Tarot Horror Stories: Weirdoes, Charlatans, and Egomaniacs

[Earl Grey]

I thought I'd create this thread to post stories about some of the odd people I encounter in the tarot community. Perhaps it's time I share some stories.

 

I. 

Let me begin with a lad who we can already understand the kind of person he is when his business card is The Emperor from Rider-Waite.

 

He goes on to publicly state everywhere that nobody can read tarot properly and he is out to certify them because his an authority. He is also someone who claims to practice black magic and punishes his enemies--meaning anyone who doesn't agree with him, and he is married to a Reiki "master" who teaches yoga. 

 

II.

 

Another person whom I met started charing people about $25 USD for tarot readings, and I asked how long he had been reading. He and his girlfriend said "two months" and I asked how long ago did they begin learning, and they said "two months ago" and I said how did they decide to read for others and have such authority, and they said "Oh, we felt we were at the right phase after using an app for two months". Their preferred tarot deck is "Welcome to Nightvale" and that the intent of the tarot reader is all that is important, not the deck.

 

III.

 

The last guy I met was unemployed and gave free readings with his young friend for each other, asking the same question every day again and again about love. Literally. Ten variations of the same question, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And they asked me why I didn't ask questions for tarot often, because I do readings maybe once every few weeks and use specific decks for certain kinds of questions. They didn't seem to understand why the expected outcome from their readings didn't manifest, and I asked them if they did anything about it, to which they told me no, they were waiting to be told what to do.

[Mskied]

Tarot with the tree is fascinating.  These two systems gather most of what life will throw at anyone age 25 and up, maybe even younger.  It especially is attractive to the younger people that are "on their way" and need ideas of how to handle what life brings.  The magick of it is that its stuff we all encounter, more or less, and will fit most paradigms.  Nothing really predictive about it, except that for most of these situations there are typical outcomes.  

[Earl Grey]

What say ye @Nungali?

[Nungali]

back later .... 

[Nungali]

I .

 

One of my first public readings at the market ( I had done them before , but the first at this market , in the area where I still reside-) I did it for years and I stopped years back ) .

 

The weird guy  that had been camped in our orchid  sees me and the cards ; ' Do read cards , I'll have a go . "

 

Oh dear !  Okay, do you have a question ?

 

< thinks ... then in serious confidence >   'When I see dogs , ya know, walking around and stuff , I want to have sex with them. Its kinda weird, I know,  but I think, right then, I want to have sex with them . "

 

" In public ? "

 

" Yeah, right then, on the spot, there . "

 

"Okey dokey  < lays out some cards >  " ... the cards are telling me you should urgently seek professional help. It seems a psychological problem, I'd say, see  a psychologist, go to the general doctor and tell him what you told me and ask him for a referral ."

 

II .

'Dan'  , the dickhead  ( and later revealed  ' kiddy fiddler' )   is a super cool new age guy and  peeps adore him (but not me, I can tell instinctively he is an arsehole  ) .

 

All of a sudden one Saturday at the markets I have got no readings, not even any regulars , whatever . I go for a stroll and here is Dan the Dickhead with a set up little tarot table doing readings ,  he has make up on, is touting himself as a 'magician', has a homemade cape on and a very tall pointed hat with moons and stars on it and a huge  glitter plastic wand thingo that he is prancing around with.

 

And there is a fucking line up of people waiting  for a reading . 

 

After that I had virtually no clients for weeks ,  a regular returned and said they felt uneasy about tarot now. I asked why and , yep, they went to Dan for a reading and according to them 'Said the weirdest shit ' .     I asked them what it was and  effen hell, - psycho .

 

But the thing is , he 'looked' good   ( to them )  

 

[  One of the most dangerous things for the normal on the path of magic is ( also relationships, and many things in life ) ; glamour ...

 

glamour (countable and uncountable, plural glamours)

1. (countable) An item, motif, person, image that by association improves appearance.
2. Witchcraft; magic charm; a spell affecting the eye, making objects appear different from what they really are. quotations ▼
3. A kind of haze in the air, causing things to appear different from what they really are.

   (Can we add an example for this sense?)

4. Any artificial interest in, or association with, an object, or person, through which it or they appear delusively magnified or glorified.
5. (uncountable) Alluring beauty or charm (often with sex appeal).   ]

 

III .

One time, its busy I look up and people are lined up . So I disperse them ( for privacy of current reading ) and tell them to come back later and allocate times .  I tell the first couple to come back in an hour, but they look confused . They come back and I ask if they want a reading together or separate , they look confused again and go for separate. They have similar cards and dynamics in their readings but  one asked 'Why would we want a reading together'

 

" Some couples want that, some dont . " I responded .

 

" But we aren't a couple !   I was just standing behind him on the line . "

 

' Oh !   Oooops . "   - well, I dont know why but  they did seem like a couple, then there was the similar readings, but I had not told them that, individual readings are private .

 

Then later I saw them talking . A few days later having coffee.  Hmmmm .    The come back at a latter market ( apart ) and I asked " Are you sure you are not a couple ? "   No, they where just talking about how I mistook them for a couple .

 

Hmmm ....    then they are both getting 'interesting readings'  ... and I am seeing them more together . After a while, she is obviously pregnant  ... now they have a baby together       

 

They had stopped coming for readings some time before that .   Then as time goes on I see 'tarot baby'  growing up .  - big person now .

 

Tarot baby is an adult  now   ...... cant help wondering ; if I had never made that 'mistake '  that day  ......   ?

 

- or maybe we have little choice in such matters ?

 

 and just for fun  

 

IV . 

 many cards and positions indicate  fertility and   this one comes up for 'immediate future'

 

 

and I am compelled to say  " Dont get pregnant ."

 

Well, I received a tirade back ; how stupid, what a thing to say,  I would not be that stupid, I dont even have sex, etc etc .

 

Then she gets pregnant and the  the word is out    (wait for it )

 

" Dont get a tarot reading off him, you'll get pregnant ! "

 

-  Now thats a rumour that could be interpreted in MORE THAN ONE WAY ! 

 

Outside ;

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inside : 

 

 

 

 

[Earl Grey]

41 minutes ago, Nungali said:

I .

 

One of my first public readings at the market ( I had done them before , but the first at this market , in the area where I still reside-) I did it for years and I stopped years back ) .

 

The weird guy  that had been camped in our orchid  sees me and the cards ; ' Do read cards , I'll have a go . "

 

Oh dear !  Okay, do you have a question ?

 

< thinks ... then in serious confidence >   'When I see dogs , ya know, walking around and stuff , I want to have sex with them. Its kinda weird, I know,  but I think, right then, I want to have sex with them . "

 

" In public ? "

 

" Yeah, right then, on the spot, there . "

 

"Okey dokey  < lays out some cards >  " ... the cards are telling me you should urgently seek professional help. It seems a psychological problem, I'd say, see  a psychologist, go to the general doctor and tell him what you told me and ask him for a referral ."

 

II .

'Dan'  , the dickhead  ( and later revealed  ' kiddy fiddler' )   is a super cool new age guy and  peeps adore him (but not me, I can tell instinctively he is an arsehole  ) .

 

All of a sudden one Saturday at the markets I have got no readings, not even any regulars , whatever . I go for a stroll and here is Dan the Dickhead with a set up little tarot table doing readings ,  he has make up on, is touting himself as a 'magician', has a homemade cape on and a very tall pointed hat with moons and stars on it and a huge  glitter plastic wand thingo that he is prancing around with.

 

And there is a fucking line up of people waiting  for a reading . 

 

After that I had virtually no clients for weeks ,  a regular returned and said they felt uneasy about tarot now. I asked why and , yep, they went to Dan for a reading and according to them 'Said the weirdest shit ' .     I asked them what it was and  effen hell, - psycho .

 

But the thing is , he 'looked' good   ( to them )  

 

[  One of the most dangerous things for the normal on the path of magic is ( also relationships, and many things in life ) ; glamour ...

 

glamour (countable and uncountable, plural glamours)

1. (countable) An item, motif, person, image that by association improves appearance.
2. Witchcraft; magic charm; a spell affecting the eye, making objects appear different from what they really are. quotations ▼
3. A kind of haze in the air, causing things to appear different from what they really are.

   (Can we add an example for this sense?)

4. Any artificial interest in, or association with, an object, or person, through which it or they appear delusively magnified or glorified.
5. (uncountable) Alluring beauty or charm (often with sex appeal).   ]

 

III .

One time, its busy I look up and people are lined up . So I disperse them ( for privacy of current reading ) and tell them to come back later and allocate times .  I tell the first couple to come back in an hour, but they look confused . They come back and I ask if they want a reading together or separate , they look confused again and go for separate. They have similar cards and dynamics in their readings but  one asked 'Why would we want a reading together'

 

" Some couples want that, some dont . " I responded .

 

" But we aren't a couple !   I was just standing behind him on the line . "

 

' Oh !   Oooops . "   - well, I dont know why but  they did seem like a couple, then there was the similar readings, but I had not told them that, individual readings are private .

 

Then later I saw them talking . A few days later having coffee.  Hmmmm .    The come back at a latter market ( apart ) and I asked " Are you sure you are not a couple ? "   No, they where just talking about how I mistook them for a couple .

 

Hmmm ....    then they are both getting 'interesting readings'  ... and I am seeing them more together . After a while, she is obviously pregnant  ... now they have a baby together       

 

They had stopped coming for readings some time before that .   Then as time goes on I see 'tarot baby'  growing up .  - big person now .

 

Tarot baby is an adult  now   ...... cant help wondering ; if I had never made that 'mistake '  that day  ......   ?

 

- or maybe we have little choice in such matters ?

 

 and just for fun  

 

IV . 

 many cards and positions indicate  fertility and   this one comes up for 'immediate future'

 

 

and I am compelled to say  " Dont get pregnant ."

 

Well, I received a tirade back ; how stupid, what a thing to say,  I would not be that stupid, I dont even have sex, etc etc .

 

Then she gets pregnant and the  the word is out    (wait for it )

 

" Dont get a tarot reading off him, you'll get pregnant ! "

 

-  Now thats a rumour that could be interpreted in MORE THAN ONE WAY ! 

 

Outside ;

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inside : 

 

 

 

 

 

Dan the dickhead and dog diddler both seriously are frightening. I’ve run into a few dodgy individuals like them... did I mention the guy who used the emperor as his business card and his wife were both terrible people?

 

The wife had an affair with her student and then when the student tried to break it off she wanted to hire a hitman, and—wait for it—she then asked her husband, whom she cheated on, to use black magic to punish her paramour! And they somehow tout themselves as THE center for healing and metaphysics, but he has probably THE WORST understanding of Crowley than anyone else I met before and up to now, online and offline (that’s saying a lot!).

 

I mean besides certifying people for being eligible to understand tarot he certifies them as being intuitive! Yes: someone will print a certificate and say you are intuitive and can follow your intuition!

 

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

At least you left us with a happy ending for the third story!

[Nungali]

Mhe ... those people you describe  are just mere idiots trying to use justifcations that they think are beyond others .  The scene is full of em .

 

I got asked to go to a psychic fair once and offer my services free for the good of the industry   

 

One woman was a channeller  with some 'angel' or something and also sold a product (some oil or essence )  to help you get in contact with your higher spirit or something else equally obscure.  Then there was another woman  who did the same . Then the first did more channelling and 'was told' that the others product was inferior , and people should actually buy hers instead   

 

Cant argue with an angel  

 

(Then I found out the guy that asked me to do tarot for free there was also doing tarot  ... and chaging under the table for it .

 

 

 

Ho     Hum 

[Earl Grey]

4 hours ago, Nungali said:

Mhe ... those people you describe  are just mere idiots trying to use justifcations that they think are beyond others .  The scene is full of em .

 

I got asked to go to a psychic fair once and offer my services free for the good of the industry   

 

One woman was a channeller  with some 'angel' or something and also sold a product (some oil or essence )  to help you get in contact with your higher spirit or something else equally obscure.  Then there was another woman  who did the same . Then the first did more channelling and 'was told' that the others product was inferior , and people should actually buy hers instead   

 

Cant argue with an angel  

 

(Then I found out the guy that asked me to do tarot for free there was also doing tarot  ... and chaging under the table for it .

Ho     Hum 

 

I meet so many people who believe they have angels telling them what to do--a geriatric I met in a bookshop once told me that he was looking for certain titles because his angels told him he had a message for Trump and the merchant was just nodding and saying, "Mm-hmm...." 

 

As for services, some of my practices I offer for free, and a lot of times I'll give people a little taste here and there before telling them that the full course meal has a heavy price not just financially, but in terms of commitment. I always heal with Jyorei for free, offer Reiki if someone really needs help. My Akashic services are free, but I don't shy from donations. Teaching the internal arts and all, well, I give a few things for beginners, but the rest is reserved for enrolled students (see my WIP fitness program that introduces Xin Yi slowly after strength training).

 

But anyway, here's a story about another so-called expert: he claimed that Crowley once dissected a cat as a child and because of that, all of his work is evil and that his deck shouldn't offer any good insight since his energy was tainted by that cruelty. I refrained from reminding him that he was the guy who hated his girlfriend's one-time infidelity but never answered when his own consistent infidelity was brought up, among other things...or that he claimed he had a certificate from Japan saying he was enlightened...He never charged for his services, but he certainly never say no if someone wanted to "relax" after a session...

 

Here's another guy who also loved to know people's astrological signs and "fix them and their problems too" to the point he had no idea how bizarre it was to ask someone's name and astrological sign in person, then he'd pull out a little pocketbook (and has since evolved to an app) to check their sign and how they affect him. He now uses a tarot app as well and doesn't understand why people are so "closed-minded about tarot and astrology" as he "tries to open their minds".