Hello, new here

[Spaceofawareness]

Hello all,

 

I’m very glad to have found an online community which seems to share some of the ideas, practices, and essential experiences which I have been having over the last year or so.

 

My story begins with me searching for a way to be comfortable with seemingly meaningless work. My job is one which is repetitive and physical, however also rather complex. It requires a high degree of precision. Yet over the years I have mastered it, to the point where “I” no longer need to be in charge. The work does itself. You could say this already reflects a reversed version of the Taoist way of “action through non-action”.

 

So while it might seem a good thing to be free of needing to act, this leaves one with a lot of time to think, something which I wasn’t comfortable with. My mind would run off on long and sometimes chaotic lines of thought, often into paranoia. This was due to an inability to just be, even while I was doing something, like working. So I turned to distraction. First it was music, but, after that was exhausted for novelty, i turned to podcasts. This kept my mind occupied while my body worked. I was (and still do sometime) learning and jumping down long rabbit holes of thought, discussions, etc. while this managed to calm the mind, unfortunately my interests became more crystallised, and there is only so much content one can find on a particular thing before it’s exhausted.

 

i was consuming these podcasts in a very western obsessive manner. When the pool was exhausted, I was back to my paranoid craving mind, which was sometimes unbearable.

 

I listen to these podcasts on wireless headphones, to avoid wires getting tangled while I work. But, sometimes they may run out of charge, or fall out, leaving me interrupting my work process in order to fix the problem.

 

i noticed this in myself, and saw it as an issue. So, I decided to defy my mind’s need for this consumptive habit, and one day, simply stopped listening. But, instead of being lost in thought, I was focusing on what I was doing, but not like I was doing it, because I had already formed these automatic behaviours which allowed me to be an “observer”.

 

So as I observed myself working, I would simply watch the movements being performed, the sensations of the movements. The sensation of the movements of the limbs in space, making contact with the objects in the world. All the while i would also be aware of my breath. I had done one session of mindfulness prior, and found it to be useful for quieting my mind. 

 

As this was happening, I noticed I felt more “present”, and my mind wasn’t wandering as much. But, I also noticed when my mind did start to go off on its tangents, “I” could observe it, but it felt different this time, not so much like “I” was thinking those thoughts, but more like they were appearing, and I was becoming aware of them. 

 

As this happened a few times, slowly I felt a change and an opening up of awareness. But awareness also had some kind of sensation of itself. I began to rest in this state of self knowing awareness. While working, I would be observing the world, the body, the thoughts, but all the while, feeling like this observer of everything, aware of itself. This followed into driving between jobs, driving behaviour happened with little mental help (thanks to  GPS). It seemed my awareness was separating from sensations, almost like the sensations were in another bubble on the surface of me, this bubble of awareness. There seemed to be some kind of boundary which was forming between awareness and sensations and thoughts. 

 

There were times of great peace, contentment, and, inherent meaningfulness. Nothing else needed to be happening. I had previously struggled with the meaninglessness of doing the same thing over and over for years. But now, it seemed infinitely worthwhile, simply to be there in the moment.

 

This carried on for months. I noticed I could observe bad habits and seemingly with this focusing of awareness, squash them as they arose, or sometimes, before. The same was possible with negative emotions, or even negative reactions to pain. The light of awareness seemed to overcome any negativity. 

 

As this process unfolded, I also noticed I was becoming more and more detached from the world. Not through resistance, but due to the quieting of the egoic tendency to reach out in the world. It felt like to remain as this awareness, the ego had to be shut down. 

 

This became a problem, as, being part of the world, one must also interact with the world to remain in balance. 

 

I my mind inherently knew this, because I began to struggle to remain in this awareness after a few months, some days would be clearer than others, the ego seemed to be merging back with awareness, but, as this happened, awareness was no longer pure, and would get lost in the trials and tribulations of the ego and its reactive tendencies.

 

After a while, I no longer felt I was this pure light of awareness, and felt like I was back where I started. But, the difference being, the awareness still feels like it’s there in the background, but I appear in it, along with the ego and everything else. As such everything is watched, but, when I look for the sense of being here, all there is is that awareness, with no sense of presence, compared to before it felt very close, then when detached it felt like I was this awareness.

 

This brought me to a Taoist text which I stumbled across, the secret of the golden flower. It seemed to be speaking to my experience somehow, especially the call to “turn the light around”. This was what it felt like when awareness had this sense of presence, like it could somehow know itself at all times, yet not phenomenally. It was never an act of effort, but always a relaxing back into what was already here, a zooming out of a kind.

 

It felt like home.

 

So now I find myself knowing the light, wanting to turn it back around, but I feel there are forces which want to unfold in another way first, a kind of transcending and including. The transcendence occurred, which gave a view of the world and the ego and body, but now, it feels like I need to reintegrate all of that back into this awareness.

 

So, after searching different practices and spiritual traditions, I find myself lead to Taoism, which seems to inherently contain this transformational and inclusive practice at its essence. I seek to know more and to understand the way this organism is seeking to unfold and flower.

 

Thats my story, I look forward to learning from you all and interacting.

 

peace.

 

[thelerner]

Greetings Spaceofawareness, reading your post I was thinking about The Golden Flower, before you mentioned it.  Feels like you were doing the practice before you got its name or method.  Welcome to the site.  I look forward to your sharing.

 

We're an eclectic philosophy forum for learning, discussing and cultivation.  Below are 3 important sections: Our Rules, The Insult Policy and our 3 Foundations.  Before you join give them a read. 

 

Most of it boils down to being respectful.  No name calling or trolling.  Post as if your mom's looking over your shoulder.  Discussion and arguments are what the board is about.  Keep it civil, don't get personal.  Don't be a troll or one issue zealot. 

 

We're here for good conversation and making some friends along the way, to be a community.  Jump right in, start threads, ask questions, look for interesting threads and post your (relevant) thoughts. 

 

For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like. Also, until you’ve posted fifteen times in the forums, you’ll be a “Junior Bum” with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day.

 

 TDB team

 

Read and review Our Rules:

 

Please take a moment to review our Forum Terms & Rules detailed below. If you agree with them and wish to proceed with the registration, simply click the "Register" button below. To cancel this registration, simply hit the 'back' button on your browser.

Please remember that we are not responsible for any messages posted. We do not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message.

The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of this bulletin board. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact us immediately by email. We have the ability to remove objectionable messages and we will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary.

The content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of content found on the website.

You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this bulletin board to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, spam, obscene, profane, threatens or incites violence, invasive of a person's privacy, nor of denigrating and/or erotically suggestive avatars, signatures, links and pictures, or otherwise violative of any law.

You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by this bulletin board.

-Mal Rules & Use 7/22/11

 

 

Our Insult Policy- Read it, Live it

 

Quote

Tao bums is a moderated, privately owned, web site; all who agree with our guiding principals are welcome to join our discussions:

Treat other members with respect. No personal attacks.

Moderators are present to enforce this, please abide by their decisions.

Basically No personal attacks.
It is totally fine to vocally disagree with a person's opinion, technique, politics, approach, lifestyle choice, etc.

But no insulting (or links to attacks) of individuals, nationalities, genders, political preferences, lifestyle choices, etc.
While this may sound restrictive and categorically un-Taoist, I believe it is a useful guideline to help us stop for a moment and think about how to present our perspectives intelligently without just flinging unproductive rudeness at each other. This way other members can receive value from your perspective and you can gain clarity by reasoning out why you initially felt compelled to verbally put down someone else for being different.

 

No one, including the originating poster, gains anything from statements like "So and so is a complete moron", etc. If you have an opinion and you believe it's relevant to a topic at hand, post it as constructively as possible so we can learn from you, debate with you, ignore you, whatever.

If you can't abide by this simple constructive guideline, either create your post in a PPD or expect it can be moved. This is our mini-octagon here for those of you that insist on a more primitive breed of taoist war.

 

TheDaoBums' Three Foundations: Eclectic, Egalitarian, Civil.

TDBs' Cultural Context and Founding Principles  ver.2020-Jul-16
The purpose of this document is to concisely state the most fundamental framework principles that give TDBs it's distinctive shape.  This is not "all the rules, permutations, etc",  just the steel beams.

TDBs exists in the general field of "The Search for Truth".
The Usual organized formats (schools) for The Search tend to have:
    1. focus exclusively within a school
    2. hierachical learning structure, hierachical ability to speak
TheDàoBums' founding principles form a deliberate cultural counter-point:
    1. run independently of any school, which allows a more eclectic atmosphere
    2. conversational learning, egalitarian ability for members to speak
TDBs' social format is "cafeteria", not "classroom".  It's part of TDBs' premise that, broadly in culture, these two formats are necessary, distinct yet complementary.

TheDàoBums has a strong egalitarian ethic in that it's whole purpose is to provide a civil very open context for member conversations.  However, its governance structure is mostly top down; it's not a democracy.
- admins - own / run the board
- moderators - enforce rules
- members - converse 

TDBs' Conversational Context:
1. At TDBs member participation in conversation is non-hierarchical.  Meaning, members have equal ability to talk regardless of level of knowledge, achievement, or status / credentials of any kind.  TDBs has an underlying ethic of valuing the communication of each person.

 

2. TDBs most basic rules about conversation are around civility.

• While TDBs provides room for, encourages, lively, often vigorous and sometimes rough and tumble, debate ... that is balanced by protecting decency and sensitivity towards each other in such a variety of instances that no set of specific rules could ever adequately cover.
• A moderator's basic role is to moderate members' incivility toward each other in conversation.  
• Members support this process by 'reporting' offending posts

A fictional example of how 1&2 shake out:
If there's a TDBs debate about music between Mozart vs a beginning piano player, and it becomes heated enough that reports are generated for moderator consideration then, still, "level of knowledge, achievement, or status" are not basis for moderation.  Civility is, applied equally to each member.

It's up to each member, not moderators, to sort out the truth (and other questions of quality) for themselves in conversation.  Moderators just keep the conversation civil within reasonable limits.  For issues of staff bias, members can contact the current admin.

The staff (admins, moderators) also deserve and have protection against incivility and against abuse of staff resources.  Staff protection is enforced at the discretion of the admin, lead moderator/s, and by consensus of the moderation team.  The admin also has broad discretion to protect the civility and resources of any aspect within TDBs e-community.

 

signed,

- Trunk, author & past admin

- Sean, owner & admin of TheDàoBums

 

 

[Spaceofawareness]

Thanks thelerner,

 

I hope to soak up the residual wisdom from this place and members, and maybe in kind give back at some stage.