Heart chakra opening

[stirling]

1 hour ago, Rheor said:

Both, especially before having lots of "dirty chi" pouring out.

 

What is "dirty chi", and how do you know what it is up to?

 

1 hour ago, Rheor said:

There might also be some unconscious laziness and character defect adding up to the "process", that is why I talked about "Anima possession" due to being "stuck in emptiness" and reluctance to take active stance in the practical side of life after having my inner landscape turned upside down for so long without groundedness in real life.
I took pride in my old career 4 years ago, now it feels so alien and no motivation to put in the effort in going back to that..
Sorry for the rambling..

 

I don't think you are rambling. What does "stuck in emptiness" mean to you? Sounds like you were having trouble engaging with things? Why do you no longer connect with your old career? What DO you connect with?

 

1 hour ago, Rheor said:

"Anima" is the feminine side of man, "Animus" is the masculine side of woman according to C.G. Jung. They are psychological archetypes deriving from the unconscious and have value in being integrated to be more "whole".

Anima integration would be about consciously expressing latent feminine qualities in you, that don't have the opportunity to shine in waking life, hence they remain in the "shadow".

 

I see. Have you chatted with member SnowyMountains yet? He is a big Jung fan. 

 

Speaking for myself and practice, I think it is less productive to get caught up in the "why" story, and more helpful to actually look at what we experience clinging or aversion to in this moment. When we encounter "contraction" in the world we feel tight, worried, holding onto something we want to stay the same or be a certain way, or pushing away an imagined possible future we fear may come to pass. These are often attached to old stories about our past or events and our reactions to them that color this moment, and that we are still carrying. 

 

Realizing what these patterns are, and allowing them to reply when the mind is more quiet and still, without engaging our thought process about them is the way forward in this practice. Each time we can bring them to our still mind without clinging to them or pushing them away, they lose their emotional resonance and ability to impact our future behavior as "suffering"/struggle.

 

"Untethered Soul", by Michael Singer has a nice set of simple non-denominational practices I have recommended for a number of my students for working with this kind of material. They tend to have a lot of success with it.

 

1 hour ago, Rheor said:

I am also not really interested about "supernatural" / energy phenomena and such, I am more interested in being more a balanced person overall in a practical sense right now, socialize more and start "living" again (maybe too soon, I don't know), minimize unnecessary inertia in my own life. I don't have any teacher, other than internet, thankfully reassurance is there too.

 

Working to find a more balanced and simple way of working with our obscurations, and dropping them over time eventually brings all of the "supernatural" stuff anyway.

[Mark Foote]

On 8/16/2024 at 8:34 AM, Rheor said:

I took pride in my old career 4 years ago, now it feels so alien and no motivation to put in the effort in going back to that..
Sorry for the rambling..

 

Love the rambling...

May I ask,  what career path that was?  
 

[Rheor]

.

Edited August 19 by Rheor

[Rheor]

.

Edited August 19 by Rheor

[Rheor]

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

What is "dirty chi", and how do you know what it is up to?

 

 

 

Whatever gets [cleared out] / [released] out of my system from the bottom of the feet, crown, sometimes I feel it exits from the heart center ("buzzing out") directly like three days ago.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

I don't think you are rambling. What does "stuck in emptiness" mean to you? Sounds like you were having trouble engaging with things? Why do you no longer connect with your old career? What DO you connect with?

 

Inability to commit to something "out there" with confidence and/or resolve, can't force outcome while being so unsettled, losing grip with things, days passing by doing nothing frozen in dilemma : going all-in with meditation "escaping" responsibilities or trying desperately to get some grip with my life which depends on me getting a job to not depend on my parents any longer while undergoing energetic changes.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

Sounds like you were having trouble engaging with things?

 

 

I am an introverted loner to begin with, conscious of the non-dual nature of things from childhood, could not engage like other kids from a young age, half way between connecting with people / half way distant. I am not an ambitious person, building businesses and such endeavors is foreign to me, I like team work, cooperation and to be helpful. Otherwise, I have not really explored my artistic side yet, at least as a hobby.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

Why do you no longer connect with your old career?

 

Career: software engineer / developer

I was absorbed for years in society drama, due to anxiety, uncertainty, deep need to envision society differently I could not work, I was way out of balance, balance (at least working towards it) is my requirement as a foundation for all things.
I saw how technology was used in "evil" ways (I won't expand on it here) and did not want to contribute to it in some way or another to not add my mess to the chaotic world, so I abandoned it. It would be practical to just resume my career but I don't see going myself going back, close my eyes as if nothing happened.
Not even speaking of having to perk up my skills again due to unemployment, working through anxieties / inner conflicts / disbelief of this field plus some energy symptoms.
It might be better for me to let go of this chunk of my life and find another source of income, not really for the fun of it... might get me to socialize though.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

What DO you connect with?

 

 

I used to read buddhist sutras after being fed up by lot of things like political agendas, fake agendas, absurd laws lacking ethics, conflicting viewpoints, contradictions, ... I threw the whole political agenda business / useless drama in the garbage, no longer watching news or anything related to society where it's at or where it's going, have not looked back since, adding up to my reluctance to face the world again, due to uncertainties from "ignoring" it for so long.

Wanted to focus on myself, not depend on externals so much to dictate how I feel and how to think, result have been me isolating from lots of things including the idea of going "out there". Then with sutras, it helped me for a while, but I realized I could not keep up with it for long, it was not pushing me to change my circumstances at least not directly, I was escaping again.

 

I don't have anything much to connect with, apart from nature, Tai Chi, reading Carl Jung for now is okay distraction too .
I plan to learn TCM starting the end of the year, I can be useful to others, has broad range interesting subjects, even if I don't make money off of it, it will spark my interest again in something concrete, will meet new people too.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

I see. Have you chatted with member SnowyMountains yet? He is a big Jung fan.

 

No, not yet, I might reach out to discuss Jung matters with him maybe, thanks.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

Speaking for myself and practice, I think it is less productive to get caught up in the "why" story, and more helpful to actually look at what we experience clinging or aversion to in this moment. When we encounter "contraction" in the world we feel tight, worried, holding onto something we want to stay the same or be a certain way, or pushing away an imagined possible future we fear may come to pass. These are often attached to old stories about our past or events and our reactions to them that color this moment, and that we are still carrying. 

 

 

Realizing what these patterns are, and allowing them to reply when the mind is more quiet and still, without engaging our thought process about them is the way forward in this practice. Each time we can bring them to our still mind without clinging to them or pushing them away, they lose their emotional resonance and ability to impact our future behavior as "suffering"/struggle.

 

That is something I should practice more, thanks.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

"Untethered Soul", by Michael Singer has a nice set of simple non-denominational practices I have recommended for a number of my students for working with this kind of material. They tend to have a lot of success with it.

 

 

I will check out, thanks.

 

On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

 

Working to find a more balanced and simple way of working with our obscurations, and dropping them over time eventually brings all of the "supernatural" stuff anyway.

 

 

Sure.. I can't pretend that myself anyway, I have been pretty stubborn and unbalanced. Maybe I can hope for things to change towards balance and clarity in the future, and I can stop being an odd mess.

Edited August 19 by Rheor

[Rheor]

On 8/18/2024 at 1:10 AM, Mark Foote said:

Love the rambling...

May I ask,  what career path that was?  
 

Software engineer / developer.

[Mark Foote]

On 8/19/2024 at 6:51 AM, Rheor said:

Software engineer / developer.
 

 

 

Thought so.  Can completely relate.

I wanted to major in CS back in the day, walked into the second year CS curriculum at UCSC my freshman year and enjoyed it (compiler writing).  When  I asked if I could go on to the third year, the answer was that I would have to go back and take the first year theory.  Turns out the chair of the department taught that, and he refused to give me permission to skip it.

Idiot that I was, I gave up CS as a result and majored in math.  The chair of the department was David Huffman, his Huffman encoding is the basis of compacting files (at the time NASA used his encoding a lot, owing to the small memory size in the day), and I bit my nose off to spite my face.

Washed a lot of dishes, flipped burgers.  Went to a private school teaching operations, learned to operate an IBM 360 (they were already obsolete at the time), got a job in a data processing department.  Left town and that job after ten years,  then had to resign from a secondary teaching credential program because they didn't like my classroom discipline (thank heaven!).  Worked as a travel agent and in travel for twenty years.  Great people.  The 2008 recession was the end of the travel  company, retrained at the local JC for web development (HTML/CSS)/programming (PHP), never could get more than a part-time job doing that.  

In 2010-11, though, I finally did work as a programmer, part of a team that developed the basic math computer tutorial for the local JC.  Here's the copy I kept:

https://getthatwebsite.com/mathskills/

 

That was exactly the programming that I thought I would do, when I aspired to become a programmer in high school/college.

But my life has been about reconciling a particular experience with my everyday, since 1975.  Here's how Kobun Chino Otogawa described it in the '80's, at S. F. Zen Center:

 

You know, sometimes zazen gets up and walks around.

 

I already knew the experience, but reconciling it with my day-to-day life was another matter. You might like my book (pdf), maybe save you fifty years on that part:  https://zenmudra.com/A-Natural-Mindfulness.pdf

 

I would suggest back to school if possible to sharpen skills a bit, then see what you can find.  If you have a map of the internal, I think the external becomes more straightforward (if not easier--likely not easier).

All the best.

 

Edited August 20 by Mark Foote

[johndoe2012]

On 21.8.2024 at 1:46 AM, Mark Foote said:

 

 

Thought so.  Can completely relate.

I wanted to major in CS back in the day, walked into the second year CS curriculum at UCSC my freshman year and enjoyed it (compiler writing).  When  I asked if I could go on to the third year, the answer was that I would have to go back and take the first year theory.  Turns out the chair of the department taught that, and he refused to give me permission to skip it.

Idiot that I was, I gave up CS as a result and majored in math.  The chair of the department was David Huffman, his Huffman encoding is the basis of compacting files (at the time NASA used his encoding a lot, owing to the small memory size in the day), and I bit my nose off to spite my face.

Washed a lot of dishes, flipped burgers.  Went to a private school teaching operations, learned to operate an IBM 360 (they were already obsolete at the time), got a job in a data processing department.  Left town and that job after ten years,  then had to resign from a secondary teaching credential program because they didn't like my classroom discipline (thank heaven!).  Worked as a travel agent and in travel for twenty years.  Great people.  The 2008 recession was the end of the travel  company, retrained at the local JC for web development (HTML/CSS)/programming (PHP), never could get more than a part-time job doing that.  

In 2010-11, though, I finally did work as a programmer, part of a team that developed the basic math computer tutorial for the local JC.  Here's the copy I kept:

https://getthatwebsite.com/mathskills/

 

That was exactly the programming that I thought I would do, when I aspired to become a programmer in high school/college.

But my life has been about reconciling a particular experience with my everyday, since 1975.  Here's how Kobun Chino Otogawa described it in the '80's, at S. F. Zen Center:

 

You know, sometimes zazen gets up and walks around.

 

I already knew the experience, but reconciling it with my day-to-day life was another matter. You might like my book (pdf), maybe save you fifty years on that part:  https://zenmudra.com/A-Natural-Mindfulness.pdf

 

I would suggest back to school if possible to sharpen skills a bit, then see what you can find.  If you have a map of the internal, I think the external becomes more straightforward (if not easier--likely not easier).

All the best.

 

 

Isn't regret clinging to the past and believing that the personal self is real and that we can somehow choose the right path rather than surrender to nature and its forces? 

[Mark Foote]

14 hours ago, johndoe2012 said:

 

Isn't regret clinging to the past and believing that the personal self is real and that we can somehow choose the right path rather than surrender to nature and its forces? 
 

 

 

There are these roots of trees, there are empty places. Meditate, ... do not delay, lest you later regret it. This is my message to you.

(MN 8, tr Nyanaponika Thera)

 

 

Now, who do we suppose said that!
 

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQpV3ST6Kso

 

[Giles]

@Rheor,

 

I've just received an email from iRest notifying me about this upcoming course in pranayama with Richard Miller.

 

https://www.yogakula.com/events/pranayama-with-richard-miller

 

and it occurred to me that it might be of some interest and use to you.

 

Best Wishes,

 

[Rheor]

On 9/3/2024 at 3:21 PM, Giles said:

@Rheor,

 

I've just received an email from iRest notifying me about this upcoming course in pranayama with Richard Miller.

 

https://www.yogakula.com/events/pranayama-with-richard-miller

 

and it occurred to me that it might be of some interest and use to you.

 

Best Wishes,

 

Hey @Giles,
At the moment it might be too much for my limited capacities to digest, I will keep it on the side though. Just In case.

Thanks for your solicitude.

[Giles]

You're most welcome. 👍🏻😊

 

Have you now resolved the issue(s) that brought you here in the first place?

 

[Rheor]

1 hour ago, Giles said:

You're most welcome. 👍🏻😊

 

Have you now resolved the issue(s) that brought you here in the first place?

 

Unfortunately I have not, I must have been slightly more optimistic and stable back then.

 

Energy intensity has not back down in the least, same patterns of "pouring out" through the feet or through the hands when I do Tai Chi.

I did not want to add fuel the "fire" and make my symptoms worse by doing too much spiritual practice, I mainly do grounding practices (Hakuin melting butter, Tai Chi, spending time in forest) and neutral awareness (which has been very helpful) of the chest "distress". I already feel quite disconnected with external reality, no friends, no social life; I am scared to dissolve and dissociate even deeper with more practice without having some kind of external anchors to keep me grounded like a job, friends, community, ... Perhaps I might recreate facebook account haha....
 

I have tried to look for jobs in the same field of my "old self" and was appalled to see that I couldn't mentally do any software programming and had to accept that. I had a "regular job" interview recently and the mental confusion along with chest pressure was incredible, so I could see how it would be in actual "real life" situation.

The difficulties look like kundalini syndrome to be honest, which I suspect it might very well be.

Everyday is a challenge just to keep my head above water, dream work suggest rebirth, this keeps me hopeful.

[Giles]

I'm really sorry to learn this Rheor. ☹️

 

Clearly, you need some competent in-person help.

 

Where are you based?

 

[Rheor]

19 minutes ago, Giles said:

I'm really sorry to learn this Rheor. ☹️

It's okay, I am already thankful enough for your replies.

It was my "doing", so I was also looking for it to happen, in a way.

 

19 minutes ago, Giles said:

Clearly, you need some competent in-person help.

 

I saw a psychiatrist one year ago, he suggested "violating one's own nature" with medication, I ran away. 

 

Went to a "trans-personal" therapist, it was mostly talk therapy, useful but she could not guide me more with the "heart chakra process" than suggesting to stay more in my body.

 

Went to an acupuncturist few months ago, she used moxa to bring the energy down to my lower dantian. I just felt worse, like deserted war zone in my chest, it felt like unmoving unresolved conflicts. She suggested doing more creative things with my hands (I would if I was inspired to, or perhaps I should try anyway) and starting some martial art (perhaps I could join a club).
It felt overall off so I never went back.

Perhaps I could try online spiritual teachers, I don't dare take the risk as there are also frauds.

 

19 minutes ago, Giles said:

Where are you based?

 

South-west of France, living in the country side for now.

Might relocate, this is another dilemma of having a "Taoist" spirit while living in modern society .

[Giles]

Would you like to meetup, with a view to me to me giving you some practical assistance?

[Rheor]

41 minutes ago, Giles said:

Would you like to meetup, with a view to me to me giving you some practical assistance?

Sure, why not, if it's no bother for you. You mean online ?

[Giles]

Nope.

 

In person, in Toulouse.

[snowymountains]

On 7/27/2024 at 8:16 PM, Rheor said:

I feel most of my energy working around the heart chakra, like a "lock" in the center of my chest. My chest feels "full" with heat and pain accumulating in the heart, some head pressure aswell along with some level of mental fog. I have felt lots of clearing out of the chest with what felt like (and continues to feel like) dirty chi (feeling of bubbles) pouring out from the feet which happens occasionally throughout the day. Otherwise tension leaves my system as "tingles" (at the crown for example), very different feeling than the "bubbles pouring out".

 

1 hour ago, Rheor said:

I saw a psychiatrist one year ago, he suggested "violating one's own nature" with medication, I ran away. 

 

Went to a "trans-personal" therapist, it was mostly talk therapy, useful but she could not guide me more with the "heart chakra process" than suggesting to stay more in my body.

 

Went to an acupuncturist few months ago, she used moxa to bring the energy down to my lower dantian.

 

For heat in the chest, head pressure did you see a pathologist or a GP ( who may refer to further specialists if needed ) ? - these sound like physical symptoms to me.

 

Re mental fog, this is a symptom, which I gather you want to reduce. Perhaps then it's worth going with a symptoms based approach and see a CBT therapist. You can also discuss this with your GP, as it may well have physiological components.

A CBT therapist will assess of course if they need to work together with a psychiatrist, psychotherapy sometimes has to be combined with medication, sometimes not. I would recommend calling them and before starting therapy, discussing with them and asking them if they have experience and training that is relevant for your symptoms, if not if they can refer you to someone who does.

 

If you are suffering from symptoms, perhaps starting from there is the best route.

 

Other approaches that focus more on integration can be excellent at what they do but as at the moment since it's symptoms that you worry about, starting with symptoms-based approach may be the most helpful route.

You can always work on the rest later is you want to, after symptoms have ceased to cause suffering.

Also, imo find someone close to where you live/do in-person sessions.

 

Hope the above helps.

Edited September 11 by snowymountains

[Rheor]

16 minutes ago, Giles said:

Nope.

 

In person, in Toulouse.

 

I live near Bayonne, but might be in Toulouse one week-end per month to study TCM.

Next week-end is 28/29 september, I have not sent my registration yet so it is not 100% sure. I might be there earlier or stay a little bit longer so as to have days with more spare time. This is not confirmed.

I will keep you informed for sure as to how it goes, this would be a good opportunity.

[Thrice Daily]

On 27/07/2024 at 8:16 PM, Rheor said:

Hello,

I have been meditating a lot for two years, I reduced off from 8 hours daily to 2/3 hours over the course of two months in order to focus on my life, be more independent and less dissociated. During this time I believe, I cleared out a lot of "stuff" from my energy system.

 

I feel most of my energy working around the heart chakra, like a "lock" in the center of my chest. My chest feels "full" with heat and pain accumulating in the heart, some head pressure aswell along with some level of mental fog. I have felt lots of clearing out of the chest with what felt like (and continues to feel like) dirty chi (feeling of bubbles) pouring out from the feet which happens occasionally throughout the day. Otherwise tension leaves my system as "tingles" (at the crown for example), very different feeling than the "bubbles pouring out".

 

Pressure keep accumulating in my chest, I do the bare minimum of meditation just to release excesses.
To ground myself: Tai Chi, "earthing" barefoot on backyard, Hakuin soft butter meditation, walking in the forest, I go out in public places like the beach more often.

Theses things alleviate a lot the symptoms, they are manageable.

I am not waiting for a magical fix of course, I intend to take full responsibility for myself. Just interested in your perspective, ideas and any resources I could check out to have a more rounded approach in general.

Thank you!

reading this made me feel a bit sad. I reminded me of some time in my 20's. I came to a point where I only worked with natural breath. It helped somewhat. 

 

When I eventually gave myself the gift of vippasana this helped massively. It really gave me so much time and space to practice the art of letting go. 

 

Meditation became a more normal part of the day rather than something I was specifically doung. It became kind of mundane and that was helpful. Also practicing Anapana (simply focusing on nostrils) when stressed was really all I needed to balance back out. 

 

Did you always sit alone or have you been on group retreats with many other meditators?

 

This is the UK centre I meditated at, they are all over the world though...

 

uk.dhamma.org

 

I highly recommend checking out Vippasana should you feel inclined... You don't get masses of guidance but it is a safe space to meditate in for a good period of time... May help you resolve some stuff, especially if you serve there for a course after, they like it if you can volunteer too for a course...

[stirling]

Sorry Rheor, I see that I never replied to your thoughtful answers to my questions.

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

Inability to commit to something "out there" with confidence and/or resolve, can't force outcome while being so unsettled, losing grip with things, days passing by doing nothing frozen in dilemma : going all-in with meditation "escaping" responsibilities or trying desperately to get some grip with my life which depends on me getting a job to not depend on my parents any longer while undergoing energetic changes.

 

Instead of constructing a person who has no confidence, can't force things, is losing grip, is frozen, I would advise accepting things as they are moment to moment. To wrestle with the underlying CONDITIONS of how things are a notice that you tell a story about a person who you don't want to be. 

 

If you are feeling stuck, SAY so. Earnestly put your hands out with open palms and openly, without an object, ask for help. Say that you are lost and don't know what to do. Have no outcome or method of cause or result in mind, and be open to whatever comes to mind. Watch your mind, and your life for an open hand... an idea, a person who invites you to do something... anything. Another possibility: there is a way out of your life that is something that compromises your pride, or is uncomfortable for you to consider. I might be the thing that you would NEVER do, like bankruptsy, or something else that wouldn't kill you or violate being open or kind to the world or life, but MIGHT violate a fixed idea you hold. 

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

I am an introverted loner to begin with, conscious of the non-dual nature of things from childhood, could not engage like other kids from a young age, half way between connecting with people / half way distant. I am not an ambitious person, building businesses and such endeavors is foreign to me, I like team work, cooperation and to be helpful. Otherwise, I have not really explored my artistic side yet, at least as a hobby.

 

Being conscious of the non-dual SHOULD include a trust that what needs to happen will happen, and that you are protected. Nonduality also means that reality will mirror your attachments, aversions and fear back at you, challenging you to surrender or drop them in the interests of dropping what obscures you seeing reality clearly. One of your primary obscurations is your limiting story about the past and future that stops you from moving forward. Reading your paragraphs, I see a LOT of limiting beliefs. You have a complex story that you appear to be using to create a cul de sac in your life. My suggestion: DROP IT. Stop telling this story about yourself. It isn't happening now, it is a story about a past you no longer live in, even if that past was yesterday. 

 

Question: What actually DRIVES you? What are you actually excited about? What do you WANT?

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

Career: software engineer / developer

I was absorbed for years in society drama, due to anxiety, uncertainty, deep need to envision society differently I could not work, I was way out of balance, balance (at least working towards it) is my requirement as a foundation for all things.
I saw how technology was used in "evil" ways (I won't expand on it here) and did not want to contribute to it in some way or another to not add my mess to the chaotic world, so I abandoned it. It would be practical to just resume my career but I don't see going myself going back, close my eyes as if nothing happened.
Not even speaking of having to perk up my skills again due to unemployment, working through anxieties / inner conflicts / disbelief of this field plus some energy symptoms.
It might be better for me to let go of this chunk of my life and find another source of income, not really for the fun of it... might get me to socialize though.

 

See above. My daughters boyfriend is a remote programmer making over $100 a year. He retrained in AI, did a few projects for his work, and will be making even more in the months to come. His is awkward with other people, and now has more limited interactions in his team which works for him. He had to work through a similar set of imagined limitations (expertise working as a data analyst) to move forward. 

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

I used to read buddhist sutras after being fed up by lot of things like political agendas, fake agendas, absurd laws lacking ethics, conflicting viewpoints, contradictions, ... I threw the whole political agenda business / useless drama in the garbage, no longer watching news or anything related to society where it's at or where it's going, have not looked back since, adding up to my reluctance to face the world again, due to uncertainties from "ignoring" it for so long.

 

You demonstrate the ability to discard negative story-telling already! Good news! Now, trust (since you evince an interest in non-duality) that what you are surrounded by can't help but love you since it already what you ARE. Notice what it mirrors back to you, and notice where it reflects the fictional stories about reality you are constructing and DROP them. 

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

Wanted to focus on myself, not depend on externals so much to dictate how I feel and how to think, result have been me isolating from lots of things including the idea of going "out there". Then with sutras, it helped me for a while, but I realized I could not keep up with it for long, it was not pushing me to change my circumstances at least not directly, I was escaping again.

 

The way out is to be sick of suffering. Stop escaping.

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

I don't have anything much to connect with, apart from nature, Tai Chi, reading Carl Jung for now is okay distraction too .
I plan to learn TCM starting the end of the year, I can be useful to others, has broad range interesting subjects, even if I don't make money off of it, it will spark my interest again in something concrete, will meet new people too.

 

Seems like a positive move.

 

On 8/19/2024 at 6:50 AM, Rheor said:

Sure.. I can't pretend that myself anyway, I have been pretty stubborn and unbalanced. Maybe I can hope for things to change towards balance and clarity in the future, and I can stop being an odd mess.

 

Seriously... ask for help, be serious about taking what you are presented as your path and it WILL change.

[ChiDragon]

@Rheor

Based on your symptoms, may I ask you a question?

What kind of activity were you involved when you are a teenager? Did you do something constantly and more often like most teenagers do with your five fingers?

Edited September 12 by ChiDragon

[Rheor]

On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

reading this made me feel a bit sad. I reminded me of some time in my 20's. I came to a point where I only worked with natural breath. It helped somewhat. 

I guess this sort of big crisis just happens in a cultivator/meditator life, it forces one reassess things.. Due to energy blockages I found I could not hold a particular concentration technique which seemed only to interfere.

 

On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

When I eventually gave myself the gift of vippasana this helped massively. It really gave me so much time and space to practice the art of letting go.

 

I am glad it helped you. For a time I tried different techniques, in the end, neutral awareness and letting go seem to be the best also in my experience.

 

On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

Meditation became a more normal part of the day rather than something I was specifically doung. It became kind of mundane and that was helpful. Also practicing Anapana (simply focusing on nostrils) when stressed was really all I needed to balance back out. 

 

Outside of sitting, I like to practice "allowing" my experience to be as it is when I remember, helps me snap out of negative mind patterns especially regarding happenings in my body or how life "ought" to be.
 

On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

Did you always sit alone or have you been on group retreats with many other meditators?

 

Never been on group retreat, I sit alone. I do have contact with close family though. I meditate only 1 hour per day now so I can focus on attending more on practical life matters like finding a job, learning new things, resuming social life...
 

On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

 

This is the UK centre I meditated at, they are all over the world though...

 

uk.dhamma.org

 

I highly recommend checking out Vippasana should you feel inclined... You don't get masses of guidance but it is a safe space to meditate in for a good period of time... May help you resolve some stuff, especially if you serve there for a course after, they like it if you can volunteer too for a course...

Vipassana is one technique I am particularly drawn to, sounds good. I will probably give it more time once I get a bit more solid ground in mundane life.

Thank you.

[Rheor]

On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

For heat in the chest, head pressure did you see a pathologist or a GP ( who may refer to further specialists if needed ) ? - these sound like physical symptoms to me.

 

Due to the sensations shifting when releases occur, I am intimately convinced that this is the result of energy purification. I remember wanting to take an appointment with a cardiologist only to see that they were all booked for months.
With that said, I will consider your words of caution.
 

On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

Re mental fog, this is a symptom, which I gather you want to reduce. Perhaps then it's worth going with a symptoms based approach and see a CBT therapist. You can also discuss this with your GP, as it may well have physiological components.

A CBT therapist will assess of course if they need to work together with a psychiatrist, psychotherapy sometimes has to be combined with medication, sometimes not. I would recommend calling them and before starting therapy, discussing with them and asking them if they have experience and training that is relevant for your symptoms, if not if they can refer you to someone who does.

 

If you are suffering from symptoms, perhaps starting from there is the best route.

A part of me wants to follow your suggestion, especially if no medication is involved. I can't help but be skeptical especially if the physicians are not familiar with energy symptoms. Might be worth a try.

 

On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

Other approaches that focus more on integration can be excellent at what they do but as at the moment since it's symptoms that you worry about, starting with symptoms-based approach may be the most helpful route.

You can always work on the rest later is you want to, after symptoms have ceased to cause suffering.

Also, imo find someone close to where you live/do in-person sessions.

 

I prefer this approach which seem more plausible to me. I don't know yet of anyone in my area who could assist.

 

On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

Hope the above helps.

 

Thanks for your input.