Has anyone ever experienced or read about this?

[helpfuldemon]

Hi so Ive had some pretty phenomenal mystical experiences that Ive struggle with for a long time, but I dont want to talk about them, I want to talk about what it feels like.

 

I laid down to meditate one day years ago and I was thinking about the world and how it seemed to be order, but then the thought came into my head "NO!  Its all chaos!"  and then I heard a terrible grinding sound, my groin cracked open, my head cracked open, my awareness turned on its side and these wires entered my penis and anus and brain.  This has been going on for a long time, and its gotten pretty bad at times.  I recall watching these wires enter my brain and diddle with the glands in the center of my head, and overtake my whole body.  I also saw a serpent eat part of my brain and send me spiraling into oblivion.  Any reading materials that talk about stuff like this?  I really hope someone has some answers, because Im tired.

[liminal_luke]

Hi helpfuldemon,

 

If this is a continuing experience for you, I would talk about it with a doctor.  It sounds like a difficult experience.  Take care...

[Apech]

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

Hi so Ive had some pretty phenomenal mystical experiences that Ive struggle with for a long time, but I dont want to talk about them, I want to talk about what it feels like.

 

I laid down to meditate one day years ago and I was thinking about the world and how it seemed to be order, but then the thought came into my head "NO!  Its all chaos!"  and then I heard a terrible grinding sound, my groin cracked open, my head cracked open, my awareness turned on its side and these wires entered my penis and anus and brain.  This has been going on for a long time, and its gotten pretty bad at times.  I recall watching these wires enter my brain and diddle with the glands in the center of my head, and overtake my whole body.  I also saw a serpent eat part of my brain and send me spiraling into oblivion.  Any reading materials that talk about stuff like this?  I really hope someone has some answers, because Im tired.

 

I agree with Luke (above) that if this is continuing you should go see a doctor.

 

You do say though that this was years ago - did you mean it's still happening?

 

Generally speaking though I would say that your body/mind has ways of assimilating energy experiences which can often result in vivid imagery - sometimes dream-like and sometimes more real feeling.  It's important not to get panicked by this kind of thing and try to see it as being both real and unreal at the same time.  The mind interprets things symbolically so it might be worth researching the structure of the subtle body (in Daoist systems for instance), the function of the glands in your head and the meaning of serpents and so on in mythology.  You can probably do a lot of this on line.  The more you understand about what is happening the more you will be able to assimilate and purify the experience.  However if you feel frightened or distressed then seek medical advice as soon as you can.  Then if they say there is no physical cause try to find a reliable yoga or qi gong (or other) teacher who might be able to help you.

[helpfuldemon]

If I heard about this from someone, I too would suggest it was just energy free flowing, but as it was experienced by me, I had to watch as it took over my body.  It felt like wires, it could have been energy honed in a wire fashion.  It was tangible, and I could feel it peeling away at my body.  It is indeed still going on, and yes, I have seen doctors and their medicine doesnt help too much, though it does offer some relief.  I was really hoping, since so many of you are so well read, that someone had come across something like this that I could read.  I cant believe Im the only one to experience it.  Ive seen glimmers of ideas in literature that might reference it, but never full definitions that I can relate to.  

[Paradoxal]

 

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

If I heard about this from someone, I too would suggest it was just energy free flowing, but as it was experienced by me, I had to watch as it took over my body.  It felt like wires, it could have been energy honed in a wire fashion.  It was tangible, and I could feel it peeling away at my body.  It is indeed still going on, and yes, I have seen doctors and their medicine doesnt help too much, though it does offer some relief.  I was really hoping, since so many of you are so well read, that someone had come across something like this that I could read.  I cant believe Im the only one to experience it.  Ive seen glimmers of ideas in literature that might reference it, but never full definitions that I can relate to.  

 

In the Yellow Emperor's Classic of Medicine, they mention wiry pulse patterns, but I don't believe that this is what you're looking at. If it felt concentrated enough to be physical, it's possible that it was a somatic symptom, but I don't know enough to fully recommend anything in that regard. 

 

Quite frankly, to me, it feels like you have too much unmanaged stress combined with untreated underlying traumas. Speaking from a psychological perspective, there are no mental illnesses that manifest without stress, so it would be good to lower overall stressors and learn coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Yoga is a rather good coping mechanism, as is physical exercise. Emptiness meditation, martial arts, anime, and reading are my coping mechanisms, though everyone has their own fit. 

 

If western doctors and therapists cannot find anything substantial, go see a TCM doctor. 

[helpfuldemon]

Thinking about it, its really hard for me to believe that Im the only one to experience this.  Sort of like a 1 in 8 billion odds.  

[Paradoxal]

3 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

Thinking about it, its really hard for me to believe that Im the only one to experience this.  Sort of like a 1 in 8 billion odds.  

 

You're definitely not the only one to experience whatever it is, but symptoms can manifest in different ways for different people. This is especially true for illnesses of the intangible.

 

Another possibility I forgot to mention in my previous post is that of demonic influence, though I am not skilled enough to check on you to see if you're under it. That said, I'm sure someone on this forum is skilled enough in projection to check.

[liminal_luke]

On 17/7/2020 at 9:11 AM, helpfuldemon said:

Thinking about it, its really hard for me to believe that Im the only one to experience this.  Sort of like a 1 in 8 billion odds.  

 

I agree with Paradoxal.  While it´s likely nobody has experienced exactly what you´ve expereinced in

 exactly the same way, lots of people have had similar experiences.  If it´s any comfort, you are not alone.

[zerostao]

11 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

Thinking about it, its really hard for me to believe that Im the only one to experience this.  Sort of like a 1 in 8 billion odds.  

Are you close to any China town?

Acupuncturist, TCM practioner?

Have you tried any of those types of healers?

[doc benway]

20 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

If I heard about this from someone, I too would suggest it was just energy free flowing, but as it was experienced by me, I had to watch as it took over my body.  It felt like wires, it could have been energy honed in a wire fashion.  It was tangible, and I could feel it peeling away at my body.  It is indeed still going on, and yes, I have seen doctors and their medicine doesnt help too much, though it does offer some relief.  I was really hoping, since so many of you are so well read, that someone had come across something like this that I could read.  I cant believe Im the only one to experience it.  Ive seen glimmers of ideas in literature that might reference it, but never full definitions that I can relate to.  

 

Whatever we call it, sometimes adding more labels and analysis just solidifies our view and perspective. The mind can’t often solve its own riddles.

 

My practice is to be aware of whatever it is you are experiencing. Don’t suppress, analyze, or engage. Leave it as it is. In time it releases, it cannot sustain itself. 

Deepen a relationship to what remains in the instant it dissolves. That is the true source of healing.

[helpfuldemon]

10 hours ago, zerostao said:

Are you close to any China town?

Acupuncturist, TCM practioner?

Have you tried any of those types of healers?

 

 

No never thought to

[helpfuldemon]

What is TCM?

[anshino23]

Traditional Chinese Medicine. 

[helpfuldemon]

Since what I witnessed happening to me had a method, I wonder if it was a good thing.  I watched as this device systematically overtook my body.  I believe I have been assimilated- like the Borg from Star Trek.  Does this mean I have some sort of privilege?  I wonder...  For my life here, it has been ruinous, but perhaps there will be a reward when I die?  I believe this because of the mystical things that occurred prior to it.  I got someones attention one day, but I dont know who it is, what they want, what they do, and why they chose me, though I did go around declaring a lot of ambitious ideas about discovering truth and law.

[helpfuldemon]

So just a little more information on what Ive experienced...  For years it was hallucinations and voices, visions of things that I couldnt comprehend, thoughts that were mostly observational, sometimes informative, usually not that common, but as I was imagining a lot of it, it was hard to decipher what was actual and what was a fabrication of my own delusions.  I can say that it was not all delusion, because I was given information that I had never come across.  This device took pieces of my mind and it was a lot like threads or wires that attatched themselves to my thinking mind, and when I started to contemplate an idea, it provoked the continuation of that idea- to exhaustion.  I ran when things got to this level, as it seemed that thinking was endless at the hands of this demon, and I could not come to a confirmed answer.  Over the years my entire body has been devoured by this device, mostly though it has been my penis, my anus, my pelvis and my brain.  As I mentioned, I remember when it entered my head and diddled with the glands in the center, and went into my eyes and fingers. While much of the assimilation seemed methodological, there were times (a lot of times) that it was just pure chaos, flinging me into the abyss over and over.  A couple years ago, as the device penetrated deeper and deeper into my body, I was under assault.  In the center of my mind was a space that was silent, and all around me, like a ball of yarn, were wires pushing into my brain, sending me further and further down.  I fought it for awhile, and then decided that I could not win, so I submitted, and the voices told me not to, but I had the naive idea that if I allowed this thing to finish what it was doing, that I would be able to climb up and conquer it.  When I practiced meditation, when I felt pain or pressure, I learned to assimilate it and overcome, and so I tried that, but that does not work.  I have now been entirely overcome by this device.  I no longer feel lustful, and when I cannot access my lust, I find that I cannot access my inspiration or my heart- I cannot find the love that I once had.  I no longer feel craving, but I do sense hunger.  My brain is fully activated now, and while I sometimes have doubt, it comes and is transfigured into a sensation that just feeds the solidity of my mind.  I went through some traumatic months of depression and I am finding that I no longer have a place to retreat to.  As I told my friend:  there is no darkness for me to hide in, and no light to inspire.  My entire brain is now solid but quiet.  I have no thoughts, no hallucinations, and I find that this is a strong, restful place, and in order to imagine, I must force thoughts to come.  Im finally able to read again, thankfully- I gave it up because of how the demon forced thought after thought when I used my mind.  Things are starting to make sense and I am not over active in imagination.  Ive come to some conclusions, and they are not being contested by the demon any longer.  I find myself asking why this had to happen, because Ive realized that certain things are important and true, and that much of what we believe is simply opinion.  There is no absolute wisdom, and so I ask "Why did I have to quest for something that cannot be found?"  I wonder why I couldnt have simply been left alone to my wandering thoughts and experiments.  Why was I chosen for this to happen?  What does it mean for my fate?  Am I important, or is this just something that the Gods do occasionally?  How am I now different, other than experiencing something unique and uncommon?

 

The voices are gone now, and while I pray a lot, and question why, there is no response, and for that I guess I am thankful, because when they were there, it was endless and vague.  

[helpfuldemon]

I am now forced to sit quietly in a meditative trance.  There is a pressure on the fullness of my head that makes me want to be silent.  I can still think, but it seems pointless.  I see that life is only so much joy and sorrow, that there is no new story to tell, and that much of it is an endless sequence of ideas and opportunities that are meant to help us build, and to satisfy desire.  I have no desire, other than the ambition to create something great that will inspire human life towards a greater experience, but in this I have seen that there is no absolute.  Though there is no absolute, I should still bother to try, for life is a long walk, and we want things to do.  But, as I said, I am almost forced to sit quietly now, and my mind has been scattered so far that I have a hard time making sensible statements.  I also see that there is a sea of things being said and done in this regard, and as I said elsewhere, I dont have anything terribly new to add.

[helpfuldemon]

One more thing:  my passions have died, the fire being forcibly put out, so what is left?  Rational, methodical mental activity- but not for me; this device has ruined my mind, I cannot think logically, my memory is broken.  I cannot compile data and build.

[Desmonddf]

That seems like a kind of obsession put in order by either yourself (self-obsession) or an external entity (I highly doubt it would be a demon, even if it appears as one, as that's not how they usually act).

 

Since it has gone so deep already, it will be very difficult to get rid of it by the common means. Taking these things out of you would probably kill you.

 

Instead, you need to go not deeper, but beyond. The root of the problem, the point where this thing entered your mind, is "chaos", and probably a certain fear of chaos. Becoming a being made entirely of wires and programming means that whatever you see as "chaos" has been destroyed in you (desires, passions, dreams, ideas, feelings...) and whatever you see as "order" (coldness, calculation, repetition) has been cemented.

 

This duality must be transcended in order for you to get rid of this thing once and for all. I suggest emptyness meditation, in which you do not try to see order or chaos - but rather, emptyness. Go beyond order and chaos, go beyond beauty and uglyness, and become aware of the void of all things.

 

I recommend this mantra as background music and reflection material:

 

[helpfuldemon]

38 minutes ago, Desmonddf said:

That seems like a kind of obsession put in order by either yourself (self-obsession) or an external entity (I highly doubt it would be a demon, even if it appears as one, as that's not how they usually act).

 

Since it has gone so deep already, it will be very difficult to get rid of it by the common means. Taking these things out of you would probably kill you.

 

Instead, you need to go not deeper, but beyond. The root of the problem, the point where this thing entered your mind, is "chaos", and probably a certain fear of chaos. Becoming a being made entirely of wires and programming means that whatever you see as "chaos" has been destroyed in you (desires, passions, dreams, ideas, feelings...) and whatever you see as "order" (coldness, calculation, repetition) has been cemented.

 

This duality must be transcended in order for you to get rid of this thing once and for all. I suggest emptyness meditation, in which you do not try to see order or chaos - but rather, emptyness. Go beyond order and chaos, go beyond beauty and uglyness, and become aware of the void of all things.

 

I recommend this mantra as background music and reflection material:

 

Thank you, you have made me feel very understood, something that I dont get much of.  I think you are exactly right, as emptiness is where Im at right now.  I can fight against it, but I dont see the point, except to perhaps create something.  As far as "living and feeling"  I no longer require that.

[helpfuldemon]

Some other interesting things of note.  Now that the hallucinations are gone, when I have thoughts of doubt or regret, they are instantly absorbed into this device.  I no longer feel sorrow or fear.  On the other hand, I no longer feel love or desire.  Its taking some time to adjust to this, because previously i was literally plagued with doubt and despair, for years.  Its also not very restful, being wide awake now.

[helpfuldemon]

One of the other things that cant seem to be helped is that Ive become colder, almost indifferent to a lot of things.  Im still concerned, and I still offer opinion, but I dont seem to care much about other peoples problems now- its not my fight.  I dont think this is the right attitude to take, but its essentially true, and Im in no position of authority to make much of a difference anyway.  I think this comes from my long period of suffering, Im kind of numb because I know that in a lot of cases, theres nothing that can be done for a person other than to be a listener and be supportive.  I also recognize that a lot of people dont want my opinion.

[helpfuldemon]

If I had simply fallen ill, I think I wouldnt have suffered so greatly.  Because I know this had a Divine/mystical origin, it kept me seeking answers.  What makes it worse is that I wonder why the God would do such a thing.  I often find myself barking at the moon complaining.  Philosophical investigation leads to realization but one of the things you realize is that its not as important as we like to think.  Most truth is relative to time and place and culture, and so if this was a push towards seeking wisdom, it seems like a terribly painful way to make someone realize that its subjective.  

[Paradoxal]

On 7/24/2020 at 11:13 AM, helpfuldemon said:

One of the other things that cant seem to be helped is that Ive become colder, almost indifferent to a lot of things.  Im still concerned, and I still offer opinion, but I dont seem to care much about other peoples problems now- its not my fight.

This is actually a rather healthy way to view things, at least, from my point of view. If you destroy yourself attempting to help others, how can you truly offer a helping hand? Some things are indeed sad, but are not worth focusing on, nor are they worth caring deeply about. Retaining your compassion while reining in your scathing flames is quite ideal, as it allows you to help others without burning yourself. 

[manitou]

I can't help but wonder if the fact that you took Helpful Demon as your handle - are demons something that you identify with, or think about obsessively?  If this is the case, it may require you to question your fundamental attraction to demons.  You are manifesting this, it's not just happening out of the blue -

[helpfuldemon]

Demons are semi Divine entities.  I believe they are only semi Divine because their methods are to challenge us, rather than generously inform and guide us,. or heal us.  I named myself helpfuldemon because I have spent a lot of time challenging for the sake of aiding.  I am not a challenger much any more, but I think its a useful tool to discover truth.