From East to West

[Mskied]

When I began my journey into Magick I only had 28 years of experience in life, and in those 28 years I thought I knew enough to get what I needed done, done.  I had read a few books on spiritual and "magickal" ideas, but never really studied any system, or Magick itself.  I had once possessed a pack of tarot cards, but I knew very little about them, except that it was a journey, and that we are fools that climb our way into knowing.  I was raised Catholic Christian and knew an average amount about the bible, but not really any devotional mind.  I never said any God names and I stopped going to church before confirmation.  

 

Upon initiation I became aware that there was indeed a God.  I was given one symbol, and when I went looking for answers I was told about alchemy.  I decided since I didn't know where to begin, I would let the wind lead me, and I put absolute faith in the idea that God would guide me where He wanted me to go.  I saw some amazing things in those days.  Total blind faith led me on a chase, and in a few months I found the gate to the inner and outer worlds.

 

It took a few months to start piecing things together on where to research this subject.  I had intended to return to church and study the bible, but when I went through the gate I learned about other things.  I was not ignorant of history and other Gods, but I was no student of them.  I had a background in philosophy of my own nature, but not of an academic quality.

 

I recall laying in agony over crossing the threshold and finally asked "What is happening to me?" and passed out.  When I awoke I was given the word Aiwass.  The internet had just become common enough to be in the home and I went to the computer to look up the word, which began my research into the occult.  I found some books by Aliester Crowley and opened it and read one of his rites and started practicing this idea.  This rite said to examine the self in all aspects and to trace what you know about yourself and what made you, and go from there.  I started with my name, then my birth date, then my place and origin of birth, and retraced.  

 

I kept investigating the Golden Dawn and Thelema but couldn't really make any sense of what I had seen and what they were saying.  I was pretty dense, and the things that were happening to my body greatly confused me.  There was also what was happening in the world at the time- something that I had foretold and warned people about- that was coming true.  There were other things that were coming true, and the Universe seemed to be speaking to me.  All the while I strained to listen, hoping that this God would speak and guide me.  This intense listening started me on the road of hearing (and hallucinating), for in this gate the memory and all the ideas you carry are dug out and brought to life.

 

Eventually I started making real contact but in those days I was too far gone to recognize what was being told to me.  I started being named things, asked things, having things declared about me that I did not comprehend.  I was simply trying to teach myself about tarot and what the Gods of Thelema were all about when I made contact with the Jewish sect- who kept asking me if I did this to be made a Jew, or for the Jews, and I said that I had, because one of the things I wanted to do after the God spoke was defend and promote Christianity, which I believed held all the good virtues that human beings needed to practice.  This wasn't in the cards for me, and I was devoured and disseminated by an astral Serpent of whom I do not know the name, but will suffice to say Apep.

 

This Serpent devoured me and it was very painful, and it destroyed me and carried me into inner worlds far below common knowledge of worlds.  I tried to climb back up but it kept dragging me within.  

 

My own ignorance worked against me in these days, for I was trying desperately to understand the voices but had no real definition of what a Jew was, or what any of this was.  I contemplated extensively on the Law of Thelema, asking if it were true?  Meanwhile I kept getting dragged down and down and down.

 

I escaped for a time, and found my way back into life, but as I felt obligated to pursue this, I kept going back into research, and this kept bringing the Demon back.  My imaginings started to get the better of me, and I knew that every idea I had about what might be happening was taking on a life of its own, and none of it was the truth.  I needed to name these things, and I needed it yesterday!  I kept trying until it became too difficult, and I decided to denounce it all- all language, all definitions, all meaning and identifiers- because I had conjured up a world of lies.  

 

This took a long time to overcome.  I decided that even if it isn't true, we think it is, and so it becomes real.  This is a special lesson in Magick.  I know most people don't lose faith in reality, but when you force yourself to believe, you find that you realize just how powerful words are.  It is a very deep knowledge, one that I have lately become careless of.  

 

And so I worked for a number of years on re-establishing a definition that was more true to life regarding names, and words, and meaning.  I was lost in Chaos, and couldn't explain why Chaos existed.  This was the next victory for me reclaiming my sanity:  I realized that Chaos is not a cosmic force, but a quality of human minds comprehending events and outcomes.  I had thought it was an actual activity of the Universe until then, but I have since seen enough to know that for the most part, all things happen because something made it happen.  Whether the initial something was accidental, I cannot say, but the ensuing sequence is definitely orderly.  

 

Working on the Law of Thelema, and having been told I am in the cult of the self, I began examining the concept of self more in depth and wondering about a community where each person does what they will.  That is when I realized that this is not the evidence that keeps us working as a species, and I went from the "left hand path" to the right.  These names are loose, mind you, and in this term only do I say there is a self and a non self.  The left and the right have more significance than just self motive or not.

 

From there I started to examine primary elements of life that all people share and realized that there are things we have in common, and common needs, that we should all agree on.  I separated the things that we need to work together with from the things that our personal liberty should allow us to do, and I began to study Law in America and our personal rights, and the rights granted by older cultures.  I sorted these things out and came to recognize that fire was the primary element of life.  This lead me to re-examining geometry, which is tied to math, and math being invented by not only counting, but by starting with One (one source, one God) and extending out into multiples and branches of things that occur from a primary mover.  This led me to examining idealism and materialism, and seeing things as we want them to be, and seeing things as they are.  I started to distinguish between the two, and that is when I realized the need for mercy.

 

I then recognized motion and gravity as being intimately connected to fire, and I named the 4 elements, the movements of the shapes, the geometry of the shapes, and the number of the shapes.  After doing all of this I decided to teach myself academic philosophy, which I took a good survey of, and realized that I was not far off.

 

I climbed very high in the astral, and contacted many beings that showed me things about life and morality and people and how the Gods and Masters and Demons govern our species.  It was incredibly maddening to follow- it was not Evil or ill intent, it was that I had initiated myself so vastly that all the planes of reality that I worked upon were working upon me with such intensity and speed that I couldn't keep up, and so I went to the hospital again to get them to stop.

 

Today I am sitting in peace healing.  I am waiting before I begin again.  I have a nice understanding of things, though not a very modern knowledge of where physics and math have brought us.  Social truth and morality, cosmic comprehension, spiritual adepts- these things I understand, but I am not yet a man of science.

 

I see the spiritual path of the Tree, and wish that I had found it on my own, because I think it does nicely for us to recognize how society is, though I don't think it is how society should be.  I know that people want to experience, and I know they want to explore their Will, and I think God does too- but I also know that both God and I know that this leads to a lot of accidents, ignorance, and apathy towards one another.  

 

I do not think the Law is Do What Thou Wilt, I think that we think it is, and I think we do this, but I am certain that the higher powers expect certain things of us.  As far as initiation goes, however, I think it is a good way to begin study, and if you keep it up, you will find Truth.

[Mskied]

I believe that mankind has been sped up, and that we are on a race to our demise.  All of the ideas of physics and science have been invented, I witnessed this in comic books and sci fi tales.  We are nearing the end of our research into matter, and I feel that we will reach a tipping point.  All of the souls that existed are being harvested, and will either begin anew in a primitive state where existence starts over, or go to a more advanced place and keep that line going.  My money is on the renewal of life.  Depending on how advanced you are, you will be placed in a time that you will serve with what you understand.

Edited August 14, 2019 by Mskied

[Mskied]

I finally comprehend.  Thank you to this forum and all the others that I have visited on this journey.  Thank you to all the people that I have known, and let my message now be that everyone is important to someone.  We are a whole, and united we stand and divided we fall.  Let there be kindness in the world, and understanding.  Let us seek the cause of the ill rather than persecute for the misunderstanding.  Let us work on the cure rather than ways to punish the disease.  Let us find a way to bring the basic needs of all people to a level of affordability, and let those that contribute more pay for the luxuries, for all people deserve decent food, shelter, clothing and medicine.  Let knowledge be available and affordable, for without it we are lost, and let the misguided minds that cause Chaos find the joy of peace and order, so that our young will slow their pace and our world will know Grace.  God bless you, and everyone.  Peace.

[Mskied]

First comes the void, which is nothing, and being nothing, is no-thing, therefore it does not exist.  As nothing does not exist, everything is.  Everything that is, is in some form eternal.

 

There is formlessness, followed by form, followed by experience, followed by decay back into formlessness.  As the soul enshrines into a body it takes on its form and reacts to the environment it finds itself in.  This path is normally linear, and the imprint of the life is now part of the soul of the inner cosmos, whether we retain it after death, or embrace any of it on rebirth is a mystery, but in the inner cosmos, which is infinite copies of our conditions and personalities, it remains forever.

 

It would seem that there is a Heaven of purity, where the consciousness lives in warmth and trust, and is curious, and is lured out of this Heaven into the world of experience and more complicated form. 

 

Whether we can ascend this wheel is a mystery.

 

As all is, God is All, and we are all within the All.  This is the map of existence.

 

The experience of life is the form and the emotions.  The Sephiroth are not places, they are states.  The emotional states are joy and sorrow, and the actions that cause them, and our reactions to them.  All is desire, for life is fire and motion, and when we achieve what we desire we have joy, and when we do not, we have sorrow.  With sorrow comes anger and sadness, and if it involves others, rage and revenge and hate.  With joy comes love and gratitude, which breathes into us acts of kindness.  The wheel of emotion and action follows by our interaction with ourselves, with our environment, and with others.  

Edited August 16, 2019 by Mskied

[Mskied]

Every system has a God and a Law.  For the Jews, their Law is Torah, and their mystical experience of Kabbalah is to refine and understand that wisdom, after they have approached Godhead.

 

For the Thelemite, it is the same, except their Law is of a different nature.  Essentially, any civilization is within the realm of the Western Occultists access, and so, depending upon your foundation, you will approach Godhead with that information, and proceed to dissect that Order and comment.  This is how adepts become Masters of Wisdom.  

 

[Mskied]

Whether reality was an accident, or whether it was designed, no one seems to know, though both sides present convincing arguments.  It is true that Chaos is supported- total liberty and apparently irrational behavior has a place in the design.  I believe that matter is being harvested and replenished with its destruction, and to stray from a straight path broadens the whole spectrum.  I imagine that it depends upon what you want to wind up with after life how you will lead this one.

[Mskied]

The I and the me and the we

 

Which will it be?

 

The I influenced by the we, is it I?  Is it me?

When does the me overtake the I, that was formed by the we?

Is it me?

[Mskied]

Do What Thou Wilt is an absolute

Help The Weak is an absolute

 

What is up for debate is what the strong should be allowed to do.

[Mskied]

In my opinion, Chaos Magick is about options.  Its about looking around, below and above what we see.  If there are 30 options and I only know of 3 of them, I am restricted in choice.  These choices were given to me by the world I am surrounded by, so looking into other worlds is the only natural course to find more options.  Do What Thou Wilt seems to say take the options you have and do what you want with those, but Chaos Magick is larger.  Also, and I cant stress this enough, there is indeed a standard for human interaction from the expectations of the self and from others, and that stems from the way we come into this world relying on others and needing to find our own strengths.  This is the fundamental premise that all action is considered from the eye of the beholder, so following wisdom that is in line with whether I should help, or whether that person should be capable, should be the pre-eminent method of analyzing actions in regards to interaction and personal choice.

[Mskied]

Kindness begets kindness, violence begets violence.  We are born into this world being nurtured, and we show our gratitude for that kindness with acts of kindness to others.  Its a simple equation really, but one that seems out of our reach at times.  Gratitude leads to Wisdom; taking care of what you possess, appreciating that which you have been given.  When you appreciate what you are given, you return the kindness to the giver, and to others.

[Mskied]

Humility and kindness is a path, and for those who tread it, the idea that it has great power is recognized.  It has power because this is the ideal, and it garners respect and admiration.  Some people use these things as a method of getting within a group to take control, or to manipulate their acquaintance, friend, or companion.  Sometimes the adept isn't fully cognizant of their method, and make mistakes.  Both of these actions cause harm in the trust of others whom beheld someone to admire and found fault, becoming skeptical of kindness and altruism.  This turns them sour, and they can become mischievous and malicious, often mocking sincerity- which can lead to cynicism and skepticism, creating more doubt, and soon all sincerity is lost, as is the genuine appreciation of the sincere.  These are the obstacles those on the path face.  The truth is there is no temptation to abuse power; I am kind because I have been treated kindly, not because I want something from you.  All else leads to darkness.

[Mskied]

What I just wrote is the Law of Kindness.  It is the Law of Kether, and in the Tree of Life, it is the Law of JHVH.

 

Do What Thou Wilt is the Law of Satan, and it begins in the lowest aspect of the Tree.

 

There are three tiers of ascension in my Tree:

 

When you reach Gevurah you realize power, and Love, and as you go about using your power for what you Love, you might make mistakes according to the Law of Kindness.  When you climb the Tree you reach contact with the Divine, and they employ punishment and you require Mercy.  When you have purged yourself with fire and named the Law of Kindness, Gevurah becomes Strength and Chesed becomes Kindness- as Above so Below.

[Mskied]

Follow me on facebook if you like @ Markus Malarkus

[Nungali]

21 hours ago, Mskied said:

.....

 

Do What Thou Wilt is the Law of Satan,.....

 

 

Just last week you where posting

 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law

Love is the law, love under will.

 

I suppose now this means  that love is the law of Satan 

[Nungali]

I also note that you where  posting in other forums , some rather mistaken stuff and more than one member here has tried to engage you on that .  Instead of responding you have come back to this, the introduction  section, where you realised  you are  free to post page after page of your own musings   ... with no one asking, correcting or challenging you on your mistaken viewpoints  , probably because no  is reading it .

 

Now you are advertising yourself  here,   to get 'followers' on facebook  ? 

 

Yes,  you might do a lot better there.

[Mskied]

First of all, there is no mistaken viewpoint.

 

Second, I don't think anyone seems to have a problem with me posting my musings on one thread.  If it is a problem then please move this to the personal practice section.

 

I feel that I have responded to people that engage me, and its their right not to bother as it is mine not to take notice, if that is indeed the case.  It feels like you are attacking me for some reason, I wonder what the beef is with you?

 

As far as advertising myself, yes, I am offering myself up for conversation.  What brings you here?

[Mskied]

1 hour ago, Nungali said:

 

 

Just last week you where posting

 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law

Love is the law, love under will.

 

I suppose now this means  that love is the law of Satan 

 

This sounds pretty accurate to me.  What do you think?

[Nungali]

I dont think 'Do what thou wilt'  is 'the law of 'Satan'.

 

 

 

 

 

[Mskied]

It is if it means you stand against me or cause me confusion.

[Nungali]

 

Well, it would not be the first time someone has suggested  'Satanic   actions'  because some one might be  'standing  against them' ...  .they have usually caused their own confusion though .

 

 

 

 

 

[Mskied]

Im not confused

[Mskied]

The first observation of a good Adept is Chaos, for it is the result of Chaos that is suffering.  

 

Therefore let it be considered that what the Adept wants is Order.  Life without suffering is like the natural flow of a stream unabated, but human beings don't want to just be a stream, they want to be the boat on the stream, for some of us are not desiring to be blind fish that follow, we want to control our own course.

 

Black Magick is often considered to be when someone manipulates my Will to do theirs, and so White Magick is not that.  Kant says that enlightened folk do not see each other as a means to an end.  In both of these statements there are other things to consider, for we are not born knowing, or able to lead and teach, therefore we must submit to the Wise and listen on their method of making life a stream, where eventually we can paddle our own canoe together with the rest of society.  There is another problem with what I mentioned; we must to some degree see one another as a means to an end, the end being the flow of the stream.  I can stand in my confidence and be an individual that interacts with other individuals, but in all coming together there is usually some objective to experience together.  Therefore we will always have to witness to the utility aspect of our joining in action and community.  Obviously at the far end of manipulation in ways that would deter me from my health, there is, in my eyes, Evil intention, and so one must be aware of ones goals, and the general good of society.

 

The Law of Satan is freedom.  It is sensual and emotional, and in this method of action without reason and Law, it can cause Chaos, Chaos being that which disturbs the flow of the stream.  However, Nature is not always a perfectly flowing stream, and Chaos is a necessary part of life, for it contributes to innovation, though how much of this we need is uncertain, for certainly we want that perfect flowing stream.  In matters of innovation, one of the ways to navigate a positive result of Chaos is to consider what needs to be innovated, and this can be found by examining the needs of the community and the needs and wants of the self.  The self has its own desires, and these do not always contribute to the better of the community, and so when the Adept makes their way towards attaining their want, they may cause Chaos if it is not in line with the Laws of the land, and the Law of kindness especially.  Therefore let the artists and innovators pay attention to the common needs of human life for all, and all will benefit from them- this is how we avoid Black Magick, and reduce looking at one another as a means to an end that satisfy our desires.

[Mskied]

I will try to write more from the "I" perspective.  Its hard because I never use that term, never have.  It has always been "Lets go here" when I talk to myself, or "We should..." when I talk to others.  There never has been much of an I in me, which is kind of ignorant of the self, probably one of the reasons this all occurred to me.  For better or worse, I haven't had much of a me, which lends itself to not having much to say about the you.  

 

I was always an easy going character as an adult, and after this process that I call initiation, I eventually, after many years of trails, became kind of determined to declare perfect wisdom.  In the last year Ive woken up to the fact that there is Wisdom running around everywhere- in books, on tv, in music- and in conversation, daily.  But what about "perfect Wisdom"?  On the one hand, it depends on the eye of the beholder, and on the other, I strongly believe that there is an absolute.  But then, once I declared it, I started seeing other absolutes, so I am no longer certain that there could be "one".  I think it depends on what you desire, mostly, and what other people desire.  Everything you choose and believe is what is real for you, and those that believe like you, and those things will bear fruit based on the structure of what I call your inner temple of knowledge.  If you think A produces B, it will, most likely- but if your actual theory and what you practice are not in line, A wont produce B because A isn't the actual A you believe in.  I feel that this is close to an absolute from the view of communal life.  I don't think that there are that many absolutes that are true.  One that I was told was that the strong will rule, that is an absolute.  Another that Crowley presents is the Law of liberty- that we are free to do what we will, though whether others allow it is another story.  I presented the Law of Kindness, which actually mostly applies to the raising of children, because as adults we toughen, and the absence of kindness isn't so drastic.  Still when it is absent, darkness follows, and depending on how dark it is for you, violence and lawlessness will follow.  In the West we have lightened up about lawless things, but that doesn't make the road that they lead to any less dark.  Some people like the dark, and for them there are others that enjoy it too.  I guess you could call these people demons.  It all depends on what you value, and everything has a consequence.  

[Mskied]

BTW if anyone is bothering to read this, I am asking to have it moved to my own space in the personal page section.  If this post is missing, look for me there.

[Mskied]

Ive been struggling with this new peace Ive come to.  For the past 20 years Ive been afflicted by thoughts from other entities, trying to define what was happening as I was ill prepared to enter the Abyss and be afflicted.  I might have said this, but I spent about 15 years contemplating the reason for Chaos, dabbling and reading and experimenting and contemplating a wide variety of books and ideas to resolve my dilemma.  It took a long time to even decide that I wanted to study this- as I had been given no choice, I did it anyway.  Part of my confusion was that I have always been cautious when committing to a system, having been uncertain who to trust.  I remember when, and it was about 10 years in, and being heavily afflicted, that I decided to dive in and believe.  I practiced renunciation because the Demons were so wild and untamable that I had to run from them (though there is no running from your mind).  I declared that even if these definitions and descriptions of things were not true, the fact that someone else believes them makes them true because I have to interact with those that believe.  This was a huge victory for me.

 

Another victory, which I may have said, was in deciding that there is no Chaos.  I mean yes, there is actions and events that I don't know the origin of, but that doesn't mean that there is no origin.  This helped resolve the years I spent justifying the reason for Chaos- which I have resolved to be that God loves invention; that Chaos is necessary because we are still unraveling things, and moving forward in our discovery.

 

Five years ago I really put my back into understanding the systems that I had been contemplating.  I found that I could understand ritual implements and prayer repetition, symbolic language and ceremony, and the various methods other people had used to enlighten themselves.  This gave me more respect for that culture.  I started gathering my own altar objects and recently threw them all out because I found it too confining.  Everything I need is in my mind, I don't need objects and never have, but it was fun to play with.

 

Once I gathered all my resources I was able to travel the Universe and name the design, and in this I found a strong sense of place.  This door was opened when I resolved what mathematics and physics were.  I know that we are sensing creatures, but naming the material process really helped me settle my mind on placement in the material world.  

 

Another breakthrough was in my social studies, when I had been struggling with whether there was a Creator that declared the Law of Life to be Do What Thou Wilt, and what that implied.  Ive always been free to do what I like, but what I like isn't necessarily total freedom, it is some sort of politeness and servitude to others.  This is obviously the strong thread of most Wisdom traditions, and Crowley bucks these.  As I had been given the word of the Aeon about 18 years ago, I took it as scripture, and I needed to reconcile this.  I realized that while it is true I can do what I like, there are consequences, and as I said, I went from what is termed the LHP to the RHP.  This is a term I use that isn't absolute, but I do like the way it is set up in the manner I view it:  LHP being liberty and RHP being duty.  In Kabbalah the left hand is said to be the pillar of Mercy, so there is some confusion on my part about whether this is all accurately defined.  When I realized the role of community and that it had its own Laws as compared to the LHP, I had a vision of my "mentor" Aliester Crowley sign his name on my soul saying that I had rediscovered conscience.  These types of visions come unbidden and I have to put faith in them because of what I have seen over the years, which aren't a lot of instances, and Ive hallucinated my share of personal imaginings to know when I imagine something or when it is actual.  

 

After resolving physics I moved on to the planets and put myself in a cosmic space, and after I recognized duty again, I found that I could resolve most any dilemma I felt I encountered.  I had to brush up on the Law and systems of our government to resolve some issues about what our democracy should allow, and whether it was Good, and when I finished with the major issues about the various bigotries, prejudices and dissention of our day, I started slowing down.  Astraly though, things were picking up and I was again greatly afflicted with more information that I didn't want to organize.  I wound up in the hospital again and when I got home I very determinedly declared that I simply could not participate in this any longer, and they gathered the spirits that were afflicting me and put them aside, and each day I grow stronger in my peace, and also my complacency.  I am at a point of mental silence that does not want to be disturbed, but it is difficult for me to sit silently as I like to be active.  I am now working on my emotional body and my reasons for action and interaction with others.  I write this more as a journal than anything, and hope to hear from sincere people on their reactions to my words, maybe find someone with some common situations.