Looking for somewhat personalized literature recommendations

[Apech]

48 minutes ago, zoe said:

materially speaking I just want to be able to do the things I enjoy (art, programming, etc) without instantly becoming frustrated and burning myself, preventing me from doing those things on a regular basis. It's very rare that I actually manage to engage with those things in a way that I enjoy them, I'm quite sure that they're actually things I enjoy though as I have far too many hobbies and they all suffer from this issue in a way that feels very similar. 

There's also the whole trauma thing. It regularly inflicts me with periods of depression and anxiety and I'd like to be rid of that.

Those are probably the two most prominent problems that I'm addressing.

 

My instinct - which may be wrong so disregard if so - is a kind of two pronged approach.  For the trauma which is the root cause - this can be unlocked by following feeling and memory - the more you understand it the less it can push you around - also you can run down the energy stored by it in your sub-conscious (or whatever you want to call it).  You have to be gentle with yourself though and only work on it when you have some available energy.  The tendency is to do the opposite and want to think of other things when you are feeling in a better phase - so it has to be learned to go back to it a the right times.

 

The other thing is to conserve energy as a resource when you are low.  So you have a cushion against the bleaker times.  Just simple adjustments to lifestyle, eating good food not junk and sitting meditation (such as breath following) could help with this.

[liminal_luke]

23 hours ago, zoe said:

materially speaking I just want to be able to do the things I enjoy (art, programming, etc) without instantly becoming frustrated and burning myself, preventing me from doing those things on a regular basis. It's very rare that I actually manage to engage with those things in a way that I enjoy them, I'm quite sure that they're actually things I enjoy though as I have far too many hobbies and they all suffer from this issue in a way that feels very similar. 

 

 

People often feel frustrated when their expectations aren't met.  In the case of activities like art and programming it might be expectations of ourselves that we're not living up to.  Is this the case with you?  Art and programming are both notoriously frustrating endeavors; programs are always buggy and the art we make in reality falls short of the art we see in our imaginations.  This is just part of the process with these kind of things.  I think part of the solution is to back way off on our expectations.  For instance, an artist might ask herself to spend ten minutes a day drawing or painting.  She could ask herself: did I do my art for ten minutes today?  If so, gold star.  People who engage with the process consistently get better.  What usually doesn't work is asking ourselves to be good at something prematurely.  Greatness happens....in due time.  

 

Not sure if this speaks to your struggles or not, zoe, but thought I'd share my thoughts.

 

LL

[zoe]

On 12/14/2023 at 9:08 AM, liminal_luke said:

 

People often feel frustrated when their expectations aren't met.  In the case of activities like art and programming it might be expectations of ourselves that we're not living up to.  Is this the case with you?  Art and programming are both notoriously frustrating endeavors; programs are always buggy and the art we make in reality falls short of the art we see in our imaginations.  This is just part of the process with these kind of things.  I think part of the solution is to back way off on our expectations.  For instance, an artist might ask herself to spend ten minutes a day drawing or painting.  She could ask herself: did I do my art for ten minutes today?  If so, gold star.  People who engage with the process consistently get better.  What usually doesn't work is asking ourselves to be good at something prematurely.  Greatness happens....in due time.  

 

Not sure if this speaks to your struggles or not, zoe, but thought I'd share my thoughts.

 

LL

that's undoubtedly a component of it yeah. ADHD hyperfocus is a big part of it though- I'll frequently start working on a software project for instance meaning to work on one component of it but then very quickly realizing I can't progress without working on another component of it that the former depends on, and then hitting roadblock that requires me to read some very poor documentation for a few hours and repeatedly slam my head at a wall trying to reverse engineer how some function in a library I'm using for said project works because it wasn't clearly documented. The point is that all the latter stuff is very much not what I sat down to be doing (even if it was necessary) and once I get caught on something frustrating that really winds up the hyperfocus I'm unable to pull myself away and frequently become stuck doing something I don't particularly want to do. To be clear even in situations like this where there's dependency I never have to solely focus on some tricky and unpleasant problem where I have to reverse engineer something, it'd be much better to switch between that and other parts of the project with less roadblocks.  In terms of art this usually translates to wanting to draw something in a more creative manner, not liking the anatomy, and then just doing mindless anatomy practice out of frustration for a while.

thread-relevant sidenote- @Nintendao tysm for the https://thesecretofthegoldenflower.com/ link in my welcome thread, the annotations make it much easier to read.