Dark Night of the Soul

[SFJane]

Edited July 7, 2008 by SFJane

[sheng zhen]

Wonderful Jane! There are beacons of light in this world and you are truly one of them! Im so glad you are available to help people with what you have learned and gone through.

[AugustLeo]

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[Xienkula1]

Jane is cool as is the article! Yay!

[SFJane]

You are all most welcome.

 

Thanks for taking the time read it.

 

Made a few edits and added a section titled

 

'It gets worse before it gets better'

 

I exist only to serve.

 

[witch]

I think that might have been more painful than it needed to be. May I ask what you were eating, how you were sleeping during that time? Were you outside in the sunshine?

[Yoda]

SFJane,

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

Your pal,

Yoda

[Sunya]

thanks for the article Jane

 

it's something that i'm going through myself.

surrender and keeping a positive state and offering no resistence are the keys that really make the process go as smoothly as possible I think

[SFJane]

I think that might have been more painful than it needed to be. May I ask what you were eating, how you were sleeping during that time? Were you outside in the sunshine?

 

Sure!

 

As far as what I was eating. Good grief, that would depend on when you took a snapshot of my diet.

 

When I started I had just become hip to dieting for health and wellbeing. So initially, I was detoxing off crap. I microwaved my dinner or bought it somewhere. I had to teach myself how to cook and the only way I would find the best diet would be to experiment.

 

So I quit the McDonalds and quit addictions to sugar, caffeine, nicotine all around the same time. I started by quitting only red meat. Then I went vegetarian, then I went Vegan, then Macrobiotic, back to vegetarian, then semi vegetarian with the inclusion of seafood and on and on.

 

I did short fasts and punishing fasts. I tried juicing, broths, herbs, all that stuff. I had to find out who I was underneath all of it and that included the effects of the foods we eat, or don't eat.

 

During that particular time, during the Dark Nights (and it is not limited to just one ) I may have been fasting. I may have eaten hearty knowing I was going to need the energy. I just don't remember exactly.

 

How was I sleeping?

 

Again it is a similar thing to the diet and that my sleep needs were all over the place depending on my state of Being.

 

When I worked blue collar at factories I had to sleep at least 6 hours to be able to stand on my feet all day.

However when I was taking days or weeks off for personal retreat that changed.

 

In the after effect of a very strong energy release I might actually sleep like a baby unintentionally soaking up 8 hours or more.

 

What normally happened was that because I was not using a lot physical caloric energy, and due to mental vigilance and concentration, I kept a charge going and it was not unusual to sleep from midnight to 4 am and wake up alert, aware and fully rested and ready to meditate some more.

 

During the Dark Nights, It was more like the intrusive mania and the flashbacks and the releasing energies kept me awake and prevented me from sleeping much at all. I would be fatigued from my spiritual battle and pass out at 10 pm only to be jolted awake at 1 am forced to do another round with my internal demons.

 

Was I outside in the sunshine?

 

Yes almost always. At that time I lived in the Sacramento area. Sacramento is known for going 100 or more days during the summer without sighting a single wisp of cloud. I was up before dawn every single day. I usually greeted the sunrise with standing or moving chi gung.

 

Of course I was not limited to meditating during the daylight.

 

Sometimes, especially during those times, I was meditating at night. It is easier to meditate at night for the purpose of going within. Going within, surrendering inwards, is a Yin action and the environment is most Yin at night and early am. The flower buds close up. Some critters curl up in a ball. The air becomes cooler. The psychic pressure of the urban life is diminished because all the people are asleep and dreaming.

 

It is the perfect time to go far into yourself where you are most likely going to find the really stuck stuff.

 

As far as it being more painful than it needed to be. Who can tell. I did it the hard way and I am glad I did.

 

Whatever pain was there most of it had been there for some time. Some of the pain was the agony of change and letting go.

 

I think it's going to be different for everyone. There is no chart that graphs the appropriate amount of psychological agony one is supposed to endure during a Dark Night.

 

The amount of pain you experience, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, is going to be dependent on what is inside you.

Edited July 7, 2008 by SFJane

[Sunya]

i think that the only effects that diet or environment would have are the effects they have on your psyche, because it is your state of mind that is the most important.

 

 

by the way Jane its been a while.. i hope everything is going great with you

the advice you gave me months ago really helped, i've been progressing.. letting go, surrendering, found a teacher. alls good!

Edited July 7, 2008 by mikaelz

[SFJane]

i think that the only effects that diet or environment would have are the effects they have on your psyche, because it is your state of mind that is the most important.

by the way Jane its been a while.. i hope everything is going great with you

the advice you gave me months ago really helped, i've been progressing.. letting go, surrendering, found a teacher. alls good!

 

You are right mikaelz and witch brought up good detail.

 

What you put in your body, you put inside you. You experience chemical states brought on by food. Those states can and will have an effect on your mental health and your meditation practice. People have different biochemistry so ultimately it's up the individual to find out what diet is going to serve them best for their goals.

 

Of course sometimes, you get high off the energy you store if you are cultivating. I don't mean *high* as in stoned or tripping. I mean you don't need to eat. You are simply not hungry. Your energy consumption gets real low and you run off your own chi so to speak.

 

Everything is fine with me. I continue to work on my writings and my book and this article is part of it. It is part of the story.

 

I am glad to hear of your progress mikaelz! good luck with your continued progress.

 

You are very welcome.

 

And you too Yoda

[witch]

I guess I did it in a different order. I was hospitalized for suicidal depression, yadda yadda, had problems since childhood, during my marriage had depression, was on antidepressants, did research on nutritional and other natural ways to heal depression so I could get off antidepressants and have a baby. I was really concentrating on the physical. I mean, I'm fat and out of shape, but mentally I'm very physically healthy, if that makes sense.

 

So I haven't had any dark nights or psychological agony with my energy rising, only pleasure. Although on the other hand it's entirely likely I'm just a beginner and you are very advanced and I will be going through dark soul nights in the future, I don't know. Not to say I didn't have difficult times--with the breakup of my marriage it was very difficult and I was very sad a lot of the time--but not depressed or similar to the pain you describe (which were common states in my earlier life, set off just by being alive rather than traumatic events).

 

I can't help but think though, if I had been able to help you at that time just with the physical part, it would have helped alleviate your anguish.

[mYTHmAKER]

 

What you put in your body, you put inside you. You experience chemical states brought on by food. Those states can and will have an effect on your mental health and your meditation practice. People have different biochemistry so ultimately it's up the individual to find out what diet is going to serve them best for their goals.

 

You hit the nail on the head. Simple chemistry.

I was psychotic at one point and luckily I found someone who showed me how how to eat.

I was better in a month.

That's why I know from my experience it would be a much better, happier world if

people ate properly. I know people suffering and they won't listen so i have to let them be.

 

Tiny Tim is my hero " You are what you eat"

[gendao]

[Sahaj Nath]

Yes!

 

i sent a link to a few of my students. i'll let you know if we talk about something interesting related to it.

[.broken.]

Tiny Tim is my hero " You are what you eat"

 

Apologies for being a pedant, but I believe it was Aristotle who said this. One of my mates uses it as an excuses for not going down on the ladies...

[三江源]

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Edited April 20, 2015 by 三江源

[.broken.]

Do men need an excuse to not go down on us? I was under the distinct impression that it was extremely wondrous for all concerned..

 

Alas, some men find it distasteful. I read somewhere that it depends on genes whether one enjoys the flavours or not. Personally I can think of no better way, sexually, to please a woman... I delight in it and I know drew hempel does too

[joeblast]

What is DSM?

 

And, what is the trick to amplified dissolving?

 

Also, it sounds like you hadn't really done any psycho-energetic issue-clearing beforehand? Which I define as identifying and resolving the actual issues causing the blockages, rather than just mechanically clearing the energetic blockages themselves. Like a combo of psychology and energetics.

 

And, I heard drinking a lot of water helps too, lol.

 

I guess my questioning here is aimed at ways of minimizing "adverse" reactions and smoothing out the path of ascension. And one area seems to be that the process can get too mechanical and ignore the more human aspect.

The DSM is a huge tome of psychological terms & stuff. Being in grad school for mental health counseling, Lotus Flower has a copy of the DSM

 

http://www.google.com/url?sa=U&start=3...x4zfiFEvSkOOoJg

[Sunya]

Alas, some men find it distasteful. I read somewhere that it depends on genes whether one enjoys the flavours or not.

 

ya thats me

i find it grossss

not the act itself.. but the taste and smell... so musky and bitter. ew :/

[mYTHmAKER]

 

Apologies for being a pedant, but I believe it was Aristotle who said this. One of my mates uses it as an excuses for not going down on the ladies...

 

Well maybe Aristotle said it, I heard it from Tiny Tim.

 

Do you think that's why miss Vicki dumped him.

 

I doubt either one on them meant it in this context. LOL

[三江源]

.

Edited April 20, 2015 by 三江源

[AugustLeo]

.

[.broken.]

Really?? It's genetic?! Is there a significant proportion of non homosexual men who are thus disadvantaged?!!

 

mikaelz um.. sorry to hear it, man. Have you tried playing with honey or chocolate spread or whipped cream or whatever?!!!

I cant help wondering what Ron Jeremy would say...

 

Really can't help feel that this wonderful thread has done a little downhill, and it's my fault

 

Cat, yes I did read that it is genetic. However, I'm simply regurgitating information... Don't believe everything you read. If it is indeed true, then yes, there are many men out there who are "disadvantaged" (for want of a better word).

 

Personally it may depend on the lady. I have yet to experience it, but I am told there are some fishy specimens about.

 

That being said; I won't contribute to this line of conversation any longer. Jane's post was wonderful to read and I can't help but feel guilt for doing it this injustice. I took have had a dark night of the soul, and am scraping the surface of one now - at least, that's how it feels.

 

Jane, thank you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful thread and your fantastically written insight. I can't wait to check out more of your writings. Off the the blog I go...

 

Most humble,

James

[SFJane]

What is DSM?

 

And, what is the trick to amplified dissolving?

 

Also, it sounds like you hadn't really done any psycho-energetic issue-clearing beforehand? Which I define as identifying and resolving the actual issues causing the blockages, rather than just mechanically clearing the energetic blockages themselves. Like a combo of psychology and energetics.

 

And, I heard drinking a lot of water helps too, lol.

 

I guess my questioning here is aimed at ways of minimizing "adverse" reactions and smoothing out the path of ascension. And one area seems to be that the process can get too mechanical and ignore the more human aspect.

 

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Pschiatry

 

 

 

 

Also, it sounds like you hadn't really done any psycho-energetic issue-clearing beforehand? Which I define as identifying and resolving the actual issues causing the blockages, rather than just mechanically clearing the energetic blockages themselves. Like a combo of psychology and energetics.

 

Umm, hmm.

 

If you mean therapy, well, I had been in therapy since I was 8 until I was 18. I really was not ready to talk about it all so I did not get any work done during that time.

 

If you mean identifying the cause of a block? How does identifying it make it go away?

 

Let's pretend you are walking around and suddenly you get slammed to the ground. Shocked you try to come to your senses only to feel an explosion of pain in your back. Something somewhere between your floating ribs and your pelvis has impaled you.

 

Now along comes a good Samaritan with a first aid kit.

 

Are you are busy screaming, "pull it out, pull it out!"

or

Are you busy screaming "dude what's that thing in my back?!"

 

Do you want him to stop and gawk and figure out exactly what is stuck in you while you continue to suffer from it?

 

Do want you want him to pull it out and then maybe after it's out and the pain is gone and you can turn over again perhaps you can look at it and identify what your problem was.

 

Chances are, you will be so relived that you may not spare the object more than a passing glance. Perhaps you will never know exactly what that was. Will it matter? As soon as it is no longer troubling you, you will move on and it will pass from your mind soon enough.

 

My point is, it is all well and good to know that some energy blocks inside you might be poor posture, old wounds, toxins, bad memories, traumas. But so what? It is not necessary that every blockage inside you be cataloged, categorized and shelved with a label. You can sit around pondering forever what your problem may or may not be or how it got there but that is not going to help you get rid of it.

 

Dissolving is not *mechanical*. It is the very definition of mindful.

 

You work with the energies you can feel. Classically whether you are into Buddhism or Taoism there is a paradigm and functional theory of personal dimension that you can perceive and work with.

 

Body>Chi>Emotion>Thought>Mind>Causation>Time/Space>Tao/Universe/Brahman/The Force/whatever

 

If you are trying to heal yourself, we really don't need to concern ourselves with karma, space time, psychic powers, Wu Wei, any of that stuff. There is time for that.

 

What you do is work with what you readily sense.

 

Your physical body, your feelings/sensations/nerves, your emotions and your thoughts. Work on stabilizing just those first four Bodies.

 

Leave the Tao and aura reading,the kan and li formulas and karma cleansing for when your heart-mind and your nerves are finally stable.

 

To actualize a higher level you have to realize the one truth. All that stuff is inside and outside you and exists all in the same space like a trans dimensional hologram.

 

At first, it's not that hard to feel between your body and chi or emotions but the other stuff requires you to be able to focus and remain aware for a long enough time to perceive the event horizon where one Body grants access to the next.

Edited July 8, 2008 by SFJane