Can a woman and man be more than friends in the future, if they were only friends to begin with?

[yuuichi]

Hey, sorry if this website isn’t the place to ask for dating advice, but I don’t really use other websites and it seems a lot of men here have a wife, which is surprising. 

 

Anyway, I’m friends with a woman and we get along really well, by that I mean we share the same interests and personalities.

 

I know sometimes in this situation, the woman may start to fall in love with the man who she is friends with. But that seems to be the case only if she was physically attracted to him in the first place. In most cases, I think she would reject his romantic gestures and decide to only be friends.

 

Am I right in my assumption? That if she isn’t initially physically attracted to her male friend, it is unlikely they will start dating in the future, even if they get along as friends? Thank you.

[Aetherous]

Here are my random thoughts on these kinds of topics (I don't have a wife):

Some people will say that men and women can't be friends, due to the attraction between the sexes. This is untrue. It's entirely possible to maintain friendship with women you're attracted to, or for her to be a friend to a man she's attracted to...just a matter of having a little self control.

 

...

The "friendzone" is something people talk about. This is where a man and woman hang out often, she opens up to him about her life, but if he wants her romantically he gets rejected.

 

It needs to be clearly understood by the man that what's happening here is just that the woman isn't attracted to him. No amount of trying anything will change that, so it's best to move on and look toward other women for romance.

 

Not everyone is attracted to everyone...people have different tastes, different needs, different disqualifiers. Men friendzone women, too...sometimes we just can't be romantic with someone. There are other women out there, so move on.

 

It's possible that you can still be friends with this woman who friendzoned you, but you should ask yourself if she's respectful of you as a person, or if she just uses you (for company, attention, money, venting, etc). If you're being used, you were never truly friends and you should leave the friendship as well. But it's possible to remain friends, respectfully, and move on to find a more fitting woman for you.

 

...

 

It's very possible to be friends and then become more. I think the best relationships might start that way, because they're established on the foundation of respect. If she was strongly attracted to you in the first place, as a default, it'll be easy...you could screw up and just blurt out "I think yer hot" and then you could be together the next moment.

If she could potentially be attracted to you but didn't necessarily already have those thoughts about you, then screwing up like that might just confuse her and make things a bit awkward...but slowly escalating with more trust between the two of you, more physical touch (touching hands, touching shoulder, back rub, head rub, sitting next to each other touching), and more talking about what you want in a relationship, might help. Grooming and being healthy and clean is important. Slightly more eye contact is important. Sometimes she will be surprised to find her attraction for you growing, when she was blind to it previously. I think it's important to respect what she wants for her future, in a relationship...if what she wants isn't something you can provide, to let her go...and to not try and manipulate her into liking you...don't listen to "dating advice" which often tries to manipulate her mind in order to get women in bed. That seduction stuff kind of works, if you're into that sort of thing, but it's not for having good relationships. The attitudes and habits you get from such advice can cause the end of relationships. A good relationship is built on trust. Intimacy is about trust. So be trustworthy, and true. Find out if you're truly compatible, which is even more important than if she has some physical attraction for you. Of course she will have some attraction...it's just natural that women are attracted to men. But can a long term relationship be beneficial and wanted by the both of you?

If it turns out that she's isn't genuinely interested in a relationship with you, time to move on to the next one. 

...basically, I think you're right: it ultimately won't work if she's not attracted to him.

Edited March 17, 2019 by Aetherous

[Wu Ming Jen]

Sounds like you are in the......" friend zone" at least you can give her good advice on the super hot guys she meets.

 

The Stockholm syndrome came to mind but holding her hostage is very bad advice.

 

Friends with benefits will take a bottle of tequila. Tequila has been lowering woman's standers for a 100 years. Good luck with that or ditch her for a romantic relationship with a different woman and let it all go.

[yuuichi]

So what everyone is saying is that if there isn’t physical attraction to begin with, then there can be no attraction (or potential to date each other) in the future? 

[yuuichi]

thanks for the responses guys.

[chaugnar]

It isn't just physical.emotional intimacy.you are very curious to learn about her ,long-term.im in love with my best friend and there's benefits here.ie I know her well.

[chaugnar]

Wu ming-. Stockholm-good point there.its the same as codependency.not a good relationship but soooo hard to get out.

[thelerner]

This is what drinking is for.  Not to get drunk, or get into anyones pants, rather to share a few drinks inorder to lower inhibitions and talk about feelings, attractions, hopes and the future.  Hopefully in a less guarded and positive way that is harder to do when totally sober, ie a social lubricant that has been used to cut through social posturing since forever. 

[silent thunder]

Life flows.  Never static, always flowing and unfolding in presence.

 

No thing is unchanging and beyond shift.

 

Reality expreses plural and mutable.

[chaugnar]

Yes I drink with my girl.its dangerous because we're both lushs ie no boundaries.