Hello from a newcomer

[wuweightlifter]

Hi everyone! I am new to these forums, but in the past I have read some of the entries here as a lurker with great interest. I am in my early 30s. I've been studying and practicing Zen for the past 12 years. I took precepts as a layperson and also the Bodhissatva vow (oops, in retrospect that one was more than I bargained for). My practice lately involves sitting for 45 minutes a handful of times per week with my sangha here in Northern California, doing trauma release exercises (TRE) with a licensed practitioner once a week, and a bunch of mundane grounding stuff. I also see Buddhist trauma-informed therapist 2x a week.

 

Lately I have been working on my soma and getting in touch with the somatic element of experience. My upbringing was chaotic and unsafe so I had a very above-the-neck experience of self until these past few years where I established a sense of embodied safety. That journey is still ongoing and I guess a part of my interest in joining this forum was to chat with others who are also getting in touch with the soma and working with the felt sense in an embodied way.

I have some questions for the forum and I'd be really interested to hear others' perspectives on the following:

 

I have done Iyengar yoga for a number of years and I have enough sensitivity that I can feel areas of "dense" energy within the body. With time, trauma therapy, meditation, and surrender these areas are beginning to "break up" and leave. What do you make of this? I believe from a western perspective these "dense" areas might be character armoring. It feels good for the energy to begin to break up and flow but this is all very new to me, since I was dissociated for over 25 years. In particular I'm struggling with a feeling of stuck energy in my throat. Pieces break off but I'm torn between wanting this energy to leave and accepting that it can only resolve at the rate it resolves and it's not totally in my control.

 

Does anyone have advice for gently working through energy blockages? Does anyone have a qigong master or practice group they recommend for someone in the Bay Area? I'm interested in safely cultivating qi, learning to ground and protect my own qi (I worry I am too "open"), and learning to let go of dense energy from the past. I apologize if any of these questions don't really make sense. For a long time I was too afraid to discuss qi with anyone, since I live in a western materialist culture and these ideas are not a part of my culture of origin.

Anyway, thank you for reading and cheers.

[Trunk]

welcome @wuweightlifter!

- Trunk

[Cobie]

Hi wuweightlifter. I am of the opinion that, “it can only resolve at the rate it resolves”. Often barriers are there for a reason. It sounds like the past trauma was severe, then imo it’s wise not to push through as this (in my experience) can cause a psychotic break. To gently clear energy blockages, I’d recommend ‘spontaneous qigong’. Welcome to the forum.  
 

 

Edited March 30 by Cobie

[idiot_stimpy]

Welcome, looking inside can be a daunting task. Finding all the repressed pain and suffering. Know that this is just a part of you that is hurting and wants to be embraced with loving kindness. I think surrender in the moment is extremely important. Relaxing into the pain will move it. Trying to ignore, fight or push away a feeling/thought/memory will just continue the energy staying stuck. 

[Tommy]

Hello wuweightlifter,

I joined this forum after your did. The appeal of Zen to me was it is more direct and cuts out ... stuff. Like the story of the westerner who goes to meet a Zen master in Japan. The westerner is invited inside. They sit and the master asked if the westerner would like some tea. Then, the master pours the tea and continues to pour even after it reaches the brim. The westerner then says that there is no more room in the cup. The master then says something wise like the westerner's mind is like the tea cup, it is full of thoughts about Zen that no more will go in. An example of cutting out the discussion with an analogy easy to understand.

 

So, Zen to me was a way to practice and not get lost into all the conversations about this and that. Although it doesn't satisfy the curious mind, I thought it was better to not have so much stuff to think about. Anyway, after years of practice and much curiosity,  I have learned a little bit more than I intended. But, I still enjoy the stories of Zen masters.

 

I do hope you reach your goals. And have a good life. Good luck.

Edited April 2 by Tommy