I need an explanation for this phenomenon after loss of sexual energy..

[angstg]

Before going offline, one thing I want to write is that I have been in a state of lust very strongly. I lusted so much that I could not even explain. I would sometimes wake up three times at night and think 'is this path worth it?' I lusted very crazily. And then there came a day where lust completely dissolved itself. Like the same feeling you have on Day 0. How can lust so strong that could kill me disappear the other day? I found out that it moved up. After some period of time I could also feel this energy like some other being inside my body. And after some time I found that the more I lust, the more this energy starts to build then move through the spine. Too much lust surely leads to relapse, but the right amount and it's a bliss. The only thing that differentiates me and the other Semen retainer is that how I work with lust and intention. With balancing these two, we have to work on morals. But remember if you can conquer the lust and move up to the chest area, which it does after 72 hours, that is my time, and it takes furthermore time to move. No matter what happens do not let that lust energy fritter away.

 

Thank you for reading. 

[ilumairen]

32 minutes ago, angstg said:

Vows? I think I take Semen Retention journey very strongly and play with lust energy. But do not let lust consume me, but sometimes it slip.

You’ve mentioned samaya, and I was wondering if you had been given such vows through an initiation. And by default may have some lineage or guru to take refuge in and ask questions of.

 

You’ve also mentioned no books. So may I ask how you became aware of the term samaya, and where your present understanding of it originated?

[ilumairen]

 

23 minutes ago, angstg said:

Thank you for reading. 

An observation which may or may not be useful to you: The title of the thread indicates a need for explanation, and yet in some posts you seem quite certain of your present explanations. So where does this dichotomy of seeking explanation and holding explanation lie? Is there some aspect of yourself which questions the explanations you have settled upon and hold?

 

[angstg]

11 hours ago, ilumairen said:

You’ve mentioned samaya, and I was wondering if you had been given such vows through an initiation. And by default may have some lineage or guru to take refuge in and ask questions of.

 

You’ve also mentioned no books. So may I ask how you became aware of the term samaya, and where your present understanding of it originated?

I was unaware of term 'Samaya' at first. Then I researched about Tantra and came to know about this word 'Samaya.' Thing is lots of religion hides many things and sometimes make a simple thing too complex. According to Tibetan Buddhism or Lama or their practise, breaking Samaya has to go through the 14 terms:

1.disrespecting the vajra master
2.transgressing the words of the buddhas
3.insulting one’s vajra brothers and sisters
4.abandoning love for sentient beings
5.abandoning the bodhichitta in aspiration or application
6.criticizing the teachings of the sutras and tantras
7.revealing secrets to those who are unworthy
8.mistreating one’s body
9.abandoning emptiness
10.keeping bad company
11.failing to reflect on emptiness
12.upsetting those who have faith in the teachings
13.failing to observe the samaya commitments
14.denigrating women 

The above things came through research. But that was simply a made-up thing to control students. They have hidden the real 'Samaya'. However, I have found that it is the moment of long semen retention streak which is called Samaya. That is my understanding through own experiment which also comes in number 5 above: that is .abandoning the bodhichitta. Bodhicitta is in fact 'semen' in Buddhism. So, it is my own analysis with the term. Nothing new. Also, I have found on internet :

 

These are the warning signs of broken samaya:
various misfortunes arise,
diseases are rampant and harmful,
various contagious diseases occur,
and there are also provocations and misguiders.
If one is killed, one becomes a hell being.
One’s eyes cannot see form.
One cannot hear and one’s work cannot be done.
Leprosy and blistering diseases arise.
Thieves and royal punishments occur.
One contracts contagious diseases others do not get.
One’s sons and daughters die.
The whole country arises as one’s enemy.
One’s activities become completely pointless.
When such warning signs arise,
recite a confession as previously explained.
If confessions are recited, then these signs will be successfully averted.

 

I think that relates with my practise. That's why I used word 'Samaya'

Edited June 17, 2020 by angstg

[angstg]

7 minutes ago, ilumairen said:

 

An observation which may or may not be useful to you: The title of the thread indicates a need for explanation, and yet in some posts you seem quite certain of your present explanations. So where does this dichotomy of seeking explanation and holding explanation lie? Is there some aspect of yourself which questions the explanations you have settled upon and hold?

 

 

I need an explanation because my whole point could be just an assumption. It is on the raw phase. I do not know why is this happening. There are lots of people who lose their semen every day. Also, lots of tantric practitioners, but why me? Or am I the only one who is practicing this truly? I think some experts could guide me on this, and if there is something more, I would be happy to get the light. I am just writing my journey here, I am not explaining why. 

[angstg]

On 6/15/2020 at 5:07 PM, Limahong said:

 

Hi angst,

 

The answer resides in you. You are your own mind and body.

 

 

Apparently you are already 'somewhere there'? Good for you.

 

The chakras have the same seven colors/order as the rainbow. Chase it within yourself...

 

 

Going forward ~ sense/follow your inner rainbow with more (gut) feelings and less words.

 

- Anand

 

 

This is the only best answer I have found for now. Thank you. I am going offline now.

[Limahong]

36 minutes ago, angstg said:

I am just writing my journey here, I am not explaining why.

 

Hi angst,

I need an explanation for this phenomenon after loss of sexual energy...

But you have gained a lot of long winded energy.

 

Please don't kill yourself thus...

 

***************************************************************************************************

 

 

****************************************************************************************************

 

 

***************************************************************************************************

 

Death from electrocution is swift. How about death from circumlocution?

 

58 minutes ago, angstg said:

I am going offline now.

 

Thank God for now.

 

- Anand

 

[anshino23]

3 hours ago, angstg said:

Also, the other thing I want to add is that, nowadays when I put my tongue behind my front teeth, I feel very strong current like sensation. Like electricity running through my upper front teeth (a place where the gum meets). It is 24 hours. I have not stopped taking cold showers, which I do everyday. It is also 5 years of cold shower, I have not taken hot showers once in these 5 years. It's weird but I see a lot of rain and clouds where I stay. It's summer but it's raining. 

 

This is something that was recently covered by Damo in a course on the MCO - so perhaps @freeform can shed some more light on what's going on for you and whether it's not some sort of Qi deviation happening. 

[ilumairen]

2 hours ago, angstg said:

 

I need an explanation because my whole point could be just an assumption. It is on the raw phase. I do not know why is this happening. There are lots of people who lose their semen every day. Also, lots of tantric practitioners, but why me? Or am I the only one who is practicing this truly? I think some experts could guide me on this, and if there is something more, I would be happy to get the light. I am just writing my journey here, I am not explaining why. 

From my perspective and understanding, “or am I the only one who is practicing this truly” falls into the demigod realm. And samsara is exited through the human realm.

 

 

[Zork]

7 hours ago, ilumairen said:

And samsara is exited through the human realm.

Not 100% true. Samsara can be exited through other realms but it is easier to do through the human realm.

 

7 hours ago, anshino23 said:

This is something that was recently covered by Damo in a course on the MCO

Do you have a link to the mentioned video?

[anshino23]

1 hour ago, Zork said:

Not 100% true. Samsara can be exited through other realms but it is easier to do through the human realm.

 

Do you have a link to the mentioned video?

 

 

The 4th sign (D) at the magpie bridge. 

[Sudhamma]

@angstg, From my limited understanding of Buddhism, "samaya" means a gathering, a moment in time; 'bodhicitta" is made up of 2 words, bodhi which means enlightenment, and citta, a thought. Bodhicitta therefore means, a thought of enlightenment. Of course, samaya has different meanings in Hinduism or even with Vajrayana Buddhism. However, samaya has nothing to do with semen retention. If you are a Buddhist monk, then you are observing the 200+ vinaya rules of conduct, and sexual activities including masturbation, are forbidden. You are not a monk.

 

I read your posts regarding your energy-flow and its stagnation at your spine unable to travel up and across your crown. You need to mentally direct your energy from your spine up and across your crown, down the front and store it in your lower "dan tien". If you do not have a teacher to instruct you on the breathing and energy-flow, I will suggest that you should stop the exercise/meditation before qi-stagnation can cause harm to you. Semen retention/celibacy can increase your energy/qi which in turn enhances your spirituality/consciousness.  The Jing-Qi-Shen cycle. You won't cause harm (or death) to others (or the world at large) if you for a moment of weakness take a leak. People die all the time, the when and how death occurs depend on the person's karma not on your semen retention practice. Be assured.

[angstg]

10 hours ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi angst,

I need an explanation for this phenomenon after loss of sexual energy...

But you have gained a lot of long winded energy.

 

Please don't kill yourself thus...

 

***************************************************************************************************

 

 

****************************************************************************************************

 

 

***************************************************************************************************

 

Death from electrocution is swift. How about death from circumlocution?

 

 

Thank God for now.

 

- Anand

 

 

I thought you were serious about me. I don't understand why you are deviating away from the subject. I could sense secrecy. I am talking about retention practice, events, and things that come with it, while you are simply talking about pigeons and circumlocution? I have no intention of talking in vague, this experience itself has been such. If I write my heart out and you consider it as vague then I have nothing to add. However, please understand that I am not staying in a state of nonchalance. This energy inside me fuels me a lot. Nobody dies from circumlocution. Have you read Fyodor Dostoevsky's novel? I am inspired by him. However, I have no motive for drawing people towards the wrong line. Also, if a mere self-help knowledge could have satisfied me, I would have googled and stayed in a Youtube. However, thank you for your idea of being silent and just observe, like go with the flow kinda.

 

9 hours ago, anshino23 said:

 

This is something that was recently covered by Damo in a course on the MCO - so perhaps @freeform can shed some more light on what's going on for you and whether it's not some sort of Qi deviation happening. 

I will try to understand what this is. Also, nowadays when I keep on putting my tongue there, I feel something in my frontal lobe. It's interesting and sometimes light flicker there when I sleep. However, these things will go once after relapse and will slowly build again. Will try to know about this.

 

 

15 minutes ago, Sudhamma said:

@angstg, From my limited understanding of Buddhism, "samaya" means a gathering, a moment in time; 'bodhicitta" is made up of 2 words, bodhi which means enlightenment, and citta, a thought. Bodhicitta therefore means, a thought of enlightenment. Of course, samaya has different meanings in Hinduism or even with Vajrayana Buddhism. However, samaya has nothing to do with semen retention. If you are a Buddhist monk, then you are observing the 200+ vinaya rules of conduct, and sexual activities including masturbation, are forbidden. You are not a monk.

 

I read your posts regarding your energy-flow and its stagnation at your spine unable to travel up and across your crown. You need to mentally direct your energy from your spine up and across your crown, down the front and store it in your lower "dan tien". If you do not have a teacher to instruct you on the breathing and energy-flow, I will suggest that you should stop the exercise/meditation before qi-stagnation can cause harm to you. Semen retention/celibacy can increase your energy/qi which in turn enhances your spirituality/consciousness.  The Jing-Qi-Shen cycle. You won't cause harm (or death) to others (or the world at large) if you for a moment of weakness take a leak. People die all the time, the when and how death occurs depend on the person's karma not on your semen retention practice. Be assured.

 

I read what you wrote. First I will not write detail about Samaya because my topic is not that. However, Samaya means time as well. With all my knowing and self understanding, it's real meaning has been hidden in tibetean Buddhist context because of its misuse. The other thing, I am not a monk and that is true. A little bit of thing I want to write on 'monk' is that monks believe in lots of wrong views. Praying, eating only vegetable foods, or simply avoiding lust will get us nowhere. Ignoring lust makes the energy stuck, rather embrace it. 

About energy flow, I have now felt such energy go up in my head as well. I have written about it on my previous post. It happened during 1 am. You said me to stop the practise, but for me it is all about to see what lies beyond. I will not stop and I think I do not need teacher unless I have moral. If death comes then I shall embrace it. There was a moment where I thought I would die as well, like heart palpitation and at one time energy shooting very strongly up once again inside from back of my spine. It's like it needs to be tamed and treat it very carefully and strongly. You also said that my leak won't cause harms to others. Well, that was one idea which I believed. Now 100s of happening has proved me that in fact it does harm others. That is why I came here to ask. Why it is harming others? Else this whole topic should have been only for me. I would never share here. I know that people die all the time, but such thing has not happened or such thing I have not heard in the news on my long streak. It's like I create a field of Aura and nothing enters there. And as soon as I loose my sexual energy, I have to perceive. Maybe such events do not come in my perception when I am in longer streak. This includes, reality, digital world and dream world. But with my relapse, all these world start to suffer, and suffer greatly. 

 

9 hours ago, ilumairen said:

From my perspective and understanding, “or am I the only one who is practicing this truly” falls into the demigod realm. And samsara is exited through the human realm.

 

 

If there is something more please let me know. You can reply here or dm me. Thank you. 

 

48 minutes ago, anshino23 said:

 

 

The 4th sign (D) at the magpie bridge. 

Will look into it.

 

****

 

Thank you again, for reading. 

[Sudhamma]

@angstg, Continue to focus on directing your energy down to the LDT. It is normal for the energy-flow to happen at 1 am from the back to the head and by 3 am, it should be in your abdomen. The chattering of your teeth and violent movements of your limbs happen because you allowed your energy to flow as it like. Have a strong mental focus and you can stop the chattering and movements.

 

There's no way that you will and can cause death and injuries to the people around you because of your leak. Those people whom you do not know have no karmic link with you. It's their time. You are over-thinking.

[freeform]

@angstg - Firstly apologies as you might not like my answer.

 

I think the reason that @anshino23 prompted me is because I was training full-time with a Daoist teacher that not only would be taking his students through a full spiritual training process, but he also ran a clinic where he would help hundreds of practitioners that suffered various side effects and illnesses as a result of such training.

 

From what you've described, it's clear to me that with celibacy and other practices, you've been stimulating your Du channel - it's the channel that runs up your back and into the head. However, you haven't built any foundations - such as the ability to sink your Qi - which is absolutely crucial.

 

You said something along the lines that you're prepared to die before stopping this experiment.

 

Well, imminent death is unlikely.

But this is a selection of what is more likely to occur if you carry on with your endeavour:

 

More heart palpitations, headaches, unexplained pains, extreme emotional swings, mental instability (racing thoughts)... Other mental issues eventually (things you could be sectioned for) - things like extreme paranoia, the feeling that you're being persecuted by everyone, the feeling that everything is significant and a message to you (the radio is sending you messages - that sort of stuff).

 

As one's lust builds, the sexual 'heat' can sometimes start to taint the heart centre - sadly this is where the situation gets a lot worse, and will start affecting other people (through one's behaviour) - basically, one will start to play out outwardly what's happened internally - where one's lust corrupts the purity of the heart - one would look to similarly corrupt the purity and innocence of other people with one's lust...

 

Eventually, one's essence will dry up, and the strong energetic experiences become depressive. This is the stage where one feels at the same time a huge, uncontrollable level of lust while feeling empty and impotent. It's a profoundly sorry state - like a living hungry ghost - full of desire, but however much the desire is met, one never feels satisfied.

 

I'm not saying this to scare you - but more to warn you, that if you start to notice the earlier symptoms and issues - you at least know what's happening. I've seen dozens of cases just like this come through my teacher's clinic.

 

I can see that you have a strong and determined nature, and a good level of Qi - this could serve you well if you're prepared to combine it with some humility and find a good internal arts teacher (or at least system)... or it could bring you to the sorry state of suffering that I described above. This isn't something you can navigate yourself - it requires guidance.

 

EDIT

I'm sorry - I realise the advice is well-intentioned, but strong mental focus and mental guiding of energy will cause more issues than it solves!

Edited June 17, 2020 by freeform

[Cleansox]

2 hours ago, angstg said:

 

Ignoring lust makes the energy stuck, rather embrace it. 
 

Feeding lust will create things like damp, heat and phlegm. 

That in its turn will affect the Heart, translate into unbalancing your mind. 

2 hours ago, angstg said:

 

I will not stop and I think I do not need teacher unless I have moral. 

Yeah... 

[Zork]

4 hours ago, anshino23 said:

 

 

The 4th sign (D) at the magpie bridge. 

I have a similar symptom but the energy rises from the front so it is unlikely to be associated with MCO.

My guess is that it is yang chi going up the "thrusting vessel/channel".

It is also unmistakable when i assume any zz position.

I haven't seen any of the sideeffects mentioned by freeform or by Damo (yet).

@freeform any thoughts?

I wasn't practicing the days it triggered and it is active for most of the day.

[Limahong]

5 hours ago, angstg said:

I thought you were serious about me.

 

?

 

5 hours ago, angstg said:

I don't understand why you are deviating away from the subject.

 

?

 

5 hours ago, angstg said:

I could sense secrecy.

 

?

 

 

[freeform]

1 hour ago, Zork said:

I have a similar symptom but the energy rises from the front

 

Would you mind expanding on the symptoms you're talking about?

 

Do you mean the electricity at the top of the palette?

[anshino23]

I think one of the hardest things for most of the adept semen retainers will be being humble enough to admit that they don't know (humility as freeform puts it). The trouble with the SR practice outside of a genuine or authentic tradition is that most get very high on their own energy (or frankly disturbance of their own energy due to suppression) which will make them overconfident in their abilities and lack the discernment required to ascertain their mental and physical state from an objective angle.

 

On top of this it certainly does not help that most guys that frequent the semen retention subreddit or come here with a history of semen retention practice do not have a partner. A partner or someone close to you like a family member can be incredbily important as a way of holding up a mirror to your own internal state. Your partner will see if the practice is actually benefitting you or harming you in subtle ways we may not recognise. Things like getting angry at small things, or being less loving and caring, more or less impulsive and so forth. 

 

There was a reason that the practices which accompanied stilling the essence was done in secrecy and with the help of an overseeing Teacher - someone to make sure you kept your mind in a particular way and who would test and see if things were going the right way. And usually done in retreat or at the very least at a period and place in your life where you don't have many added stresses. Additionally the teacher would test to see if you were even ready for the intensity of practice that you think you were based on deeper insights into your energetic situation or whether more of a foundation had to be built. 

 

I hope @angstg will look into finding an authentic teacher and take the advice in this thread into his heart for reflection.

 

Wishing him the best of luck.  

[Zork]

22 minutes ago, freeform said:

 

Would you mind expanding on the symptoms you're talking about?

 

Do you mean the electricity at the top of the palette?

The electric feeling seems to arise from the basis of the tongue going upwards. It feels like a constant buzzing in my mouth.

Maybe not buzzing but slight trembling for sure.

Edited June 17, 2020 by Zork

[freeform]

10 minutes ago, Zork said:

The electric feeling seems to arise from the basis of the tongue going upwards. It feels like a constant buzzing in my mouth.

 

Ok - it's hard to say - it may be that your Qi isn't fully sunk - so is rising up the front.

 

Any other symptoms? Do you get hot flushes? Heart palpitations? Does your diaphragm feel stuck?

[Zork]

1 minute ago, freeform said:

Any other symptoms? Do you get hot flushes? Heart palpitations? Does your diaphragm feel stuck?

Maybe. I don't have hot flushes but the other two maybe. I have a weird feeling on my throat.

4 minutes ago, freeform said:

Ok - it's hard to say - it may be that your Qi isn't fully sunk - so is rising up the front.

It shouldn't be going anywhere in the first place because it happened when i wasn't practicing at all nor doing SR.

I am doing fragrant at the moment so i can't meditate to let it sink except maybe in GF.

[ilumairen]

8 hours ago, Zork said:

Not 100% true. Samsara can be exited through other realms but it is easier to do through the human realm.

 

My post was prefaced with, “from my perspective and understanding,” and my post said “is” and not “can only be” - which is in accordance with the teachings I have received. 
 

So yes, my statements were true as they were set forth

 

Quote

Do you have a link to the mentioned video?

[freeform]

4 minutes ago, Zork said:

Maybe. I don't have hot flushes but the other two maybe. I have a weird feeling on my throat.

ok - I think I know what’s happening - I’ll get in touch through PM.

 

4 minutes ago, Zork said:

It shouldn't be going anywhere in the first place because it happened when i wasn't practicing at all nor doing SR.

Your training creates the ‘cause’ - the ‘effect’ often (in fact usually) flourishes outside of practice time.