Looking for tips on reducing pride/ego.

[dontknwmucboutanythng]

After a couple of years of meditation/introspection I thought I made a bit of progress on pride/ego.  But a few recent next to nothing incidents proved I was wrong, perhaps even regressed. So any tips on training to reduce pride/ego would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

Edited May 1, 2021 by dontknwmucboutanythng

[doc benway]

26 minutes ago, dontknwmucboutanythng said:

After a couple of years of meditation/introspection I thought I made a bit of progress on pride/ego.  But a few recent next to nothing incidents proved I was wrong, perhaps even regressed. So any tips on training to reduce pride/ego would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

 

Do you practice in a particular tradition?

There are many practices that can reduce the prominence of pride and ego in our lives. 

 

One very good approach that comes mainly from Bön and Buddhist traditions is the practice of impermanence.

Seeing the truth of our own impending death in a deep and personal way is an extremely powerful way to release pride and ego.

You are going to die and you have no idea when or how.

You will need to let go of everything you own, everything you are attached to, everyone you love, all of your accomplishments.

None of it will last or matter in a few years... powerful realization!

 

Other practices that are wonderful for subduing the ego in Buddhism and Bön are prostrations, mandala offerings, generating the mind of enlightenment (Bodhicitta), taking refuge, and Chöd (ritual sacrifice and offering of one's own body to others). 

 

On a more practical level, I think one can benefit greatly from serving others. Volunteer at a hospital, a food bank, a shelter, and so forth. When we connect with others who are vulnerable and less fortunate, we have the opportunity to feel empathy and with genuine empathy comes genuine compassion. The more we feel the pain and challenges of others, the easier it is to put our own pride and ego in the back seat and dedicate ourselves to helping those in need. 

 

These are a few that come to mind.

I hope that's helpful.

 

 

[Indiken]

accept it fully and make use of it, it will disappear when you will not need it anymore

[silent thunder]

Service to nature/others.

[centertime]

Be aware pf your limits

 

[Nungali]

Staaart up aa conversaaaation with me .  Thaat should do it

 

( after I get this daamn   stuck  a   key fixed   )

[helpfuldemon]

Why do people seem so desperate to eliminate the ego?  Its your identity.  What would you be without it?  A pale reflection of a person, thats what.  Are you so anxious to eliminate who you are?  What makes you so terrible that you should desire to do that?  

[RiverSnake]

Root chakra cultivation helps "uptight" people, chill out. 

[Cleansox]

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

Why do people seem so desperate to eliminate the ego? 

Because it is the accumulaton of a lifetime of emotional reactions? 

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

Its your identity. 

Well, if someone is content, there is no need for a change. 

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

What would you be without it? 

Free? 

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

  Are you so anxious to eliminate who you are? 

Not anxious about that at all, really 😁

1 hour ago, helpfuldemon said:

What makes you so terrible that you should desire to do that?  

Not curious about what Liberation could be? Or how it would be to awaken to reality? 

[old3bob]

it takes a will to surrender a will, so forget nihilism and the various forms and doubts it sometimes takes...(which is easier said than done)  Everything has cause and effects thus matters within the One which is under Dharma or laws.  The Self, the most basic identity is permanent, unchanging and source of Dharmas.  Egotistical dominance  cracks and drops away as the truth of Self becomes unveiled. 

[doc benway]

8 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

Why do people seem so desperate to eliminate the ego?  Its your identity.  What would you be without it?  A pale reflection of a person, thats what.  Are you so anxious to eliminate who you are?  What makes you so terrible that you should desire to do that?  

 

My own perspective is not that the ego is terrible or that it needs to be eliminated. Ego is useful and necessary but it is also very limiting and overbearing, the source of much dysfunction and pain. Putting the ego in its proper place and context allows it to do its job while opening me to a much larger, richer, and more creative sense of who and what I am. The ego itself is a “pale reflection of a person,” a frightened and controlling protective device that takes on far more import and dominance in my life than it deserves.

[silent thunder]

Strong points about not demonizing egoing.

 

For some time, i no longer experience an ego as if it's 'a thing' that 'i have' or possess, or carry, or am burdened by... my experience for some years now has been that ego is a verb.  Egoing is a verb, like dancing.  It is not a thing, it is experienced as a process that is engaged with, not some notion of an animated puppet, or mini-crappier version of my higher self that i carry with me or am burdened by, ^{(which is how I grew up and lived much of my adult life)}.  That kind of thinking seemed burdensome when i reflect back.

 

Egoing seemingly arises unconsciously when conditions draw me into it.  It has a natural, useful function and when realize i am egoing this no longer bothers me, it's just a dance.  Shifting from egoing to another process like simple presence and raw being occurs as well.  These processes arise and drop off naturally, cyclically.  When egoing ceases, raw being, emptiness, bouyancy are more readily experienced, though these never seem to pause; egoing like a whirlpool manifests and drops off... much like all other manifestations and mental modeling.  On, off.  Arise, recede.

 

Tao is as a bellows.  Nature dances in cycles.  Nature follows Tao; i follow my nature.  Naturing is also a verb to me... ^{(everything is, there are no longer any nouns in my experience of life, but that's another long and likely convoluted post)}

 

In terms of benefits, i'm relieved that i no longer manufacture, or hold a sense that egoing is bad, unnecessary or a burden when it arises.

 

 

 

[dwai]

Ego is a component/function of the mind. All it does is attach identification of the Self with something/many things. I am a man, doctor, smart, good looking, etc etc. At subtle levels it will be “I’ve subdued the ego”. To defuse the ego related angst, ask constantly “to whom is this feeling/thought/emotion” happening to? 
 

Learn to recognize the physical sign of when ego flare up occurs. It will become clear with some practice when it, often even before it occurs. Then get started with the inquiry into who is experiencing whatever that the ego is doing. 

[liminal_luke]

11 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

Why do people seem so desperate to eliminate the ego?   

 

One answer: to cultivate more authentic and fulfilling relationships with others.  

[natural]

2 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

 

One answer: to cultivate more authentic and fulfilling relationships with others.  

 

 

 

A lofty, and worthy goal.

But like much in life requiring others, not so simple.

Or easy : (

[liminal_luke]

22 minutes ago, natural said:

 

 

 

A lofty, and worthy goal.

But like much in life requiring others, not so simple.

Or easy : (

 

It´s certainly been my experience that other people can be difficult.  They so rarely do what I want.  (This is especially the case with my partner who, bless his little heart, is just the worst.)  

 

I have a degree in counseling psychology but never actually got myself employed as a counselor.  My pal Greg told me I should make it happen, become a counselor, that I´d be good at it.  I pointed out that I gave him my best advice all the time and he was still crazy... so my counseling skills must not be all that.  Of course counseling isn´t really about giving advice, but the point remains: influencing other people is a tough business.  

 

What´s useful, I think, about letting go of ego is that it allows me to be OK when others don´t change.  I can let people be as they are.  And that´s truly wonderful.  The secret of life is unilateral disarmament.

Edited May 2, 2021 by liminal_luke

[natural]

Letting people be themselves is great.

Being ready willing and able to help them in their time of need, priceless.

And as sue as the sun will rise somebody will be in need... and receptive to loving kindness.

[doc benway]

24 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

... so my counseling skills must not be all that. 

 

I don't buy that for a second!

 

[Limahong]

21 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

Staaart up aa conversaaaation with me .  Thaat should do it.

 

 

Hi Nun,

 

How aaaaaare you?

 

I am doing it ~ to boost your...

 

 

21 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

( after I get this daamn   stuck  a   key fixed   )

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Anand

 

 

[Nungali]

1 hour ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi Nun,

 

How aaaaaare you?

 

I am doing it ~ to boost your...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Careful Limi

 

Once you start , you will just encourage   ...... the appetite

 

 

 

[rex]

Considering different perspectives may help, like these Stoic shots:

https://dailystoic.com/stoic-quotes/

[stirling]

I would suggest study and application of the Tibetan Lojong teachings. A nice way to get into this from a more Western perspective is Norman Fischers book:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Training-Compassion-Teachings-Practice-Lojong/dp/1611800404

 

These teachings are a sort of morality training, but not a set of rules, more a way of observing our behavior and shifting it moment to moment. These teachings are deeply transformative, and Fischer has a fine way of making them relatable and very human. There is also an audiobook with Fischer reading his book which is highly recommended:

 

For a fantastic more direct translation (the way I worked with it):

 

https://www.amazon.com/Great-Path-Awakening-Cultivating-Compassion/dp/1590302141

Edited May 3, 2021 by stirling

[dontknwmucboutanythng]

My apology for this very late thank you for all the suggestions.

[forestofclarity]

On 5/2/2021 at 9:17 AM, silent thunder said:

my experience for some years now has been that ego is a verb.  Egoing is a verb, like dancing. 

 

I think everything is kind of like that. The trouble with English is that it is very thing based. Evidently, in classical Chinese (according to scholar/practitioner David Hinton), any noun can also be a verb, and vice versa. So even a table can be a tabling, which makes sense as everything is in a constant state of flux. And perhaps from a Taoist point of view, the attempt to solidify the world interferes with the underlying energetic flow of all things, and leads to stagnation. The more nouny the ego, perhaps the less efficiently it can function. 

 

Just riffing here. 

 

 

[silent thunder]

Yes English, with its built in premise of nouns that cause verbs has been problematic for me since middle school.  How utterly absurd it is, this notion that a static thing, could somehow be the cause of a process.  There are no static things, at least I've never perceived one.  Every 'thing' I perceive reveals itself as a process unfolding, never a static thing at all... but a constant, interconnected flowing... a beingness. 

 

A thing may have a shape that maintains for a time, my friends still recognize me after three decades of friendship, but I look almost nothing like my 20 year old self.  All form to me is like a whirlpool which maintains a shape for a time, yet is comprised entirely of flow. 

 

Humans are like this to me.  As are homes, animals, clouds, pebbles, mountains.  The shape is recognizable and stable for a time, but in any given moment, like the whirlpool, it is comprised of the motion of its innate being.

Constant flowing, unfoldings of interconnected process.

 

I appreciate the word being.  Human being.  It implies a fluid process.  An unfoldingness.

 

When I walk through life, I see beingness, everywhere.  Stone beings, insect beings, building beings, human beings.

 

All form is being in flow.

 

To trail it back to the OP, Ego arises in my experience, as one current among many.