Trunk Posted December 11, 2022 Happy holidays to all Dao Bums! Thank you for sharing community ... taking a few quiet moments to review, take in, way too much to write out. a few thoughts Some years ago I read an intro post in the Welcoming section. A mature married man who lived in Ohio or Pennsylvania, who had an esoteric book collection in his basement. Only his wife knew of it; too incendiary for the local community. And TheDaoBums was a real boon for him, an outlet where he could talk to someone. And I think of how my path has benefited - in many ways - from this community. (thank you, @zerostao) And "it ain't the 80's any more". I look around at the number and quality of teachers readily available, and same of practitioners in our community. wow. There *is* progress. And I find that this time of year is reliably a feeling~dynamic of reviewing, refining, consolidating and renewing alignment and vows going forward. I wonder what any of you do during this time of year? How it feels to you? happy holidays, Trunk p.s. I'll probably keep this thread pinned through the Chinese new year. 7 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RobB Posted December 15, 2022 Love that painting @Trunk Merry midwinter festival weirdos! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted December 21, 2022 On 12/11/2022 at 12:05 PM, Trunk said: I wonder what any of you do during this time of year? How it feels to you? Happy Solstice! I usually visit with family and close friends, It feels like our time is limited and I want to make the most of it together, I will practice openness and flexibility and try to be fully present, I feel a lot of different things in any given moment and thanks to my practice I can rest in their presence and grow, slowly and most assuredly non-linearly, and respond with more genuine warmth, sometimes, My love to all of the TaoBums! 7 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Barnaby Posted December 24, 2022 I'm not a practising Christian, but I do think that certain moments of the year are touched with a special kind of grace. And with that in mind, merry Christmas everybody! 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted January 3, 2023 (edited) Some New Year's thoughts from my favorite couples therapist, Esther Perel. Shall We Begin The new year brings a desire for structure. A fresh calendar, a clean grid ready to be populated with plans and promises. In this first month, we aim to wrangle all eleven months that will follow. This year, we will plan more trips. We will keep a cleaner house. We will work on our minds, bodies, and spirits. We will get in shape. We won’t make the same mistakes. We will spend more quality time with loved ones. We will manage our money better. We will be happier, healthier, better. Just last week, were we not kicking ourselves for overindulging on holiday food? Were we not lamenting how little we got done at the end of the year or, conversely, how little we allowed ourselves to do nothing? Every year we engage in this swing from December self-flagellation to January hyper-motivation. And I can’t be the only one whose best laid plans wither by February. Are our outsized expectations—and our sharp left turn to kick them off when the clock strikes midnight—preventing the sustainability required to make lasting change? A more practical new year’s resolution? Find balance between structures that ground and motivate us and guilt-free spontaneity which allows us to take risks, explore, and yes, occasionally overindulge in life’s pleasures. I often speak of our dualistic needs for security and freedom, safety and adventure. But even I have to remind myself of what that looks like in practice when every article and ad is pushing “new year, new you” gym memberships, to-do list apps, and courses which promise life-changing results in eight perfectly-organized modules. It’s not just the new year that makes it hard to remember the importance of balancing structure and spontaneity. Any time the pressure’s on, we are so quick to forget the fundamentals. We all know, for instance, that balancing predictability and newness is essential for children. It’s how they learn, grow, and make connections. But when adults come to my office or on my podcasts to discuss relational challenges, work problems, friendship fallouts, and more, inevitably they either have no clue where to start or think they already have all the answers. To them, I introduce a loose equation: too little structure = high chaos too much structure = rigidity too much spontaneity = dysregulation too little spontaneity = fossilization and deadness I observe these imbalances in so many contexts. Think of your romantic relationships. Relationships that are all structure and no spontaneity leave little room for mystery or happenstance, erotic qualities that are essential to aliveness and energy between partners. All spontaneity and no structure, on the other hand—no titles or concrete plans—can leave us anxious. Think of your friendships. Old friends remind us of who we’ve been. New friends remind us of who we can be. Think of a company. Businesses need structure and spontaneity, too. They need legacy, accountability, and boundaries, as much as they need flexibility, creativity, and innovation. Now think of this new year. You don’t have to throw everything old away. You don’t have to focus entirely on the new. The uncertainty of the year ahead doesn’t have to unravel you. Trying to constantly control the unknown won’t make it better. Resolve instead to ground into what is real for you now and to uplift yourself by the still unclear possibilities for your future. Yes, you need some discipline, but you also need to let go a bit. And if a little extra control is what you really want this new year—if you find yourself entirely unable to stop planning every detail—at least promise me that you will plan to have some fun. -- Esther Perel Edited January 3, 2023 by liminal_luke 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Trunk Posted January 22, 2023 Special thanks goes to Jose, @liminal_luke's partner, for putting the 2023 Year of the Water Rabbit banner together! Jose does graphic design work, and his business is promoted through his facebook page (the language is spanish on fb, but there are plenty of graphics to enjoy, review Jose's work): https://www.facebook.com/focaazul36 Please give a round of applause to Jose for his contribution to our community! 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
