Feeling pretty stupid, yet somehow, enlightened!

[Cadcam]

When I was 22 I had an existential crisis. I was disillusioned with myself, and the world. I didn't trust academia, had no idea what to study in school or how to get a good paying job. I didn't know who to be.

 

I laid in bed depressed. Then my spirit guides visited me and as I fell asleep, they said when I wake up, to imagine a new beginning,  to imagine that life started over.

 

I awoke and didn't feel burdened by my past. I asked myself what did I know? I decided I believed in God, and that God was love. God made the world, and so the world was love.

 

I found myself open to trusting people.  I became curious about everything,  and wasn't afraid to ask people questions about life.

 

I became a thinker, and would spend long hours contemplating simple ideas, and meditate on them. 

 

Finally, years later, I started studying philosophy.  I journeyed through a two year course, and it affirmed a lot of what I had thought about in my 20s and 30s.

 

However, I couldn't understand why it seemed that love did not prevail in the world. I had blamed God, for if God was love, then why do we hate, and why do we diminish others, and why is there violence and poverty and suffering?

 

It too k a few years, and as I went along trying to learn and understand,  I was afflicted by demons, and made insane many times.  Then one day as I tried to defeat this chaos, it occurred to me that it was the act of desire that was to blame. It was humanity's ability for free will; that we all had the ability to choose. I saw the world then, and still do, as chaos and order, and our ways of responding to it, and how we choose to react. 

 

This enlightenment is not much different than what I knew before, but it is the journey of knowing,  and then having that knowledge destroyed, and the rebuilding that is important.

 

Now I have my evidence of God, and I understand life and people, and have my peace.

[Keith108]

Very nice post, but wrong forum? Maybe looking for the Abrahamic Religions Discussion forum?

Edited yesterday at 03:36 PM by Keith108