Strengthening Connections

[liminal_luke]

How do you cultivate and strengthen bonds with those you love?  What do you do to foster a sense of community and belonging in your life?  I'm always looking for ideas to incorporate into my own routines.

 

Some things I do or have done...

 

• Buenos Dias walk....making a point to wish strangers on the street a good morning.  I'm an introvert so this one doesn't come naturally to me but it's always given me a good feeling when I've done it.
• Calling mom....when my mom got a breast cancer diagnosis we started emailing daily.  She's fully recovered now but we've continued our daily contact, eventually transitioning to phone calls.  Calling is better.
• Watching reality TV with my partner.  As a bonding activity, I imagine reality TV is pretty far down on most people's lists but, what can I say, we enjoy it.  It's fun to comment on the various contestents and I've learned a surprising amount about fashion and baking.  

 

Some things I think about doing...

• Eye Gazing...this has long intrigued me and I hope to start an eye gazing practice with my partner starting today.  
• Hugging till relaxed.  The Shrink’s Links: Hugging till Relaxed, the Video – Keith Wilson – Counseling (keithwilsoncounseling.com)
• sending handwritten notes through snail mail

[Nungali]

Well, yesterday , I did get a lot a closer to a friend ....  I helped her dig out a toilet pit . Soon we will be concreting  together making the strip footings and  the floor slab . 

 

 

 

....  Hand written notes, in snail mail  eh ?   Wow .... when was last time I got one of them !   A letter that is not typed , with no letter head on it ???

 

I thought above friend might appreciate that too  ( she still actually reads  books ... not ebooks , not some type of AI generated books , real old school cover and paper books with printing on the pages !  ) . 

 

.....  but , in this modern world  ... ...  I have no idea what her address is  to send the letter to .         .

 

[liminal_luke]

4 minutes ago, Nungali said:

Well, yesterday , I did get a lot a closer to a friend ....  I helped her dig out a toilet pit . Soon we will be concreting  together making the strip footings and  the floor slab . 

 

  .

 

 

Digging out a toilet pit is not the kind of bond strengthening activity I had in mind when I started this thread, but, come to think of it, that could be perfect.  It reminds me of the community feeling I imagine some might have felt with barn raisings -- the sense that there's practical help out there when a person needs it most.

[Nungali]

On community there are some essentials for this ( cultivating and strengthening bonds between people )  , when we are healthy all this functioned good , when we are not ,  we dont have it at all .

 

One thing that works is community work days  where people come together and focus and do good work, with  a group a lot can be achieved in a few hours and then everyone gets a sense of accomplishment and something achieved .  And its a good idea to follow that later with

 

Community meal . Where you can sit down, enjoy, relax, share .

 

They have a LOT of trouble getting this together for a few years  now . It used to work very well , doing those things . And then the converse arises , one symptom of that is erratic , emotive and unfocused meetings , even in  the admin and business type meetings   .

 

For a loooooooooooooooong time I have been trying to implement  a system similar to what the Baha's use ;  you have a 'feast'  / 'social meeting' once a month , for  connection, sharing  but also to discuss ideas and projects or bring attention to what arises .  The directors , leaders or  focalisers  of the group should be present and be mindful of that process , forming it, when needed, into modes of action, directions, forming of committees or  agenda items for the other type of monthly meeting , the 'business' or 'administrative ' meeting , where such things 'put into action ' .

 

That way , in the first meeting, people get to discuss, ramble , go off and on topic, express hopes and desires and new ideas  ( and then the business meeting is not bogged down by all that ) . The second meeting might not need to be attended by everyone , its more administrative and about putting the ideas into action within the form of governance ( in this case , the community ) , it can be more focused  as  a lot of the energy is dispelled in the first type of meetings and not everyone wants to sit through a boring administrative  meeting .

 

But they didnt want to do that ..... a bit too attached to the old system ..... which can actually weaken the connections .

[Nungali]

12 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

Digging out a toilet pit is not the kind of bond strengthening activity I had in mind when I started this thread, but, come to think of it, that could be perfect.  It reminds me of the community feeling I imagine some might have felt with barn raisings -- the sense that there's practical help out there when a person needs it most.

 

Indeed . In 'the good old days ' here , I suppose I have helped working on about 4 houses that have been built  here  .

 

Even moreso , making something all the community can use  . I remember , a log time back , a gang of us  developed the old farm house on the property ; knocked out some walls, expanded the kitchen into a better working space to cook for 30 - 50 people (  for a special event dinner with guests ), a huge decking/ verandah  /  performance stage .   When that was finished , it really put the level up ; many shared meals , cafe and restaurant / cabaret nights , plays on the verandah /stage  etc .

[markern]

The Karezza people that ran the site reuniting.info and wrote Cupids Poisoned arrow had a series of touch/cuddle exercises for partners called the exchanges that I think are perfect for this with an intimate partner. The site is down now but maybe there is some way you could dig up those exercises. It may have been in one of Marnia Robertsons books and I think they may have made a pdf with them.