Confidence and self esteem/love

[NaturaNaturans]

Any advice? All perspective welcome 

[doc benway]

I wish I had good answers to this question. 

There are a few very dear people in my life who struggle mightily with these feelings.

 

The first thing I would suggest is to look at the inner judge, the inner voices, thoughts, and feelings that tell the story of your inadequacy, your weakness, any story really. It may need to be taken on faith in the beginning but those inner voices are not who you are. They are flotsam and jetsum you've picked up from parents, ancestors, teachers, bosses, society, media and anyone else with a tendency to belch and fart opinion. More importantly, they have no particular authority or special insight, just passing thoughts and feelings. Who you really are at your core is so much more than that!

 

One practical approach is to thank that inner judge for his concern for your welfare, to give him a warm, luminous hug and reassure him that you are OK just as you are. While his criticisms probably have some merit they are only a very small part of your story and your potential. Every weakness, every inadequacy can be seen as a failure and an obstacle or as an opportunity to grow and to refine yourself. In taiji we often say "invest in loss" because only loss shows us where we are in need of practice. The areas where we are strong don't need work. Anthony Demello says 'pleasant experiences make life delightful but painful experiences are opportunities for growth.'

 

So my advice is to not take that self-judgement and self-deprecation too seriously, they are passing thoughts and feelings that show you a very limited picture. They are largely a slime trail of social and cultural conditioning that can be useful but often becomes dysfunctional. While they do not need to be suppressed or ignored, they also need to be put in context and taken with a grain of salt and a generous helping of humor. You will die and everyone and everything you love and care about will be gone. If that were to happen next week, what would you want this week to look like?

 

Warm wishes to you

[Forestgreen]

Our sense of self is made up of several components: Autobiographical memories, cognitive schemas, and a handful of aspects of the bodily aspect are some of the more used ones. 

 

All these are accessible to change.

[liminal_luke]

I´m intrigued by the shadow work of Phil Stutz.  Shadow Work — THE TOOLS (thetoolsbook.com)

[snowymountains]

Therapy or counselling can have very good outcomes for self esteem/love, confidence.

[snowymountains]

23 hours ago, Forestgreen said:

Our sense of self is made up of several components: Autobiographical memories, cognitive schemas, and a handful of aspects of the bodily aspect are some of the more used ones. 

 

All these are accessible to change.

 

Partly yes, though there are more than one personality structure theories, which use different concepts depending on the parts they choose to focus on.

 

Eg modern cognitive behavioural therapies do see schemas as something very fundamental, and rightfully so.

But they don't necessarily exclude the possibility of existence other unconscious structures or processes, they just don't work with these/care about these.

 

Indeed schemas and core beliefs are accessible to change.

[NaturaNaturans]

Thanks for your thoughts, all of you

[NaturaNaturans]

@Nungali, you are into the esoteric. Anything relevant info there?

[Nungali]

On 5/30/2024 at 3:37 AM, NaturaNaturans said:

@Nungali, you are into the esoteric. Anything relevant info there?

 

On what , specifically ?

[NaturaNaturans]

32 minutes ago, Nungali said:

 

On what , specifically ?

Hmm, the confidence and self respect to be who you Are and worry less about not being good enough.

[Nungali]

47 minutes ago, NaturaNaturans said:

Hmm, the confidence and self respect to be who you Are

 

' Do what thou wilt '  .

 

 

and worry less about not being good enough.

 

Good enough for what ? 

 

Work on improvement ( in relation to my first comment ) - you will be too busy to worry about not being good enough .

 

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