helpfuldemon Posted July 21, 2022 I know that beauty is at the heart of the Tree of Life, but I no longer see it as providing an impulse into action. I am no longer moved by it as I once was when I was younger. I see the "beauty" of nature and I think, "Wild, dangerous environments". I see the beauty of the body and I am not impressed. I no longer lust either. In fact, most of my desires are numb now. So what do I find beautiful these days, if not the outward appearance? Safety. Peace. Gentle kindness, not the forced kind; but the gentle, natural kind. I write this here because after all my research I believe I entered the Abyss described in occult places, and have emerged scarred, and transformed. I can't say I am an improved character, for my joy is gone, replaced by a respect for peace. I am no master of magick as promised, but I see the folly of believing in such things. It is true that I have no Will in any direction, but is this an enjoyable condition? It has taken a lot of adjusting on my part, and I cannot say it is more enjoyable than my previous beliefs and ignorance. I am still ignorant, but it is about science, and not life. Some say I am depressing, and I don't doubt that I suffer from depression to some degree, though I am not typically sad, I do have my bouts of despair, which I think is only natural. Through all of this, I say "Go forth, be beautiful! Enjoy your youth and strength, even if you are blind to some things. Worry less about tomorrow and enjoy more the power of today." For age will take from you your strength, and the bleakness of the end of life will come to haunt you eventually. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted July 21, 2022 You started off describing the effects of someone that 'failed' in the abyss crossing - thats not a judgement , I just notice that what you wrote , others have warned about as the outcome of a failure , usually to do with an improperly prepared attempt . Then towards the end, it got a lot better ... until that last sentence ! You old 'Grandpa Simpson' , you ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
helpfuldemon Posted July 22, 2022 I'm not going to mislead with promises of Heaven for the righteous. The pains of old age and sickness are very real. Everyone will face their mortality at some point, and have to bear its reality of nothingness, and its finality. Live your life in strength, kindness and beauty and it will be a life best lived, and if anything, rest in knowing that it was a good life, even as the end comes with its frailty and finality. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted July 22, 2022 Indeed . 'The righteous' is probably a subjective illusion . Maybe in their postmortem hallucinations they get rewarded ... but no promises . Pain and sickness are real, but one of the miracles of life is - life can still be good with all of that . And I am not just speaking from my own experience here . I spent some time in the past caring for the sick and elderly - many still enjoyed the 'miracle of life' amidst their suffering . I have had to face my mortality more than once ( I dont know why I am still here actually ) AND that was with a consideration that it could result in nothingness and finality - that process certainly changes one's life - its a type of 'illumination' . Love your last sentence . 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
