Anyone use online dating apps?

[ralis]

23 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

 

He'll also attempt to emasculate ralis and me as "weak" and "nice boys" as he had said earlier to demonstrate to his fellow PUA Bros that this is how we are but mere sheep or blue pills.

 

I haven't been this bored in a long time--it might actually help me sleep early tonight. 

 

I can't resist posting this since he has us in this category. 

 

 

[Earl Grey]

7 minutes ago, ralis said:

 

I can't resist posting this since he has us in this category. 

 

 

I can’t even finish this video because it is too accurate of a portrayal of some people I know.

[Immortal4life]

That's one type of peril of not having online dating. Here's another peril😋

 

[ralis]

28 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

I can’t even finish this video because it is too accurate of a portrayal of some people I know.

A good friend of mine and I are always calling each other snags.  In jest of course. He and I were in the military during Nam, he was a Naval officer with lots of stories to tell. 
 

Santa Fe is full of New Age snags. 

Edited April 17, 2020 by ralis

[Earl Grey]

55 minutes ago, ralis said:

A good friend of mine and I are always calling each other snags.  In jest of course. He and I were in the military during Nam, he was a Naval officer with lots of stories to tell. 
 

Santa Fe is full of New Age snags. 

I got called a snag and a vampire in the same day before: a snag because I do internal arts, a vampire because I don’t care for these suburban new age reiki yoga vegan kids.

[ralis]

35 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

I got called a snag and a vampire in the same day before: a snag because I do internal arts, a vampire because I don’t care for these suburban new age reiki yoga vegan kids.

My buddy just called me a snag since he is beating me in our latest game. I rarely win.  With us it is just joking around. 

[ralis]

@Immortal4life

 

Here is some advice regarding relationships. 
 

1. Develop good communication skills. 
 

2. Respect is earned. 
 

3. Trust is earned. 

 

4. Have really well thought out boundaries which is part of # 2. 

[Immortal4life]

None of that is wrong per se, but it's overly general and incomplete advice.

 

How do you apply those concepts? Guys need specific examples, they need actionable advice they can go out and practice, or it's just platitudes.

 

It's not enough just to say have boundaries.  Why are boundaries important? One reason is that contrary to what society tells you, women don't want to be a prize, if they do run, women want to get the prize. So take the attitude that you are the prize. Another reason would be someone without boundaries comes off as desperate. They are desperate.

 

How do you develop communication skills? Many ways. You have to practice. There are many communication methods. There's what you say, but then what's even more important is what you convey. There's facial expression communication, body language communication, vocal tonality, and addition to overt communication there's subtext and sub communication. Women especially are good at subcommunication. They want a guy who "gets it" and doesn't need everything spelled out.

 

So how do you practice it? By learning calibration. By testing it out. Learning where that line is, where you've gone too far, and being able to dial it back and walk it back from there.  With practice you'll learn where the line is, how not to step past it, and learn to adapt to each individual person. 

 

There's  a loooot more to add too. It's good not to make dating too complicated, but on the other hand, it can't be too simple to the point it's not practical.

 

1. Don't be attached to outcome

 

2. Be process oriented

 

3. Be the buyer not the seller 

 

4. Be Self amusing, if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong 

 

5. Analyze your interactions

 

6. Lead the dates forward 

 

7. Have good logistics

 

8. Know where you are in the interaction. Physically, emotionally, and logistically. For example if she wont hold your hand yet, don't go for a kiss.

 

9. Take the pressure off, it's no big deal.

 

10. Dating is a skill, it can be learned

 

This are just few off the top of my head

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[bax44]

2 hours ago, Immortal4life said:

None of that is wrong per se, but it's overly general and incomplete advice.

 

How do you apply those concepts? Guys need specific examples, they need actionable advice they can go out and practice, or it's just platitudes.

 

It's not enough just to say have boundaries.  Why are boundaries important? One reason is that contrary to what society tells you, women don't want to be a prize, if they do run, women want to get the prize. So take the attitude that you are the prize. Another reason would be someone without boundaries comes off as desperate. They are desperate.

 

How do you develop communication skills? Many ways. You have to practice. There are many communication methods. There's what you say, but then what's even more important is what you convey. There's facial expression communication, body language communication, vocal tonality, and addition to overt communication there's subtext and sub communication. Women especially are good at subcommunication. They want a guy who "gets it" and doesn't need everything spelled out.

 

So how do you practice it? By learning calibration. By testing it out. Learning where that line is, where you've gone too far, and being able to dial it back and walk it back from there.  With practice you'll learn where the line is and earn to adapt to each individual person. 

 

There's  a loooot more to add too. It's good not to make dating too complicated, but on the other hand, it can't be too simple to the point it's not practical.

 

1. Don't be attached to outcome

 

2. Be process oriented

 

3. Be the buyer not the seller 

 

4. Be Self amusing, if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong 

 

5. Analyze your interactions

 

6. Lead the dates forward 

 

7. Have good logistics

 

8. Know where you are in the interaction. Physically, emotionally, and logistically. For example if she wont hold your hand yet, don't go for a kiss.

 

9. Take the pressure off, it's no big deal.

 

10. Dating is a skill, it can be learned

 

This are just few off the top of my head

Holy fuck. talk about overcomplicating the whole thing. PUA vomit

Only in 2020 can we turn dating into a business transaction. yuck.

Just listen to your body. Of course theres a lot of work to be done to get to that point for most people the way things are now. But its much more natural. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by bax44

[Immortal4life]

The vast majority of guys are just never gonna be naturals. Unless you were getting laid at like 13  you're not going to be naturally good at dating. If you do get the odd success here and there it will be a fluke, not consistent, few and far between, and not the best person for you. You won't just intuitively grasp it without years of experience. 

 

It's similar to martial arts that way. Every guy thinks he can fight, and every guy thinks he can be a natural at dating. But if  you havent trained and you fight a skilled martial arts fighter, you're finished in seconds. 

 

So that means you have to practice. You need to go on a lot of dates. You have to learn the theory. You have to interact with a lot of women. You have to have mentors. All of it.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

29 minutes ago, bax44 said:

 

Only in 2020 can we turn dating into a business transaction. 

I hate the idea of tranactional relationships. It's what society teaches men, that relationships are some type of reward for good behavior, that you're "entitled" to relationships if you are a good guy. So men feel like they need to "provide" for women or things like that. It's awful.

 

Relationships only come about out of genuine attraction and when both people feel genuine chemistry. That's why its so important to understand attraction cuz you can't transact your way into a relationship. 

 

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[ralis]

1 minute ago, Immortal4life said:

I hate the idea of trsnactiinal relationships. Its what society teaches men, that relationships are some type of reward for good behavior, that you're"entitled" to relationships of you are a good guy. So men feel like they need to "provide" for women or things like thst. It's awful.

 

Relationships only come about out of genuine attraction and when both people feel genuine chemistry. That's why its so important to understand attraction cuz you can't transact your way into a relationship. 

 

 

If you read some history you would understand that religion is the main problem. Religion has created rules based on fear and guilt that  influences society.

[Immortal4life]

I honestly dont meet many religious people these days.

 

Religion isnt the only reason society tries to hide how attraction works from men. In general women are more clever and intuitive about how men work, than men are about how women work too.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[ralis]

3 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

I honestly dont meet many religious people these days.

 

Religion isnt the only reason society tries to hide how attraction works from men. In general women are more clever and intuitive about how men work, than men are about how women work too.

You missed the point by a mile. Read Medieval history, Axial Age history, the founding and history of the Roman Church’s influence on present day society. The influence is broad and deep in terms of religion, education, politics and so forth. 

[Immortal4life]

I didn't miss your point but what I'm telling you is religion is not a major factor when  it comes to interpersonal or dating relationships unless one of the people are religious. Even then religious influence can be overcome by triggering biological instincts. Women who thought they would never do certain things, can be flipped and completely changed if you're willing to put the effort in rather than move on to greener pastures so to speak.

 

There are many reasons society hides how men and women work on a biological level.

 

One reason is it's not in society's interest that every guy be at the top of social dominance heirarchies, which is the primary attraction factor for women, social dominance not physical arrtactiveness. Everyone cant be attractive to women.  Society would fall apart, so lower ranked men have to have the truth concealed from them. They need that carrot and string to have hope to keep going. They need the hope that by following the social script and social conventions they can one day get a date.

 

Another reason is that it's in women's interest that men don't understand their biological mating strategy because they have a dual mating strategy. The good genes vs. Provider strategy. Lover vs. Provider. This is likely why human females developed concealed ovulation. It's literally in human female's genes to conceal their mating strategy. In the ancestral environment a male finding out about their dual strategy could mean her death, banishment from the tribe, or the killing of her baby.

 

In many tribal societies around the globe, men kill children who are not their own. Or refuse to give resources to children not their own. 

 

So you are out of touch, and religion has very little to do with dating strategies in the modern era.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

Rails by the way, are you on the autism spectrum by any chance? 

 

I ask this because you mentioned that in your youth you had problems fitting in and having harmonious relationships in your hometown. You don't seem to understand the social skills involved and just brushed them off as all "assholes" as a coping mechanism. But we know when a person says everyone is an asshole , it's the person themselves who is invariably the problem.

 

Combine that with your rigid and strict posting style, inability to have a flowing conversation covering a broader range of perspectives and nuances on subjects, and I think it's very possible your actual problem may be social skills, perhaps mild autism. Perhaps you should look into that?

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[ralis]

9 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

Rails by the way, are you on the autism spectrum by any chance? 

 

I ask this because you mentioned that in your youth you had problems fitting in and having harmonious relationships in your hometown. You don't seem to understand the social skills involved and just brushed them off as all "assholes" as a coping mechanism. But we know when a person says everyone is an asshole , it's the person themselves who is invariably the problem.

 

Combine that with your rigid and strict posting style, inability to have a flowing conversation covering a broader range of perspectives and nuances on subjects, and I think it's very possible your actual problem may be social skills, perhaps mild autism. Perhaps you should look into that?

 

I really tried to have a discussion here and my writing style is one of being developed in a somewhat different way to being less wordy. If that bothers you, too bad. However, insinuating that I am autistic is really an insult and combine that with accusing me of being inept socially when I was growing up without knowing who I am, is preposterous. 

 

My approach to this forum is not one of engaging in a lengthy philosophical debate, which could be quite lengthy on this or any subject at hand, but one of short responses when time allows. I spent 7 years studying at a major university and I have no interest in formal discourse at this time. Don't like it, then go to another forum!

 

 

[Immortal4life]

I'm just going by what you've said about yourself and based on your thinking styles I've seen a bit of. People on the Autism scale often are known for having very rigid thought processes.I was just concerned and thought it might be helpful for you to look into. I don't mean to insult, and there's nothing wrong with being autistic. It's not an accusation just a question, and a helpful suggestion. 

 

I don't really like formal discourse either. I much prefer social talk, I enjoy discussions much more from a perspective of sitting around having a few beers than any kind of dry formal discourse 

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Earl Grey]

2 hours ago, Immortal4life said:

Rails by the way, are you on the autism spectrum by any chance? 

 

I ask this because you mentioned that in your youth you had problems fitting in and having harmonious relationships in your hometown. You don't seem to understand the social skills involved and just brushed them off as all "assholes" as a coping mechanism. But we know when a person says everyone is an asshole , it's the person themselves who is invariably the problem.

 

Combine that with your rigid and strict posting style, inability to have a flowing conversation covering a broader range of perspectives and nuances on subjects, and I think it's very possible your actual problem may be social skills, perhaps mild autism. Perhaps you should look into that?

 

2 hours ago, ralis said:

 

I really tried to have a discussion here and my writing style is one of being developed in a somewhat different way to being less wordy. If that bothers you, too bad. However, insinuating that I am autistic is really an insult and combine that with accusing me of being inept socially when I was growing up without knowing who I am, is preposterous. 

 

My approach to this forum is not one of engaging in a lengthy philosophical debate, which could be quite lengthy on this or any subject at hand, but one of short responses when time allows. I spent 7 years studying at a major university and I have no interest in formal discourse at this time. Don't like it, then go to another forum!

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Immortal4life said:

I'm just going by what you've said about yourself and based on your thinking styles I've seen a bit of. People on the Autism scale often are known for having very rigid thought processes.I was just concerned and thought it might be helpful for you to look into. I don't mean to insult, and there's nothing wrong with being autistic. It's not an accusation just a question, and a helpful suggestion. 

 

I don't really like formal discourse either. I much prefer social talk, I enjoy discussions much more from a perspective of sitting around having a few beers than any kind of dry formal discourse 

 

 

Besides the fact that no, ralis is not on the autism spectrum, or the fact that assuming someone's values and rationality are a sign of autism, weakness, or abnormal for existing outside of your paradigm--it's a well-known fact that calling someone autistic is when the door slams in your face and any hope that you would be better than this is as realistic as hoping that the Pope wears lacey underwear. 

 

What you have just said is one of the most idiotic, insane, deluded and despicable things ever said about anyone.

 

At no point in your rambling, incoherent, mental masturbation, do you even come close to anything that resembles being a decent human being capable of empathy or intelligence. 

 

Everyone in this forum is now dumber for reading your posts. 

 

We award you no further effort or attention, and may the mods have mercy on your sick, sad soul before you are dismissed. 

[Immortal4life]

1 hour ago, Earl Grey said:

is as realistic as hoping that the Pope wears lacey underwear. 

What the.....man you're into some freaky shit😂😂😂

[Immortal4life]

1 hour ago, Earl Grey said:

 

 

What you have just said is one of the most idiotic, insane, deluded and despicable things ever said about anyone.

 

At no point in your rambling, incoherent, mental masturbation, do you even come close to anything that resembles being a decent human being capable of empathy or intelligence. 

 

Everyone in this forum is now dumber for reading your posts. 

 

We award you no further effort or attention, and may the mods have mercy on your sick, sad soul before you are dismissed. 

 

Oh yeah, it's me who's the one refusing to discuss the topic with an open mind.

 

That's also a totally played out movie referencece that was cool to reference on the internet like 10 years ago. You gotta get some more current material man.

 

It took rails until page 5 to actually talk about the subject of dating. He had to get in 4 pages of politics and religion fist. Yet people are trying to say I'm boring😂

[Immortal4life]

1 hour ago, Earl Grey said:

Otherwise, start giving a history lecture on the Dadaist influence on Fluxus in the middle of copulating with your date and see how well that fits into the situation, if it contributes to it or if it makes your date raise her eyebrows and wonder what the hell you're doing. You're doing the same thing here. 

 

Hey, ok I'll give you another freebie here though. Earlier I explained to ralis that in a dating interaction there's text of what's being said, but then there is also the subtext.

 

Here Marcy is is a great example of how there can be one text in an interaction, but the subtext is saying something else entirely.

 

Marcy's words are about the economy, but her subtext is clearly about sex😏

🍑💦🍆

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[SongShuhang]

Quarantine is a good time to use dating apps. As you essentially skip the part of cafe, cinema, and restaurant, and invite girl straight to your house to drink some tea and talk.

 

As for best ways to pick up a girl, I found out that it is best to call / talk on voice, within 1-2 days from first message, and invite for a meeting within a week. Otherwise it is just a lost or meaningless contact.

[Immortal4life]

Hundred percent agree. Voice messages and talking on the phone can be powerful. Honestly I haven't put that to use yet at it's full potential 

 

It's like the only time ever where inviting a woman straight to your place can't be perceived as a douchey move haha.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

Tea is fine, it's a good enough reason to come over, but I'd go with Saki over tea though, you could say "have you ever drank Saki in the traditional manner?" 

 

What you don't fucking say is "Netflix and chill", that's the same as saying "wanna come over for sex",  or "would you like some dick?" Don't do that. Of course she wants some dick, but doesnt want that pressure put on it, or to take responsibility for sex happening. She wants it to "just happen" and not feel cheap or pre-planned.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Immortal4life