IMHO

[manitou]

 

 

18 hours ago, Thrice Daily said:

  You're not forcing your opinion on anyone, just submitting it for consideration--that calls for "IMHO".

 

 

Interesting, that's very polite.

 

Polite is nice, but polite isn't necessarily real.  Polite is needed when the inside of us doesn't match the politeness on the outside.  It's an effort.  

 

I think Kindness is something better to cultivate.  It covers all the bases 

[Thrice Daily]

I respectfully disagree and I’ll share why.

 

While teaching my daughter to say please and Thankyou and sorry, I realised it’s more important that she feels it from the inside and speaks from there rather than the external pressure of a rule.

 

The more I explained it to her the more I began to realise how Kind and Respectful manners really are DOING DEEPER WORKS  (of course we know how helpful they are to diffuse escalating problems ie anger) but it’s more than than. 
 

it’s demonstrating an understanding that the other person has value, and not a lesser being or a servant. 
 

Take “please” for example, it gives back the power to to the server and acknowledgement that they have a choice in serving, leading to confidence and self esteem in the server being built, and them not being robbed of it. This can help steer a child away from some pretty negative tropes too, like manipulation haughtiness and entitlement. 
 

The word please also empowers the person you are asking to do the deed for you. It doesn’t undermine their autonomy and treat them as a thing merely completing your wish. 
 

I'm grateful my parents instilled manners. They didn’t describe the processes quite the same way as I do with my daughter but I get it now. And I’m glad I don’t get a buzz out of intimidating others and pushing them around, it was never able to take hold in my nature in those important developmental years.

 

of course there are excesses exceptions to the rules and I’m sure examples of this backfiring in peoples lives, but aren’t manners generally healthy and good?
 

When she was 5 or 6 we would do little role play. So I would act out the scenario as if I were her and she was offering me something.

 

I would do it once, with no please, no connecting tone and no eye contact.

 

then I would play the role play again , I would wait, use eye contact, use please and Thankyou, 

 

and then I’d simply ask her, which one made you feel best, in your nerves

 

of course she always said second one… she felt connected, part of team and loved.

 

I also tell her smile and the word smiles with you, she knows now when she is on the shop or paying the bus driver, she uses her manners and eye contact, she gets a smile, and then she always smiles back. 
 

it’s important to us, May the best in me meet the best in you @manitou

 

And compliments how a long way too, even if on the surface they seem superficial and fake,

 

they help distract others of their suffering if only for a moment, Buddhas blessings 🙏 

 

IMHO this thread rocks 🪨 🪨 🪨 🪨 

Edited November 2 by Thrice Daily

[manitou]

Not sure I see IMHO as a politeness.  Sounds more like bragging to me.