faceless Posted March 4, 2020 I'm 22 and have been celibate for 3 years with long periods of abstinence from masturbation. I've gotten to know and explore my energy in ways that have deeply transformed my awareness. As much as I tried to impose on myself the idea that sex for the sake of sex is unhealthy and that I should let a relationship naturally come my way, I desire sex with a lot of women. I have diverted my sexual energy in getting physically shredded, working on my business, goals, etc, but I can't shake the feeling that having a rich liberated sexual life with little strings attached could be the next stage of my expression and help me realize myself to a new level. One extreme would be to be completely oblivious to my sexual desires, which is what I've mostly been doing. The other would be to be so immersed in it that I get lost. I'm sensing a middle way, a way in which I stay centered, have lots of great sex, increase my energy in the process, increase my partners' energy, become more creative, down to earth, and supportive. Has anyone experienced this middle way? 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vajra Fist Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) My advice is to neither deny yourself nor make it your main object of focus. Just take it very lightly. Edited March 4, 2020 by Vajra Fist 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thelerner Posted March 4, 2020 Consider trying a dating site/app. Be honest with who you are and what you want and see what happens. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralis Posted March 4, 2020 1 hour ago, faceless said: I'm 22 and have been celibate for 3 years with long periods of abstinence from masturbation. I've gotten to know and explore my energy in ways that have deeply transformed my awareness. As much as I tried to impose on myself the idea that sex for the sake of sex is unhealthy and that I should let a relationship naturally come my way, I desire sex with a lot of women. I have diverted my sexual energy in getting physically shredded, working on my business, goals, etc, but I can't shake the feeling that having a rich liberated sexual life with little strings attached could be the next stage of my expression and help me realize myself to a new level. One extreme would be to be completely oblivious to my sexual desires, which is what I've mostly been doing. The other would be to be so immersed in it that I get lost. I'm sensing a middle way, a way in which I stay centered, have lots of great sex, increase my energy in the process, increase my partners' energy, become more creative, down to earth, and supportive. Has anyone experienced this middle way? Sexual suppression is unhealthy! Get rid of the guilt and stop listening to monastics! All of us have millions of years of evolutionary force in our genes so why not live fully! 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bax44 Posted March 4, 2020 25 minutes ago, ralis said: Sexual suppression is unhealthy! Get rid of the guilt and stop listening to monastics! All of us have millions of years of evolutionary force in our genes so why not live fully! TRUMP! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralis Posted March 4, 2020 2 minutes ago, bax44 said: TRUMP! ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faceless Posted March 5, 2020 Thanks for your feedback! 1 hour ago, thelerner said: Consider trying a dating site/app. Be honest with who you are and what you want and see what happens. I've had my fair share of disappointment and low energy women on apps. My current approach is physical, and as I'm learning to get over whatever nervousness sometimes arises approaching attractive women, I'm healing! I'm consuming authentic dating content (no PUA, manipulation, negging etc). Any of you has any authentic dating resources to share? Or any experience in cultivating a greater spiritual practice all while having lots of sexual fun? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Limahong Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, faceless said: Has anyone experienced this middle way? Yes... Healthy rich mind... Healthy rich sexual life. Edited March 5, 2020 by Limahong Enhancement Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faceless Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Thanks y'all. I've only been actively approaching women for 2 days and it's been deeply awakening already. I finished an interaction with a woman today with a deep sense of neediness -- looked at that, and am healing so much right now. Realizing that this process is not even about me "getting sex" but piercing through whatever self limiting beliefs are lowering my self esteem, disconnecting me from God, and as a material side effect restricting my sex life. If I had stayed in my cave meditating, I could pretend that I'm awake, when I'm just avoiding the truth. My thinking sometimes gravitates so much towards wanting to wake up, be a Buddha, leave this suffering behind, go back home, that I make all of life toxic. I may just sound like a young guy happy he might start getting laid again, and there could be some of that, but I'm feeling the emergence of a genuine appreciation of a simpler more humble life right now, accepting that I am no Buddha, accepting that it is alright for me to live as a human being and do what human beings do. Edited March 5, 2020 by faceless 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Earl Grey Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Pal, if you deny your sexuality at your age, you'll only become worse as you get older because that energy, if not properly redirected or expressed, can come back to you forcefully. "The more you resist, the more it persists." You're 22. You should be enjoying your sexuality--your jing reserves are much less when you're 30 and 40 and so on, and you won't be able to have all that fun you could now in your 20s. ...do it consensually, healthy, and responsibly, though. Edited March 5, 2020 by Earl Grey 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralis Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, faceless said: Thanks y'all. I've only been actively approaching women for 2 days and it's been deeply awakening already. I finished an interaction with a woman today with a deep sense of neediness -- looked at that, and am healing so much right now. Realizing that this process is not even about me "getting sex" but piercing through whatever self limiting beliefs are lowering my self esteem, disconnecting me from God, and as a material side effect restricting my sex life. If I had stayed in my cave meditating, I could pretend that I'm awake, when I'm just avoiding the truth. My thinking sometimes gravitates so much towards wanting to wake up, be a Buddha, leave this suffering behind, go back home, that I make all of life toxic. I may just sound like a young guy happy he might start getting laid again, and there could be some of that, but I'm feeling the emergence of a genuine appreciation of a simpler more humble life right now, accepting that I am no Buddha, accepting that it is alright for me to live as a human being and do what human beings do. What ailment are you healing from? You are sounding like Heartbreaker on this forum. Edited March 5, 2020 by ralis Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Limahong Posted March 5, 2020 7 hours ago, faceless said: I'm 22 Really? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faceless Posted March 5, 2020 22 minutes ago, Limahong said: Really? yes. 52 minutes ago, ralis said: What ailment are you healing from? You are sounding like Heartbreaker on this forum. isn't all this a healing journey? healing from the illusion of separation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralis Posted March 5, 2020 2 minutes ago, faceless said: yes. isn't all this a healing journey? healing from the illusion of separation. There is no separation at all. For a 22 year old you are deep in an existential crisis. Have you been reading Sartre? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faceless Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, ralis said: There is no separation at all. For a 22 year old you are deep in an existential crisis. Have you been reading Sartre? Careful with assumptions before telling me where I am, you don't know my path. There is no separation, but an illusion of it. All is healing from the perspective that all human beings are working through whatever wounds are making them live in samsara. In this perspective, unless you are God, you can't seriously say there is no separation at all, and you've got more to heal. Healing = awakening = the path = love = truth = all there is. Edited March 5, 2020 by faceless 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Earl Grey Posted March 5, 2020 5 minutes ago, faceless said: Careful with assumptions before telling me where I am, you don't know my path. There is no separation, but an illusion of it. All is healing from the perspective that all human beings are working through whatever wounds are making them live in samsara. In this perspective, unless you are God, you can't seriously say there is no separation at all, and you've got more to heal. Healing = awakening = the path = love = truth = all there is. While we don't know your path, we do know that there is a common pattern on this forum for young, new, and young new self-initiates who come with a lot of self-certainty here. They tend to ask questions, but when given actual insight, reject it because it doesn't fit what they want to hear or the paradigm they've created. They tend to see simple concern from others as challenging their paradigm--which is not wrong, but not the main intent. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralis Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, faceless said: Careful with assumptions before telling me where I am, you don't know my path. There is no separation, but an illusion of it. All is healing from the perspective that all human beings are working through whatever wounds are making them live in samsara. In this perspective, unless you are God, you can't seriously say there is no separation at all, and you've got more to heal. Healing = awakening = the path = love = truth = all there is. So certain of yourself are you? Sorry to burst your presumptions, but having experienced non separate being for decades after a retreat with Namkhai Norbu, it is a very ordinary experience. You have much to learn about life! It is revealing when you have been challenged here that you retort with statements based on absolute certainty. Why are you here? Edited March 5, 2020 by ralis 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralis Posted March 5, 2020 @faceless Did you come here to argue a presupposition? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Limahong Posted March 5, 2020 6 hours ago, faceless said: I'm healing! Game over. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rideforever Posted March 5, 2020 You could keep the celibacy for one season of the year diligently. Then the rest of the year explore. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
idiot_stimpy Posted March 5, 2020 I thought celibacy was the abstinence from masturbation? I don't think you can be celibate for 3 years but continue to masturbate from time to time. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faceless Posted March 5, 2020 4 hours ago, ralis said: @faceless Did you come here to argue a presupposition? I did not come here to argue but to receive perspectives. I employed the word healing with the perspective that I've attached to it, and your post seemed to put me in a box: " For a 22 year old you are deep in an existential crisis" If you're so wise you feel positioned to tell me I've much to learn about life, telling someone they're "deep in an existential crisis" does not sound very wise to me. I then explained my perspective, the way in which I was employing this word "healing" and asked you not to make assumptions. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rideforever Posted March 5, 2020 Faceless you seem much healthier than many people here, so continue 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Earl Grey Posted March 5, 2020 13 minutes ago, faceless said: I did not come here to argue but to receive perspectives. I employed the word healing with the perspective that I've attached to it, and your post seemed to put me in a box: " For a 22 year old you are deep in an existential crisis" If you're so wise you feel positioned to tell me I've much to learn about life, telling someone they're "deep in an existential crisis" does not sound very wise to me. I then explained my perspective, the way in which I was employing this word "healing" and asked you not to make assumptions. The issue ralis has is that your question, definition of healing, and perspective itself is loaded with assumptions based on something of your own making rather than insight derived from any methodology or system. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Earl Grey Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, rideforever said: Faceless you seem much healthier than many people here, so continue So spake rudeforever, who made up his own imaginary system of how internal arts works on the body while rejecting what is established by lineages and systems that are reinforced by both TCM and physics. Edited March 5, 2020 by Earl Grey Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
