Tantric Kundalini: heart-ache and Psychosis?

[findley]

I have been practicing 'solo cultivation' (ie masturbation,) for a few months now, and believe I have mastered the art of orgasm without ejaculation, (once again, since my highschool days.)

 

I bring the orgasm up into the whole of my body. I can bring the orgasm up through my spine and into my head. I can practice for hours at a time, (really, until I get tired of it..) and I believe I have opened myself up quite a bit. I have recently entertained mantak chia's 'microcosmic orbi' guided meditation CD, and feel like I would like to couple it with my tantric practice. (I just need to get into the 'mode' of regular practice..) and that has been an incredible experience.

 

...anyways, what I am noticing is quite a bit of psychosis. I play at 'scenarios' in my head, (you know, normal day-dreaming,) except now it gets harder and harder to recognize these 'scenarios' as simply day-dreams. They become 'real' to me. I have a bad habit of imagining terrible things, and I experience alot of emotional pain as a result. My heart aches a lot.

I find myself frequently telling myself that 'I am insane' whenever I get lost in these day-dreams. This calms me down, (ironically, seems my last grasp on sanity,) and I can recognize my day-dreams, (no matter how real they seem at the moment,) as being simply fantasy.

 

I'm getting really tired of it. =) I am thinking that I am just bringing up so much sexual energy into my head and heart, that my 'day-dreams' are amplified into a subjective experience of 'reality', and my heart is just hyper-sensitive. Yesterday, for example, I had practiced ~3 hours of orgasmic masturbation, and that night was experiencing very painful 'day-dreams' and heart-ache. I made myself ejaculate, and immediately I felt much better.

 

(By the way, I am obsessively in love with my ex-girlfriend, whom I may or may not manage to get back [even here in the next couple of days;] I think of her constantly, and this is the source of the majority of my pain. I think of the most terrible things.)

 

Can someone help me? I don't want to sacrifice the tantric (blissful) attainment with frequent ejaculation. I have been trying to take an 'enlightened' (ie more detached,) stance in regards to my feelings for my (ex)girlfriend, but I just cannot do away with the attachment, no matter how hard I try.

 

I guess what I am looking for most specifically is for someone to tell me how to counteract the sexual energy i am cultivating. Do you think that all this sexual energy is simply 'pooling' or going static in my head and heart? where does the water come from??

maybe I need to start doing some qigong/tai chi, just to keep everything circulating, to avoid the 'pooling' of the sexual energy?

maybe I just need to do a better job at picking up the chia's microcosmic orbit?

 

Anyways, and help or advice would be much, much appreciated! =)

 

feel free to email me, too: [email protected]

 

Ooooh and by the way, I show alot of symptoms indicating earth deficiency.

Edited July 10, 2008 by findley

[.broken.]

Wow, not sure I know where to start...

 

You would not be experiencing any form of psychosis if you were ready for the amounts of energy you are creating. My opinion is that you are forcing too much energy into your head simply to start being able to have long periods of coitus - perhaps to impress your ex girlfriend in an attempt to be able to get back with her.

 

Regarding the heartache, you love this girl and she doesn't love you back. Simple as. It may be amplified by your excessive energy manipulation somewhat.

 

You have many options:

 

- I could tell you to stop practicing for such long periods, to take things more slowly.

- I could tell you to stop practicing because it's seriously messing with your brain chemistry and I worry you might cause some serious damage.

- I could tell you to try and stop lusting after the ex and examine why you really want to practice internal alchemy.

 

However, I know this is not what you are after. If you insist on continuing with, what I am assuming is, a very misplaced motivation then I can only point you in various directions that may help minimise any harm your body, mind and spirit may endure.

 

1. Qigong, and the various internal martial arts, will be able to play a role in rooting your energy and teaching you discipline, humility and courage. Take it up if your heart takes you there.

 

2. Find yourself a nearby Buddhist or Dzogchen teacher. See what help they can offer. I would imagine it would be along the lines of seated meditation... They will help open your mind and release it from its habitual thinking.

 

3. Please consider practicing for small amounts daily, as opposed to long periods of time occasionally. I hope this will help reduce the adverse effects you are experiencing.

 

4. Find yourself a good practitioner in either: acupuncture, shiatsu, tui na or pranic healing. They may be able to restore some balance.

 

5. Read the philosophy behind the taoist and tantric exercise you are practicing. In particular the Dao De Ching and the many yoga sutras. Through this you will see your practice is unbalanced and unhealthy.

 

I would not personally recommend yoga as a path as there are many teachers out there who just teach the asanas with little, if any, knowledge of how to fix energy issues. If you know a teacher who is into asanas, pranayama, bakti, mudra, bandas, mantra, samyana and tantra, then fine. Otherwise, this is a no go.

 

I hope you will ease your pain and discomfort, my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Yours humbly,

James

 

[Edit: Reading over this I think I failed in highlighting and emphasising the fact that you ARE doing some serious harm to your body and mind by practicing the way you currently are. It will get worse if you continue. Please heed my advice for your own sake.]

Edited July 10, 2008 by .broken.

[gendao]

I bring the orgasm up into the whole of my body. I can bring the orgasm up through my spine and into my head.

Sounds like you got some temporary "qi sickness"/"Kundalini syndrome" from too much qi stuck up in ya head...and just need to bring it down in front like with the MCO and ground more. I don't think this should be a big deal. Edited July 10, 2008 by vortex

[.broken.]

I don't think this should be a big deal.

 

Fair point My post does come across as quite dramatic.

 

Think anyone will notice?

[三江源]

.

Edited April 9, 2015 by 三江源

[Aetherous]

Take up standing, and go for walks. Gotta bring the energy down.

[findley]

oooh my goodness, you know I do think of her during my practice probably a little too often! It didn't really occur to me how that might affect my practice. (..!) Goodness-- I will definately have to be a little more mind-disciplined throughout cultivation!

 

-And I guess a excercising a little more discipline with the orbit is the most efficient, effective, and simply way to remedy my problems.

 

(unless, you know... anybody know's any kind of practice that is used specifically to counteract this sort of thing.. I am still not sure how to find the 'water' in kan & li. When I shoot the sexual energy through the crown and 'sex' the universe, is that 'water' coming down? I never feel any 'cold' sensations that are attributed to water energy.... ... ...)

[Sunya]

 

Grief and obsession loaded into sexual energy is a lot to transform.. too much for a beginner, imho.

Give it a break dude. Let go for a while, Loosen your grip on these compulsive habits. Go for a long walk in nature and watch some comedy films, LAUGH some, and read a nice book and go to an art gallery and cook some nice food and stop masturbating, at least masturbating without ejaculating, for a while.

 

You sound wound up tight.

 

Good luck in unwinding.

 

cat rocks

[Aetherous]

Yea except I don't like it when someone suggests to stop masturbating. It's not that simple for some people.

[Vajrasattva]

1)root & ground yourself

2) drink a lot of water

3) massage your body or get a massage

4) cold showers

4) hot salt baths

5) go for walks barefoot on grass

6) practice Yoga nidra or some form of relaxation.

7) learn to refine the energy before its sublimated.

8) ALWAYS tongue on upper palate

9) always inner smile

peace

 

Santiago

Edited July 11, 2008 by Vajrasattva

[Jedi777]

add about 20 drops of good lavender oil to that salt bath with a pound of table salt soak for 20 min and invoke for help and healing.

Peace

Edited July 11, 2008 by Jedi777

[mantis]

epsom salts are good

[Vajrasattva]

epsom salts are good

 

 

very

[Patrick Brown]

One aspect of any system to 'get straight' is burning off bad karma whether the individual sees this karma as purely psychological or something more subtle is not important. Chipping away (!) is always better than an obsessive fervour. Picking out the bad-seeds / erroneous-thinking is a process that takes time unfortunately some people just can't wait.

 

The term 'straightening by fire' is often used for systems which speed up the process of enlightenment. Occasional someone will inadvertently start this process, of 'straightening by fire', which is basically the same as psychosis. Many spiritual teachings equip the individual with the armour to survive such an event but without right understanding and the proper armour chaos death and destruction are highly likely. Of course the armour I talk about is universal love, wisdom and compassion.

 

Therefore my advice is to relax and let the pain of loss, relating to your ex, come out. Letting go and non-attachment are key elements within Taoist teaching. Strive to understand what has caused your pain and you will eventually realise that it was you and only ever you.

 

As for the masturbation linked to energy cultivation you should make sure you really know what you're doing and this doesn't mean read a few books. There are many masters (laughs) who don't know what they're doing and therefore they only exist to muddy the water. Whatever you decide make sure you flow as stagnant pools are the home of disease death and madness.

 

If none of the above resonates with you then I would simply recommend a period of time spent cross-dressing!

[witch]

Hmm. I don't usually push my book on this forum, but I'm going to here. Get The Orgasmic Diet, by Marrena Lindberg. Go on the diet. Men on the diet need to not take the extra iron I recommend, and they should use the Aneros rather than the Gyneflex device.

 

I don't think it's coincidence that these things are happening at the same time. Unrequited desire is a very powerful force to draw up sexual energy into the higher chakras. I think your subconscious is instinctively fastening itself onto the quickest way to your goal, and you will find difficulty in breaking that connection. You will end up fighting yourself.

 

Going on my diet will make your daydreams sweeter. Also, I personally don't think extreme cultivation is healthy--I think you should ejaculate at least once a week.

 

If you can see your desire for what it is, your subconscious deliberately choosing someone who will reject you in order to facilitate the rise of kundalini, it might help with balance. Also keep a sharp watch on yourself. Thoughts are one thing, actions are another. If you find that you cannot handle the intensity of emotion and are finding yourself making contact in the real world with her, in any way, even going to places she might be, then you must stop all of this immediately, and throw yourself in the other direction--get a Wonder Wave Fleshlight, a boatload of porn, and ejaculate as much as you can every day. And start dating other women!

[de_paradise]

If you can see your desire for what it is, your subconscious deliberately choosing someone who will reject you in order to facilitate the rise of kundalini, it might help with balance.

 

Thats very interesting. I have always suspected that it was the kundalini that wanted me to break up with my long term girlfriend. It was so tough to do, and it happened after I went on this yoga retreat. This is the first time I've heard this cause and effect articulated.

 

---------------

 

As for the original poster, in my view you are using a Taoist framework as a frame to dope yourself up on sexual bliss; I dont see this as spiritual, because otherwise you would not be overdoing this practise, and be doing a more balanced regime of meditations.

 

My suggestion is to go to fastseduction.com and learn how to meet and attract women for real (start with the player guide), get beyond your masturbatory ways and one-itis.

[findley]

oooOOooOOOOhhh I was supposed to seeeee her toddaayyy but she's ignoooorrrrinnggg meeeee......

 

Yes... I am definately getting your book, witch. Immediately. You knwo what is funny-- Is the I Ching keeps telling me, repeatedly, that I should not see this girl. The readings are intense, and one translation has told me more than once, "you're throwing your life away for this." But I do it anyways. ...

 

..I start new classes here next week. If I am not in her pants by then, I'll get another girl. I'm really good-looking, I guess, and girls really seem attracted to me, so it shold be easy. (I have also noticed a big difference since my cultivation really took off...)

 

Thank you guys for your help =)

 

(ps-- I am not spiritual. I cultivate for selfish reasons, I do it my way, and Awakening just happens to be one of the things I want...)

[witch]

oooOOooOOOOhhh I was supposed to seeeee her toddaayyy but she's ignoooorrrrinnggg meeeee......

 

Yes... I am definately getting your book, witch. Immediately. You knwo what is funny-- Is the I Ching keeps telling me, repeatedly, that I should not see this girl. The readings are intense, and one translation has told me more than once, "you're throwing your life away for this." But I do it anyways. ...

 

..I start new classes here next week. If I am not in her pants by then, I'll get another girl. I'm really good-looking, I guess, and girls really seem attracted to me, so it shold be easy. (I have also noticed a big difference since my cultivation really took off...)

 

Thank you guys for your help =)

 

(ps-- I am not spiritual. I cultivate for selfish reasons, I do it my way, and Awakening just happens to be one of the things I want...)

 

I called it wrong. That was a quick jump from obsessive psychotic thoughts to easily getting a new girlfriend! The resiliency of the young! You don't need my book if you can detach that easily, never mind! Also my diet can cause premature ejaculation in men.