karma

[Pranaman]

I've been hurt very badly. Yesterday my dog died due to a freak accident, later that night my girlfriend cheated on me while she was blackout drunk. I'm crushed. But EFT has helped alot. anyway, this has happened to me because the way I got my girlfriend was through her cheating on her ex-boyfriend because she loved me. This sounds terrible, and that this is something that she does. But the point is karma hit me really fast, this was only a 7 month period difference. Anyway, i don't know, this hurts worse than anything i've felt. I've just spent my time telling the higher powers that i'm sorry for what i've done. Tomorrow I go and give my heart and apology to the man that I did wrong to in order to get with the girl that did me and him both wrong. I hope I don't sound petty, and this is sort of not taobums material, but I have no friends to talk to.

[.broken.]

I've been hurt very badly. Yesterday my dog died due to a freak accident, later that night my girlfriend cheated on me while she was blackout drunk. I'm crushed. But EFT has helped alot. anyway, this has happened to me because the way I got my girlfriend was through her cheating on her ex-boyfriend because she loved me. This sounds terrible, and that this is something that she does. But the point is karma hit me really fast, this was only a 7 month period difference. Anyway, i don't know, this hurts worse than anything i've felt. I've just spent my time telling the higher powers that i'm sorry for what i've done. Tomorrow I go and give my heart and apology to the man that I did wrong to in order to get with the girl that did me and him both wrong. I hope I don't sound petty, and this is sort of not taobums material, but I have no friends to talk to.

 

Believe me when I say that I have been where you are. My ex-girlfriend was a similar character: she cheated on one of my best friends to be with me and dumped me some months later...

 

I also understand your pain. I think most Tao Bums, if not most humans, have been through the trials and tribulations that love can bring, so you won't be alone here.

 

One bit of wisdom I have acquired throughout the course of my life is that we learn the things we need to when the time is right. It is time for you to learn the lesson of your dog's death, and it time for your girlfriend to cheat on you and for you to adjust accordingly. Only you can know what the right thing to do is at this juncture in time - only you have all the information. If you feel that going to apologise to the man who your actions affected would soothe some of the pain, then go do it. If you feel you can forgive the girl involved for her drunken antics, then go do it.

 

By taking appropriate action, you will move forward from your pain. By taking inappropriate action, you may hide the pain but the emotional scarring will find a different method of manifesting.

 

Yours humbly,

James

 

P.S. I have no real knowledge of EFT, but if you use it as a manner of escaping your emotions as opposed to being mindful of them then I would suggest stopping.

[Pero]

I always wondered if I could be with a GF that cheated on her ex, even if it were with me. Because, what stops her from doing the same to me? I guess from your examples, nothing.

 

As for karma, it's hard to say that what happened to you was the result of the fact that she cheated her ex with you in this life, could be something from previous life. In any case it happened, and you can't change it.

And hey, it's no excuse, but at least she was black out drunk as you say, I think it would be worse if she cheated you just like that.

 

Dog dying may not have anything to do with your karma, but everything with his.

[Pranaman]

thank you very much. you are very helpful. I've done many EFT sessions and I still hurt, I understand you. I forgive her. Lately I have been frustrating her. It is in large her own self being frustrated by my clumsiness. Those times are confusing, and it started happening a lot recently. I think I can forgive her and stay with her, but she is living in a house of 8 other people, the man she cheated on me with is one of them. This will be difficult since she openly admitted that she's attracted to him, but he is a really negative person that talks about girls like their worthless and talks about killing animals, and she hates this, she cries when she hears about animals dying. She can't love him, but she is living in the same house. I hope she knows how to not let other people telling her it'd be a good idea to be with him affect her. This will be difficult. I forgive her, and him. If she ends up betraying my love for her again, than I believe she will learn something very great along the way.

 

But ever since yesterday when I found out what happened, something seemed to have clicked. I feel greatly motivated to push myself forward. I'm going to see where this goes. Thank you very much James.

 

-Bobby

[de_paradise]

Sorry about your dog.

 

About your girlfriend, my advice is to see her more as a fuck buddy and find some other girls, and sideline this girlfriend. This kind of girl always comes running back "in love"when she feels you emotionally detaching from her. Otherwise she will continue her same pattern, dominating you, treating you like her beta-turd, and will hop onto the next boy she finds who she perceives as having higher value than you.

[Pranaman]

Sorry about your dog.

 

About your girlfriend, my advice is to see her more as a fuck buddy and find some other girls, and sideline this girlfriend. This kind of girl always comes running back "in love"when she feels you emotionally detaching from her. Otherwise she will continue her same pattern, dominating you, treating you like her beta-turd, and will hop onto the next boy she finds who she perceives as having higher value than you.

 

I thoroughly disagree. I know the type and she isn't it. It sounds like your a pua or something, anyway.

[.broken.]

thank you very much. you are very helpful. I've done many EFT sessions and I still hurt, I understand you. I forgive her. Lately I have been frustrating her. It is in large her own self being frustrated by my clumsiness. Those times are confusing, and it started happening a lot recently. I think I can forgive her and stay with her, but she is living in a house of 8 other people, the man she cheated on me with is one of them. This will be difficult since she openly admitted that she's attracted to him, but he is a really negative person that talks about girls like their worthless and talks about killing animals, and she hates this, she cries when she hears about animals dying. She can't love him, but she is living in the same house. I hope she knows how to not let other people telling her it'd be a good idea to be with him affect her. This will be difficult. I forgive her, and him. If she ends up betraying my love for her again, than I believe she will learn something very great along the way.

 

But ever since yesterday when I found out what happened, something seemed to have clicked. I feel greatly motivated to push myself forward. I'm going to see where this goes. Thank you very much James.

 

-Bobby

 

Bobby, my friend, it was my pleasure. I rejoice that what I wrote had some resonance.

 

I would like to share a quote with you, if I may, from Lin's article on relationships:

 

When another presents frustration, it is time to be patient. When they present greed, it is time to be generous without question. When ignorance is present, compassion and wisdom must be practiced, and when arrogance arises, selflessness and respect must be shown.

 

I can only assume from the information that you have given that she is the one that informed you that she slept with someone else. If this is the case, then she has a good heart. Let her example be yours.

 

Mutual growth and benefit is the only real basis for any relationship. Grow alongside each other.

 

Yours humbly,

James

 

... Probably should've posted the link to Lin's article - thoroughly good read

Edited July 20, 2008 by .broken.

[Qigong Boy]

Living in the same house as a guy she cheated with, who talks about killing animals????

 

I suggest finding a nice vegan girl with her head screwed on straight. There are lots in Portland!

 

Sorry if I sound mean but wow, you deserve much better.

 

And yeah, the PUA stuff is dumb.

[Pero]

Living in the same house as a guy she cheated with, who talks about killing animals????

 

I suggest finding a nice vegan girl with her head screwed on straight. There are lots in Portland!

 

Uh, it's not the girl who talks about killing animals.

 

 

And yeah, the PUA stuff is dumb.

 

Actually it's not, it's quite smart.

[Pranaman]

thank you James, you have helped me another step up one more time.

 

She is vegetarian, and nice, her head is not screwed on straight, but that's not a problem that can't be helped with time. If I didn't care for her, love her, concern myself with her happiness, finding a nice vegan girl would be easier. but I can't even think of that realistically where i'm at right now.

 

I am going back to who I was when our relationship was perfect. She won't see i'm hurt and that I love her more than he ever will, if I try to convey these things.

 

here is what is happening between her and I, dropping the issue at hand. This might also put a good perspective on other relationships.

 

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Is there any practice that encourages self-observance?

I practice t'ai chi, I know that is and will continue helping immensly.

 

Actually it's not, it's quite smart.

 

agreed. I actually went to a PUA forum to ask for advice, and a few people that are 'lesser experienced' gave me the same advice as the guy who used the word 'beta-turd'. but the most experienced, and the girls, agreed that things like that have happened, and if i'm thinking rationally, forgiveness is reasonable.

[.broken.]

I am going back to who I was when our relationship was perfect. She won't see i'm hurt and that I love her more than he ever will, if I try to convey these things.

 

Be careful. Everything changes, and will always change. Going back to how you were ignores the fact that what has happened did indeed happen. You have to acknowledge that it did happen, you have to acknowledge that it will affect the relationship, you have to acknowledge that as every second ticks by nothing will ever be the same again.

 

Keep your chin up, smile through your eyes and spread love everywhere you go.

 

Is there any practice that encourages self-observance?

I practice t'ai chi, I know that is and will continue helping immensly.

 

Many. Self-observance is the same thing as mindfulness. By being self-observant you are aware of all your actions, because you modify your behaviour consciously. Mindfulness is exactly the same - being aware of everything you do and think.

 

All meditation practices generally enable one to eventually be mindful at all times of activity and inactivity.... Taiji, chi kung and yogic asanas are particularly good at making one aware of one's physical body and its actions... Vispassana and one-pointed concentration meditations are good at making oneself aware of the mind, and how this affects your actions.

 

Keep practicing

James

[Pranaman]

Lin's article is really really good. Now I know what i'm doing, and I too am going to try to cultivate in the way of the noble

eight fold path. but i'm not going act like it didn't happen. i'm going to act like it did happen but from my most resourceful state of mind i've ever had. thank you again James, if I we were in person i'd give you a big hug. You have no idea how assisting your words and advice have been for me to think clearly.

[.broken.]

Lin's article is really really good. Now I know what i'm doing, and I too am going to try to cultivate in the way of the noble

eight fold path. but i'm not going act like it didn't happen. i'm going to act like it did happen but from my most resourceful state of mind i've ever had. thank you again James, if I we were in person i'd give you a big hug. You have no idea how assisting your words and advice have been for me to think clearly.

 

Agreed. Well written and distinctly clear.

 

Anytime I can help, Bobby, gimme a shout. I guess you're going through something that I went through too, hence the connection you have with these words. Two of a kind, if you play cards I gladly accept you hug, and return it my friend. Your pain is mine and I am glad you shared.

 

I'm glad I could do something constructive here... my weekend's DIY, on the other hand, is left entirely neglected Balance is such a tricky business!

 

Yours humbly,

James

Edited July 20, 2008 by .broken.

[Qigong Boy]

Uh, it's not the girl who talks about killing animals.

 

I know

 

Actually it's not, it's quite smart.

 

OK, yeah it is smart. It's a smart way to attract dumb girls stuck in the high-school lets-compare-social-status-and-form-cliques mentality which is why it's so successful in the "bar scene" (which naturally attracts those kinds of people) and which is also why PUAs rationalize it with phony "evolutionary psychology" theory. My theory is that it has nothing to do with evolution and everything to do with the public education system suppressing people's natural genius and encouraging/devloping people's lower animal-level instincts (competition, hierarchy, etc.) thus turning them into mindless chimps basically (read John Taylor Gatto's Underground History of American Education, schools were designed to do this from the beginning). So the PUA is basically a "hacker" who plays off the scripts and social conditioning that were embedded into the female's psyche by the public school atmosphere (not to mention the media). Not that this makes him "evil" or anything. After all, he's been programmed as well.

[Pranaman]

PUA is to an extent, ridiculous. but also, i got some really good and sound advice from some of the guys on one of those forums.