still hope! 

[CityHermit!]

Just now, Fa Xin said:

 

I was working my way up to a Facebook friend request... 

 

...whatever...there’s still hope! 

Hence I said "face saving".

[Pilgrim]

14 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Hold on homie, what are you coming at me for? I don't approach you or anyone else like that here do I? I made one comment, and now you and others have been more busy replying to me than to the OP, when I said I am not trying to hijack the thread. You're not even criticizing the original comment I made to the OP anymore. What gives?

 

First, I didn't bring up the use of forums. I only replied about them to state that they are not my forte, so there is little to question about "Why even be on the forums?" when I barely am to begin with and use them primarily for reading and passing time. No, I don't believe the people you can interact on a forum whom you have never met in real life can be closer connections that the ones you already have in real life. Is that something you really want to make a point against? Why do you have to defend your own forum use to me? Why should you care or care whether I care?

 

It took a matter of seconds, which is what I had in the moment, to post about my dog and it was definitely not for sympathy's sake but what I was actually doing in the moment and also to illustrate that yes there are personal connections in real life people should be mindful of more so than strangers on the internet. You're spinning it all the wrong way. That aside, so called comments if empathy come off as very smug in the context of the rest of the words, so I don't take it as empathy ok?

 

Anything else?

 

 

Hi CityHermit! Sorry to hear about your dog.

 

Online,   people tend to act differently than they would in person there are plenty of troll muscles out there that would not dare say the same things to your face. 

 

Some folks have rich online lives interacting and sharing presence and such and to them interacting on a forum might just be their everything. 

[liminal_luke]

18 minutes ago, Fa Xin said:

 

I was working my way up to a Facebook friend request... 

 

...whatever...there’s still hope! 

 

I`ll just relate my internal experience.  After reading about CityHermit`s experience with his elderly dog I was going to post something wishing CityHermit and dog well, much as Fa Xin did.  Then I read CityHermit`s seemingly negative reaction to these good wishes.  I thought about how I would of felt if my well-wishes had been similarly rebuffed.  (Answer: not good.)  Then there arose this feeling of wanting to connect with Fa Xin and say some encouraging words in case he was feeling unsettled about the online interaction.  There was also a feeling of hostility towards CityHermit for what I was judging as hurtful and antisocial behavior.

 

In the end I said nothing to Fa Xin or CityHermit.  I figured that Fa Xin might not have reacted in the sensitive way I would have, and in any case could likely take care of himself.  In my estimation, CityHermit wouldn`t have been open to the negatively slanted words I might have offered. 

 

So there ya have it.  A person might say that I need to spend less time on social media and cultivate deeper in-person relationships.  They wouldn`t be wrong. 

 

 

Edited September 18, 2018 by liminal_luke

[s1va]

26 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Hold on homie, what are you coming at me for? I don't approach you or anyone else like that here do I? I made one comment, and now you and others have been more busy replying to me than to the OP, when I said I am not trying to hijack the thread. You're not even criticizing the original comment I made to the OP anymore. What gives?

 

First, I didn't bring up the use of forums. I only replied about them to state that they are not my forte, so there is little to question about "Why even be on the forums?" when I barely am to begin with and use them primarily for reading and passing time. No, I don't believe the people you can interact on a forum whom you have never met in real life can be closer connections that the ones you already have in real life. Is that something you really want to make a point against? Why do you have to defend your own forum use to me? Why should you care or care whether I care?

 

It took a matter of seconds, which is what I had in the moment, to post about my dog and it was definitely not for sympathy's sake but what I was actually doing in the moment and also to illustrate that yes there are personal connections in real life people should be mindful of more so than strangers on the internet. You're spinning it all the wrong way. That aside, so called comments if empathy come off as very smug in the context of the rest of the words, so I don't take it as empathy ok?

 

Anything else?

 

 

 

For someone not interested in internet or forums, you sure have a lot to say and go to great lengths to defend your positions.  I was not coming at you.  Just some observations.

 

Have a nice day!

[CityHermit!]

Just now, Pilgrim said:

Hi CityHermit! Sorry to hear about your dog. 

Thanks.

 

1 minute ago, Pilgrim said:

 

Online,   people tend to act differently than they would in person there are plenty of troll muscles out there that would not dare say the same things to your face. 

I would.

 

1 minute ago, Pilgrim said:

Some folks have rich online lives interacting and sharing presence and such and to them interacting on a forum might just be their everything. 

That's totally fine, I am not even criticizing people here for that and I wasn't the one to first bring up the topic. The thing is, it can only go so far can it? If you want to raise a family for instance, it would be rather odd if your partner in parenting and kids were always only interactable via computer or some other device wouldn't it?

 

I think there is a lot of defensiveness about the idea in the moment about forum use and what for or to what extent. This is all distracting from what OP originally said, so instead of going back and forth with me, why not address OP a bit more again?

[CityHermit!]

1 minute ago, s1va said:

 

For someone not interested in internet or forums, you sure have a lot to say and go to great lengths to defend your positions.  I was not coming at you.  Just some observations.

 

Have a nice day!

Well, I'm a decent writer. I don't think a few short paragraphs is a lot to say nor did it take long at all. Notice my low post count too. You seem to like to make points based on your observations, maybe you should reconsider your sense of observation. Now, if you're done, fine. Did you want to help OP out though?

[Fa Xin]

22 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Hence I said "face saving".

If you saw my face, you’d know there’s no saving. 

 

Thankfully we have the internet

[s1va]

2 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Well, I'm a decent writer. I don't think a few short paragraphs is a lot to say nor did it take long at all. Notice my low post count too. You seem to like to make points based on your observations, maybe you should reconsider your sense of observation. Now, if you're done, fine. Did you want to help OP out though?

 

If you calm down and pay attention, you will notice I offered my insight to the OP and he thanked me.

 

Also who I help and how I make comments is my business.

[CityHermit!]

7 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

I`ll just relate my internal experience.  After reading about CityHermit`s experience with his elderly dog I was going to post something wishing CityHermit and dog well, much as Fa Xin did.  Then I read CityHermit`s seemingly negative reaction to these good wishes.  I thought about how I would of felt if my well-wishes had been similarly rebuffed.  (Answer: not good.)  Then there arose this feeling of wanting to connect with Fa Xin and say some encouraging words in case he was feeling unsettled about the online interaction.  There was also a feeling of hostility towards CityHermit for what I was judging as hurtful and antisocial behavior.

 

In the end I said nothing to Fa Xin or CityHermit.  I figured that Fa Xin might not have reacted in the sensitive way I would have, and in any case could likely take care of himself.  In my estimation, CityHermit wouldn`t have been open to the negatively slanted words I might have offered. 

 

So there ya have it.  A person might say that I need to spend less time on social media and cultivate deeper in-person relationships.  They wouldn`t be wrong. 

 

 

The thing is, it's kind of a mistake to presume that not sharing in an ever bounding positivity means something negative or that to let others or something be is either positive or negative. I did say that I had experiences where I felt I had best intentions for others when saying or doing something but it didn't turn out well, so sometimes being positive isn't really being positive after all. The result doesn't always reflect the intent, the intent isn't where its all at.

 

Anything for OP? I'm really trying to make this not about me or people's reactions towards me. 

[CityHermit!]

Just now, s1va said:

 

If you calm down and pay attention, you will notice I offered my insight to the OP and he thanked me.

 

Also who I help and how I make comments is my business.

Homie, I'm calm. I mean to say do you have anything more for OP? Because there really isn't much good cause to keep focusing on me.

[Pilgrim]

6 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Thanks.

 

I would.

 

That's totally fine, I am not even criticizing people here for that and I wasn't the one to first bring up the topic. The thing is, it can only go so far can it? If you want to raise a family for instance, it would be rather odd if your partner in parenting and kids were always only interactable via computer or some other device wouldn't it?

 

I think there is a lot of defensiveness about the idea in the moment about forum use and what for or to what extent. This is all distracting from what OP originally said, so instead of going back and forth with me, why not address OP a bit more again?

Your welcome.

 

I would and do and have many times face to face as well as on this and other forums and email etc.... I have met and interacted with many in real life that first came as internet based interactions. Most were people I worked with facilitating so they could learn practices in real life. 

 

As far as what people use the forum for could care less, my point was you were reacting to someone who places value in online forum based relationships and yeah I do not care for the way the person comes off either.

 

Concerning the OP well I have already written what there is to respond to and quite frankly there is no such thing as helping anyone.

 

Everyone has to help themselves all that can be done is point things out in passing.

 

Why respond to you? Ha I like your fierce attitude. 

[s1va]

2 minutes ago, CityHermit! said:

Homie, I'm calm. I mean to say do you have anything more for OP? Because there really isn't much good cause to keep focusing on me.

 

I decide where to keep my focus and what good comes of it.

 

If you want to stop the conversation, all you have to do is stop replying back to my posts quoting me.  May be you are finding that a little hard to do.

 

Unlike you, some of us spend a lot of time here in forums and have some real and great friends here.  Also I happen to be one of the moderators for the forum and it is also part of my job to review posts here.

[CityHermit!]

8 minutes ago, Pilgrim said:

Everyone has to help themselves all that can be done is point things out in passing.

Exactly, I would hope for OP to be able to help themselves.

[CityHermit!]

9 minutes ago, Pilgrim said:

 

Why respond to you? Ha I like your fierce attitude. 

My quoting messed up, looks like I have to do two posts. Anyway, I meant that in a general sense not only you, but ok.

[CityHermit!]

9 minutes ago, s1va said:

 

I decide where to keep my focus and what good comes of it.

 

If you want to stop the conversation, all you have to do is stop replying back to my posts quoting me.  May be you are finding that a little hard to do.

 

Unlike you, some of us spend a lot of time here in forums and have some real and great friends here.  Also I happen to be one of the moderators for the forum and it is also part of my job to review posts here.

Actually its you and others who have a hard time doing that. I couldn't care less if you are a mod or not either.

[Shad282]

So, I guess so far, it is a kind of development in spirituality but seeking harmony in that development, so i m in a phase and gotta be patient, more in the now and practice mindfulness in order to reach a more stable state of mind.