Wu Wei - Doing nothing?

[Yonkon]

Greetings,

for the last days i experimented with doing nothing, just sitting or laying on the ground, doing nothing in particular. It's crazy hard to start, because to my quick fix mind it seems like a huge waste of time. Most of the time, it's pretty relaxing and healing.

Yesterday i tried something out. I was chilling with my girlfriend on the bed. Mostly i would do something (talk, touch), because i hate "awkward silence" or the thought that i would bore her. But i just contained my action and stopped doing. Not in the literal sense that i would not move and speak, but that i just remained in my inner stillness, wich resulted in less forced interaction. This was at first very uncomfortable, because the "oh no i am boring she will leave me" anxiety came up. After a while i just let all movement and speaking happen, with less trying or controlling. This resulted in a great evening, with a lot of intimacy and progress in the relationship.

 

My question: Is this what Daoist call Wu Wei? What is Wu Wei really? 

I imagine myself living in this kind of letting it happen state and it's intriguing. How do i get there? 

 

I'm grateful for every answer.

 

Edited June 6, 2019 by Yonkon

[silent thunder]

For me, wei wu wei is not the lack of any action at all.  It is not a negation of life and a literal 'doing nothing' as this in my experience is an impossibility for a being that is alive.  I have come in my decades of 'sitting in stillness' to realize that this body is never truly still, always the hair is growing, hormones are producing, signals transmitting all over the body growing fingernails while I sleep or work or read a book, heart is pumping blood, cells are repairing damaged tissues, removing waste, etc.  It's a veritable cacophony.

 

So wei wu wei as 'doing without doing' has always resonated false with me.  (just my take, not trying to convince anyone else)

 

For me, wei wu wei is experienced translated as 'action without forcing'.  Action (or non-action) that follows natural flow.  Action or non action that flows through awareness without overly being influenced, affected or intperted by intellectualizing in any overt manner.

 

Sometimes doing without forcing expresses in a given situation, in a manner where I will not interfere and literally do nothing, remaining uninvolved and allowing conditions to play out around me with no judgement or response.   Other times I may respond to stimulus unfolding and before a thought can even enter local mind, body is already adding action to the conditions adjusting its flow.

 

Both of these can be experienced as wu wei for me.  It's not about what I do, but how I do it.

This quote by Shunryu Suzuki seems to speak to the nature of what I'm trying to share:

Quote

As soon as you see something, you already start to intellectualize it. As soon as you intellectualize something, it is no longer what you saw.    ~Shunryu Suzuki

 

If mind is calm, if heart is calm, and action arises without attachment to outcome or purpose/intent, this to me is wei wu wei, even in the midst of great activity, there can be a 'weightless, actionless, or non-identification of self with the process... and in non-action, there is an utter release. 

 

Key to both (for me) is a non-attachment to potential outcomes... each moment arises in local awareness as stimulus prompts response.  when calm, open and non-attached, both activity and non-action are equally unbound, open, flowing and free of forcing a response of any particular type.

 

self dissolves and action flows through among the conditions of life as air flows through forest...

waves to me are not made of water... waves are expressions of movement through water. 

action in wei wu wei is like this for me...

 

again, not claiming this is the truth... this is how I experience it at this time... subject to change and not trying to convince anyone of anything, I've nothing to sell...

 

[silent thunder]

The seed has no idea of being some particular plant, but it has its own form and is in perfect harmony with the ground, with its surroundings ... and there is no trouble. This is what we mean by naturalness.

Shunryu Suzuki

 

Do flowers unfold in great effort and straining?

Do trees grow through the acquisition of high skill and years of training?

 

What is, is what is... it is as it is without need for more, or less.

[Fa Xin]

Great job yonkon. I would say keep sitting with that “uncomfortable silence”, and eventually it will be the most fulfilling silence there is. Keep up the experimenting and playing with these concepts. 

[Everything]

Again, you're doing something. And Wei Wu Wei is an energetic realisation, of your true being, allowed to come back into full realisation of all that you've truely become and are, at the core of that which is who you truely are, in alignment with the Source of your being.

 

Once you let go of that which blocks it from naturally becoming, which is usually a perspective or thought that you hold that hinders it, released by a tool or technique such as meditation, focusing on a mantra untill your thoughts become quiet,  you naturally feel better, indicating release of contradictory thought and energy in your being, which can be defined as "trying" and so, you naturally feel better, indicating a more allowed alignment with the true nature of your being, which is in alignment with the Source of All Creation.

 

And then you have acces to the energy which creates worlds, as you thus then allow yourself to perceive the world through the eyes of Source. Thus it is said, you do nothing, and leave nothing undone. It's called the art of allowing. Or you can call it inspired action. Allowed flow of evermore realisation of all that you truely are in your evermore becoming, always joyously and effortlessly along the path of least resistance, indicated by these positive good feeling energy in motions, of energetic synchronisation, co-creation, and harmony and alignment, with the Source of You and All that You truely are and are becoming evermore, and of All Creation.

Edited June 6, 2019 by Everything

[Fa Xin]

24 minutes ago, Everything said:

Again, you're doing something. And Wei Wu Wei is an energetic realisation, of your true being, allowed to come back into full realisation of all that you've truely become and are, at the core of that which is who you truely are, in alignment with the Source of your being.

 

Once you let go of that which blocks it from naturally becoming, which is usually a perspective or thought that you hold that hinders it, released by a tool or technique such as meditation, focusing on a mantra untill your thoughts become quiet,  you naturally feel better, indicating release of contradictory thought and energy in your being, which can be defined as "trying" and so, you naturally feel better, indicating a more allowed alignment with the true nature of your being, which is in alignment with the Source of All Creation.

 

And then you have acces to the energy which creates worlds, as you thus then allow yourself to perceive the world through the eyes of Source. Thus it is said, you do nothing, and leave nothing undone. It's called the art of allowing. Or you can call it inspired action. Allowed flow of evermore realisation of all that you truely are in your evermore becoming, always joyously and effortlessly along the path of least resistance, indicated by these positive good feeling energy in motions, of energetic synchronisation, co-creation, and harmony and alignment, with the Source of You and All that You truely are and are becoming evermore, and of All Creation.

 

Interesting perspective. Would you say a mantra practice is a “doing”?

[Everything]

17 minutes ago, Fa Xin said:

 

Interesting perspective. Would you say a mantra practice is a “doing”?

Yep, 100%.

As I said, it is a tool and technique, and all tools and techniques is simply nothing more than a permission slip to allow yourself to become more who it is you truely already are.

And meditation is a very universal tool and technique and permission slip, as it is very practical and very easy.

As you let go of thought, you let go of thoughts of resistance, and thus then you can allow yourself to come more fully to the realisation of all the thoughts which truely feel good to you, indicating that they are in alignment with who it is you are at the core and Source of your ever being and ever becoming, as the unconditional eternal, infinite, all knowing, ever more awaking Source of All Creation, as our greater non-physical consciousness is the breath of it. And only a small portion of our greater non-physical consciousness is focused here through the lense of our physical being, standing here fully at the leading edge of thought, and creation.

So allowing yourself to connect fully with that, and allow that consciousness to flow more fully through you, always right here and now, is always of immesurable benefit, and this energetic alignment and allowing is indicated by the positive emotions one feels as one excersize their ability of unconditional alignment or the art of allowing, or surrendering to who you truely are. As all that you truely are. In your evermore allowed becoming, always along the path of least resistance. For the benefit of ourselves and all those around us aswell. Evermore. Effortless. Doing nothing, and leaving nothing undone. Or wei wu wei. Or art of allowing. Or art of releasing resistance. Or following the path of least resistance or following the path of lesser resistance. etc.

Edited June 6, 2019 by Everything

[Fa Xin]

1 hour ago, Everything said:

Yep, 100%.

As I said, it is a tool and technique, and all tools and techniques is simply nothing more than a permission slip to allow yourself to become more who it is you truely already are.

And meditation is a very universal tool and technique and permission slip, as it is very practical and very easy.

As you let go of thought, you let go of thoughts of resistance, and thus then you can allow yourself to come more fully to the realisation of all the thoughts which truely feel good to you  

 

Gotcha. Thank you. 

 

I like your concept of a permission slip. It seems we do need to abide and reside in “something” first - a practice of some kind, to learn how to abide and reside in the moment and flow of life. 

 

 

[ilumairen]

On 6/6/2019 at 12:42 PM, Yonkon said:

But i just contained my action and stopped doing. Not in the literal sense that i would not move and speak, but that i just remained in my inner stillness, wich resulted in less forced interaction. This was at first very uncomfortable, because the "oh no i am boring she will leave me" anxiety came up. After a while i just let all movement and speaking happen, with less trying or controlling. This resulted in a great evening, with a lot of intimacy and progress in the relationship.

 

Seems like you happened upon the inner refuge through the door of stillness, as Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche presents it.

 

By utilising the door, and resting in the refuge we find healing - such as you did in regard to the fears you expressed. And genuine warmth and connection arise naturally - as you also discovered in the interactions with your girlfriend. 

 

As @Fa Xin suggested, continue your exploration. 

[Starjumper]

On 6/6/2019 at 11:42 AM, Yonkon said:

My question: Is this what Daoist call Wu Wei? What is Wu Wei really?

 

Yes that really is wu wei, and it is an excellent description!

 

On 6/6/2019 at 11:42 AM, Yonkon said:

I imagine myself living in this kind of letting it happen state and it's intriguing. How do i get there? 

 

      Now that would take a lot of explaining, but you nailed it well enough in your post.  Go back and find the key words.

[Yonkon]

On 6.6.2019 at 8:04 PM, silent thunder said:

So wei wu wei as 'doing without doing' has always resonated false with me.  (just my take, not trying to convince anyone else)

 

i imagine it more like "doing without letting the ego control the doing". Wu Wei Wu as action trough you, beyond yourself. The result is concrete physical action, but guided through something i can't comprehend yet.

On 6.6.2019 at 8:04 PM, silent thunder said:

For me, wei wu wei is experienced translated as 'action without forcing'.  Action (or non-action) that follows natural flow.  Action or non action that flows through awareness without overly being influenced, affected or intperted by intellectualizing in any overt manner
 

Great description, hits the nail on the head. But how do i stop my forcing? You say letting go of outcome, and i heard this often. This seems like a fantasy to me, can one truly let go of expectations? I think the state of "enlightenment" entails this, but can one let gradually of ones expectations, like piece for piece unraveling? Or is it more like this huge breakthrough ego death experience that seems (for me) highly unlikely?

 

On 6.6.2019 at 8:04 PM, silent thunder said:

waves to me are not made of water... waves are expressions of movement through water. 

action in wei wu wei is like this for me...

Beautiful analogy, and even scientifically correct

[Yonkon]

On 6.6.2019 at 8:24 PM, silent thunder said:

Do flowers unfold in great effort and straining?

Do trees grow through the acquisition of high skill and years of training?

 

What is, is what is... it is as it is without need for more, or less.

 

 I often get the feeling that my spiritual practices are connected with a lot of effort, resistance and struggle. Sometimes even force. I have this anxiety, that when i stop practicing with this "pressure" behind me, i will get no results, no progress and everything is in vain. Through writing this answer, i realized that i am strongly attached to the practices and the outcome of those. As you can read in my answer above, i'm not quite sure how one can let go of expectations. Is this possible in a practical sense or is this concept more like "spiritual poetry", like a vision of what could be.. ? Hope you understand.

[OldDog]

On 6/6/2019 at 11:42 AM, Yonkon said:

Is this what Daoist call Wu Wei? What is Wu Wei really? 

 

What you describe is a part of wu wei ... But there is more to it.

 

Consider what happened in the experience you described and how it played out. In your stillness, you became relaxed, reduced your intent and expectation. You opeened up and became more receptive and responsive to your significant other. As the evening played out you were able to achieve and mutually satisfying interaction. Or, so it sounds from your description.

 

So, what's the wu wei part. The evening was going to play out one way or the other. You really did not have to do anything to work your way through the evening. But because of the state of mind and heart you achieved, you were able to let the evening play out naturslly with much less effort. And it appears, your state of mind and heart was recognized and recieved and responded to naturally by your SO.

 

You both had a great experience. Wouldn't it be great if you could do the same thing in other activities and interactions? Keep exploring this ... how you were able to relax, release intent and expectations, and observe what is going on around you and how you react. Sounds like you are on the right track.

 

 

Edited June 8, 2019 by OldDog
correcting autocorrect

[rideforever]

If you are told do nothing, then you may act "do nothing".

Monkeys are great actors.

You can say "oh that sounds really spiritual, I can do that", and then act "do nothing".

But how long can you act for ? 

Really your understanding is very small if that's what you do.

This is not what is intended.

Flowing harmoniously with existence, taking ownership of your true self, fulfilling your objective function ... these are the result of a vast quantity of work on yourself.

One thing that can be done is to sit quietly and merge into the breathing, into the movement of the qi inside you, merge and merge and merge until only the natural flow of the vital force is left.   It is a big thing.

[Yonkon]

1 minute ago, rideforever said:

If you are told do nothing, then you may act "do nothing".

Monkeys are great actors.

You can say "oh that sounds really spiritual, I can do that", and then act "do nothing".

But how long can you act for ? 

Really your understanding is very small if that's what you do.

This is not what is intended.

Flowing harmoniously with existence, taking ownership of your true self, fulfilling your objective function ... these are the result of a vast quantity of work on yourself.

One thing that can be done is to sit quietly and merge into the breathing, into the movement of the qi inside you, merge and merge and merge until only the natural flow of the vital force is left.   It is a big thing.

 

So it's more like a result, not the act itself? I heard that the 10 commandments are originally not meant as commandments but as a result of devotion to your Spiritual path. So that me reminded me of this mix-up.

[Fa Xin]

As the AA crowd says “Let go and Let God”

[Fa Xin]

27 minutes ago, Yonkon said:

 

 I often get the feeling that my spiritual practices are connected with a lot of effort, resistance and struggle. Sometimes even force. I have this anxiety, that when i stop practicing with this "pressure" behind me, i will get no results, no progress and everything is in vain. Through writing this answer, i realized that i am strongly attached to the practices and the outcome of those. As you can read in my answer above, i'm not quite sure how one can let go of expectations. Is this possible in a practical sense or is this concept more like "spiritual poetry", like a vision of what could be.. ? Hope you understand.

 

This is a big realization.  Simply by becoming aware of the resistance that your having, it should begin to liberate itself.  Once an issue is under the light of awareness, it tends to dissolve in time.  You are doing great.  It's not easy to let go of expectations and desire for progress. It is deeply interwoven into our conditioning.  

 

I will recommend a practice called "quiet sitting".  Just sit there and be. Let whatever arise arise, if you feel that pressure or anxiety to do something/have results/progress, just sit with it. Be still and just relax into the moment.

 

You're asking all the right questions and I can tell from your posts you're on your way (on your wu-wei).  

Edited June 8, 2019 by Fa Xin

[rideforever]

15 minutes ago, Yonkon said:

So it's more like a result, not the act itself? I heard that the 10 commandments are originally not meant as commandments but as a result of devotion to your Spiritual path. So that me reminded me of this mix-up.

 

That is very true in general.  The mind of unconscious people hears the words from a great teacher, and being unconscious minds they translate the words to their level, and often "act" as if.   A Buddhist might sit in meditation very seriously so that anyone watching him will be impressed, or a Christian might flail their back until it bleeds so that others who see him will see how much he suffers.   They are unconscious people who don't really understand at all.   This happens everywhere.

The inner work required to enter the right state is often very poorly understood. 

It is easier to say "big words".   But, reading the life history of a particular teacher will inform you what they had to do to get to the top of the mountain.

As for the 10 commandments and Moses ...  I believe this much older tradition of Moses was based upon many rules that if followed produced a progression of the community of Israel.  But it is an older type of spirituality that is "unconscious", meaning that the people simply followed the rules given by God, which were intelligently designed, and they thereby lived healthy spiritual lives and progressed.   But it is quite different to newer traditions that give people Consciousness directly.

 

[ilumairen]

On 6/6/2019 at 2:24 PM, silent thunder said:

The seed has no idea of being some particular plant, but it has its own form and is in perfect harmony with the ground, with its surroundings ... and there is no trouble. This is what we mean by naturalness.

Shunryu Suzuki

 

And some seeds dry in the Sun, rot in pools of water, lay dormant, and many are eaten. This too is natural. 

 

Quote

Do flowers unfold in great effort and straining?

Do trees grow through the acquisition of high skill and years of training?

 

:wicked little giggle: 

 

Flowers only unfold by great fortune of circumstance, or careful cultivation - which could be considered great fortune. 

 

And it certainly does take years for trees to become what we call trees. From seed, to sapling, to tree.

 

Quote

What is, is what is... it is as it is without need for more, or less.

 

And when we're thirsty, we still raise a cup to our lips. 

 

:holds up cup:

 

Cheers, my friend

Edited June 8, 2019 by ilumairen

[Everything]

2 hours ago, Yonkon said:

Great description, hits the nail on the head. But how do i stop my forcing? You say letting go of outcome, and i heard this often. This seems like a fantasy to me, can one truly let go of expectations? I think the state of "enlightenment" entails this, but can one let gradually of ones expectations, like piece for piece unraveling? Or is it more like this huge breakthrough ego death experience that seems (for me) highly unlikely?

Hahaha, yeah it does feel like a huge breaktrough when you do it for the very first time. Because it's so different from what we're used to doing. But that is also what is ment by letting go of expectation.

You let go of the OLD limitting expectation. And let the universe show you how you are fully supported, as you act on your highest excitement to the best of your ability untill you can take it no further, with absolutely zero expectation on any PARTICULAR outcome whatsoever. So that you can truely receive ALL the outcomes.

 

And you let go of old expectations, because:

you LET WHAT WILL HAPPEN HAPPEN, why? Because then you can FULLY PERCEIVE THE TRUE NATURE OF REALITY AND WHAT IT IS YOU ARE ACTUALLY DOING AND HOW IMPORTANT IT TRUELY IS AND HOW MUCH THE UNIVERSE ACKNOWLEDGES WHAT YOU JUST DID AND HOW IT WILL RESPOND WITHIN EVERY SINGLE OF ITS ATOMS TO REFLECT BACK AT YOU THE STATE OF BEING YOU HAVE JUST ACHIEVED OF BEING TRUE TO WHO IT IS YOU TRUELY ARE. etc. stuff like that.

 

And also, you did let go of old expectation already in your opening post. Read it, where you let go of the limitting expectation of being judged, and the result was, you had a great time. It's really as simple as that. Not a big deal at all. That letting go, you didn't do it, you let go by focusing on something else, which is your highest excitement. You can't do the letting go part, it is an act of non action. wei wu wei. Letting go, allowing, trusting, enjoying, etc.

 

Or as fa xin said, letting go, letting god.

Edited June 8, 2019 by Everything

[doc benway]

On 6/6/2019 at 12:42 PM, Yonkon said:

Greetings,

for the last days i experimented with doing nothing, just sitting or laying on the ground, doing nothing in particular. It's crazy hard to start, because to my quick fix mind it seems like a huge waste of time. Most of the time, it's pretty relaxing and healing.

Yesterday i tried something out. I was chilling with my girlfriend on the bed. Mostly i would do something (talk, touch), because i hate "awkward silence" or the thought that i would bore her. But i just contained my action and stopped doing. Not in the literal sense that i would not move and speak, but that i just remained in my inner stillness, wich resulted in less forced interaction. This was at first very uncomfortable, because the "oh no i am boring she will leave me" anxiety came up. After a while i just let all movement and speaking happen, with less trying or controlling. This resulted in a great evening, with a lot of intimacy and progress in the relationship.

 

My question: Is this what Daoist call Wu Wei? What is Wu Wei really? 

I imagine myself living in this kind of letting it happen state and it's intriguing. How do i get there? 

 

I'm grateful for every answer.

 

Such a beautiful experience to share.

Thank you

I would agree that you are heading in the right direction in terms of an understanding and integration of Wu Wei in life.

 

On 6/6/2019 at 2:04 PM, silent thunder said:

For me, wei wu wei is not the lack of any action at all.  It is not a negation of life and a literal 'doing nothing' as this in my experience is an impossibility for a being that is alive.  I have come in my decades of 'sitting in stillness' to realize that this body is never truly still, always the hair is growing, hormones are producing, signals transmitting all over the body growing fingernails while I sleep or work or read a book, heart is pumping blood, cells are repairing damaged tissues, removing waste, etc.  It's a veritable cacophony.

 

So wei wu wei as 'doing without doing' has always resonated false with me.  (just my take, not trying to convince anyone else)

 

I agree and came to the conclusion that Wu Wei is not pointing so much at the doing but the doer.

When that one is not doing, the doing is pure and spontaneous.

When the doer is engaged, there is interference.

I think this is a big part of why the intellect is relegated to secondary importance so often in the Daoist classics.

It's very explicit in the Bon and Buddhist teachings where that mis-identification with the doer is referred to as the fundamental poison, ignorance.

 

On 6/6/2019 at 6:48 PM, Fa Xin said:

 

Interesting perspective. Would you say a mantra practice is a “doing”?

At first, mantra is intentional and a doing.

Over time, with thousands or hundreds of thousands of repetitions, the doer is allowed to fall away and thus mantra is a tool to bridge the gap between doing and non-doing. That is essentially its purpose. The tantric practice of becoming the deity has two parts, the first is the doing to create the form. The second is the direct realization of its empty nature, the absence of inherent selfness.

 

1 hour ago, Yonkon said:

I often get the feeling that my spiritual practices are connected with a lot of effort, resistance and struggle. Sometimes even force. I have this anxiety, that when i stop practicing with this "pressure" behind me, i will get no results, no progress and everything is in vain. Through writing this answer, i realized that i am strongly attached to the practices and the outcome of those. As you can read in my answer above, i'm not quite sure how one can let go of expectations. Is this possible in a practical sense or is this concept more like "spiritual poetry", like a vision of what could be.. ? Hope you understand.

This realization is an indication of where you are in your practice. You've seen your tendency to over-identify with the role of practitioner. That identity is changeable, it is not you. None of the roles in life you identify with are ever who you are. They are temporary voices created by your relationship to circumstances. There is the practitioner, the father, the lover, the teacher, the perfectionist, the stoner, the neat freak... whatever. We are none of those things but in any given moment we react to our circumstances from one or a combination of those perspectives. The tendency to do this is the obscuration. The ability to let go of that tendency is the "mastery" of Wu Wei. 

 

Yes, it is absolutely possible to let go of expectations. It is a progressive thing and there will be years of ups and downs but, with persistence and skillful practice, the tendency lessens over time and ultimately loses its place as the driving force of our lives. This is a very practical thing. Spiritual development must be practical or it is simply the activity of that monkey mind who identifies as philosopher or practitioner. One must take all of the spiritual poetry as practical, direct instruction, not as a comprehensive or definitive description of some unchangeable reality. That is the mistake so many of us make. Yes spiritual poetry is a vision of "what could be" but even more importantly it is a vision of what will be when you put it into practice effectively.

 

1 hour ago, Yonkon said:

 

So it's more like a result, not the act itself? I heard that the 10 commandments are originally not meant as commandments but as a result of devotion to your Spiritual path. So that me reminded me of this mix-up.

In our tradition, it is said that the result and the act are one and the same.

We divide the path into view, meditation, conduct, and fruition - all are precisely the same.

This is tricky to come to terms with.

It is not something to understand.

It is something that becomes clear once one begins to gain deeper realization.

 

 

[liminal_luke]

On 6/6/2019 at 9:42 AM, Yonkon said:

Greetings,

for the last days i experimented with doing nothing, just sitting or laying on the ground, doing nothing in particular. It's crazy hard to start, because to my quick fix mind it seems like a huge waste of time. Most of the time, it's pretty relaxing and healing.

Yesterday i tried something out. I was chilling with my girlfriend on the bed. Mostly i would do something (talk, touch), because i hate "awkward silence" or the thought that i would bore her. But i just contained my action and stopped doing. Not in the literal sense that i would not move and speak, but that i just remained in my inner stillness, wich resulted in less forced interaction. This was at first very uncomfortable, because the "oh no i am boring she will leave me" anxiety came up. After a while i just let all movement and speaking happen, with less trying or controlling. This resulted in a great evening, with a lot of intimacy and progress in the relationship.

 

My question: Is this what Daoist call Wu Wei? What is Wu Wei really? 

I imagine myself living in this kind of letting it happen state and it's intriguing. How do i get there? 

 

I'm grateful for every answer.

 

 

There is so much I relate to here.  Laura Lund, a Zapchen coach, once told me that my energy is very diffuse.  Rather than remaining firmly grounded in my own body, I habitually reach out to other people energetically.  In practical terms, this means that I can get overconcerned with other people, particularly in intimate relationships.  I´m continually checking in with loved ones.  While this might sound like a good thing, it´s not so good if I´m not also connected with myself.  It can actually work against intimacy.

 

It sounds to me that when you contained your action and remained in your inner silence, you reconnected with yourself energetically.  Instead of being overconcerned with your girlfriend and what was going on for her and how she might be feeling about you, you just pulled back into yourself and allowed things to just be.  

 

Congratulations on your great evening!

[mrpasserby]

'

Edited June 8, 2019 by mrpasserby

[Fa Xin]

2 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

 

There is so much I relate to here.  Laura Lund, a Zapchen coach, once told me that my energy is very diffuse.  Rather than remaining firmly grounded in my own body, I habitually reach out to other people energetically.  In practical terms, this means that I can get overconcerned with other people, particularly in intimate relationships.  I´m continually checking in with loved ones.  While this might sound like a good thing, it´s not so good if I´m not also connected with myself.  It can actually work against intimacy.

 

It sounds to me that when you contained your action and remained in your inner silence, you reconnected with yourself energetically.  Instead of being overconcerned with your girlfriend and what was going on for her and how she might be feeling about you, you just pulled back into yourself and allowed things to just be.  

 

Congratulations on your great evening!

 

Sounds right to me. Good intuition and deduction !

[Starjumper]

7 hours ago, Yonkon said:

But how do i stop my forcing? You say letting go of outcome, and i heard this often. This seems like a fantasy to me, can one truly let go of expectations?

 

Letting go results from our awareness of our death.  A person who keeps this perspective in view doesn't bother to waste time with regrets concerning outcomes.  Their awareness of their death makes their choices more definite and final, and once the choice is made they let the cards fall where they may, whether good or bad doesn't matter.  What happened happened, they did their best, and now it's in the past.  Regrets are a waste of energy.  This is not to say that people are not supposed to learn from their mistakes..

Edited June 8, 2019 by Starjumper