Nahfets Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) Apparently I did some kundalini-yoga and meditations and now my ass and spine is on fire daily and someone took my minds quantum-remote and put it on shuffle. My house is also haunted with tiny lights that emit smoke and I can't even have a wank by myself anymore as I feel judged and get shocks up my spine messing with my john. I also keep on getting these annoying revelations about my life and how to improve myself. No one told me this would be like this, I just tried to hit on this yoga chick and did her practices apparently for too long. I then met some flaky people who tried to heal me with cacao-ceremony and how it's pronounced (khakhaaauw) but this basically tasted like crap, did nothing and felt like boofing a jug of water would have worked better. Also shitty foods make me sick so I'm forced to eat organic plantbased and focus on not aggrevating my daily ass-fires. I used to like smoke weed and sleep chill, but now I keep getting these cryptic lucid dreams where I try to sneak in some action with some dream-tail as I can't have a wank irl, but then an old guy materializes and hit me on the balls with his cane and I wake up with more scotumpains and blueballs. Even going out and having drinks makes my ass flare up, and trying to hit on girls I instantly get visions of the old man and feeling like he is about to flick my balls with his cane if I pursue. I met with this psychic master I was told, and she was all like "that is so great for you omg! you're awakening and healing" like jada jada I just wan't my old life back with a reasonably temperate prostate and no one haunting me giving me visions and guidance. I tried to get her number as I thought maybe it would cancel out my sex-jinx if she was psychic too, but she got super weird about it. Saying I should respect my journey and stop focusing on desires and all that horsecrap. Easy to say, like her ass isn't even being burned like that. 0/5 stars would not reccommend this at all. I'm just messing with you guys, I'm perfectly fine (mostly) but thought I wanted to make a welcome-post worthy of this forum. Humbled to be here though and look forward to continuing this inspiring journey with you guys. Edited November 4, 2023 by Nahfets 13 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ilumairen Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) I am crying right now… oh my stars man, that was good! Welcome to the bums, Nahfets. Edited December 16, 2022 by ilumairen 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Barnaby Posted December 16, 2022 Great stuff… Bring it on! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted December 16, 2022 Even if that is serious ... or a joke , he would fit right in here . 2 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandrake Posted December 16, 2022 Damn what a ride! Welcome! M 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Barnaby Posted December 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Wilhelm said: This guy fucks Yeah, better watch out for that Jing depletion 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doc benway Posted December 16, 2022 Welcome Nahfets! You'll fit right in here.... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted December 16, 2022 Only thing you forgot was the Chia reference. Classic intro mate. Welcome! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
-ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ- Posted December 17, 2022 Absolutely based 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
