Newcomer Help Request and Intro

[Tipton]

Hello!

 

I am not knowledgeable on terms and am only making this as newcomers must make a post on the welcome page. My preferred choice would be to see if my question has already been answered but never hurts to ask in an intro 

 

Since I was young I have felt energy to some extent. Not at all times but I did feel it. When outside it is most obvious but at night or when I have a still body and mind I feel it. Almost like an icy cold wind until it enters the body. There were many silly things that led to me wondering about it and what it could be or do. Naturally as a kid cartoons, story's and movies influenced me some and made me play around. I never took it seriously and worried much about it. Several years about around 20 or 21 I started meditating at night as a habit. I began feeling the energy more and moving through my body with my breath believing this was simple meditation. I noticed a sort of swirling feeling begin in the base of my abdomen like a whirlpool. I played around with it and was able to slowly feed in the energy and occasionally rotate it through the body to help sooth pain and discomfort. I've don't this for a few years. Then I noticed it slow and calm and I began focusing on squeezing the energy tight. I don't know why but my silly brain thought to treat it like how diamonds are made and apply pressure. I did this for a few years as well 

 

Well now I'm 30. I stopped playing around with it while I was pregnant last year and this year and now it feels full and heavy like I'm bloated. I uncomfortable unlike I ever have. I don't know if it's because my body has become weak or these are just the feelings you get post partum. The energy I've always played around with seems to flow faster and is harder to control. Lately my head feels full too there is high pressure behind my eyes at times. I even went to the eye doctor and they diagnosed me with optic neuropathy (though they wanted to run a million expensive tests on me to figure out why I stopped agreeing because after an MRI, blood work, and a few other tests they wanted to do a lumbar puncture and I'm not comfortable with that). The thing is I can't get it out of my head that I feel the energy building there. 

 

I don't know if I'm just crazy or not. The energy isn't like some movie or manga or anime or whatever from what's it's done for me so far. I don't feel it has strengthened my body much or given me super powers or anything lol. It clears my mind, helps my perception and memory when I do it, if I feel pain or tense I can sooth it during meditation. To a mild degree of course. I never looked into it because I didn't want to feel like I was feeding a silly thought to create a delusion in my mind, but now with the possibility that I may go blind I want to consider all options. 

 

1- Am I crazy or does this sound realistic?

 

2- Did I cause my body harm?

 

3- Why is the energy so intent on gathering there and can I slow it down because lately it feels like it's in constant motion.

 

4- Is there a way to utilize the energy?

 

5- Please teach me whatever you feel matches my situation. Please.

[stirling]

Welcome to the board. Your post makes it sound like you might be having a hard time. I sincerely hope you find some acceptable comfort and resolution to you struggle.

 

To answer your questions from MY perspective as Buddhist practitioner:

 

1 - Your questions don't sound crazy, BUT it wouldn't hurt get input from a counselor and/or psychiatrist. Yes, there are energetic phenomena, which may or may not be relevant to life and spiritual development, if you are open to such things. Not all answers purely exist in the spiritual realm. Your language suggests a pragmatic recognition of your symptoms. Stick with that, vs. adopting the language or limitations of specific scientific or spiritual disciplines.

 

2 -It doesn't sound like you damaged your body, but you, or a professional, would know better. 

 

3 - What wants to happen generally happens. Don't resist it, but DO check with medical professionals if you feel uncomfortable or feel frightened. 

 

4 - I'll leave suggestions about this to someone else, but my experience is that simply being with things as they are is the wisest course, BUT asking for help where there is mental or physical discomfort is a good idea. 

 

5 - With apologies to my board-mates, I am not sure that there is anyone here that is qualified to help you with this. I'd be happy to be wrong, and you'll have to weigh suggestions with your OWN experience. Stories about energy, intention and what it means are legion, but real solutions might be thin on the ground.  Trying to manipulate energy can result in worsening consequences. Be cautious. Be sure to cautious and consider the idea that your "energy" and its implications MIGHT be a story you adopt rather than a reality you inhabit. 

 

Feel free to message me with any questions about my responses. 

 

I open the floor to further answers...

[Cobie]

Hi Tipton, welcome to the forum, I hope you will find the answer you want. 
 

 

Edited 17 hours ago by Cobie