Anyone use online dating apps?

[ralis]

5 hours ago, Immortal4life said:

 

Oh yeah, it's me who's the one refusing to discuss the topic with an open mind.

 

That's also a totally played out movie referencece that was cool to reference on the internet like 10 years ago. You gotta get some more current material man.

 

It took rails until page 5 to actually talk about the subject of dating. He had to get in 4 pages of politics and religion fist. Yet people are trying to say I'm boring😂

 

Viewing women as walking talking sex machines, waiting to be seduced, and are easily flipped by a dominant male is some Don Juan fantasy which is what the PUA community thrives on. Shlong fantasies are rooted in rigid personality structures as Dr. Wilhelm Reich would characterize it. And, what follows from that is an insecure male that blames women for being an incel. One that is emotionally secure would not be on here bragging about being a master of seduction.

Edited April 18, 2020 by ralis

[ilumairen]

7 hours ago, Earl Grey said:

 

Besides the fact that no, ralis is not on the autism spectrum [...] 

 

So much for learning from what I presented...

[ilumairen]

19 hours ago, ralis said:

@Immortal4life

 

Here is some advice regarding relationships. 
 

1. Develop good communication skills. 
 

 

Good communication skills include the ability to listen and hold space for others to share what they choose - without the internal narration of how what they share can be used to further one's position. 

 

The spaces left in any sharing, should be left open, allowing the individual to express their own experience without what arguably amounts to gaslighting of experience the listener did not share.

 

Gaslighting, while sometimes lending the gaslighter a sense of superiority and power, is actually the death of any possibility of a true connection. 

 

Quote

 

2. Respect is earned. 
 

 

And commodities are rarely respected. If one wants something deeper and more sustainable, avoiding making oneself or others a commodity is in order.

 

If "just be yourself" fills one with confusion, dread, angst, or anger then time to get to know and respect oneself, in both the spiritual and mundane sense, is in order.

 

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3. Trust is earned. 

 

And while belittlement (or self-aggrandizement) followed by flowery praise may lead to some odd codependency, it will not engender trust. See number 2 above, and understand one who has gone through a process where they are comfortable being themselves and not a commodity will not engage in the behaviors mentioned here as they become pointless. 

 

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4. Have really well thought out boundaries which is part of # 2. 

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by ilumairen
sentence structure

[ilumairen]

On 4/18/2020 at 5:15 AM, Immortal4life said:

 

Oh yeah, it's me who's the one refusing to discuss the topic with an open mind.

 

Yep. You lack openness for people to share their experience without you painting some odd picture about it, and then insulting them for the picture you've drawn. 

 

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I was just concerned [...]

 

I call bullshit.

 

Spoiler

On 4/18/2020 at 1:23 AM, Immortal4life said:

I didn't miss your point but what I'm telling you is religion is not a major factor when  it comes to interpersonal or dating relationships unless one of the people are religious. Even then religious influence can be overcome by triggering biological instincts. Women who thought they would never do certain things, can be flipped and completely changed if you're willing to put the effort in rather than move on to greener pastures so to speak.

 

There are many reasons society hides how men and women work on a biological level.

 

One reason is it's not in society's interest that every guy be at the top of social dominance heirarchies, which is the primary attraction factor for women, social dominance not physical arrtactiveness. Everyone cant be attractive to women.  Society would fall apart, so lower ranked men have to have the truth concealed from them. They need that carrot and string to have hope to keep going. They need the hope that by following the social script and social conventions they can one day get a date.

 

Another reason is that it's in women's interest that men don't understand their biological mating strategy because they have a dual mating strategy. The good genes vs. Provider strategy. Lover vs. Provider. This is likely why human females developed concealed ovulation. It's literally in human female's genes to conceal their mating strategy. In the ancestral environment a male finding out about their dual strategy could mean her death, banishment from the tribe, or the killing of her baby.

 

In many tribal societies around the globe, men kill children who are not their own. Or refuse to give resources to children not their own. 

 

So you are out of touch, and religion has very little to do with dating strategies in the modern era.

 

 

The last person who insistently touted this tripe was banned for it. 

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by ilumairen
remove unnecessary jab

[chaugnar]

My take on dating sites it totally opposite this.im very oldskool and believe in courting.i focus on being a conscious friend and having a curiousity and listening more than talking.im not in a hurry.im not there for sex or hookups.after going through thousands of profiles I met a really kind,spiritual woman.we have inspiring,deep conversations.it takes time to know someone.im only in this for long term relation.everything else is a joke or predatory.

 

[Immortal4life]

You have some things right for sure. Attraction, the initial vibe and chemistry is actually not the real meat and potatoes of an dating relationship. It's really about connection, building trust, emotional empathy, building experiences together, and all those things. 

 

I hate all the Pickupy douchey stuff out there too. Most of the guys I've met into that stuff were just creepy guys. What I do think is important though for all aspects of life, are things like developing persuasion skills, social skills, and skills at building emotional connections. Building an ability to have social influence and being a social influencer are key.

 

The truth is there's a certain courting process all relationships go through. It starts with comfort and attraction, moves into being able to have a playful vibe with someone, to flirting, to emotionally connecting, to meeting each others peer groups, to developing sexual chemistry and arousal.

 

However slow or fast each person takes it is up to them. However, just be aware that for most people there will be a problem if that process goes either too quickly, or too slow. Just because you did it faster, or slower, doesn't mean that was better or worse. It doesn't mean that would be the best most compatible person for you necessarily  

either. 

 

As your skill increases you become more able to lead the pace of the interaction too while also mitigating any problems from speeding it up or slowing it down too much. I'd also say for every person who had success slowing it down, many others had problems cuz they went too slow and the woman lost attraction cuz they didnt make a move when she felt she wanted them too. Many guys also have successful relationships by having sex as soon as reasonably possible, first date is just fine for solid relationships.

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[ralis]

19 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

You have some things right for sure. Attraction, the initial vibe and chemistry is actually not the real meat and potatoes of an dating relationship. It's really about connection, building trust, emotional empathy, building experiences together, and all those things. 

 

I hate all the Pickupy douchey stuff out there too. Most of the guys I've met into that stuff were just creepy guys. What I do think is important though for all aspects of life, are things like developing persuasion skills, social skills, and skills at building emotional connections. Building an ability to have social influence and being a social influencer are key.

 

The truth is there's a certain courting process all relationships go through. It starts with comfort and attraction, moves into being able to have a playful vibe with someone, to flirting, to emotionally connecting, to meeting each others peer groups, to developing sexual chemistry and arousal.

 

However slow or fast each person takes it is up to them. However, just be aware that for most people there will be a problem if that process goes either too quickly, or too slow. Just because you did it faster, or slower, doesn't mean that was better or worse. It doesn't mean that would be the best most compatible person for you necessarily  

either. 

 

As your skill increases you become more able to lead the pace of the interaction too while also mitigating any problems from speeding it up or slowing it down too much. I'd also say for every person who had success slowing it down, many others had problems cuz they went too slow and the woman lost attraction cuz they didnt make a move when she felt she wanted them too. Many guys also have successful relationships by having sex as soon as reasonably possible, first date is just fine for solid relationships.

Another about face. Which narrative among several is correct? 

[Immortal4life]

I'm not about narratives, stories, or politics. This isn't a debate about narratives, or political stances, or social causes, or anything like that. Just how dating works and how things apply in practical reality.

 

Nothing I've said has ever been contradictory or mutually exclusive. 

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

On 18/04/2020 at 7:59 AM, ralis said:

 

Viewing women as walking talking sex machines, waiting to be seduced, and are easily flipped by a dominant male is some Don Juan fantasy which is what the PUA community thrives on. Shlong fantasies are rooted in rigid personality structures as Dr. Wilhelm Reich would characterize it. And, what follows from that is an insecure male that blames women for being an incel. One that is emotionally secure would not be on here bragging about being a master of seduction.

Wilhelm Reich was known as a psuedoscientist with crackpot theories. All your references are old and outdated. Get something more current that actually applies today. 

 

Women have all kinds of schlong fantasies, it doesn't make them rigid or stuck up. They are also highly sexual to a level that they usually don't let on to most guys, sometimes even their longterm bfs, and only really bring out their true sexual nature for guys they are especially aroused for. There can be women who have starfish sex without much effort for years with a bf, but then with another guy they just go crazy with him and let out all their inhibitions. It doesnt mean they don't have sex with as many guys as they want, just most guys they won't even show that part of themselves to, and most guys don't even know.

 

There's  nothing easy about persuasion and dating. There are guys who have fought in wars like Afghanistan and Iraq who weren't as afraid to join the army as they are of approaching women in a romantic or man to woman context.

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

More about mating strategies and why emotions work the way they do based on psychology and evolution.  Of course emotions and genes will always have a greater effect than religion on mating strategies

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/28/sex-women-relationships-tanya-gold

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We are, apparently, scrabbling around for what biologists call "genetic benefits" and "resource benefits". Genetic benefits are the genes that produce healthy children. Resource benefits are the things that help us protect our healthy children, which is why women sometimes like men with big houses. Jane Eyre, I think, can be read as a love letter to a big house.

 

and also

 

 

 

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Then I learn why women marry accountants; it's a trade-off. "Clooneyish" men tend to be unfaithful, because men have a different genetic agenda from women – they want to impregnate lots of healthy women. Meston and Buss call them "risk-taking, womanising 'bad boys'". So, women might use sex to bag a less dazzling but more faithful mate. He will have fewer genetic benefits but more resource benefits that he will make available, because he will not run away. This explains why women marry accountants. Accountants stick around – and sometimes they have tiny little feet!

 

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[ralis]

17 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

Wilhelm Reich was known as a psuedoscientist with crackpot theories. All your references are old and outdated. Get something more current that actually applies today. 

 

Women have all kinds of schlong fantasies, it doesn't make them rigid or stuck up.

 

There's  nothing easy about seduction and dating.  There are guys who have fought in wars like Afghanistan and Iraq who weren't as afraid to join the army as they are of approaching women in a romantic or man to woman context.

Again as ilimairen has stated is that the last person who came off in such a manner was banned. Time to report this thread. 

[Immortal4life]

Came off in what manner? Saying a widely known psuedoscientist is a psuedoscientist?

[ralis]

Just now, Immortal4life said:

Came off in what manner? Saying a widely known psuedoscientist is a psuedoscientist?

Your misogynistic views toward women as some sort of commodity. Given that you are a Trump supporter, this doesn’t surprise me. 

[Immortal4life]

I'm not a Trump supporter or conservative. I"ve never said a single misogynist thing ever, women are great, beautiful, loving, sexual beings. There's nothing wrong with sex.

 

If you insist on getting into politics on a non political thread, I'm definitely for John McAfee for president.  He'd have done much better than Gary Johnson the guy they picked instead last time. He's about as Liberal of a person as you could ever find. He's also the only person out there capable of giving Trump a run for his money on the debate stage. I mean let's be real Trump's gonna eat Joe Biden alive, and that sucks cuz I really want someone who can give him some kind of battle.

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Earl Grey]

29 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

All your references are old and outdated. Get something more current that actually applies today.

“Old and outdated” logical fallacy calling for a contemporary reference from the guy who has been spouting the same crap about women and sex in every thread. The irony is not lost on the rest of us who see your constant contradictions too. 

[Immortal4life]

3 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

“Old and outdated” logical fallacy calling for a contemporary reference from the guy who has been spouting the same crap about women and sex in every thread. The irony is not lost on the rest of us who see your constant contradictions too. 

What crap about women? 

 

I'm only talking about things we can test and apply, you however are indeed posting theories and platitudes without examples of practical application.

 

Remember the bottom line is, does it work? The saying in sports, science  in anything, is does it work in field? The fact I can say what has been tested and works and what doesn't is king. You have no evidence or even examples. Just psuedoscientists...so far at least.

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[Earl Grey]

Just now, Immortal4life said:

What crap about women? 

 

I'm only talking about things we can test and apply, you however are indeed posting theories and platitudes without examples of practical use.

Cherry-picking, gaslighting, baiting and switching, trivializing, projecting, victim-blaming, stonewalling  — the list keeps growing with you. Too predictable. Just like your atrocious martial skills you claim to be so great and fear of posting your teachers while you post private messages with women you seek to bed as though they were microwaved pop tarts with butter on them and a bag of cheetos.

[Immortal4life]

Fear? No, I'm not bringing martial artists from outside a forum, into any discussion. Not with names or identifying info. Nothing. Sorry.

 

I don't know why the subject of sex and women is so sensitive to you. It's really not some big deal, or super solemn thing. But it's a cop out for lack of abilities or knowledge. 

 

It's ok I don't judge you or your experience level dating though. We're all here to help each other and understand each other better.

Edited April 20, 2020 by Immortal4life

[ralis]

3 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

Fear? No, I'm not bringing martial artists from outside a forum, into any discussion. Not with names or identifying info. Nothing. Sorry.

 

I don't know why the subject of sex and women is so sensitive to you. It's really not some big deal, or super solemn thing. But it's a cop out for lack of abilities or knowledge. 

 

It's ok I don't judge you though. We're all here to help each other and understand each other better.

You not helping me and there are others who feel the same way here. 

[Immortal4life]

10 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

Cherry-picking, gaslighting, baiting and switching, trivializing, projecting, victim-blaming, stonewalling  — the list keeps growing with you. 

I don't do any of those things whatsoever.

[Earl Grey]

4 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

Fear? No, I'm not bringing martial artists from outside a forum, into any discussion. Not with names or identifying info. Nothing. Sorry.

 

I don't know why the subject of sex and women is so sensitive to you. It's really not some big deal, or super solemn thing. But it's a cop out for lack of abilities or knowledge. 

 

It's ok I don't judge you or your experience level dating though. We're all here to help each other and understand each other better.

Nothing about my dating history has been mentioned or relevant to this. The point from page one is you’re posting inappropriate drivel on this forum.

 

You bring private messages with your prospective women here and yet can’t even show your own skills or teachers in another thread—that’s some sick and perverse logic there while baiting and switching or confusing the issue.

 

And of course you keep posting about your dating life in every thread. Once or twice is funny but derailing threads and forcing your agenda is damned pathetic—you need attention, not a paramour.

[Earl Grey]

1 minute ago, Immortal4life said:

I don't do any of those things whatsoever.

It was identified by both Ilumairen and Ralis! You claim to live in Canada but you apparently live in the states—somewhere between the states of denial and delusion.

[Immortal4life]

1 minute ago, ralis said:

You not helping me and there are others who feel the same way here. 

Well you're actually a special case ralis. I know you've mentioned you've had social problems and difficulty making friends from the time you were young and have constructed a lot of coping mechanisms around that so I am sympathetic to you.

 

Other people hear however are reacting negatively because the truth is hard for them to accept when presented with results. This is just an emotional and touchy subject for a lot of people but trust me when I tell you that you can get over yourselves and be happier.

[ralis]

21 minutes ago, Immortal4life said:

I'm not a Trump supporter or conservative. I"ve never said a single misogynist thing ever, women are great, beautiful, loving, sexual beings. There's nothing wrong with sex.

 

If you insist on getting into politics on a non political thread, I'm definitely for John McAfee for president.  He'd have done much better than Gary Johnson the guy they picked instead last time. He's about as Liberal of a person as you could ever find. He's also the only person out there capable of giving Trump a run for his money on the debate stage. I mean let's be real Trump's gonna eat Joe Biden alive, and that sucks cuz I really want someone who can give him some kind of battle.

I never said sex was a bad thing, but criticized how you approach it. Reich was far ahead of his time and his writings are a summation of research characterizing the effects of emotional and sexual suppression. In other words, rigid character armoring. 

[Immortal4life]

1 minute ago, Earl Grey said:

It was identified by both Ilumairen and Ralis! You claim to live in Canada but you apparently live in the states—somewhere between the states of denial and delusion.

Ralis' identification was based off a psuedoscientist's theory Wilhelm Reich, widely regarded as a crackpot.