am i cut out for cultivation?

[Tux]

I began to learn about things like yoga and meditation almost 15 years ago, as a bad injury left me with debilitating pain in my leg that I wanted to heal. Over time I found out about taoist things. I was very young still and did not have the patience to take proper care of myself, and have more or less been on a big restless adventure this whole time, and in pain all the way. I am still in pain these days. I would love to heal myself and that's why i've always been interested in this cultivation stuff. But I don't know anymore if it's for me. I'm 35 and I've read many books and gone to many classes. I've dabbled in yoga, meditation, qigong, tai chi, etc. The closest I came to taking the path seriously was years ago, when I met an acupuncturist who worked on me for free and started to teach me exercises. She always seemed wise to me, like she had much more to show me. But in the end I decided to travel the world, and never saw her again.

 

I have ideas in my head about finding the right practice for me - something relatively simple, like zhuang zhang and meditation. I do enjoy playing with staffs and nunchucks. But I am more drawn to playing music, hanging out at the beach, swimming, shooting pool and drinking some beer. That's how I relax and feel alive. I love heavy music and I love to scream and jump around thrashing on a bass guitar. I do like feldenkrais when I'm in the mood for it, and have found it to be very effective. I like to use some tricks I've picked up in yoga over the years. But I don't feel real drawn to cultivation.

 

So my question is, am I being too lazy to take it seriously or is it simply not for me? I know only I can answer this question at the end of the day, but maybe some insight from experienced practitioners will help. Did you have doubts like this at the beginning? Or did it feel like the natural thing to do, the way I feel about playing guitar and swimming? Sometimes I think I should just let go of these expectations and stick to a yoga class here and there. Eat right, get enough sleep, surround myself with good people. I'm not sure I would ever have learned about any of this stuff if I hadn't injured myself so long ago. And it wouldnt hurt to sell my books, I need the rent money.

[liminal_luke]

In the larger sense life itself is a process of cultivation and everyone is a cultivator.  Different people may be on different tracks, but life will have it's way with all of us in the end -- we cannot escape.  My mom doesn't like to meditate but she knits and she paints and, to my way of thinking, this is her path.  If guitar and swimming call to you, I say do that.  You need not put so much effort into doing the tao if that's not where your enthusiasm lies.  The tao will do you.

Edited August 17, 2022 by liminal_luke