Dhammapada and emotional immaturity

[Encephalon]

I haven't been a very good Buddhist despite years of intellectualizing it and wearing it on my sleeve.  I have abstained from referring to myself as a Buddhist - that much is true - and when pressed I've tried to be nuanced, that I follow a "path," without going into particulars.

 

But now, after four years of delving into the nature of my own unconscious conditioning, with a specific dive into the waters of developmental trauma disorder, I have to come clean and acknowledge that the bonds of my own conditionality have been forged in brass.  Childhood trauma gives birth to a number of malformations but emotional immaturity and learned pessimism seem to be two huge categories of syndromes that last for decades. I'm in that category.  I can only thank my seemingly boundless curiosity for gathering some insight.  Perhaps it's the saving grace of fools; they never give up.

 

I've built a small private library of books on Asian Studies, but no single document or book has offered more inspiration and genuine, day-to-day, present-time guidance than the Dhammapada.  I drive a lot so I keep this CD audio version in my car -  https://www.amazon.com/Voice-Buddha-Dhammapada-Buddhist-Teachings/dp/B0007URYC0/ref=sr_1_10?dchild=1&keywords=dhammapada+cd&qid=1631823915&sr=8-10

 

I have come to treasure the Shambhala Pocket Classics version and keep it in my Jansport for everyday ventures -  https://www.amazon.com/Dhammapada-Sayings-Buddha-Shambhala-Classics/dp/0877739668/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3OVH9HQAQTWW4&dchild=1&keywords=dhammapada+pocket+book&qid=1631823992&sprefix=dhammap%2Caps%2C230&sr=8-1

 

But I also really enjoy this translation from Thic Nhat Hanh and friends - https://www.amazon.com/Dhammapada-Ananda-Maitreya/dp/0938077872/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3OVH9HQAQTWW4&dchild=1&keywords=dhammapada+pocket+book&qid=1631825124&sprefix=dhammap%2Caps%2C230&sr=8-2

 

Ideally, we'd have an exalted, enlightened warrior-scholar to walk with throughout our waking days, offering us advice and wise counsel on how to live with dignity, wisdom, and compassion.  In the absence of such entities, I've found the Dhammapada to deliver the goods in the most unadormed language.  

 

My greatest terror has always been to die an old fool having failed to plumb the depths of my conditioning and achieve emotional maturity.   With the Dhammapada, and the work on DTD, there is hope for even the most conditioned dipshits among us. 

[Maddie]

Why do you think you've not been a very good buddhist?

[Encephalon]

On 9/19/2021 at 8:42 AM, dmattwads said:

Why do you think you've not been a very good buddhist?

 

Ahh, let me count the ways

 

As I mentioned before, intellectualizing Buddhism is common, partly because Buddhism is on one level a science of mind, or as the Dalai Lama said "Growth of the heart by way of the mind."  Once you've studied it awhile, read a couple dozen books on it, maybe even out of a genuine curiosity about its breathtaking wisdom and insight, it can still be used to bolster one's own egocentrism, or what Chogyum Trungpa famously called spiritual materialism.  

 

I was once told that despite my half-assed emulation of Buddhist wisdom and practice in an effort to appear cool and spiritually erudite, almost everything that brings you closer to awakening can be recognized as worthy.  I wrote about Buddhism in college, read dozens of books, attended lectures, facilitated Buddhist sobriety meetings, all under various forms of delusion, i.e, not truly aware of my conditioning, my blind spots.  I was a pretty haughty jackass in TheDaoBums when I first joined, casting intellectual victories over others as evidence of my spiritual superiority. 

 

If anything has changed since then it is my deeper appreciation of my negative conditioning, the decades I spent in doubt about my own chances for awakening while simultaneously preening as a Buddhist scholar, and finally - FINALLY! - realizing that the wisest course of action one may take on the path is usually the compassionate one.   

 

There may be another thread in here - "Is it possible to act wisely without empathy?"  As S.T. Coleridge once wrote, "Deep thinking is attainable only by a man of deep feeling."  The essential link between wisdom and compassion took me decades to understand and act upon, but, like the numberless fools before me, dragged over hot coals by an untethered curiosity, I won't give up! 

 

[Maddie]

2 hours ago, Encephalon said:

 

Ahh, let me count the ways

 

As I mentioned before, intellectualizing Buddhism is common, partly because Buddhism is on one level a science of mind, or as the Dalai Lama said "Growth of the heart by way of the mind."  Once you've studied it awhile, read a couple dozen books on it, maybe even out of a genuine curiosity about its breathtaking wisdom and insight, it can still be used to bolster one's own egocentrism, or what Chogyum Trungpa famously called spiritual materialism.  

 

I was once told that despite my half-assed emulation of Buddhist wisdom and practice in an effort to appear cool and spiritually erudite, almost everything that brings you closer to awakening can be recognized as worthy.  I wrote about Buddhism in college, read dozens of books, attended lectures, facilitated Buddhist sobriety meetings, all under various forms of delusion, i.e, not truly aware of my conditioning, my blind spots.  I was a pretty haughty jackass in TheDaoBums when I first joined, casting intellectual victories over others as evidence of my spiritual superiority. 

 

If anything has changed since then it is my deeper appreciation of my negative conditioning, the decades I spent in doubt about my own chances for awakening while simultaneously preening as a Buddhist scholar, and finally - FINALLY! - realizing that the wisest course of action one may take on the path is usually the compassionate one.   

 

There may be another thread in here - "Is it possible to act wisely without empathy?"  As S.T. Coleridge once wrote, "Deep thinking is attainable only by a man of deep feeling."  The essential link between wisdom and compassion took me decades to understand and act upon, but, like the numberless fools before me, dragged over hot coals by an untethered curiosity, I won't give up! 

 

 

I see what you're saying but it also seems from what you're saying that you've made progress.

 

I think an important thing to keep in mind though is awakened people don't need Buddhism. Buddhism is for those who are still in delusion.

[Encephalon]

On 9/24/2021 at 3:40 PM, dmattwads said:

 

I see what you're saying but it also seems from what you're saying that you've made progress.

 

I think an important thing to keep in mind though is awakened people don't need Buddhism. Buddhism is for those who are still in delusion.

 

As it is written in the Dhammapada - "To the extent that a fool knows his foolishness he may be deemed wise.  A fool who considers himself wise in indeed a fool."

I can only speak of the worthiness of the Buddhist path for myself. I don't think it addresses all concerns; Taoism and its focus on physical development appears to address the importance of body-mind fusion with greater focus.  The clarity and simplicity of Buddhist psychology resonates with modern times, modern science, and is therefore indespensible for millions, and will remain so even for accomplished Buddhists, even enlightened ones.  I can't speculate on a mental state entirely free of delusion.  That is an accomplishment borne of a lifetime of cultivation, most likely in a supportive and dedicated environment if not a monastic one.  I do believe that we can cultivate enlightened thought, conduct and speech without necessarily identifying every single one of our blind spots.  If I can habituate to being reflective rather than reflexive I can still remain stable amid bouts of bewilderment.