Living in perpetual hell due premature awakening

[Sora]

17 hours ago, uselis said:

Visited psychiatric which suspect psychosis yet I don't see anything or hear voices. I don't behave irrationally but I can't function being gripped by this energy. Other psychiatric diagnosed me depressed and gave SSRI's and anti anxiety pills.

 

Worst part my family don't believe in Kundalini or whatever I have here.

 

Hi uselis, this brought tears to my eyes for something similar happened to me years ago and I do understand how you feel in this whole situation.

 

I talked concisely to some folks about my spiritual deviation in another post yesterday and ran into your post by chance. →

 

 

I'm going to put together what I posted in that post and start a new one as well as extend further regarding details of that incident of mine. I'll update the link to my new post here.

 

Let's see if my experience and any replies from other friends in TDB can hopefully help with your situation.

 

Stay strong and calm and remember you are not alone.  🙏🏻❤️

Edited January 6, 2019 by Sora

[Sora]

My post is going to be called something like My qigong deviation experience, I'm new to TDB and not sure which sub is proper for this topic, can anyone advice?

Thanks guys!:)

[uselis]

1 hour ago, Sora said:

 

Hi uselis, this brought tears to my eyes for something similar happened to me years ago and I do understand how you feel in this whole situation.

 

I talked concisely to some folks about my spiritual deviation in another post yesterday and ran into your post by chance. →

 

 

I'm going to put together what I posted in that post and start a new one as well as extend further regarding details of that incident of mine. I'll update the link to my new post here.

 

Let's see if my experience and any replies from other friends in TDB can hopefully help with your situation.

 

Stay strong and calm and remember you are not alone.  🙏🏻❤️

Thank you for support! I get small relief from comunicating with people who understands this. Yesterday I tried to explain my mom that even though I feel suicadal (not going to do this) it's something else then mere deprression. On evenings I hold my head by two hands and can't stand discomfort while my mom asks "what's exactly wrong" yet I can only answer that I feel my brain hot and not feeling well.

[Nintendao]

If you're taking sleeping pills, please check the ingredients for diphenhydramine, and if present never eat it again.

[Kar3n]

2 hours ago, Sora said:

can anyone advice?

General discussion.

[Sora]

18 hours ago, Kar3n said:

General discussion.

Sure, thanks!

Edited January 7, 2019 by Sora

[rideforever]

6 hours ago, uselis said:

Learnt Vippasana on my own a

 

Whats your work ?

[rideforever]

4 hours ago, Sora said:

 My qigong deviation experience

 

What was the qigong you were doing that brought about qigong deviation ?

[Zen Pig]

7 hours ago, Eden said:

water fasting is known to help with opening of chi channels, alternating eating and just periods of emptiness... I think this is why the Buddhist monks eat one meal a day at noon, to help the chi channels open and clear. 

This is a good point.  don't know how well water fasting opens up chi channels because i have not looked into this, but I just got off a 3-1/2  day (84 hour)- water only fast, which I do about 5 to 6 times a year. and IMO the benefits for the body are amazing. Lots of research out there that shows that about three days is the best length to go without food, and get rid of all the toxins, including damaged cells that cause inflammation, damaged white blood cells and replace them with new ones, (In some research up to 30 percent of white blood cells replaced, improving immunity. and lastly the brain is detoxified from the same process called autophagy, which means "self eating" where the body eats the damaged cells and plaque that cause everything from cancer to Alzheimer's, and then the stem cells are turned on to make new cells in everything from the gut lining, to the myelin in the brains nerve cells which is great.  highly recommend it, but as i have said in other post  don't just look at youtube videos for information on this, as the great majority of these videos are shit, and make it way to complicated in order to either sell your something, join something, or just being crazy humans.  go to the peer reviewed research papers.  

[wandelaar]

@ Zen Pig

 

Could you link to a good and free research paper on fasting?

[Spotless]

 

 

 

[ilumairen]

On 1/5/2019 at 9:03 AM, uselis said:

It looks like I am detoriating daily mentally, physically and emotionally. 

 

You have been communicating well in this thread - in what I'm guessing is a second language for you. Just something to consider. 

[Pilgrim]

11 hours ago, uselis said:

Thank your for support,

 

That feels like really difficult experience you undergone. Glad you recovered. Quite inspiring story!

 

It did feel like I've been lightened or touched by too much electricity. Everything you wrote makes sense and of course I am trying but this is so strong on my brain each day now feels like it's to much for it. 

 

I don't see hallucinations, hear voices or speak irrationally but pressure in my brain made me to consider just going to psych ward. I took anti anxiety pills before but they just severely slows me down yet I still feel physical presence of pressure in brain that creates extreme fear - terror like experience each minute.

 

That's why I am afraid because from day it happened to me it just going worse up to a point where I have 0 relief in my whole day until sleeping pills knocks me out for several hours.

 

My mom wants to scan my brain but it's something else. Living in the middle of nowhere I'll just be treated accordingly if I eventually visit mental hospital. 

 

Thank you for sharing your story. 

You are very welcome.

 

It will be very good for you to force yourself to get up and take walks.

 

Why?

 

Because you need to help facilitate the movement of cerebral spinal fluid. The feelings of pressure in the head are possibly due to CSF having minor circulation changes due to the energy rising and pooling in the crown, this can happen in other areas also for me it was almost the entire spine and crown and the migraines were debilitating. 

 

In Kriya Yoga we do a two practices that help with this the forward bows and Maya Mudra, had I been doing those practices I would have been fine.

 

Walking will also help, sitting around or laying around is not going to make things better. So force yourself to take walks short at first then longer. Then come home and collapse if you have to, but get things circulating.

 

Where the energy goes physiology follows. As you have already noted communicating here is helpful, as another said you are not alone and some of your excess is bleeding off those among us here who can, do feel it. You are okay right now and you are going to be okay.

 

Follow your intuition you are already showing good judgement you can trust yourself. If you want to learn Kriya bows and Mahamudra I will send you instructions

 

Oh and give your Mom a hug and tell her you love her. She is all the pure Yin you will ever need,  from her your life in this world came.

[Zen Pig]

6 hours ago, wandelaar said:

Could you link to a good and free research paper on fasting?

Glad too, 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2990190/ 

[Papayapple]

Stick around you'll be fine man!

[oak]

On 06/01/2019 at 1:16 PM, Spotless said:

 

Just watched the documentary. It made my day. Thanks again spotless.

 

 

 

[Jadespear]

On 1/5/2019 at 4:49 AM, uselis said:

Hello folks,

 

I have 0 hope but deep down I want escape this for my mother. She suffers so much due to my spiritual quest failure with her own health taking hit and tears taking over. Pethaps somebody will notice this and offer some hope - direction.

 

30 years male living in the middle of nowhere (Lithuania, Eastern Europe). For three years kept celibacy and meditated daily for several hours with premature intention to have Kundalini. Thought it's going to make me better person and those around me. No drugs been involved nor manipulative intentions to use energy for evil purposes. 

 

Did mostly Vippasana and concentration practices.

 

One month ago I had erection and massive amount of energy flooded to my head. Since then every day became proggresively worse to the point that currently:

 

Living in perpetual state that is mix of fear, anxiety, terror, suicidal deppresion. I call it agony which at times so intense. No positive feelings, no pleasure from anything. Can't do much physical activity yet staying stationary so unbearable as I feel energy is ripping me apart. 

 

Cognitive abilities going down each day. I can't read, watch or even have conversation for long time. No concentration nor ability to understand. 

 

I am becoming monster. By that I mean that it feels like only body left which concerned about food only and survival in general. No person inside left. Anytime I can cry (which is rare) I welcome it. It makes me feel like human again. I hug my mom yet I feel nothing.

 

Can't sleep without strong pills and even with those it's 5h.

 

My nervous system can't handle anything.

 

Mostly I feel energy as a hot discomfort in my head yet I can't bring it down.

 

Visited psychiatric which suspect psychosis yet I don't see anything or hear voices. I don't behave irrationally but I can't function being gripped by this energy. Other psychiatric diagnosed me depressed and gave SSRI's and anti anxiety pills.

 

Worst part my family don't believe in Kundalini or whatever I have here.

 

Guys, I am so desperate and I keep thinking that there is only way out. I don't want to expierence this walking dead life. I told my thoughts to psychiatrist and my family. I don't hide anything cause I am desperate for help yet any meds I've been given makes me suffer more.

 

Did I put myself in permanent hell state and nothing will help now? 

 

 

 

Hello Uselis, 

 

I would suggest attempting to return the elements of what you, you back into balance.  There are basically 3 things that I think you need to do and none of them can be overlooked.  You need to restore physical balance, emotional balance, and mental balance.  There is a way to do this through a hermetic meditation that I have learned... and since you are now very good at concentrating this might help you...  

 

The 4 elements of earth, water, air, and fire are principles that run through every single aspect of yourself and they have specific places in the human body, soul, and spirit where they are naturally supposed to be... you need to restore that balance in yourself.

 

The earth element can be thought of as a color - brown or black, and it's quality is heaviness, its place is in the lower portion of your body, basically in your legs.  Focus on that area of your body as being brown and heavy.

 

The next element, the water element is blue, and it's quality is flowing and calming, it's area in your body is in your belly area up to your lungs.  Focus on that area next and stack it on top of the earth element, while attempting to retain both of these qualities at the same time.

 

Next, focus on the air element, which color is green, and has a light and serene quality.  The area of this element is your chest and it is related to your heart.  Do the same thing with the visualization exercise for this element and stack it on top of the brown earth, the blue water to retain the 3 qualities of rootedness ( heaviness ), calm and cool flow, and serenity.

 

Finally, focus on the fire element, whose color is red and is whose quality is expansiveness and outgoing.  The area of the fire element is the head.  Focus on your head space around being red.  And stack it on top of the other 3 elements, for a total of 4 qualities being basically - heaviness, calmness  or contraction, lightness or serenity, and heat. 

 

This style of meditation helps to purposefully put the elements back into the state where they act positively for you and not against you. 

 

I think what also might be on your mind is the fact that you feel you have made a discovery of worth and are having a hard time letting it go....  I would just forget about all your pains really and move on with life in some kind of positive way.  I would begin to have a goal- like chopping down a tree or something...  and please do not remain celibate because it is entirely unnatural.  People are engineered to be people which means they have emotions, urges, instincts, and curiosities...  you have placed yourself in a negative state by neglecting the roots of what you are basically engineered to do.  I would no longer even try to do anything except heal yourself through restoring balance to yourself with slow intake of food, slow intake of what used to make you happy, and slow intake of new experiences. 

 

...Also you can find a better description of that type of meditation in a book called, " Initiation Into Hermetics" by Franz Bardon.  I learned it there. 

[Angulimala]

Thats quite bad

Edited January 12, 2019 by Angulimala

[Jadespear]

Uselis, 

 

i just did a bit of further research into this condition you have, and what it seems like you have actually done is lodged what is called the generative force of your qi into a psychic center in your brain...  which explains why you only feel electric and have low feelings... your brain is actually burning energy continuously because you've stuck it somehow somewhere in your head.  I don't know how to dislodge it, but I would suggest speaking with a Taoist healer like mantak chia or someone of that level of training... your condition sounds like it will not get any better until you find someone like that to help you. 

 

In the meantime I would suggest eating lots of heavy yin foods to draw that energy out of your head... like cold fish, bananas, white rice, cold spices, in short no more hot and spicy foods, more salty and sour foods.  

[Jingui1965]

I have been through this almost exactly and have known 2 others with the same symptoms and it takes a couple of years to stabilize

but it will integrate eventually. It is maybe not accurate to say there was a mistake made as these things are ultimately up to the higher self of the practitioner. There are typically two or more things that happen concurrently.....

1 the soul is ready for a serious shift in consciousness 

2 there is a trauma in the memory of the individual that has been activated by the rising QI.

Ultimately you have too much energy in the wrong channels and need to pull the Qi down. (Deep horse stance to start)

 

When I have time I will write some useful things for this condition .....

 

[thelerner]

On 1/5/2019 at 9:42 PM, uselis said:

Yestersay my mom gave me cold wet towel to put on my head as discomfort in my head was unbearable. Felt like I am going nuts. That happens now every evening.

 

It's a long shot but perhaps you have ability and time to help me?

I don't, I'd recommend listening to people like Spotless and Jeff who have real experience and insight.

 

Cause with people like me you'll get a little bit of craziness.  For example, I suggest you eat ice cream.  Will it help?  I don't know.  I do know that Michael Winn a teacher and guy who runs Healing Tao USA did eat ice cream when he was going through some kundalini-esque problems.  The cold fatty creamy sweetness, the treat of it, seemed to help. 

 

Not long term, but nothing wrong with short term relief.  My solution is easy too.  Get ice cream, take your time, eat it slowly with reverence or maybe as a child would.  Settle down and know this too will pass. 

and if it doesn't at least you've had a nice cup or cone of ice cream. 

 

 

also, the fact that your eating ice creams means you're not in hell. 

Cause in hell all they serve is frozen yogurt. 

Edited January 30, 2019 by thelerner

[Papayapple]

Oh you should really give yourself more credit

[wakeupneo]

You'll be fine. Same thing happened to me and countless others. Stay the hell away from all spirituality, excessive rumination, or philosophical thinking. Put all your intention into the mundane life. Depending on how forceful the energies are you can start doing hakuin butter egg type meditation or simply open up your front(grounding channel) just simply move your attention in a straight line from your forehead to the bottom of your feet. You opened up your back channel(energy up) but your front channel isn't opened, you'll open it and you'll be fine, trust me, I thought I was done for as well and I practiced 10X harder and longer then you. You need to do the second half of the microcosmic orbit. I literally was getting pulled out of my body and didn't sleep for 7 days straight, I didn't know what to do with myself so I would just run and run and run like forrest gump, when I would relax all the energy would start moving up and out. Eat root vegetables and meat--- killing carbs/sugar will kill kundalini.

Keep on the SSRI, I did and still am I, it was a life saver. 

Only talk to people who have been through it, even spiritual teachers, they have good intentions, but ultimately they have no idea what they are talking about. 

 

Edited January 30, 2019 by wakeupneo

[Lakshmi]

Call me biassed, but I feel daily practice of hatha yoga could help you. As it will make you focus on your body, feel it in all its parts, take fresh air deeply into your lungs...

 

Best wishes to you!

 

Lakshmi

Edited January 30, 2019 by Lakshmi
Spello corrected

[Hannes]

I don't know if you are still around and don't take the following as advice. It is just what helped me.

- orgasm & cigarettes

While the first seems  understandable; the second might be better. Use organic ones.

And I mean smoking, not vaping or other crap. It is the tobacco, not the nicotine in itself.

You'll end up with an addiction; but it is probably easier to kick that adiction than what you're going through now.