Psychotic behavior resulting from occult study.

[Daniel]

5 hours ago, Cadcam said:

I am feeling better, thank you all for your thoughts and concern. I don't have anyone I can vent these things to. 

 

You're very welcome.  One of the nice things about venting here, among the daobums, is that we have a head-start understanding what you are going through.  It's great to have a Dr.  It's great to have a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist/etc...  But I've found that many people appreciate venting to people who already understand much of what they are saying.  It's a lot easier this way for the individual to vent when they do not need to explain each and every concept to someone who may very well not appreciate phenomena which exist beyond materialism.

[Cadcam]

16 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

Treasure and 'extend this moment'  . 

It's hard to do. I can't walk very far, and I don't like doing much. Mostly I just have to lay here.

[liminal_luke]

17 hours ago, Cadcam said:

I am feeling better, thank you all for your thoughts and concern. I don't have anyone I can vent these things to. 

 

Thank you for venting!  I usually feel better when I share my thoughts and feelings with others, so I think it´s great that you´ve done so here.  I hope that the forum can continue to be a good place for you to vent if you´d like to in the future.

[Cadcam]

It's tough, because I always believed that there would be some final, good outcome from my delusions and suffering, that it had a purpose. I see now that it does not,  that it was just my descent into madness, which has led me through the existential crisis of expectation and belief to dismissal of reason and faith. I see now that individual life is like a short lived bubble on the river of time. 

[Nungali]

49 minutes ago, Cadcam said:

It's tough, because I always believed that there would be some final, good outcome from my delusions and suffering, that it had a purpose. I see now that it does not,  that it was just my descent into madness, which has led me through the existential crisis of expectation and belief to dismissal of reason and faith.

 

But your story is not over yet .  Many times in my life it seemed that  something had no purpose and was fraught with delusion, yet later its significance was revealed .

 

I see now that individual life is like a short lived bubble on the river of time. 

 

So it seems . . .     so far . 

 

[Cadcam]

I'm finally doing well. As I improve, I can look back at all the damage and pain, and can measure my now and say I am much better.  Thanks everyone

[DBT]

It is great news the episodes are over. Now is the time to let go. When you get to the end of a book, close the book. Leave it closed.

[Cadcam]

Now that my meds have taken hold, I'm stable. It's been about 4 months of normalcy, thankfully.  I can't believe how insane I became.

[Neirong]

On 08.07.2024 at 2:13 AM, Cadcam said:

Eventually these fantasies would break, and I'd wind up in a deep depression. This has been going on for 20 plus years, and after this last psychosis, I think I have broken this curse, because all of the ideas and experiences culminated in a total breakdown.

It is good that people come out and write about their experiences like this. Self-learning and self-initiating, paired with reading random books, is a recipe for disaster, especially when the topic of study is occult and magic.