My personal hell, kundalini, kidney energy deficiency, neuropathy/ damaged meridians., Looking for help!

[Trunk]

@cloud444

I don't know what would be best for you... just offering thoughts that might/might not be right for you.

Probably you need a variety of effective help.

 

Some people find bone broth to be heat-clearing and deeply restorative.  You can buy it frozen in many markets these days, then you just add a spoonful of the frozen broth to hot water (or to tea, or to a soup).  It's very affordable and has a strong effect.  At the least, it's a tool that you should be aware of.

 

- Keith

[cloud444]

3 hours ago, awaken said:

這些現象不是Kundalini，而是陽氣

陽氣和Kundalini不是一回事

這裡很多人都搞錯了

你應該找一個分得清楚什麼是Kundalini和陽氣的老師

而不是找一個根本分不清楚什麼是Kundalini和陽氣有何不同的老師

 

用呼吸去激發下腹部的陽氣是非常危險的事情

容易導致早洩

這一點很多中國人都在ＱＱ上面反應過了

但是在這裡，你是我第一個聽到的人

我很高興你很誠實

因為必須先有誠實，才有解決的辦法

 

我的建議很簡單，你必須放棄這個用呼吸去激發下腹部陽氣的方法

你只要放鬆的感受你的身體的存在，找一個公園，輕鬆地讓身體移動，讓雙手移動，讓雙腳移動，按照身體自己的節奏，傾聽身體的聲音

如果你做得到這一點，能令你恢復健康的氣，就會慢慢產生

 

These phenomena are not Kundalini, but yang Qi

Yang Qi and Kundalini are not the same thing

A lot of people here get it wrong

You should find a teacher who can distinguish between Kundalini and Yang Qi

Instead of finding a teacher who can't tell the difference between Kundalini and Yang Qi at all

It is very dangerous to use breathing to stimulate the yang qi in the lower abdomen

prone to premature ejaculation

Many Chinese people have already reacted to this on QQ.

But here you are the first person I hear

I'm glad you're honest

Because there must be honesty before there can be a solution

 

My advice is very simple, you must give up this method of using breathing to stimulate the yang energy in the lower abdomen

Just relax and feel the presence of your body, find a park, easily move your body, move your hands, move your feet, listen to your body at its own rhythm

If you can do this, the chi that restores your health will slowly develop

it was not yang qi. It was kundalini and I did this 3 years ago. I had a dream a snake bite me. and energy went into the three channels I felt it. maybe Yang qi was a apart. but it was definitely kundalini energy, if I stop doing masturbation, I have dreams of snakes and the energy tries to rise again. but my body is damaged and I have neuropathy in all my limbs. I think our language barrier is difficult, and there is no point in me trying to convince a stranger its kundalini. I have not done breathing techniques in 4 years. I have been laying in bed. and the energy has continuously tried to raise on its own. thats why its not yang qi. once this energy opened up It has a mind of its own. I have not done any breathing techniques for years.

[old3bob]

6 hours ago, cloud444 said:

Thanks but its honestly pointless at this point. im 30 and lost my 20s to illness. I finally got healed and this decided to damage me again to control me. a kundalini awakening takes 10 years to complete on average. you think. I will be satisfied with this when im 40? wasting all that time being controlled? I HATE the kundalini. it took away my ability to have sex and gave me neuropathy. I can NOT forgive this energy, this life is wash. theres nothing left for me. 

 

Not to sound preachy but one may consider that there is Brahman/Atman in the cave of heart, even if kundalini and life went very wrong...

Edited June 20, 2022 by old3bob

[Cheshire Cat]

When you talk about snakes, are you referring to hallucinatory phenomena that accompany physical discomfort?

[Lairg]

On 7/3/2020 at 12:26 PM, cloud444 said:

this is a long story, and im looking for help or anyone that can send me in the right direction

 

 

Go and live in the deep forest.  Nature can heal you

[awaken]

1 hour ago, cloud444 said:

it was not yang qi. It was kundalini and I did this 3 years ago. I had a dream a snake bite me. and energy went into the three channels I felt it. maybe Yang qi was a apart. but it was definitely kundalini energy, if I stop doing masturbation, I have dreams of snakes and the energy tries to rise again. but my body is damaged and I have neuropathy in all my limbs. I think our language barrier is difficult, and there is no point in me trying to convince a stranger its kundalini. I have not done breathing techniques in 4 years. I have been laying in bed. and the energy has continuously tried to raise on its own. thats why its not yang qi. once this energy opened up It has a mind of its own. I have not done any breathing techniques for years.

 

你那不是Kundalini，做夢夢到蛇跟Kundalini一點關係都沒有

Kundalini一定會有曼陀羅內景，你什麼都沒有，不可能是Kundalini

你這就是一般的後天氣

You are not Kundalini, dreaming about snakes has nothing to do with Kundalini

Kundalini must have mandala interior, you have nothing, can't be Kundalini

You are the normal post-heaven Qi

 

 

[cloud444]

16 hours ago, awaken said:

 

你那不是Kundalini，做夢夢到蛇跟Kundalini一點關係都沒有

Kundalini一定會有曼陀羅內景，你什麼都沒有，不可能是Kundalini

你這就是一般的後天氣

You are not Kundalini, dreaming about snakes has nothing to do with Kundalini

Kundalini must have mandala interior, you have nothing, can't be Kundalini

You are the normal post-heaven Qi

 

 

incorrect, many people have dreams about snakes before a kundalini awakening. this energy rose up in one of the small swirly paths beside the central channel. during this time i had out of body experiences, waves of bliss, and many other crazy symptoms. i talked to many gurus and energy experts who believed my tale as well and confirmed it was kundalini energy. i will not argue with you because i know what it was. not simple yang energy. this took months to ground

Edited June 20, 2022 by cloud444

[cloud444]

16 hours ago, old3bob said:

 

Not to sound preachy but one may consider that there is Brahman/Atman in the cave of heart, even if kundalini and life went very wrong...

no idea what it means and doesnt really matter if im unhealthy my entire life

[cloud444]

16 hours ago, Lairg said:

 

 

Go and live in the deep forest.  Nature can heal you

im not sure nature can heal nerve damage 

[Lairg]

1 hour ago, cloud444 said:

im not sure nature can heal nerve damage 

 

Your body built those nerves.  In the right context it can build them again

[old3bob]

2 hours ago, cloud444 said:

no idea what it means and doesnt really matter if im unhealthy my entire life

 

Well the Katha Upanishad could be of some help in hearing of such meanings... (wherein a student meets death as  his teacher) 

Edited June 21, 2022 by old3bob

[Ajay0]

  You might find these sayings on Kundalini helpful...

 

https://www.ramaquotes.com/html/kundalini.html

 

Kundalini awakening without the necessary preparation behind it is bound to result in such issues you have mentioned.

 

Daily meditation and a disciplined lifestyle and a good physical regimen are considered necessary to be strong enough to channel the awakened kundalini to higher states of consciousness. Without such traits , the kundalini energy can bring strong sexual stimuli leading to masturbation or sex so as to dissipate the heavy energy flow.

 

While performing seva in an ashram for an extended period of time with meditation and good company around, I was able to channel the kundalini to higher states of nondual consciousness and unitary perception effortlessly for a period of time, which was very blissful and peaceful.

 

Channeling Kundalini to higher states of consciousness can be very hard if you do not have the proper personal traits and environment around you, imho.

 

[blue eyed snake]

On 3-7-2020 at 4:26 AM, cloud444 said:

this is a long story, and im looking for help or anyone that can send me in the right direction. Im going to sum It up as short as I can. When I was younger I abused alcohol and weed, and was always tired. Really draining my Jing at a young age. Later on I went through benzo withdrawal trying to get off pills I really drained the Jing there as well. Where I am now. I had a very very bad head injury that lead me to develop a minor type of epilepsy, then I had to go on more shitty seizure pills that drain yin and Jing. Western medicine wouldn't help me and after a year I did meditation, deep breathing and yoga without knowing what I was doing ( thinking I would heal my body ) My kundalini one day arose and I had a lot of psychic phenonema, dreams of snakes, out of body experience and too much prana or whatever in the body. Once you open this up it won't go away I soon discovered, But the snake only risen half way through my chakras and not piercing the heart.  so as long as I did masturbation it would go down and stay away. . Finally the snake went down and all my symptoms went away after about 4 months of grounding. I am now left with a frail damaged body, with no energy,. Low kidney energy and it literally hurts to get an erection in my lower back, all my joints ache and crack. The only way to keep the kundalini away is too masturbate at least once a week and it will stay away, if I dont then ill start to have dreams of snakes and bliss at my spine and it will start to raise again, but if I DO masturbate ONLY once within a week or so then ill get extreme bad pains in why lower back due to low Jing/ kidney energy and I kept doing this because I felt sooo scared and just sick of living life and not wanting to go through a kundalini awakening while being so ill. I kept doing this for 2 years after it awakened but basically laid in bed. Eventually because of all the emotional stress, my yin Jing or yin went too low and my back pains were so bad it damaged all my nerves permanently. I now have constant, numbness tingling, burning in all my limbs. In Chinese medicine its called bi or Wei syndrome and it permanent and for life and its getting worse starting to make my muscles weak. SO my situation now is this, very low Jing and kidney yin, damaged kidney essence and damaged meridians, it is constant and stuck in bed and the neuropathy is growing and now affecting my limbs as well and my eyesight. Also if I dont masturbate at all my kundalini tries to raise again and I dont want to go through it. IM NOT abusing my sexual energy, its just my kidney energy is so low that I cant even do it once in a couple weeks. Im so screwed because I cant dig my way out of this. I worked SO hard to try and be healthy and heal and balance my body, but now that this Wei syndrome or bi syndrome has started because of all the meridians being damaged and damaging my nerves I dont have It in my to move forward. I consulted with some Chinese medicine people and they say that I can't reverse the nerve problem. So whats the point in even going through with the awakening if im going to be like this forever. I avoided the awakening because before it happened I had suffered for 7 years and just wanted freedom. Being slapped with an awakening and to go through more hell I would have rather died, but now my situation is even way worse. I feel helpless and my body is degernating with nothing I can do about it. I try to be positive and work towards fixing it but whats the point if its degenerating faster then I can fix

 

 

i've bolded some things that jumped out to me, imho you need a doctor, not a guru.

 

 

Firstly I am very sorry this happened to you and at such a young age, regardless of what people say, you've suffered a lot.

 

reading your very first post my first association is that you might have been B12-deficient from a very young age. This will lead to the sort of symptoms you describe.  B12 deficiency can lead to widespread neuropathy, problems with eyesight, severe weakness and a host of other symptoms. Not knowing were you live but a lot of countries have patient led informative websites... Those can help you finding treatment when you decide this is worth a try.

 

hmm... this is from some doctors that specialize in this deficiency, translate to English and you'll get a lot of info

https://b12-institute.nl/informatie-b12/symptomen/

When it rings a bell try getting on treatment consisting of B12-injections and oral folate. these two need to have a very precise balance, when B12 deficient too much folate can worsen the neuropathy very fast.

Do not take B12 orally as it just does not cut through to were it's needed.

 

bloodlevels of these two can (and should) be tested.

Adequate treatment will stop the worsening neuropathy and in most cases even slightly reverse it. Orally taken B12 will make things worse in the long run.

 

Benzo-withdrawal can lead to disbalance of certain neurotransmitters and may have opened the door to the severe energetic dis-balance you describe. Seeing that you were on weed and alcohol even when you were young suggest underlying disturbance of these neurotransmitters making your body vulnerable to this.

The strong rising energy you describe is very hard to live with, especially in the weakened condition you are in.

 

I hope this information is of some use to you.

[cloud444]

11 hours ago, Ajay0 said:

  You might find these sayings on Kundalini helpful...

 

https://www.ramaquotes.com/html/kundalini.html

 

Kundalini awakening without the necessary preparation behind it is bound to result in such issues you have mentioned.

 

Daily meditation and a disciplined lifestyle and a good physical regimen are considered necessary to be strong enough to channel the awakened kundalini to higher states of consciousness. Without such traits , the kundalini energy can bring strong sexual stimuli leading to masturbation or sex so as to dissipate the heavy energy flow.

 

While performing seva in an ashram for an extended period of time with meditation and good company around, I was able to channel the kundalini to higher states of nondual consciousness and unitary perception effortlessly for a period of time, which was very blissful and peaceful.

 

Channeling Kundalini to higher states of consciousness can be very hard if you do not have the proper personal traits and environment around you, imho.

 

the problem with me is the kundalini will not go away once awakened, as someone who didn't live a normal life, never getting to do anything. i absolutely have no want or desire for higher states of consciousness, none of those things are even a benefit if you want to live in this material plane and have fun on earth. to my goals it is a useless energy for spiritual " benefits" that dont even do very much for my time gere on earth. i hate non dual living and lifestyle. so my problem is there isnt really a life for ne if im forced into this awakening. im just going to fight it until i die because its of no use to me and i dont want to merge with it, live a life of service or do any spiritual work. i hate god and do not want to play in his game.

[Cobie]

18 minutes ago, cloud444 said:

… im just going to fight it …

 
What you resist will persist. (Carl Jung)

 

 

Edited June 21, 2022 by Cobie

[cloud444]

3 minutes ago, Cobie said:

 
What you resist will persist. (Carl Jung)

 

 

no point in going through with it now. already lost my ability to have sex and nerve damage everywhere. better to just live what life i have in bed. i cant forgive this energy, and i certainly have no need for higher states of consciousness or spiritual abilities in this spot. its kind of just makes me more angry i have to be controlled by it. i have no motivation to work with something that has no practical use 

[Desmonddf]

On 02/07/2020 at 11:26 PM, cloud444 said:

this is a long story, and im looking for help or anyone that can send me in the right direction. Im going to sum It up as short as I can. When I was younger I abused alcohol and weed, and was always tired. Really draining my Jing at a young age. Later on I went through benzo withdrawal trying to get off pills I really drained the Jing there as well. Where I am now. I had a very very bad head injury that lead me to develop a minor type of epilepsy, then I had to go on more shitty seizure pills that drain yin and Jing. Western medicine wouldn't help me and after a year I did meditation, deep breathing and yoga without knowing what I was doing ( thinking I would heal my body ) My kundalini one day arose and I had a lot of psychic phenonema, dreams of snakes, out of body experience and too much prana or whatever in the body. Once you open this up it won't go away I soon discovered, But the snake only risen half way through my chakras and not piercing the heart.  so as long as I did masturbation it would go down and stay away. . Finally the snake went down and all my symptoms went away after about 4 months of grounding. I am now left with a frail damaged body, with no energy,. Low kidney energy and it literally hurts to get an erection in my lower back, all my joints ache and crack. The only way to keep the kundalini away is too masturbate at least once a week and it will stay away, if I dont then ill start to have dreams of snakes and bliss at my spine and it will start to raise again, but if I DO masturbate ONLY once within a week or so then ill get extreme bad pains in why lower back due to low Jing/ kidney energy and I kept doing this because I felt sooo scared and just sick of living life and not wanting to go through a kundalini awakening while being so ill. I kept doing this for 2 years after it awakened but basically laid in bed. Eventually because of all the emotional stress, my yin Jing or yin went too low and my back pains were so bad it damaged all my nerves permanently. I now have constant, numbness tingling, burning in all my limbs. In Chinese medicine its called bi or Wei syndrome and it permanent and for life and its getting worse starting to make my muscles weak. SO my situation now is this, very low Jing and kidney yin, damaged kidney essence and damaged meridians, it is constant and stuck in bed and the neuropathy is growing and now affecting my limbs as well and my eyesight. Also if I dont masturbate at all my kundalini tries to raise again and I dont want to go through it. IM NOT abusing my sexual energy, its just my kidney energy is so low that I cant even do it once in a couple weeks. Im so screwed because I cant dig my way out of this. I worked SO hard to try and be healthy and heal and balance my body, but now that this Wei syndrome or bi syndrome has started because of all the meridians being damaged and damaging my nerves I dont have It in my to move forward. I consulted with some Chinese medicine people and they say that I can't reverse the nerve problem. So whats the point in even going through with the awakening if im going to be like this forever. I avoided the awakening because before it happened I had suffered for 7 years and just wanted freedom. Being slapped with an awakening and to go through more hell I would have rather died, but now my situation is even way worse. I feel helpless and my body is degernating with nothing I can do about it. I try to be positive and work towards fixing it but whats the point if its degenerating faster then I can fix

 

I usually don't recommend this to people, as it is dangerous and may lead to death.

 

However, I suppose you are an exception to the rule.

 

Pray to Kali. Pray to Kalki. Shiva and Rudra.

 

Sleep everynight at 10pm, no least no more.

 

Keep your diet and other stuff as you already do them.

 

There is no need to offer libation or pooja. Keep it simple. Say devotion mantras and be respectfull. You can build a ligan out of clay and offer water to it.

 

Most of the symptoms should disappear in three weeks time.

 

At that time you'll feel a great passion. And you'll then prepare a ritual.

 

Prepare yourself for it. You'll ask for the blessings and protection of the gods and goddesses of destruction and renewal. And you'll go through the cremation fields of your mind.

 

Buy sandalwood incense, use white clothes for two days prior to the ritual. Buy three candles - they must have a duration of at least 8 hours each.

 

Now, you can do it sober or you can do it with the help of psychedellic mushrooms.

 

By doing it sober, you'll suffer more. But the risk of death is smaller.

 

By doing it with properly prepared amanita muscaria mushrooms you'll suffer less, but the risk of death is greater.

 

The method of preparation is to lightly cook the caps of the mushrooms in an open oven (in nature you would do it next to a fire in a ceramic pot). The temperature must not go beyond 80ºC.

 

You can find more details (time of preparation, how to find real amanita muscaria, etc) in especialized foruns in the internet.

 

Once the mushroom caps are prepared, prepare a mix of gee and honey. Gently cover the mushrooms with the mixture, and offer them to the gods. (Kalki, Kali, Shiva, Rudra). You can light one of the three candles and let it next to the candle. Light one of the sandalwood incenses.

 

You can also look for Durga, if you feel the need to do so. Avoid Indra or Bhraman. It is not the time for them. You can seek reffuge in Krisna or Visnu, may it become too intense.

 

The dosage is 3 dried grams.

 

You'll ingest the mushrooms at your usual sleep time. Light the remaining two candles. And then pray.

 

It will be hell. But it will release you from hell.

[silent thunder]

With no way to properly diagnose you, I'm unsure why you'd be soliciting serious medical advice from strangers on an internet forum.  Why not schedule a series of tests with either a Western or TCM Dr with real qualifications to diagnose, and treat, in person?

 

 

[cloud444]

1 hour ago, silent thunder said:

With no way to properly diagnose you, I'm unsure why you'd be soliciting serious medical advice from strangers on an internet forum.  Why not schedule a series of tests with either a Western or TCM Dr with real qualifications to diagnose, and treat, in person?

 

 

your right. i wrote this two years ago. ive done so in that time. not much help for me aside going through a tramatic kundalini awakening while so fucking ill and i cant move. thats how demonic the kundalini is. no matter how fucking sick you are this piece of shit shakti demon just wont give you a break 

[cloud444]

1 hour ago, Desmonddf said:

 

I usually don't recommend this to people, as it is dangerous and may lead to death.

 

However, I suppose you are an exception to the rule.

 

Pray to Kali. Pray to Kalki. Shiva and Rudra.

 

Sleep everynight at 10pm, no least no more.

 

Keep your diet and other stuff as you already do them.

 

There is no need to offer libation or pooja. Keep it simple. Say devotion mantras and be respectfull. You can build a ligan out of clay and offer water to it.

 

Most of the symptoms should disappear in three weeks time.

 

At that time you'll feel a great passion. And you'll then prepare a ritual.

 

Prepare yourself for it. You'll ask for the blessings and protection of the gods and goddesses of destruction and renewal. And you'll go through the cremation fields of your mind.

 

Buy sandalwood incense, use white clothes for two days prior to the ritual. Buy three candles - they must have a duration of at least 8 hours each.

 

Now, you can do it sober or you can do it with the help of psychedellic mushrooms.

 

By doing it sober, you'll suffer more. But the risk of death is smaller.

 

By doing it with properly prepared amanita muscaria mushrooms you'll suffer less, but the risk of death is greater.

 

The method of preparation is to lightly cook the caps of the mushrooms in an open oven (in nature you would do it next to a fire in a ceramic pot). The temperature must not go beyond 80ºC.

 

You can find more details (time of preparation, how to find real amanita muscaria, etc) in especialized foruns in the internet.

 

Once the mushroom caps are prepared, prepare a mix of gee and honey. Gently cover the mushrooms with the mixture, and offer them to the gods. (Kalki, Kali, Shiva, Rudra). You can light one of the three candles and let it next to the candle. Light one of the sandalwood incenses.

 

You can also look for Durga, if you feel the need to do so. Avoid Indra or Bhraman. It is not the time for them. You can seek reffuge in Krisna or Visnu, may it become too intense.

 

The dosage is 3 dried grams.

 

You'll ingest the mushrooms at your usual sleep time. Light the remaining two candles. And then pray.

 

It will be hell. But it will release you from hell.

ya sorry but that sounds insane. and i dont pray to any gods because i hate them all . im glad your trying to help. but that sounds dangerous

[Eduardo]

20 hours ago, cloud444 said:

Ya sorry but that sounds insane. and i dont pray to any gods because i hate them all . im glad your trying to help. but that sounds dangerous

 

These are the famous tupyara monks, they attend free and have helped many people.

 

This is their site, it's in Portuguese.

 

https://temploespiritatupyara.org.br

 

They are spirite healings.

 

They have helped a family member with cancer.

 

I want you to heal, I think that in this forum many people want your good.

 

It is obviously a suggestion. You are free to take it or not.

 

 

[Desmonddf]

On 22/06/2022 at 2:16 AM, cloud444 said:

ya sorry but that sounds insane. and i dont pray to any gods because i hate them all . im glad your trying to help. but that sounds dangerous

 

Gods usually don't care if you hate them.

 

That said, good luck them. Depression and hatred are quite useless to alleviate your pain though. Do consider that you may need to give up on your hatred and other rebellious behavior in order to find freedom from pain.

 

That or start chugging opioids. I'm pretty sure you can get some Vicodin or even Morphine, since you have chronic peripheral neuropathy.

[cloud444]

35 minutes ago, Desmonddf said:

 

Gods usually don't care if you hate them.

 

That said, good luck them. Depression and hatred are quite useless to alleviate your pain though. Do consider that you may need to give up on your hatred and other rebellious behavior in order to find freedom from pain.

 

That or start chugging opioids. I'm pretty sure you can get some Vicodin or even Morphine, since you have chronic peripheral neuropathy.

gods aren't real. 1500 useless religions and a bunch of made up figures to judge me. if there is a creator I hate them, and im glad I won't have to participate in this useless game much longer. we all die and lose everything because of these so called "gods" I would rather not participate here at all because I dont want to give any creator the satisfaction of participating in this shit reality. whoever designed it was clearly not thinking correctly. these human bodies are fragile and useless and cant even keep them selves together. I dont even want to heal my body anymore because it doesn't deseverd to get fixed. if these useless things break down this easily they belong in the trash

[Desmonddf]

1 minute ago, cloud444 said:

gods aren't real. 1500 useless religions and a bunch of made up figures to judge me. if there is a creator I hate them, and im glad I won't have to participate in this useless game much longer. we all die and lose everything because of these so called "gods" I would rather not participate here at all because I dont want to give any creator the satisfaction of participating in this shit reality. whoever designed it was clearly not thinking correctly. these human bodies are fragile and useless and cant even keep them selves together. I dont even want to heal my body anymore because it doesn't deseverd to get fixed. if these useless things break down this easily they belong in the trash

 

Well... you see, there's the thing. You are god. You are the creator. You did the world, the trash and yourself.

 

And at the same time, you are not. Gods are beings beyond duality. Beyond "existence" and "not existence". They can exist. The can not exist. They can be something that both exists and doesn't exists at the same time.

 

And that's why I believe you have no idea what a god is and had no mystical experience with one before. Because all of your hatred, all of your "this is all made up shit" well... they can make it be.

 

They can make it be that they do not exist, and that all religions are shit without meaning, and that death is "just the end".

 

But, from personal experience, let me give you advice: It is very, very difficult to earn the benefit of "ceasing to exist after you die".

 

And I don't say you'll go to hell. You can, if you want to. But it is just very hard to cease "being". The whole point of many buddhist doctrines is exactly to do that, to cease "being". To realize emptiness inside of you, and be empty. That's the first step for those who are in a path of enlightment, and it is a hard one. It is not something that regular and simple death can give. It has to be earned.

 

Anyhow. Good luck with your atheistic rebellious "i'm in pain and I hate and dessecrate with my attitude everything you all say is precious and sacred" thing. I've been there, i've done that.

 

Be present a small dose of wisdom from someone who has seen and felt what you're living through: There is a way out. Trashing and screaming and crying about the unfairness of the world doesn't help to get there.

The more you treat the rest of world as being unfair, the less they will feel any remorse in being exactly what you say the are: Unfair, unforgiving and uncaring.

 

Try to accept the existence and presence of your pain, work around it and capacitate yourself to live life, even while in pain. It is bloody difficult, but it is also the first step to have something in your life other than pain.

[cloud444]

6 hours ago, Desmonddf said:

 

Well... you see, there's the thing. You are god. You are the creator. You did the world, the trash and yourself.

 

And at the same time, you are not. Gods are beings beyond duality. Beyond "existence" and "not existence". They can exist. The can not exist. They can be something that both exists and doesn't exists at the same time.

 

And that's why I believe you have no idea what a god is and had no mystical experience with one before. Because all of your hatred, all of your "this is all made up shit" well... they can make it be.

 

They can make it be that they do not exist, and that all religions are shit without meaning, and that death is "just the end".

 

But, from personal experience, let me give you advice: It is very, very difficult to earn the benefit of "ceasing to exist after you die".

 

And I don't say you'll go to hell. You can, if you want to. But it is just very hard to cease "being". The whole point of many buddhist doctrines is exactly to do that, to cease "being". To realize emptiness inside of you, and be empty. That's the first step for those who are in a path of enlightment, and it is a hard one. It is not something that regular and simple death can give. It has to be earned.

 

Anyhow. Good luck with your atheistic rebellious "i'm in pain and I hate and dessecrate with my attitude everything you all say is precious and sacred" thing. I've been there, i've done that.

 

Be present a small dose of wisdom from someone who has seen and felt what you're living through: There is a way out. Trashing and screaming and crying about the unfairness of the world doesn't help to get there.

The more you treat the rest of world as being unfair, the less they will feel any remorse in being exactly what you say the are: Unfair, unforgiving and uncaring.

 

Try to accept the existence and presence of your pain, work around it and capacitate yourself to live life, even while in pain. It is bloody difficult, but it is also the first step to have something in your life other than pain.

regardless of pain we all will die anyway, theres not really any reward for our hard work or suffering. so its kind of a waste of time. i went through benzo withdrawal for 5 years and healed, got rewarded with epilepsy. healed that then got rewarded with neuropathy and nerve damage in my pelvic region so i can never have sex again. there comes a time when there is no point in bothering anymore. anything we do is futile and we die in the end anyway. living is just a waste of time