Controlling Sexual Desire

[Ian]

Single most effective short term remedy I know is to completely relax the pelvic floor and let all energy just drift down the legs. Makes you part of something bigger and desire is much less urgent/important.

 

Generally, though, I'd say it is important to see sexual desire as just another aspect of uncontrolled thought, and a separate thing from the natural magnetism of the body towards another. The latter doesn't want anything.

 

Good luck, take it slowly....

[Trunk]

The challenge with retention is that it creates more desire-based energy which must be refined, neutralized. Wrong move for someone who is struggling with addiction - though the surrounding supportive exercises could be helpful (such as pc exercises, lower tan tien breathing, etc.).

 

While simple stabalization of attention, and accepting of one's sexuality, is important ... a critical piece in fact, I think that someone who is in addiction needs something mechanical (like massage, or exercise, or maybe a very effective qi gong) that actually subdues the desire.

 

If you want a reality check on how people are struggling, go to the forums at no-porn.com (mostly men) or the forum of mothers against porn addiction. Read a few threads.

 

imo, This is one of the serious areas that we've not gone, along with other forms of sexual and relationship trauma. imo, it's a sign that we've not yet developed really sound foundations in that we can't effectively address these types of issues.

 

My one-spot contribution is to twiddle guanyuan ren-4. (... but it still needs to be backed up by broader training. ... and I'm still curious as to whether it works for others: guinea pigs needed. )

~ later edit ~

I think it's too tricky to recommend these points singly; they work in concert, including lower dantian breathing and exercise.

Edited August 23, 2008 by Trunk

[joeblast]

 

While simple stabalization of attention, and accepting of one's sexuality, is important ... a critical piece in fact, I think that someone who is in addiction needs something mechanical (like massage, or exercise, or maybe a very effective qi gong) that actually subdues the desire.

 

good posts, trunk!

 

kunlun seems to do a good job of utilizing that energy and keeping desire at bay....but of course, the mindset is more important than the practice in this instance, imho. as long as your mind is in the right place on the matter, there are plenty of exercises and qigongs that will be of great benefit.

[Taiji-student]

Rolf, Hermit: thank you

 

Trunk, I fully support your notion that what we in lack of a better term can call "mental training" in itself is probably not enough (or rather, that it is not possible to actually do this) if the problem is more chronic and deep-rooted. Here "mechanical" methods like you suggest, acupuncture, psychomotorical therapy etc, has their obvious uses.

 

However, for the day-to-day lives for the most of us I personally think it would be advisable not to get too caught up in this controlling of sexual desires. If one has decided not to satisfy such desires, fine, still it's only healthy that they from time to time surfaces. Whatever practice one is doing (qi gong, martial arts, acupuncture, etc) should help one in this aspect if it is a healthy and well-balanced practice, and "entering into the observer" can be used instantly whenever it's called for. For a more or less sexually and mentally healthy person to put to use a whole array of techniques specifically to "subdue" desires I feel is a bit over-the-top.

 

As an aside I would say that "entering into the observer" has a different result than just "detaching" or "distracting" by mental exercise. It's not "thinking about baseball instead." It is a mind-calming practice which aids to balance and refine qi just as physical exercises, and IMO(though I respect everyone else's!) much more safely than visualization exercise. Ofcourse these are just my personal thoughts on the subject and I'm no expert on anything.

[Trunk]

However, for the day-to-day lives for the most of us I personally think it would be advisable not to get too caught up in this controlling of sexual desires. ... it's only healthy that they from time to time surfaces. ... a whole array of techniques specifically to "subdue" desires I feel is a bit over-the-top.

I think that we are basically in agreement. When I mention "subdue", I'm not talking about repression. I'm talking about harmonious cooling and going deep: restoration, the yin part of the yin~yang cycle. .. as is appropriate when you're in a yin phase. I'm not talking about doing away with healthy expression in its' natural time!

 

 

I think that we can agree that there is a sexual cycle, and that we want to honor all parts of it for a healthy sex life. (I'm not talking about some narrow-minded absolute of making one point in the arc last for ever.)

 

 

It's natural.

 

 

And I'm not talking about some super advanced esoteric rocket standard, here. Just normal, healthy, yet still progressing in the human and spiritual.

 

Certainly part of this is enjoying a lush active sex life in its' time. That's why we see men in the cultivation community who've spent a lot of time alone meditating, etc, at some point recognize that they need to get laid more and often put more attention towards the courtship arts ('game').

 

Yet, as men, we tend to be more yang. We tend to be more sexually frenetic, and are notorious for disfunctionality along that line.

 

 

For those that go into sexual addiction, it takes over their lives. The incessant excessive yang depletes their yin and it leads to exhaustion of yin and collapse of yang. (That sort of disharmony was my understanding as the context of this thread.)

 

Semen retention easily fosters a pattern of sexual addiction, as the dangers of retention are stagnation (stuck energy) and heat. Trapped heat just keeps things stirred up, keeps sexual desire chronically active. (For those few who are actually advanced enough to make good use of it, retention can be a powerfully positive addition to their spiritual path, kudos! BUT, retention is something that - if you do it wrong - you get the opposite effect: damaged vitality. So, in the spectrum of healing ~ healthy ~ advanced jing gong, here I am talking about healing and healthy.)

 

If you look at the sexual cycle, there are parts.

 

 

I think that, for most men .. that is, what is accessible and healthy to work on for most men is:

 

1. How "not-to-start when it's-not-the-right-time". That is, how to harmoniously subdue the energy so that you're cool & restored by it, and so that you can get on with other things.

 

2. How to "cool off afterwards". Resolving the residual heat and tension so that sexual activity doesn't go on for too long, excessively, and to allow the yin part of the cycle.

 

 

Again to emphasize, I'm talking about 1&2 as appropriate to a natural yin time, not as repression of yang. Plenty of benefits, imo, from those. Healthy. Might not market well. Should be pre-requisite to semen retention attempts (if you choose to experiment with such). And I'm not suggesting that a person always has to be strict about when and so on, only that you should have the ability to apply as you see fit.

 

That's my two cents.

 

Trunk

Edited August 24, 2008 by Trunk

[Taiji-student]

Trunk,

 

to me and I'm sure to many others your two cents are of high value. Thank you for elaborating!

[salaam123]

Single most effective short term remedy I know is to completely relax the pelvic floor and let all energy just drift down the legs. Makes you part of something bigger and desire is much less urgent/important.

 

Generally, though, I'd say it is important to see sexual desire as just another aspect of uncontrolled thought, and a separate thing from the natural magnetism of the body towards another. The latter doesn't want anything.

 

Good luck, take it slowly....

 

This is good advice, I do this also. When my governor channel was good, I used to be able to live without porn and sex and did not even have to fight against it because my body was cool enough. Also there might be a spiritual bondage to sex and porn, if it feels like you are somehow forced to do it even if you want to stop(I had this type of thing what I overcame by becoming a christian). I feel that nocturnal emissions are enough to take the the pressure out, also they do not seem to drain power.

[magician]

I suggest that you should sit in a lotus position regularily every day for at least one hour. This exercise alone will decrease your sexual desire considerably.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_position