My will is too weak

[Scholar]

I feel like my will is not strong enough to make me improve myself despite my rational mind wanting me to do so. Since childhood, I never put effort in anything, in 20 years of existance I dont have anything that I trained enough that I can consider good at, all of my skills came from natural talent. For some context, when I was at middle - high school, despite being in love with girls, I never really made any effort to try to get them . While my friends and siblings would travel long distances to get girls, like studying, going to the gym, etc, I never really even talked to one, and I wasnt particulary shy, it just seemed to me that it was too much of an effort, like everything else in my life. Im not saying that doing shit to impress girls is good, but at that time it was all I thinked about and still wasnt able to do anything. 

 

Nowadays I wouldnt say that Im in a bad place at life, I got to a good medical school(those are free in my country, but are considered very hard to get in) with little to no study due to being naturally smart and I got some girls, not because I approached one, still cant do it, but because they approached me. But while Im doing kind of well in those areas, I feel like Im not even close to my potential, and I could reach it if I had a stronger will.

 

I dont know a lot about internal alchemy concepts, but can weak will be a symptom of an energetic deficiency/imbalance ? 

[helpfuldemon]

I wouldnt be so hard on yourself.  It takes time and inspiration to do the things youre seeking.  I wouldnt say you have a weak Will just from these examples, Id say you havent been motivated to task yourself.  

[Mithras]

I feel that weak will often isn't just about weak will but the means behind it, the wisdom that speaks as to why. You may be denying a strong will because you have solid reasons within not to have one or you just lack momentum towards that attitude. Or it could be energetically related, but i'm not too into energetic related stuff. You can try out this exercise to find out where there is conflict and contemplate it later. This exercise should also help create a lot of momentum; you can imagine it as getting the blueprint, the workers, finding the place and then beginning to build the bridge. After you complete the exercise, over the course of the upcoming days and weeks you'll notice the seeds of thoughts kind of snowballing towards this desire just like how a bridge gets built more and more now that everything for it to be built is ready. There's nothing wrong as well with repeating the exercise, though its advisable to let it be and have nature take its course.

1. Think on the following phrase: "I want to have a strong will" (You can make this something else just change it up accordingly for the later steps).

 

Effectively the key is to feel the emotion behind phrase, you can repeat the thought "I want to have a strong will" in your head a few times to solidify that feeling of wanting. Take 30 or so seconds at least with this step. Once it feels solid enough (there's no standard indicator so just move on when you feel ready) then move onto the next step. Alternatively if you feel bad about even wanting a strong will, then the problem likely lies in why you'd even want a strong will. After all, if you don't even want a strong will, how could you expect yourself to obtain one? Otherwise, the reason could be behind some energetic symptom but I somewhat doubt it.
 

 

2. Think on the following phrase: "I can have a strong will"

Once again feel the phrase, but also try to feel the shift from wanting something to acknowledging that you can have it. You don't need to even give reason as to why you can have a strong will, just know that it is possible. This time if you feel negative emotion, you don't need to stop and reevaluate; just repeat the phrase and focus on the feeling that you can have a strong will. This feeling can be anywhere from expectation, pride, a mix, etc but it should never be one of lack where you beat yourself up and feel bad. It's expected that you may have some thoughts that berate you about not being capable of having a strong will, you don't need to deal with those. Just feel confident and positive that you can have it and the thoughts will mean nothing. When you feel ready, you can move on but i'd reccomend spending at least 30 seconds here as well.

 

3. Think on the following phrase: "I will have a strong will"
 

If you're reading this first and then attempting the exercise, this jump might feel a little strange. But its a lot easier to say that you will have something if you can first acknowledge that you want it, and then that you can have it. Otherwise, making such a statement is like preparing a feast without any food; it's just a lot more difficult. Otherwise, repeat the phrase and feel what it means that you now will have a strong will. This feeling can be pride, expectation, excitement, etc; as long as its positive and it feels good then it should be fine. Otherwise if its negative, then work towards correcting it even if you're being berated with thoughts. The negative thoughts mean nothing if the feeling is positive. Move on when you feel ready, but if you're unsure when that is take a minimum of 30 seconds and move on when you're feeling positive.

4. Think on the following phrase: "I have a strong will"

The rules are basically the same for this stage. Hopefully it's easy and you can simply rest in satisfaction and completion. Speaking of that, common feelings for this step are satisfaction and completion. Warmth in the chest, relaxed, excited, etc. Once again, negative emotions may come but honestly they don't mean anything as you can feel satisfied regardless of what they say; they're like the barks of a dog. Do you bark back at the dog or let the dog ruin your day? No you just keep walking on your merry way, even if the dog's barks surprised you, you can still just walk away. Rest in this state however long you feel. No minimum or maximum, just stop on a good note though. Once you stop, thank yourself for putting in the mental effort and deciding to have what you wanted. You can thank your subconscious too as well for overseeing the bridge building.

 

Now there should be some kind of seeds planted. You'll notice thoughts that align with each of these steps, like "I wish I had a strong will", "when will I have a strong will?", "I know I can have a strong will". Just leave it be and let your mind do the work and you'll naturally drift towards strong will. You don't need to do anything else to prove it either, just live life as you do and how you would do. The momentum will show itself normally. This exercise has another lesson however, effectively that you can just choose how you feel. We often let our thoughts or physical interactions choose them, but we can just skip that and feel motivated, satisfied, happy, sad, etc without them. So if you want to just do things regardless of how you feel ( have a strong will ) just create the feeling you'd like to feel and do it. Otherwise, the negative feelings in each of the steps give items for you to address and contemplate on.

Though I also find myself agreeing with helpfuldemon. Don't beat yourself up, take your time. If you find yourself doing both, chances are you'll demonstrate a strong will from natural passion while completely forgetting about needing it in the first place.

 

[anshino23]

Where are you from? Sounds like Scandinavia.  

 

Weak-will and not putting an effort, it depends what you mean... are you talking about having a hard time doing Qigong? Hard time studying? Hard time working on projects? How are you passing in medical school without studying?  Natural ability can only take you so far... Speaking as a doctor who just finished medical school - trust me, I know what I'm talking about 

 

In Chinese medicine they say that the spleen governs the Yi. Therefore if you strengthen the spleen (and stomach) you strengthen your ability to focus. Perhaps that's something to look into. How's your diet? Another is to look out for the kidneys since they house the Zhi which has been translated as will power, along with determination/motivation and memory. 

[Daniel]

14 hours ago, Scholar said:

I dont know a lot about internal alchemy concepts, but can weak will be a symptom of an energetic deficiency/imbalance ?

 

Will is a very complicated and subject, yet it appears on its surface to be very simple.  My personal opinion is that Will is best described in my own practice, Chabad Chassidus, not Daoism. 

 

Would you like me to try to dig up some resources that will help from a Chassidic perspctive?  I'm not a Rabbi, so I'm not qualified to teach or explain the concept of WIll.  But I can probably find some other sources that explain it, without teaching or explaining it myself.

 

If that sounds interesting to you, please let me know. 

[Cleansox]

8 hours ago, Scholar said:

I feel like my will is not strong 

No matter why, that can be amended. 

Quote

I dont know a lot about internal alchemy concepts,

Those are not needed in this instance, they are way down the line. 

Quote

but can weak will be a symptom of an energetic deficiency/imbalance ? 

Probably. 

 

More interesting is, what can one do about it. 

 

You might find methods from the martial arts to be most direct in this case. 

 

Care for some San Ti? 

Xing Yi is fun. 😁 

[Scholar]

8 hours ago, Mithras said:

I feel that weak will often isn't just about weak will but the means behind it, the wisdom that speaks as to why. You may be denying a strong will because you have solid reasons within not to have one or you just lack momentum towards that attitude. Or it could be energetically related, but i'm not too into energetic related stuff. You can try out this exercise to find out where there is conflict and contemplate it later. This exercise should also help create a lot of momentum; you can imagine it as getting the blueprint, the workers, finding the place and then beginning to build the bridge. After you complete the exercise, over the course of the upcoming days and weeks you'll notice the seeds of thoughts kind of snowballing towards this desire just like how a bridge gets built more and more now that everything for it to be built is ready. There's nothing wrong as well with repeating the exercise, though its advisable to let it be and have nature take its course.

1. Think on the following phrase: "I want to have a strong will" (You can make this something else just change it up accordingly for the later steps).

 

Effectively the key is to feel the emotion behind phrase, you can repeat the thought "I want to have a strong will" in your head a few times to solidify that feeling of wanting. Take 30 or so seconds at least with this step. Once it feels solid enough (there's no standard indicator so just move on when you feel ready) then move onto the next step. Alternatively if you feel bad about even wanting a strong will, then the problem likely lies in why you'd even want a strong will. After all, if you don't even want a strong will, how could you expect yourself to obtain one? Otherwise, the reason could be behind some energetic symptom but I somewhat doubt it.
 

 

2. Think on the following phrase: "I can have a strong will"

Once again feel the phrase, but also try to feel the shift from wanting something to acknowledging that you can have it. You don't need to even give reason as to why you can have a strong will, just know that it is possible. This time if you feel negative emotion, you don't need to stop and reevaluate; just repeat the phrase and focus on the feeling that you can have a strong will. This feeling can be anywhere from expectation, pride, a mix, etc but it should never be one of lack where you beat yourself up and feel bad. It's expected that you may have some thoughts that berate you about not being capable of having a strong will, you don't need to deal with those. Just feel confident and positive that you can have it and the thoughts will mean nothing. When you feel ready, you can move on but i'd reccomend spending at least 30 seconds here as well.

 

3. Think on the following phrase: "I will have a strong will"
 

If you're reading this first and then attempting the exercise, this jump might feel a little strange. But its a lot easier to say that you will have something if you can first acknowledge that you want it, and then that you can have it. Otherwise, making such a statement is like preparing a feast without any food; it's just a lot more difficult. Otherwise, repeat the phrase and feel what it means that you now will have a strong will. This feeling can be pride, expectation, excitement, etc; as long as its positive and it feels good then it should be fine. Otherwise if its negative, then work towards correcting it even if you're being berated with thoughts. The negative thoughts mean nothing if the feeling is positive. Move on when you feel ready, but if you're unsure when that is take a minimum of 30 seconds and move on when you're feeling positive.

4. Think on the following phrase: "I have a strong will"

The rules are basically the same for this stage. Hopefully it's easy and you can simply rest in satisfaction and completion. Speaking of that, common feelings for this step are satisfaction and completion. Warmth in the chest, relaxed, excited, etc. Once again, negative emotions may come but honestly they don't mean anything as you can feel satisfied regardless of what they say; they're like the barks of a dog. Do you bark back at the dog or let the dog ruin your day? No you just keep walking on your merry way, even if the dog's barks surprised you, you can still just walk away. Rest in this state however long you feel. No minimum or maximum, just stop on a good note though. Once you stop, thank yourself for putting in the mental effort and deciding to have what you wanted. You can thank your subconscious too as well for overseeing the bridge building.

 

Now there should be some kind of seeds planted. You'll notice thoughts that align with each of these steps, like "I wish I had a strong will", "when will I have a strong will?", "I know I can have a strong will". Just leave it be and let your mind do the work and you'll naturally drift towards strong will. You don't need to do anything else to prove it either, just live life as you do and how you would do. The momentum will show itself normally. This exercise has another lesson however, effectively that you can just choose how you feel. We often let our thoughts or physical interactions choose them, but we can just skip that and feel motivated, satisfied, happy, sad, etc without them. So if you want to just do things regardless of how you feel ( have a strong will ) just create the feeling you'd like to feel and do it. Otherwise, the negative feelings in each of the steps give items for you to address and contemplate on.

Though I also find myself agreeing with helpfuldemon. Don't beat yourself up, take your time. If you find yourself doing both, chances are you'll demonstrate a strong will from natural passion while completely forgetting about needing it in the first place.

 

Thanks for the advice, did it yesterday and wil do it again, I hope it helps !

 

 

1 hour ago, anshino23 said:

Where are you from? Sounds like Scandinavia.  

 

Weak-will and not putting an effort, it depends what you mean... are you talking about having a hard time doing Qigong? Hard time studying? Hard time working on projects? How are you passing in medical school without studying?  Natural ability can only take you so far... Speaking as a doctor who just finished medical school - trust me, I know what I'm talking about 

 

In Chinese medicine they say that the spleen governs the Yi. Therefore if you strengthen the spleen (and stomach) you strengthen your ability to focus. Perhaps that's something to look into. How's your diet? Another is to look out for the kidneys since they house the Zhi which has been translated as will power, along with determination/motivation and memory. 

Haha, I wish I was from Scandinavia! Im from Brazil, good public universities are one of few perks of living here

 

I studied a bit, but nothinh compared to the other people that passed with me. Those guys studied 6 hours +  a day and did preparatory classes along with it. I studied these 6 hours in a week and did those classes too, but slept most of the time. I just didnt found the will to study more. Now that you are saying that, I did help people with math exercises from time to time, they say teaching is an very good exercise to learn, but still, Id say I only spent around 1 hour a week teaching.

 

I will look at those concepts you mentioned, thanks for sharing them

 

I wouldnt say that my diet is bad but not that good either, I eat a good amount of fruits and veggies aside from that my diet, in general, consists from chicken and rice. I drink a lot of green tea too( I thought the caffeine would help my will but it dont, I just do nothing more energically

 

 

1 hour ago, Daniel said:

 

Will is a very complicated and subject, yet it appears on its surface to be very simple.  My personal opinion is that Will is best described in my own practice, Chabad Chassidus, not Daoism. 

 

Would you like me to try to dig up some resources that will help from a Chassidic perspctive?  I'm not a Rabbi, so I'm not qualified to teach or explain the concept of WIll.  But I can probably find some other sources that explain it, without teaching or explaining it myself.

 

If that sounds interesting to you, please let me know. 

Yes, I would like to learn about it in your practice's perspective, its very good to know a lot of causes/theories about an specific problem. I asked about internal alchemy because its the concept im most familiarized with nowadays, but I would love to learn about it from different systems too.

 

20 minutes ago, Cleansox said:

No matter why, that can be amended. 

Those are not needed in this instance, they are way down the line. 

Probably. 

 

More interesting is, what can one do about it. 

 

You might find methods from the martial arts to be most direct in this case. 

 

Care for some San Ti? 

Xing Yi is fun. 😁 

Thanks for your answer, Im happy that it can be solved in your opinion, I will search those concepts you mentioned.

[Daniel]

7 hours ago, Scholar said:

Yes, I would like to learn about it in your practice's perspective, its very good to know a lot of causes/theories about an specific problem. 

OK.  I'll see what I can dig up.

 

My first stop is Tanya, the teachings of whom is titled "The Alter Rebbe".

 

The condition is described as "lowering of the heart".  I'll see what I can find.  It may be a week or so before reporting back.

 

If you don't mind, I need to know your religious background.  This is important so that I can focus my reply in terms that are easily understood. 

 

Would you please tell me if there was religion in your home as a child? If so, which religion was it?  Or perhaps you came from a more modern home where religion is not important? 

 

In addition to Daosim do you practice or follow any other religious beliefs?

Edited July 13, 2020 by Daniel

[freeform]

From the Daoist perspective, there are several aspects to what you're talking about.

 

As @anshino23 described there's the Yi (the spirit-aspect of the spleen) which deals with focus and intention. There's the Hun of the liver which deals with that initial motivation to start things. And there's the Zhi - the ability to have willpower - to follow through with something even when it's hard.

 

Another aspect that's more prevalent these days is simply not having enough Yang Qi - which manifests as a sort of sluggishness and lack of vitality. For 'normal' people healthy Yang production is related to the kidneys also... in that if you're regularly depleting them with late nights, too much sexual activity, addictive behaviours, over-thinking etc. then you don't have the 'juice' to power yang qi production.

 

If you're sleeping too long, not exercising and not taking responsibility for doing something meaningful for yourself or others then that also curtails yang qi production (even if your jing and kidney esssence is ok).

[Scholar]

47 minutes ago, Daniel said:

OK.  I'll see what I can dig up.

 

My first stop is Tanya, the teachings of whom is titled "The Alter Rebbe".

 

The condition is described as "lowering of the heart".  I'll see what I can find.  It may be a week or so before reporting back.

 

If you don't mind, I need to know your religious background.  This is important so that I can focus my reply in terms that are easily understood. 

 

Would you please tell me if there was religion in your home as a child? If so, which religion was it?  Or perhaps you came from a more modern home where religion is not important? 

 

In addition to Daosim do you practice or follow any other religious beliefs?

First of all, thanks for your help, I really appreaciate it. 

 

So my family is catholic but not really avid practioners, we used to go to church every two weeks but we almost dont go nowadays. I dont consider myself a catholic

 

 

7 minutes ago, freeform said:

From the Daoist perspective, there are several aspects to what you're talking about.

 

As @anshino23 described there's the Yi (the spirit-aspect of the spleen) which deals with focus and intention. There's the Hun of the liver which deals with that initial motivation to start things. And there's the Zhi - the ability to have willpower - to follow through with something even when it's hard.

 

Another aspect that's more prevalent these days is simply not having enough Yang Qi - which manifests as a sort of sluggishness and lack of vitality. For 'normal' people healthy Yang production is related to the kidneys also... in that if you're regularly depleting them with late nights, too much sexual activity, addictive behaviours, over-thinking etc. then you don't have the 'juice' to power yang qi production.

 

If you're sleeping too long, not exercising and not taking responsibility for doing something meaningful for yourself or others then that also curtails yang qi production (even if your jing and kidney esssence is ok).

Thanks for the answer. I do sleep late and overthink, and I have an strange habit that maybe drain myself? Most days I play invented action movies in my head and some days I do it for 3 hours straight, I do it since I was child, its pretty entertaining. Can it be related with my condition ?

[Daniel]

7 hours ago, Scholar said:

First of all, thanks for your help, I really appreaciate it. 

 

So my family is catholic but not really avid practioners, we used to go to church every two weeks but we almost dont go nowadays. I dont consider myself a catholic

OK.  That's super helpful.  I'll see what I can find.

[freeform]

5 minutes ago, Scholar said:

Can it be related with my condition ?

 

Over-thinking, imagining/daydreaming can certainly drain you - although that sounds like a fun way of doing it

 

In and of itself usually overthinking can be handled - but if combined with bad sleep habits, addictions (I'm being broad with the term - I count compulsively checking the phone as addiction - smoking weed as addiction etc) - overuse of sexuality - whether that's physically having too much sex or masturbating too often - or in thought - watching porn or 'checking out' potential partners on the street in a sexually fuelled way.

 

All of this together (and this stuff is very 'normal' behaviour nowadays) - can very quickly deplete kidney essence and affect the quality of 'kidney water'.

[ralis]

11 hours ago, Scholar said:

I feel like my will is not strong enough to make me improve myself despite my rational mind wanting me to do so. Since childhood, I never put effort in anything, in 20 years of existance I dont have anything that I trained enough that I can consider good at, all of my skills came from natural talent. For some context, when I was at middle - high school, despite being in love with girls, I never really made any effort to try to get them . While my friends and siblings would travel long distances to get girls, like studying, going to the gym, etc, I never really even talked to one, and I wasnt particulary shy, it just seemed to me that it was too much of an effort, like everything else in my life. Im not saying that doing shit to impress girls is good, but at that time it was all I thinked about and still wasnt able to do anything. 

 

Nowadays I wouldnt say that Im in a bad place at life, I got to a good medical school(those are free in my country, but are considered very hard to get in) with little to no study due to being naturally smart and I got some girls, not because I approached one, still cant do it, but because they approached me. But while Im doing kind of well in those areas, I feel like Im not even close to my potential, and I could reach it if I had a stronger will.

 

I dont know a lot about internal alchemy concepts, but can weak will be a symptom of an energetic deficiency/imbalance ? 

Dr. Gregory Bateson’s work on double binding communication is a common way that parents communicate with their children by structuring mental dilemmas in decision making. Also, gaslighting is a very common destructive means of communication can inhibit self determination. 

It is important to understand how one was raised as opposed to looking for TCM advice online. 

 

 

 

[manitou]

11 hours ago, Scholar said:

I feel like my will is not strong enough to make me improve myself despite my rational mind wanting me to do so. Since childhood, I never put effort in anything, in 20 years of existance I dont have anything that I trained enough that I can consider good at, all of my skills came from natural talent. For some context, when I was at middle - high school, despite being in love with girls, I never really made any effort to try to get them . While my friends and siblings would travel long distances to get girls, like studying, going to the gym, etc, I never really even talked to one, and I wasnt particulary shy, it just seemed to me that it was too much of an effort, like everything else in my life. Im not saying that doing shit to impress girls is good, but at that time it was all I thinked about and still wasnt able to do anything. 

 

Nowadays I wouldnt say that Im in a bad place at life, I got to a good medical school(those are free in my country, but are considered very hard to get in) with little to no study due to being naturally smart and I got some girls, not because I approached one, still cant do it, but because they approached me. But while Im doing kind of well in those areas, I feel like Im not even close to my potential, and I could reach it if I had a stronger will.

 

I dont know a lot about internal alchemy concepts, but can weak will be a symptom of an energetic deficiency/imbalance ? 

 

 

I think it might be simpler than you think.  Start with one small area and modify your behavior as it pertains to that particular sequence. Maybe it could be something like making your bed differently - but do the task with the attitude of inner improvement.  You 'become' the task, you are not separate from it.  That will make you feel good, maybe getting your day off on the right foot.  Continue making your bed in the new way (maybe military folds at the corners, etc) until it's second nature.

Then, look for another area in your life that you'd like to improve.  Maybe it's how you respond to someone - maybe you're short tempered with them.  Try changing your reaction to that particular person - this will start to move the inertia inside of you.  Maybe 'being kind' as opposed to ignoring them.  And then, just keep going as things come up.

 

The important thing to remember, is that if you are finding inner changes uncomfortable, there is something inside you that needs to be addressed.  The secret in all this is that we keep replaying the emotions that we were imprinted with in early childhood.  Of course, I don't know anything about you - but your ennui towards life may well be a repetition of childhood.  It may be an emotion you are very familiar with, and in that sense, it's "home".  So it continues to be acted out until something changes the switch that wants to stay unengaged.  Maybe you just "tuned out" on stuff that was going on around the house.

 

Actually, that kind of fits.  Were you brought up in a confusing or chaotic home?  Did you just decide to drop out one day, enabling you to stay separated from the chaos?

 

Just the fact that this concerns you is an indication that changes are upcoming.

[freeform]

I like @manitou's suggestion.

 

You can pair making a small change with making a big decision.

 

What I said about needing to take responsibility for something.

 

It's interesting because it's what I've heard my teacher recommend to some people (it helps to generate yang in the body - more drive and vitality). And as far as I understand it, this is the main message for men from Jordan Peterson. (Mind you his understanding of Buddhism and Daoism is pretty awful!)

 

Pick something (preferably something hard) and make a decision that you will go do that and take responsibility for it. Then approach the act of getting it done with Manitou's suggestion.

 

Your medical degree was mentioned... you could for example decide - I'm gonna be the very best doctor I possibly can be in xxxx field. Think about it. Find some meaning and purpose in that decision.

 

There's a massive difference between the normal doctor that's just doing his job coz it's his job and it pays ok... and someone like Atul Gawende - who decided to be the best he can be. Who has more satisfaction? Who has more drive and motivation?

 

Pick a big problem and go solve it and see how drive and passion suddenly ignite... take into account the Daoist perspective and you'll be able to achieve it more efficiently and without burning yourself out.

 

It's risky to pick something to stand for so strongly - or at least it feels risky. The point is not to find the best thing to stand for - but one thing now. And really go for it. Later, if it's not right, you can change.

[Daniel]

On 7/13/2020 at 8:35 AM, Daniel said:

OK.  That's super helpful.  I'll see what I can find.

@Scholar,

 

I have not forgotten about your dilemma.  I am still researching it.

 

A quick question though... which do you think describes your situation better... ignore 'Weak Will' for a moment.

 

Which is more true about yourself:

 

"My heart is cold"

"My heart is unmoved"

"My heart is indeterminate"

"My heart is undefined"

 

?

 

Best wishes to you and yours in the mean time,

 

 

Edited July 16, 2020 by Daniel

[Limahong]

On 7/13/2020 at 12:49 PM, Scholar said:

Nowadays I wouldnt say that Im in a bad place at life,

 

Hi Scholar,

 

To me you are doing fine ~ just be yourself... willing to be yourself is strong.

 

Don't doubt yourself too much ~ experiencing life and living truthfully/humbly...

 

- Anand

 

[Limahong]

On 7/14/2020 at 12:53 AM, manitou said:

Just the fact that this concerns you is an indication that changes are upcoming.

 

 

 

[Limahong]

2 hours ago, Daniel said:

"My heart is cold"

"My heart is unmoved"

"My heart is indeterminate"

"My heart is undefined"

 

 

 

[Rara]

You go to a good school and got a girl? You have natural talent

 

Low willpower is hardwired, especially as we get older as it is more of a "sticking to what you know" sort of thing. I think the best approach is to find a discipline which is instructor led, like a class (not necessarily an energetic practice. Could be tennis.)

 

Just something once a week to commit to which is outside of your norm. Something you tell yourself you have to go to without fail. It's not a huge commitment, but the real test comes a month, two months, twelve months down the line. To still be there by then will show great progress and you'll learn more about yourself and your capabilities.

[Alas_Arizona]

There is a great deal of wonderful advice here. It is easy to believe that if one does not exit childhood with a set of foundational skills in music or arts or sciences that they have lost their chance to truly achieve skillfulness. If only I had picked up the tuba. If only I drew when it was most interesting. If only I started martial arts when all my gong fu brothers did at six years old. That world will never be. You are here where you are, and first and foremost you must accept that this is your reality.

 

I'm in my thirties, and honestly there are many days I feel the same as you do, even looking over the great accomplishments I have  so far attained, but from the sounds of it, you are still much younger than I. I'll spare you the 'but you're so young!' comments, as I'm sure you get enough of those, but I can relate to you. That lacking feeling of accomplishment, the drive that nets no distance, the nagging feeling that you could have been more. That you are depleted before you even began. Something went wrong. Destiny cannot be fulfilled.

 

These are reactions. Road blocks. Mental matter.

 

Step back and look at where you are. Be there. Be here, on this page! Accept that limitations exist, but do not accept them without properly meeting them in person. I have found that often times what I thought were my limits were only foot prints and empty camp sites where the limit once walked. They can often be much further than you'd imagine. I am not discounting your feelings, but I believe as many here have stated, your thoughts of a weak willed self have created a phantasm of who you are, but your will is in truth much stronger than you believe. Nothing we say here can convince you to embody a stronger you, but we can point fingers in the right direction. Ultimately you must conquer your own self, harmonize with your natures of strong and weak, and produce the person you want to be. Some of the strongest people I've known have been weak, and some of the weakest have been strong. What matters is applying yourself in a direction you'd like to go and using the results not to create who you are, but as direction for where you should go next. This is a long winded way to say look at other's advice here and make changes in your life, but do not let the successes and failures of these changes stop you from moving. You may need to grip the steering wheel tightly in the beginning, but eventually you can relax and navigate yourself with greater ease. Take hold, start small. Your end goals of career and partnership will be results of your self direction. Let your will be the judge of your success, not the will of your friends or your family. You must choose. As far as I have decided, that is what it means to be a man, to be a woman, to be an adult.

 

I think it is easy to come to places like this and assume an energetic deficiency is the root of everything. I know there are many times I have wondered if it was too late for me, that I wont be able to mobilize chi or build a dantien or accomplish anything in alchemy because of my past mistakes, and thus will have an impediment in life. While I cannot diagnose you or even my self as far as esoteric matters go(I do not yet have the adequate knowledge to speak with authority here), perhaps I can suggest something a bit more secular. Let us say that worst case, you are depleted of your life essences. You are deficient. It is a fundamental flaw due to old habits and bad behavior. You are doomed to a life of weakness. Can you will yourself to be strong in the face of physical and mental weakness? Will you will yourself to be strong and act with a feeble body? What is the alternative, watch TV until the end? Everyone wants to feel sharp and on top of their game. Why else would we try strange herbal formulas and commit ourselves to odd schedules and exercise routines? But is a strong will not one that would accept that weakness is a part of life, that weakness comes and goes, and realize that one can operate regardless of it? That one can accomplish regardless of their current state, given the right view? Is that not the function of a strong will, to overcome adversity?

 

I don't know enough about the side of cultivation to tell you if there is some point you are drained too much and locked out of any true progress, if someone can just be too weak or drained or sick to realize 'Truth' (actually would like to know how people feel about this idea). I don't know if you are afraid of some kind of timeline that you need to be at in order to be successful in life. I think sometimes we can get caught up in the end goals like a degree or a family, or trapped in words like jing and chi, and forget the incredible intricacies that these terms and dreams are made of. A million tiny successes and a million tiny errors make up fulfilled dreams. The energies in the Daoist system create the experimental reality of existence itself, filled with the unending minutia of color and vibrancy. We may be able to distill it down to "yer burning too much off them there kidneys, son" but don't think for a second that this makes you unable to live, even if that is what we consider the literal definition of leaking jing. Call it ignorance on my part, but don't blindly give in to the notion that you've weakened yourself and thus you are unable to exert authority over yourself, that you are unable to become who you want to be, that you are somehow moving against nature and thus unable to grow or even adapt.

 

If you are reading this you are not too old to breathe, and if you can breathe, you can appreciate who you are right now. Can you will yourself to see brightness in your heart? If you decide it is too late for you, then it will be too late. If it really is too late, then clean your desk. Notice you had the unparalleled power to do so. Do a push up, just one. Okay, now give me two! Notice the strength it took to do so. Find a real dope tree and practice qigong beside it, notice how even in perfect relaxation you assert yourself towards your goals. Complete your classwork, revel in the fact that you didn't just do it because you had to, or because you have had some previous predilection towards educational ease, but that you sat yourself down and accomplished a task of your own will. Make a change to drink more water, to start heading to bed earlier, to smile at an attractive woman. Begin with what you can do today. The will you use to start the small tasks is the same will you use to complete the big ones. Change is infinite. Our paths are never straight, yet they always head in one direction. When these feelings return, and they will return, face them, accept them, and then go do something meaningful.

 

 

Even writing glib platitudes can be the willful practice of an aspiring writer.

[dwai]

I think you need to find something that really captivates your interest and fires up your drive. For some people it comes easy, they are interested in ‘normal’ things. For a few, especially those with natural talent in multiple arenas, it can be quite difficult to find that ‘one thing’ that makes you want to get up and get going. 
 

What is it that ‘one thing’ (channeling my inner billy crystal here) that makes you feel enthused and excited (or even fearful)? 

[MuadDib]

 

My apologies. It rhymes with the topic and brought back lots of memories for me 

 

Will is like muscle, it will get stronger if you exercise it. Set your mind on something small, something very inconsequential and accomplish it. Exercise your will.

 

As life progresses, you may find what feeds the fire in you. Then you can set a big goal and perhaps even dedicate your life to it. No hurries, everything happens in its own time.

[Limahong]

24 minutes ago, MuadDib said:

Will is like muscle, it will get stronger if you exercise it. Set your mind on something small, something very inconsequential and accomplish it. Exercise your will.

 

As life progresses, you may find what feeds the fire in you. Then you can set a big goal and perhaps even dedicate your life to it. No hurries, everything happens in its own time.

 

Hi MuadDib,

 

Beautiful. Thank you.

 

I like banana...

 

 

 

- Anand

 

[Creation]

On 7/12/2020 at 11:49 PM, Scholar said:

I feel like my will is not strong enough to make me improve myself despite my rational mind wanting me to do so. Since childhood, I never put effort in anything, in 20 years of existance I dont have anything that I trained enough that I can consider good at, all of my skills came from natural talent. For some context, when I was at middle - high school, despite being in love with girls, I never really made any effort to try to get them . While my friends and siblings would travel long distances to get girls, like studying, going to the gym, etc, I never really even talked to one, and I wasnt particulary shy, it just seemed to me that it was too much of an effort, like everything else in my life. Im not saying that doing shit to impress girls is good, but at that time it was all I thinked about and still wasnt able to do anything. 

 

Nowadays I wouldnt say that Im in a bad place at life, I got to a good medical school(those are free in my country, but are considered very hard to get in) with little to no study due to being naturally smart and I got some girls, not because I approached one, still cant do it, but because they approached me. But while Im doing kind of well in those areas, I feel like Im not even close to my potential, and I could reach it if I had a stronger will.

 

I dont know a lot about internal alchemy concepts, but can weak will be a symptom of an energetic deficiency/imbalance ? 

From what you've said, you sound like a water type person according to Chinese five element personality typing.  Are you familiar with the five phases/five elements in Chinese thought?  It's by far the most practical model in Daoism. 

 

Water's natural wisdom is to flow like you describe - it is a great blessing that you have had such success flowing without willfulness like this!

 

Water's tendency under stress is to become fearful and compensate with willfulness.  Our society doesn't have models of actualized water in the same way as it does other elements, like wood is the stereotypical "dominant alpha", earth is the stereotypical "helper".  What about water? Maybe a scientist or philosopher, something obscure and cut off from the rest of society.  So I want to suggest some self reflection may be in order - are you feeling the way you are feeling because you are comparing yourself to others who are "successful" and becoming fearful of being inadequate, and wanting to have more "will" to be like said other people?  Because this is a big trap for a water type person. 

 

Your wish to reach your highest potential is admirable.  For me, the perspective of the five elements suggests reflecting on if one of your elements is deficient.  For instance, water naturally gives birth to wood, which is an expansive energy of growth and action.  This energy may what you are really wanting when you say you need more will.  Fire relates to what you are ignites your passion and joy, which others have suggested may be relevant.  Also potentially relevant is metal, which relates to what you deeply value and would be disciplined, courageous, and/or austere to preserve or attain.