A decade later...

[CarsonZi]

Hi everyone  

 

Been away from here for pretty much a full decade I think, but felt called to return just now so here I am.  Can't believe I remembered my old password... some miracles are real.    Been an eventful last decade but I don't feel much desire to detail all that's happened and instead feel content to just browse and maybe chime in a bit here and there.  Hope the last while has treated you all well, that you're all growing and learning and shifting, and I look forward to reading and interacting with you soon.

 

Much love,

Carson 

[Mig]

And how do you feel about the new people or interventions in this forum? And how do you see yourself in your learning curve when you joined this forum and now?

[CarsonZi]

On 2/28/2022 at 4:02 PM, Mig said:

And how do you feel about the new people or interventions in this forum? And how do you see yourself in your learning curve when you joined this forum and now?

Hi Mig,

 

I haven't had much chance yet to get a feel for the new crowd here, but from what I've seen so far, much of the discussions are the same as before to be honest.

 

My learning has dramatically changed since I was last here.  Before, I was heavily indoctrinated into the AYP system of yoga practices, had been teaching them for quite a while and was pretty blind to the ways that that system falls short.  I was pretty preachy about it and should probably apologize to more than a few of you here for how I conducted myself (sorry friends!).  Since then I have had two daughters (now 11 and 9yrs old), gotten divorced, moved to a completely different area of Canada, and my practices have dramatically changed.  I still do breathing and meditation practices every day, but I practice Vipassana now as I find it much more balancing than AYP, yet no less impactful.  I also no longer smoke weed every day and instead use it as a sacrament on occasion, I'm no longer drinking alcohol daily (might have a couple beers a week at max), have been diagnosed with CPTSD and have gone through extensive therapy (several modalities including DBT, Breathwork, somatic experiencing, EMDR and more).  I have spent much of the last decade working through childhood trauma and unlearning all the toxic relationship tendencies I had picked up in childhood and early adulthood.  I went through a very difficult Dark Night of the Soul episode for a couple of years and just about committed suicide several times, I did an extended silent Vipassana retreat, have completed a Jungian shadow work program called "Conscious Relationship Training" and have a partner who has greatly stimulated my personal growth.  I've also developed a relationship with a local shaman and have had a few "Soul Retrievals" and energy clearing sessions with her and I started a podcast with a friend 7 or 8 years ago to chronicle much of how things have unfolded on the path.  At this point today, I would say that I have unlearned much of what I thought I knew and that unlearning process has set me free to really experience Life the way it is, in all it's messy glory.  I no longer strive for specific states of being, I no longer reject any aspect of Life and instead I try to live a life of acceptance and non-resistance.  It feels good.

 

Thanks for asking Mig... pleasure to meet you.

Love,

Carson 

Edited March 4, 2022 by CarsonZi
Added a comma and removed an "and"

[Mig]

Thank you for sharing and I am impressed by your work in progress. It is great to see how you have evolved and the way you are growing. Fantastic. Keep it up my friend!

 

[Creation]

Hi Carson, welcome back. It was a pleasure to read about what you've been up to, and the progress you've made.

 

What type of vipassana are you practicing?

Edited March 5, 2022 by Creation

[CarsonZi]

On 3/5/2022 at 7:11 AM, Creation said:

Hi Carson, welcome back. It was a pleasure to read about what you've been up to, and the progress you've made.

 

What type of vipassana are you practicing?

Hi Creation, thanks for the welcome back 

 

I've been practicing a Vipassana meditation that I was taught at my local Vipassana retreat center ( https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index )... the ones started by Goenka.  It's just a simple body scanning practice in which you become aware of blockages or dead spots in the body/energy body.  I will usually start my practice with some light pranayama to "enliven" things a bit as I find it sort of turbo charges my meditation practice but that isn't something that was taught by Goenka and is something that I've just sort of done because it feels right for me.  I will also sometimes forgo Vipassana and will instead meditate using a shaman's rattle and go more into a trance state than a meditative state, but I usually only do that when I'm feeling called to connect to my spirit guides for one reason or another and usually only do that in the evening... I usually practice Vipassana first thing in the morning. 

 

Love,

Carson 

[centertime]

On 2022. 03. 17. at 8:41 PM, CarsonZi said:

Hi Creation, thanks for the welcome back 

 

I've been practicing a Vipassana meditation that I was taught at my local Vipassana retreat center ( https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index )... the ones started by Goenka.  It's just a simple body scanning practice in which you become aware of blockages or dead spots in the body/energy body.  I will usually start my practice with some light pranayama to "enliven" things a bit as I find it sort of turbo charges my meditation practice but that isn't something that was taught by Goenka and is something that I've just sort of done because it feels right for me.  I will also sometimes forgo Vipassana and will instead meditate using a shaman's rattle and go more into a trance state than a meditative state, but I usually only do that when I'm feeling called to connect to my spirit guides for one reason or another and usually only do that in the evening... I usually practice Vipassana first thing in the morning. 

 

Love,

Carson 

Hi,

May I ask why are you called to your spirit guides?

[CarsonZi]

11 hours ago, centertime said:

Hi,

May I ask why are you called to your spirit guides?

Hi Centertime,

 

Usually when I'm called to connect to my spirit guides it is because there is an inner knowing that there is something I need to become aware of or someone has asked for assistance with healing.

 

Love,
Carson 

[doc benway]

Nice to see you Carson and thanks for sharing some of your path and experiences. Welcome back!

🙏🏼

[Cobie]

On 03/03/2022 at 2:22 AM, CarsonZi said:

… I have unlearned much of what I thought I knew and that unlearning process has set me free to really experience Life the way it is, in all it's messy glory.  ….

That resonates with me, same here. Welcome back to the forum. : )

[markern]

CarsonZi back!!!!! That just managed to drag me back as well. Haven't posted here for years. Just lurk occasionally. But CarsonZi and Creation chatting felt so much old Taobums I had to say hello:)

[Mandrake]

Welcome back CarsonZi,

 

Quite an intense decade you've had. Happy you made it. Having others who have walked through ordeals and trials, amongst us, makes it easier for the rest of us who are facing and will face them to go on.

 

 

M

[juan]

Hi CarsonZi. After years without posting, I find you in the same situation. Maybe you don’t remember, but you were the one who helped me, in December 2013, when my Google search landed me in the AYP forum. And you kindly answered my most urgent questions: Has anyone had similar experiences? Can this be controlled? Is it dangerous?

 

Your answers were key for proceeding forward, and this led me to a path of unexpected and wonderful experiences. I agree that AYP is not the perfect system, and after some time I saw that it was not for me, but your answers and what I picked here and there in the forum were a great help at that time.

 

So in my case your apologies are not accepted. You have nothing to apologize in front of me, you have not my pardon but my gratitude.

 

Cheers