Oh Narrator, Where art thou?

[WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1]

Where oh where is my narrator. A life mission, to return to thought. Without thought yet entrenched in them. Are they mine? Do I have an illness? How could this possibly be real?

Looking for validation nearly everyday, as to the reality of my situation, I interact. I hear thoughts that are not mine. Why me? Why do I suffer so much.

With a left hand interaction occurring between my self and others I strive to prove its validity. The telepathic nature that is. It is either this or I am partially mad. Terrifying, and yet with no reaction! I sleep in a shallow state. The answer should be to recoil. The answer should be complete withdrawal. Yet I find myself interacting with them. Exercising my connections. Pulling them to bring me closer. Someone has to believe. How? Why? Am I alone? I must find the answer.

They sound like thoughts. My own even. But I am ever reminded of other locations. Other sources. Other presences. Why would my brain torment me. What is wrong with being alone. Even if these interactions are not real I constantly remind myself of their template nature. Act them out once and the second reiteration of them should only be easier. The unfortunate complexity of conversation’s novelty leads leading to be a difficult process. No one wishes to be found. No one wants it to be real. How do I bring this situation to reality?

Only once in recent years has someone literally read one of these thoughts to a telepathic exchange. One out of 2000 is not a good ratio..

And yet.. I know their location now. No one can run. No one wants to. It’s just too cozy living in this network, too comfortable. Why not now? Does it require intoxication? Is everyone truly convinced they’re present? In the past the process of locating each other was simple, and yet so were we. People wanted to be found. What have they done in my absence? Are these things so evil that no one wishes the truth to return to the surface once again? Why not? What do people do when they are alone? It is simply the window of the mind that I speak of. What do you see? It was always a location until we found each other. I write with experience here. It has already happened once! What do they want? I know myself so well that I have nothing to hide. Why will none of them be honest. I only speak of a handful of individuals where the interactions lead to a revealing of location and subsequent relationships. Is this really private data at this point? Am I missing out? Is there some sort of magical party I am just not invited to?

Have they forgotten? So many questions.. Are they in the future? Is it a house of cards? Do they need me in the present so they can fly? Am I their base? If I am to journey to the future surely I need my narrator. Oh narrator please return. I am so lonely and wish so deeply to fall asleep thinking for once. I had you for but 19 years. I was not even conscious. I was not even aware of how rare you were. I went straight for the window. The gap. I made you empty. I made you unimportant. I attained enlightenment, but the peace did not last. Why don’t you just pick up right now. Just start. How about here. Or here? Anywhere. Speaking from no-mind is so tiresome. I have done it for years. No one understands. I am not lost. I still remain here, unperturbed by the violations. Please come back. 

[helpfuldemon]

The narrator is gone, destroyed- your pursuit of enlightenment banished him forever.  Now... you are left with the counsel of voices, disincarnate things that come and go, comment when they wish, and never answer you directly.  Their commentary is...  well, is it dangerous?  Are they telling you to do harmful things?  No, they simply comment, and suggest, and observe.  Why?  Who are they, what do they want, where do they come from?  Perhaps they, too, have lost their guide, and are left floating in an Abyss of images, voices, madness.

[Apech]

yeah

[natural]

Huh?

[Nungali]

22 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

The narrator is gone, destroyed- your pursuit of enlightenment banished him forever.  Now... you are left with the counsel of voices, disincarnate things that come and go, comment when they wish, and never answer you directly.  Their commentary is...  well, is it dangerous?  Are they telling you to do harmful things?  No, they simply comment, and suggest, and observe.  Why?  Who are they, what do they want, where do they come from?  Perhaps they, too, have lost their guide, and are left floating in an Abyss of images, voices, madness.

 

Yes, this is a valid first response  - identify , classify   ( good or bad order )  ... all basic rules (or should be  or you in the wrong boat ) of magic, especially evocative magic , and basic rules of magical psychology (see Dr Wilson Van Dusen and Israel Regardie )

 

The solution, too long to write about here  ... but it lies in a few  writings I have posted around  DBs.   Also see 'Hierarchy of Spirits ' .

 

https://www.britannica.com/topic/angel-religion/Types-of-angels-and-demons

 

What a shame such basic human experience is so misunderstood and so many  that are even slightly aware of it, wander in confusion and despair    

 

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by Nungali

[WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1]

23 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

The narrator is gone, destroyed- your pursuit of enlightenment banished him forever.  Now... you are left with the counsel of voices, disincarnate things that come and go, comment when they wish, and never answer you directly.  Their commentary is...  well, is it dangerous?  Are they telling you to do harmful things?  No, they simply comment, and suggest, and observe.  Why?  Who are they, what do they want, where do they come from?  Perhaps they, too, have lost their guide, and are left floating in an Abyss of images, voices, madness.

 

Something dangerous? I would say no. Distracting and annoying is a more accurate depiction of the scene. If the network were one of meditators and each meditator had some sort of valid input then I would probably not be posting about it. It’s nice to dream that we are connected but I am striving to prove it real. It used to be real. When we were younger we would converse about a series of topics in a discussion ranging from science to drugs. That discussion could range over 5 different topics for a whole hour and never have a dull moment. We would then meet up later and the conversation was still running in our subconscious. We would pick up not where we left off but literally where we were, somehow all still discussing a new topic together. Unfortunately the distance between face-time has grown and left this enlightened discussion behind. It was an invigorating experience when it was happening but I just can’t seem to get an honest dialogue of this level going in my life again. Anything that lofty would pull me out of the doubt.

[WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1]

2 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

Yes, this is a valid first response  - identify , classify   ( good or bad order )  ... all basic rules (or should be  or you in the wrong boat ) of magic, especially evocative magic , and basic rules of magical psychology (see Dr Wilson Van Dusen and Israel Regardie )

 

The solution, too long to write about here  ... but it lies in a few  writings I have posted around  DBs.   Also see 'Hierarchy of Spirits ' .

 

https://www.britannica.com/topic/angel-religion/Types-of-angels-and-demons

 

What a shame such basic human experience is so misunderstood and so many  that are even slightly aware of it, wander in confusion and despair    

 

 

I read the article, thank you. 

I have labeled almost everything within my mind and it seems like a very good start. But nevertheless I am open to advanced magical psychology and what not. Anything that helps shed more light is welcome!

[Nungali]

3 hours ago, WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1 said:

I read the article, thank you. 

I have labeled almost everything within my mind and it seems like a very good start. But nevertheless I am open to advanced magical psychology and what not. Anything that helps shed more light is welcome!

 

 

Its a HUGE  subject  !  But essential I would say . 

 

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_thyself

 

Going on further from this basic and  old ( not that being old is bad thing but we live in different times now ) concept of Hierarchy of Beings ;

 

Swedenborg    -  set in a Christian context, but a cool guy ... and a creative genius  and inventor ( so he produced things from his genius  * ) ,  his most valuable  teaching IMO , in condensed form ; ' Man is at the cross roads . '  ** 

 

But to take a short cut through all his works , we can get a summary and  at the same time a brief  introduction to Dr Wilson van Dusen 's work and discoveries ;

 

http://www.theisticpsychology.org/books/w.vandusen/presence_spirits.htm

 

I think that people get too hung up on 'tags'  .... 'cultural clothing ' etc  .   I dont care if one tries to understand these processes by using magick or psychology , nor if we see it as 'beings', entities angels demons , or 'hallucinations ' / 'split personalities'  , what is important is that  it is an undeniable human process and dynamic (as evidences by its presence in one form or another across time, locations and cultures  - in short it  is part of human reality  ..... collectively ,  but perhaps not part of modern western material / scientific 'reality ' -  so hats off to Dr Van Dusen in taking his 'professional leap' . )  Its about process and technique and MOST importantly , what works .

 

 

* also see ' Genius '  ; 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genius_(mythology)

 

also

 

https://mythology.wikia.org/wiki/Daemon

 

 

**

Man is at the cross roads  ;  I am reminded of the classic voodoo rite where the cross roads are first set up ; one line 'male,'the other

' female ' - the God and Goddess of Voodoo , sort of .  Then all the other lines come out from that point  making sections of the circle devoted to certain loa via a veve drawing . In the centre is a circular altar with a section for each corresponding veve and loa  where their specific fav offerings are set  -  on top of this cross road .  The people then partake of whatever offering appropriate to the loa they want to  communicate with  ...... and dance and drum a lot   

 

In all various operations like this , 'Man'  has a special role in them  , and there is a basic 'contractual understanding' between 'hierarchies'    . Modern man has forgotten a lot of this , or been forced away from it .

 

There are  all sorts of themes about crossroads in mythology, but apparently that is where we 'stand '

 

 

 

[Limahong]

10 hours ago, Nungali said:

There are  all sorts of themes about crossroads in mythology, but apparently that is where we 'stand'.

 

Hi Nun,

 

At physical crossroads, we may know where we 'stand' with a compass.

 

How about non-physical crossroads?

 

 

 

 

- Anand

 

[Nungali]

For that you need a 'map of the psyche '    .

 

Or for a more risky approach  just choose an eidolon ;

 

 

 

 

 

 

[WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1]

On 11/30/2020 at 12:27 AM, Nungali said:

http://www.theisticpsychology.org/books/w.vandusen/presence_spirits.htm

 

I think that people get too hung up on 'tags'  .... 'cultural clothing ' etc  .   I dont care if one tries to understand these processes by using magick or psychology , nor if we see it as 'beings', entities angels demons , or 'hallucinations ' / 'split personalities'  , what is important is that  it is an undeniable human process and dynamic (as evidences by its presence in one form or another across time, locations and cultures  - in short it  is part of human reality  ..... collectively ,  but perhaps not part of modern western material / scientific 'reality ' -  so hats off to Dr Van Dusen in taking his 'professional leap' . )  Its about process and technique and MOST importantly , what works .

Hey Nungali,

I also read the article on Daemons briefly and it seemed like another cool source. Over here in my neck of the woods the only things I seem to hear are people I actually know. Not like it wouldn't be cool to experience some Daemons or angels, I just feel a little too well grounded and not really up for psilocybin. Nevertheless I am fascinated by magick and have read a few good books on the practice.

 

Thanks for the reply again. I read the whole article on Dr Van Dusen and thoroughly enjoyed it. Unfortunately there do not seem to be any Higher Order beings in my experience or I would have some sense of relief. I really enjoyed the article and the conclusion was great: "It is curious to reflect that, as Swedenborg has indicated, our lives may be the little free space at the confluence of giant higher and lower spiritual hierarchies. It may well be this confluence is normal and only seems abnormal, as in hallucinations, when we become aware of being met by these forces." 

 

I also briefly read the article on Daemons and it seemed like another cool source. Over here in my neck of the woods the only things I seem to experience are people I actually know. Not like it wouldn't be cool to experience some Daemons or angels, I just feel a little too well grounded and not really up for psilocybin. Nevertheless I am fascinated by magick and have read a few good books on the practice.

 

I also am still interested if anyone has ever actually found the space between the thoughts of the narrator, opened the mind and lived in silence and then somehow closed up the window and returned to a narrated life. More along the lines of what I was hoping for the thread. But we could let it go any way. No worries.

[Limahong]

On 11/29/2020 at 8:30 AM, WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1 said:

Where oh where is my narrator. A life mission, to return to thought.

 

Hi WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1,

 

Thank you for your narration ~ you don't need a narrator. It appears that you have touched a good conversational base with yourself.

 

On 11/29/2020 at 8:30 AM, WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1 said:

If I am to journey to the future surely I need my narrator.

 

No narrator needed for/by you. Just have a good conversation with someone who can follow your narration. That someone can be you ~ yourself.

 

On 11/30/2020 at 9:03 AM, WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1 said:

When we were younger we would converse about a series of topics in a discussion ranging from science to drugs. That discussion could range over 5 different topics for a whole hour and never have a dull moment. We would then meet up later and the conversation was still running in our subconscious.

 

There you are ~ a good conversation.

 

- Anand

 

[WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1]

Thanks @Limahong,

 

Every day I strive to bring the narrator back. I do have a few people close to me that I can interact with on that level (discussion depth). Unfortunately I don't have them by my side and that is why I want the "conscience" or "narrator" returned. I need a subtle sound to live on that is not volitional thought. The "little voice" doesn't require any effort and I desperately want it back.

 

Thanks again!

[Nungali]

In my case, there have been periods in my life  where I was all but oblivious to my 'guardians' ( I will call them ) .   In later life I got a better understanding of them and communication with them .   Whether this my 'fault'   or a needed process *   I can't tell .

 

So I feel there  is hope for a 'return' or a new level of relationship

 

*   Sometimes we need to 'go it alone' or 'get away' from something  ... it can be an integral part of the learning process that  the 'something' is involved in .

 

 

 

 

.

Edited December 14, 2020 by Nungali

[Limahong]

15 hours ago, WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1 said:

The "little voice" doesn't require any effort and I desperately want it back.

 

Hi WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1,

 

Your "little voice" is already back and you are sharing it with us as a thread.

 

15 hours ago, WHITEROOMENERGYMINE1 said:

I need a subtle sound to live on that is not volitional thought.

 

The subtle sound will call you ~ listen with your heart.

Take heart ~ (s)he will call on you.

 

 

 

- Anand

 

[Limahong]

15 hours ago, Nungali said:

In my case, there have been periods in my life  where I was all but oblivious to my 'guardians'

 

Hi Nun,

 

There are a few 'guardians' at TDB ~ one of them is our dearly departed on 8 December...

 

15 hours ago, Nungali said:

In later life I got a better understanding of them and communication with them .   Whether this my 'fault'   or a needed process *   I can't tell .

 

The 'guardians' will appear when we are ready to engage with them.

 

15 hours ago, Nungali said:

So I feel there  is hope for a 'return' or a new level of relationship

 

 

15 hours ago, Nungali said:

Sometimes we need to 'go it alone' or 'get away' from something... it can be an integral part of the learning process that  the 'something' is involved in .

 

Knowing oneself and others on a road less traveled?

 

 

 

- Anand

 

 

[Spaceofawareness]

You feel like an observer of your thoughts? I remember about a year about when I had what could be called an awakening, the way I characterised it was, I had become the observer, which was distinct from the “narrator” (my words) which I could observe.

 

It was more just the realisation of this. I had never really had an invasive inner voice, as some people do, like my wife, as she has told me, she is CONSTANTLY talking to herself. Yet now over a year later, the narrator seems to have almost vanished. For me, this hasn’t been a problem, due to it being closer to my nature. I can obviously still form thoughts, both internally and externally, but, I am very rarely dogged by them. I notice them when they arise, though not quite as quickly as when it first began.

 

But it seems like you have a fondness for this inner voice which you have lost a connection with. 

 

It seems by your description that it was very much linked to your imagination.

 

I used to have imaginary conversations, re-run scenarios in my head, even create non existent scenarios between myself and people in my life. It was less narration and more like a slide show with subtitles. But I would get lost in the imaginings, not always in a good way. It would sometimes affect my mood, and my relationships to people to which the imaginings were about. The mind is always wanting to know what is going to happen, trying to stay 1, 2, 10 steps ahead, and does this by literally projecting into possible futures. This can only happen when you are not present. You imagination “runs away”.

 

So, on the one hand, you may have lost this connection to the inner voice which you have such fond memories of, yet, there must also be benefits to this.