Truth Of Casual Sex

[zero]

I'd like to discuss the topic of casual sex and get to the absolute truth of it. Is this type of sexual behavior truly right for the soul. Lusting and wanting to have sex solely for the fleeting physical sensation with no regard for having any virtue around that when sharing your body, or even having the self control to stop yourself from doing it, isn't this type of sexual behavior selfish in essence as well as self degrading? To reduce an act of dispersing your life force to something casual..... Where you are creating multiple links energetically/spiritually to different people as well, so physically it may feel pleasurable but at what cost. Wouldn't that drain you and take away from your essence? We all know sex is pleasurable, but would you really feel good after? Knowing you are operating primarily in the motive of lust rather than cultivating a true bond where you value yourself for that and therefore reserve that Part of you for the sake of being virtuous.

Edited February 1, 2020 by zero

[thelerner]

If one feels as you do, with that set of preconceptions then yes.

 

If one doesn't have those preconceptions then.. its a different truth.  Not necessarily a selfish act that drains energy and creates multiple energetic bonds.  Its possible to feel very good afterwards.  As well as be virtuous as virgin, imo.

 

I'm in the middle, ie be careful in choice and behavior.   There are crazies and emotional bonds and STDs out there.  There's also a life affirming warmth and fire that's part of our heritage.  We were made to couple. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 1, 2020 by thelerner

[liminal_luke]

I don´t think it´s possible to come up with a truth-of-casual-sex rule that fits for everybody at all times -- and, believe me, I´ve tried  I lean against casual sex personally, for all the reasons Zero articulates, but prescribing behavior for others is another matter.  Universal truths are hard to come by.

[Apech]

17 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

I don´t think it´s possible to come up with a truth-of-casual-sex rule that fits for everybody at all times -- and, believe me, I´ve tried  I lean against casual sex personally, for all the reasons Zero articulates, but prescribing behavior for others is another matter.  Universal truths are hard to come by.

 

*pictures Luke casually leaning against naked bodies*

[wstein]

On 2/1/2020 at 9:58 AM, zero said:

I'd like to discuss the topic of casual sex and get to the absolute truth of it. Is this type of sexual behavior truly right for the soul.

Ok

On 2/1/2020 at 9:58 AM, zero said:

Lusting and wanting to have sex solely for the fleeting physical sensation with no regard for having any virtue around that when sharing your body, or even having the self control to stop yourself from doing it, isn't this type of sexual behavior selfish in essence as well as self degrading?

This sounds more like pathological sex than casual sex. Lacking self control is pretty much the same as compulsion, seldom a positive or healthy experience, no matter what one is doing.

 

It is entirely possible to enjoy casual sex in the same manner and with the same 'soul' impact as eating an ice cream cone or riding a roller coaster.

 

On 2/1/2020 at 9:58 AM, zero said:

To reduce an act of dispersing your life force to something casual..... Where you are creating multiple links energetically/spiritually to different people as well, so physically it may feel pleasurable but at what cost. Wouldn't that drain you and take away from your essence?

Depends on the price you are paying. Seems like you expect it to be expensive every time. It doesn't have to be that way.

 

On 2/1/2020 at 9:58 AM, zero said:

We all know sex is pleasurable, but would you really feel good after? Knowing you are operating primarily in the motive of lust rather than cultivating a true bond where you value yourself for that and therefore reserve that Part of you for the sake of being virtuous.

Now we get to the (your) real issues.

 

1) Apparently you value being virtuous over everything else. In that case, most things you might do are off limits as they are of the physical world not of pure spirit.

 

Approaching this topic sorely from the frame of lust is most likely to end in a negative outcome overall. Lust doesn't even require sex, only the wanting of it.

 

2) You see sex as only valid for forging a 'true bond'. As long as you can only approach it from that view, then yes, it always has a negative outcome when done for that purpose. The premise of using sex to forge a 'true bond' necessarily leads to a non-virtuous outcome. How is it that a physical act is supposed to elevate your spirit?

 

------------------

I would suggest living your whole life first and foremost FROM your inner divine (spirit, soul). Allow all your actions to to flow from there. Then everything will enhance your 'virtue' including sex.

 

Edited February 3, 2020 by wstein

[ralis]

On 2/1/2020 at 8:58 AM, zero said:

I'd like to discuss the topic of casual sex and get to the absolute truth of it. Is this type of sexual behavior truly right for the soul. Lusting and wanting to have sex solely for the fleeting physical sensation with no regard for having any virtue around that when sharing your body, or even having the self control to stop yourself from doing it, isn't this type of sexual behavior selfish in essence as well as self degrading? To reduce an act of dispersing your life force to something casual..... Where you are creating multiple links energetically/spiritually to different people as well, so physically it may feel pleasurable but at what cost. Wouldn't that drain you and take away from your essence? We all know sex is pleasurable, but would you really feel good after? Knowing you are operating primarily in the motive of lust rather than cultivating a true bond where you value yourself for that and therefore reserve that Part of you for the sake of being virtuous.

Apparently you come from a guilt ridden religious background. If you are seeking absolute truth you won’t find it here since absolutes have no basis in reality. 

 

Suppressed sexuality as well as emotional armoring can and will be expressed in negative ways. 
 

 

Edited February 3, 2020 by ralis

[Spotless]

16 hours ago, ralis said:

Apparently you come from a guilt ridden religious background. If you are seeking absolute truth you won’t find it here since absolutes have no basis in reality. 

 

Suppressed sexuality as well as emotional armoring can and will be expressed in negative ways. 

Edited February 3, 2020 by Spotless
Something wrong with editor - can’t add additional comment

[Spotless]

Name one religion in which the extent to which sexual repression is taught does not result in an exponential increase in the guilt and kinky ness of ones sexuality. In my trips abroad in the Mideast the men are like children regarding women - and unfortunately have tantrums on them regularly.

 

I have noted in my trips to the Bible Belt areas in the USA the large percentage of Adult Superstore billboards - in Wisconsin they were over 50% of the billboards.

 

Healthy casual sex is a response to normal attractions and the whole “life force” loss is incredibly overblown so as to be comical.

 

And all the repression only serves to put targets on women as a craven object of kinked up repression.

 

Everyone that I have ever know that was brought up with a healthy attitude towards sex and plenty of it have been the least to worry about it and the most accommodating in the most natural expression of physical intimacy.

 

And in like mind - if it comes to you in inner practice that you are driven to practice some levels of abstaining it has been my experience that it is not difficult if the inner practice clearly calls for it. If it is dogma related then it is apparently very difficult and often stated as such in the bravado of those mastering repression - how far that helped them or created more problems can be seen in their dialogs.

 

 

[Miroku]

Basically what Spotless said.

 

Casual sex can be a pretty nice thing. It brought me quite closer to some of my friend I did it with and they stayed in my life afterwards. Also allowed me to meet some interesting characters.

 

What it depends on in the end is you. If you enjoy it, and it does not hurt anyone, why not enjoy yourself? If not, why care about it?

[liminal_luke]

57 minutes ago, Spotless said:

Name one religion in which the extent to which sexual repression is taught does not result in an exponential increase in the guilt and kinky ness of ones sexuality. In my trips abroad in the Mideast the men are like children regarding women - and unfortunately have tantrums on them regularly.

 

I have noted in my trips to the Bible Belt areas in the USA the large percentage of Adult Superstore billboards - in Wisconsin they were over 50% of the billboards.

 

Healthy casual sex is a response to normal attractions and the whole “life force” loss is incredibly overblown so as to be comical.

 

And all the repression only serves to put targets on women as a craven object of kinked up repression.

 

Everyone that I have ever know that was brought up with a healthy attitude towards sex and plenty of it have been the least to worry about it and the most accommodating in the most natural expression of physical intimacy.

 

And in like mind - if it comes to you in inner practice that you are driven to practice some levels of abstaining it has been my experience that it is not difficult if the inner practice clearly calls for it. If it is dogma related then it is apparently very difficult and often stated as such in the bravado of those mastering repression - how far that helped them or created more problems can be seen in their dialogs.

 

 

 

 The paradox of religious sexual repression is that it leads to precisely the kind of sexual behavior it´s intended to prevent: Bible belt Christians aren´t supposed to frequent "Adult Superstores" but there they are. People are lucky, or perhaps karmically blessed, if they manage to avoid repression entirely and enjoy -- or abstain from enjoying -- physical intimacy to whatever extent they wish without making a big to-do about it.  But what about the many people already caught in the grip of sexual repression/compulsion?  

 

It´s a real question.  One that I don´t have an answer to.  Clearly piling on more repression and sex-negativity is no answer.  That "solution" is what created the problem.  But going in the other direction and saying anything goes doesn´t help either.  When it comes to sex, some kinds of things don´t go.   Many kinds of sexual relations are harmful, in varying degrees, either to oneself or somebody else.

 

People struggle with this, or at least many do. From a position of ease, it might appear laughable watching people white-knuckling through so called 100 day periods of chastity.  Perhaps the answer to this problem, like so many other problems, is simply to let go.  Rather than repressing our sexuality or, conversely, falling into an orgy of permissiveness, we can simply lay our sexual baggage down by the side of the road and move on.   

 

 

 

    

Edited February 3, 2020 by liminal_luke

[Spotless]

The idea of it being “sexual baggage” that we can simply lay down is to a great extent misleading - it is not in bags outside of ourselves but inside and often in deep ravines of energetic contortion.

 

One way to “lay down” the baggage is to at least hold oneself to the beauty of it rather than the subjugation of it.

The tendency of those going into porn is gradually rougher and more subjugating and even into bestiality and S&M.

 

Looking inward the triggers and the inner dialog or loss of relative consciousness can be seen if one looks - and it takes a bit of effort to wean away from hard core and extremes. Once you hang targets on women (or men) as objects of your desire it is difficult not to judge them by your proclivities.  This puts judgement into ever increasing venues - and its tricky because much of it is intermixed with real DNA animal aspects such as pecking order and racial territorialism.
 

 

Edited February 3, 2020 by Spotless

[ralis]

19 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

 The paradox of religious sexual repression is that it leads to precisely the kind of sexual behavior it´s intended to prevent: Bible belt Christians aren´t supposed to frequent "Adult Superstores" but there they are. People are lucky, or perhaps karmically blessed, if they manage to avoid repression entirely and enjoy -- or abstain from enjoying -- physical intimacy to whatever extent they wish without making a big to-do about it.  But what about the many people already caught in the grip of sexual repression/compulsion?  

 

It´s a real question.  One that I don´t have an answer to.  Clearly piling on more repression and sex-negativity is no answer.  That "solution" is what created the problem.  But going in the other direction and saying anything goes doesn´t help either.  When it comes to sex, some kinds of things don´t go.   Many kinds of sexual relations are harmful, in varying degrees, either to oneself or somebody else.

 

People struggle with this, or at least many do. From a position of ease, it might appear laughable watching people white-knuckling through so called 100 day periods of chastity.  Perhaps the answer to this problem, like so many other problems, is simply to let go.  Rather than repressing our sexuality or, conversely, falling into an orgy of permissiveness, we can simply lay our sexual baggage down by the side of the road and move on.   

 

 

 

    

 

During the College Football Playoffs championship game, Pornhub registered a downturn in viewership and as soon as the game was over, viewing went back up. The data recorded was in the South/bible belt.

[ralis]

The OP was serious about having a discussion, but doesn't return to participate.

[Spotless]

Discussion about sex and male/ female differences is among the most difficult subject to talk about without getting out of hand a banning taking place - so far this has been a decent discussion.

 

 

[Creation]

Echoing liminal_luke, I want to caution all those who rush to be sex positive and say casual sex is good because repression is bad, particularly older folks who grew up in a more repressed time, that "how" and "with whom" are important points to address with young people.  Modern hookup culture is deeply unconscious, and young people need tools to navigate it, not just "go have fun". 

 

The most conscious person I have ever known, both generally and in matters of sexuality especially, once told me "In my experience, there is no such thing as casual sex."

 

 

1 hour ago, Spotless said:

The idea of it being “sexual baggage” that we can simply lay down is to a great extent misleading - it is not in bags outside of ourselves but inside and often in deep ravines of energetic contortion.

 

One way to “lay down” the baggage is to at least hold oneself to the beauty of it rather than the subjugation of it.

The tendency of those going into porn is gradually rougher and more subjugating and even into bestiality and S&M.

 

Looking inward the triggers and the inner dialog or loss of relative consciousness can be seen if one looks - and it takes a bit of effort to wean away from hard core and extremes. Once you hang targets on women (or men) as objects of your desire it is difficult not to judge them by your proclivities.  This puts judgement into ever increasing venues - and its tricky because much of it is intermixed with real DNA animal aspects such as pecking order and racial territorialism.
 

 

 

This is an highly insightful post, thank you.  I will be meditating on this.

 

[ralis]

2 hours ago, Creation said:

Echoing liminal_luke, I want to caution all those who rush to be sex positive and say casual sex is good because repression is bad, particularly older folks who grew up in a more repressed time, that "how" and "with whom" are important points to address with young people.  Modern hookup culture is deeply unconscious, and young people need tools to navigate it, not just "go have fun". 

 

The most conscious person I have ever known, both generally and in matters of sexuality especially, once told me "In my experience, there is no such thing as casual sex."

 

 

 

This is an highly insightful post, thank you.  I will be meditating on this.

 

It is possible to have maximum amounts of sex and still be emotionally and sexually suppressed. You are missing my point by miles!

[liminal_luke]

3 minutes ago, ralis said:

It is possible to have maximum amounts of sex and still be emotionally and sexually suppressed. 

 

It´s more than just possible.  Among those who have maximum amounts of sex, emotional and sexual suppresion is the norm.  Then again, that´s my bias.

[ralis]

7 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

It´s more than just possible.  Among those who have maximum amounts of sex, emotional and sexual suppresion is the norm.  Then again, that´s my bias.

I agree! 

[zero]

Lol. Clearly you don't understand the Spiritual damage you're doing to yourself by engaging in this. It's not sexual repression if you're cultivating it and doing it with virtue/love and the balance of one individual where your energy and life force isnt being linked all over the place. You're mixing and giving your essence away all over the place with casual sex. Keep being whores though. Be my guest. Lol.

[zero]

Sex is a powerful energy exchange, it is detrimental to treat your life force as something casual.

[EmeraldHead]

8 hours ago, zero said:

Sex is a powerful energy exchange, it is detrimental to treat your life force as something casual.

 Where did you get this idea from? The amount lost in a night stand can be easily regained in 30minutes by pulling from the air. Of course the hormones may not support everyday ejaculation though.

 

In hindu terms you are upset about the weakening effect it has on pranamaya kosha. In daoist terms you are upset about the post-natal chi lost.

 

However that is just the mode of being of normal people. How many times are they not angry or let emotions sway them and throw post-natal shen about wasting it?

 

Even more the preheaven resources are usually messed up in normal people through their unwholesome states of mind.

 

It is simply the mode of being of non cultivators with weak energetic developments that anything they do is a furthering away from the elixir and Dao.

 

What about being sedentary and the killing effect it has on annamaya kosha / hormones and flesh ?

 

Being sedentary is actually bad to be 'celibate'.

 

Just like you eat food like 3 times a day to constantly replenish your food sheath so does the one with the Dao constantly replenish and circulate all the energies he is made of, as part of his everyday lifestyle. That is what makes him an immortal.

 

We give/spend time with sick people. Why should we be grumpy communists about our energies? If however you are starving of some energy yourself, that may be the case you two are sick. However the elixir is found inside you and the Dao is found everywhere and anywhere, we must constantly seek virtue and harmony with/in ourselves.

Edited February 4, 2020 by EmeraldHead

[ralis]

9 hours ago, zero said:

Lol. Clearly you don't understand the Spiritual damage you're doing to yourself by engaging in this. It's not sexual repression if you're cultivating it and doing it with virtue/love and the balance of one individual where your energy and life force isnt being linked all over the place. You're mixing and giving your essence away all over the place with casual sex. Keep being whores though. Be my guest. Lol.

 

Go away little man! Better get your jackboots on and march in lockstep with the rest of the right wing religious suppressed puritans. You requested a dialog and when many disagree you fly off and call ones that are not in agreement with your silly belief systems, whores! 

 

Sex is nothing compared to the power of the cosmic life force!

Edited February 4, 2020 by ralis

[silent thunder]

I see it's time for another round of body and sex shame.  *sigh*

 

While the whole 'bodies are evil', 'sex ruins spirit', 'body processes are bad', 'boo bodies', 'down with the physical, up with the spiritual' is not surprising any longer at this point in life, but it's sure saddening to see otherwise young, healthy folks intentionally causing their minds and processes such discord with these petty, immature notions.

 

I contend you do more harm to your process with the mental dissonance you cause in trying to force unnatural responses to natural function than to just engage in a mature relationship with your own physical form... but that's just me.

 

Sure there are times when benefit comes from fasting.   This incidentally includes mental fasting from overindulging the controlling holdover voice of Puritanical body hate as well, I have found.

 

When fasting of any kind arises naturally, it is not a forced process.  It is almost celebratory and arises effortlessly, naturally, wei wu wei, in answer to a call from within.   When the mind is quiet and in harmony, these calls are evident, clear and hard to miss.   And when engaging in a fast (of any kind, sex, food, media, obsessive thinking) in answer to this call, the fast is not something that is a struggle.  If you find you are struggling intensely, consider you may be fighting the natural flow of life and perhaps change tack... try silent observation and see if you can tune in to the inner voice with more clarity.  I assure you, there is wisdom in the body waiting patiently for you to respond.

 

It is a poor human indeed, who, not listening, stomps about in certainty claiming Nature to be Mute.

 

But this is not something, I suspect folks can come to understand by reading words, they'll have to suss it out via their own process.  So my words here are not to convince anyone of anything, but to push back against these old worn out holdover puritanical notions of body hate and shame.

 

They are a response to the old voice within me, which upon reading the words of the OP clearly communicated the need to not keep them inside where they may fester mind and pollute process.  Stale out, bouyant in.

 

My voice may be drowned out in stormy weather of public opinion and the shrill shreaking of the fundamentalist certainties, but voices carry and truth rings resonant in those ready to hear.

 

Many strain to hear a whisper, who ignor a shout.

Voices carry, even in storms and in the still of my heart after my song is sung... 

 

i too am sung.

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2020 by silent thunder

[Laouni]

Zero is right.

 

At a spiritual level (inner heart), casual sex is highly damaging. This is creating links between your soul and all the souls your lover had sex with... resulting in a very quick closing down of the inner heart (where we connect with our true essence). 

 

However, it doesn't impact so much negatively our energy bodies and physical body.

[Apech]

On 2/4/2020 at 4:00 PM, ralis said:

 

Go away little man! Better get your jackboots on and march in lockstep with the rest of the right wing religious suppressed puritans. You requested a dialog and when many disagree you fly off and call ones that are not in agreement with your silly belief systems, whores! 

 

Sex is nothing compared to the power of the cosmic life force!

 

Jackboots!  he said casual sex not S&M.