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[三江源]

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Edited April 9, 2016 by 三江源

[Ian]

and you want to remove yourself from this person's field of energy because it is just not good.

 

I think that's the crucial line. Maybe it would help to examine the mechanism by which you allow their energy to affect you.

 

Like super-closely...

[Stigweard]

Supposing someone close to you is going through a long long saga of what looks like negative karma... legal battles, financial snarl ups,interpersonal blockages and negativity, stuck health issues, petty inconveniences piling up daily....

and you want to remove yourself from this person's field of energy because it is just not good.

But if you did that, you would be adding to their problems not insubstantially.

 

You would, in effect, be another agent of negative karma.

 

Would removing yourself be uncompassionate and create negative karma for oneself?

 

What do you think? How far do you suffer for someone? Do you let it be a drain on your own life?

 

Talk about parallel lives huh?

 

Can you be the rose,

Growing in a pile of sh~t

And enjoy the smell?

 

 

Perhaps it is a karmic issue that has landed you/me there?

 

When life is full of adversity it is Tao building us stronger, give thanks.

 

When life is full of fortuity it is Tao expressing its benevolence through us, rejoice.

 

[mjjbecker]

Supposing someone close to you is going through a long long saga of what looks like negative karma... legal battles, financial snarl ups,interpersonal blockages and negativity, stuck health issues, petty inconveniences piling up daily....

and you want to remove yourself from this person's field of energy because it is just not good.

But if you did that, you would be adding to their problems not insubstantially.

 

You would, in effect, be another agent of negative karma.

 

Would removing yourself be uncompassionate and create negative karma for oneself?

 

What do you think? How far do you suffer for someone? Do you let it be a drain on your own life?

 

Can you help them? Do you know someone else who can help them? Are they willing to be helped?

 

You are not under any obligation to allow someone to drag you down with them. You can choose to let them, but they cannot choose for you.

 

If they can't, or won't, accept help, then yes, walk away. You may well feel bad about their situation, but there is no need for you to feel bad about yourself.

 

Ultimately you need to follow your own heart in this.

 

Best,

 

Mike

[Wayfarer64]

I know of what you say here... I believe you have it within yrself to adjust yr attitude to show compassion and relieve yrself of their bad vibes... some call it tuff love- let them know that their way of addressing life brings you down but that you do still care what happens to them...

 

as I've written here lately - I have a good friend who tried to kill himself several months ago- it has worn me down trying to relate to him and help him thru this period - now he is on drugs that have zombiefied him and there is only a sort of shell of a person left- (tho seemingly happy)-

 

I know I can do little to help him expand his life so I just let him be... I feel responsible for him since I kept him from killing himself- BUT I also know that his changes need to be internal and I can do very little to adjust his place in life anymore --

 

dealing with other people is pretty freaking hard ...sometimes - a hermit's life has a strong draw don't it?

[.broken.]

I regularly find myself in such situations. Mike hit the nail on the head when he asked, "Are they willing to be helped?"

 

Do they ask you for your advice or input? Or is it merely a case of, "Poor me! Look what is happening!"?

 

Needless to say, the path you take will depend on the history you have with this person. If it's a close friend you have had for years then I am sure you would act differently than if your relationship has always been somewhat superficial.

 

Something else that would determine your actions would be a measure of how demanding this person is of your time and energy.

 

Clearly, none of us here can make the decision for you, nor can we live your life for you. However, you have come looking for advice, and rather than going into the theory, depth and intellectual masturbation that I would gladly do, I would like to offer you a practical solution.

 

Pray for them. Think of them at least once a day and send them your love, understanding and courage. Holding a mental image will suffice while you do this. Then, think of the third entity in the relationship... the relationship itself. The essence and energy that sits between you two. A colour, shape, person, animal, emotion may come to you as you think of this entity- whatever it is, it is simply a manifestation of the relationship itself. Send the same love, understanding and courage to this being.

 

If you're willing to give it a whirl, you will begin to notice changes. If it's time for the relationship to end, the opportunities to do so will present themselves.

 

In the meantime, you shall be in my prayers Cat.

 

Yours in understanding,

James

[Vajrasattva]

Supposing someone close to you is going through a long long saga of what looks like negative karma... legal battles, financial snarl ups,interpersonal blockages and negativity, stuck health issues, petty inconveniences piling up daily....

and you want to remove yourself from this person's field of energy because it is just not good.

But if you did that, you would be adding to their problems not insubstantially.

 

You would, in effect, be another agent of negative karma.

 

Would removing yourself be uncompassionate and create negative karma for oneself?

 

What do you think? How far do you suffer for someone? Do you let it be a drain on your own life?

 

 

Well there are a few things you can do:

 

1) Nothing

 

2) Prayer, Send Love, Inner Smiles, Healing energy to the person with their issues (afterwards cut your chords to them gently so you are not "stuck" in the mess.

 

3) Make offerings on his or her behalf to those that they owe a karmic debt to so that the debts and issues can fade gently.

 

4) Cutt your chords to them on all levels and pray for them.

 

 

Peace

 

& Best wishes

 

If i can be of any service just ask.

 

Santiago

[de_paradise]

There are many many opportunities to create good karma if a person wanted to.

 

Does this person stand in the way of your spiritual progress and your magnificence? If they do, then I would cut the emotional ties. You could try this out by visualizing the chi-thread between you and slicing it. See how it feels.

 

I can really relate to this problem. With a more open heart due to meditations, why then are we led to an act that is for self preservation? Its like I expect more of myself than I would have last year, but at the same time I avoid the people who use me as an emotional douche rag.

[Spectrum]

Gold fish don't get to choose the bowl their swimming in. Humans are a bit different.

[mYTHmAKER]

Supposing someone close to you is going through a long long saga of what looks like negative karma... legal battles, financial snarl ups,interpersonal blockages and negativity, stuck health issues, petty inconveniences piling up daily....

and you want to remove yourself from this person's field of energy because it is just not good.

But if you did that, you would be adding to their problems not insubstantially.

 

You would, in effect, be another agent of negative karma.

 

Would removing yourself be uncompassionate and create negative karma for oneself?

 

What do you think? How far do you suffer for someone? Do you let it be a drain on your own life?

 

How close is this person. Do you feel they would stick by you if roles were reversed.

In a way it's a good opportunity for you to stay centered - be there for them without

letting it affect you. perhaps a test for you.

You radiating positive energy can be of great help to this person. I'm assuming they were not always this way - there must have been good times.

You don't want to quit the situation or you would have done so without asking the question.

The answer is in your heart.

On a more practical note invite him/her to go chanting - does wonders for the spirit.

Keep the inner smile

[doc benway]

I don't know if this will be helpful but here are some thoughts based on my own work.

 

What is it that causes me to feel good or bad in a relationship or situation? Generally it's attachment. I experience emotions related to things and relationships, sometimes positive and sometimes negative - that's all normal. It's only when I identify with or attach to those emotions or to an anticipated outcome or expectation that I suffer. When attachment occurs there is conflict because we either move to avoid or supress or we desire more. Simply being with the experience fully, without acting out of conditioning and without comparing or judging (others or ourselves), but simply accepting and opening to it usually leads to dissolution, whether the stimulus is positive or negative.

 

The next piece is the action you decide to take. Rather than let the action be dictated by the emotion, it's interesting to see if the two can be separated. So I feel something from the relationship, and regardless what that feels like, I get to choose how I'm going to respond. And the best response is the one that is most consistent with my core values, which is something that is worth getting in touch with. If I'm reacting out of conditioning, I will remain in conflict, unless it coincidentally is consistent with my values.

 

So it could be possible to remain in a relationship, experience those negative emotions associated with it without becoming attached to the emotions, and act in a manner that is determined by your values, not your conditioning. Then you are invincible. No matter what the other person does, it is your choice to act in any fashion imaginable. No matter what emotional content the relationship has, it has no control over you.

 

We're under the illusion that other people "make us" angry or sad or happy or whatever. It's not true - it is entirely up to us, if we so choose. We have the opportunity to determine not only our response, but how we feel about it. It's only when we're asleep and reacting out of conditioning and attachment rather that acting out of awareness, that we are slaves to relationships, addicitons, and so forth. It's not easy to live in awareness like that but it is possible. The old traps are always there to step into - it's much easier to be a robot than to stay awake all the time. It's what I've been working on for 2 years now. It's changed my life.

 

I wouldln't presume to give you advice or recommend any specific action but I do think the whole idea of relationship is fascinating and worth a lot of attention.

 

Good luck cat

 

[三江源]

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Edited April 9, 2016 by 三江源

[Vajrasattva]

Thankyou, lovely people.

 

I have read each of your responses several times. I will read them again, too.

 

Thankyou for the constructive ideas of praying, and to Santiago for the idea of offering gifts up on behalf of this person, to help ease their situation. I am happy that I can do that really constructive thing, and without any negative drain on me at all.

 

( I just wrote "offering guts up".... which is probably what I have actually been doing.. )

 

Thankyou to those of you who have said you can really relate to the situation, I find that very comforting.

 

de_paradis,

 

 

that is it exactly... I want to both move away from, and also stay and help. This is a quandary, isnt it. I have always expected more from myself than simply being rejecting.. but now.. I have an extra low tolerance for murky stuff, more so than ever. Maybe we are opening and purifying so much at the moment that the self protection instinct has really kicked in more than usual.

 

.broken.,

Thankyou for this, it is a nice practical thing I can do, and it will give insight, too, which I could do with.

 

Wayfarer, I do remember, yes, about your friend who tried to kill himself. It was shocking and raw. Freakin' hard is right! yes, yes, yes, and Yes, again!

 

mjjbecker, thankyou for responding and asking because I had become inured to the fact that this person is unconscious of their need for help, and that is part of what is disheartening. Support, yes, they want that, in bucketloads.. but that isnt the same thing as help, is it.. in fact it is an invitation to collude, and your question clarified that for me. *sigh*

 

Stig, I love this : It made me smile. If I have to be in the shit, and we all do sometimes, I want to be a rose, for sure!

and I have thought of that a lot too, and accepted the responsibility of working through what I have attracted.

 

I guess when the karma shifts, no decision needs to be made by the mind.

 

mYTHmaker,

your words give me a little pain in my heart. ouch. true words. thankyou.

 

Ian, and Xuesheng, thankyou for reminding me not to be stuck in habituated responses. I think I have become embattled. Maybe I have made like Turtle, grown a thick shell.

 

Spectrum, even the thought of swimming through this situation is helpful! Fluidity. Always good to be in touch with fluidity. Thankyou for coming in here and giving me a drop of your angle on life. I appreciate it.

 

Thankyou everyone, you are grrrrreat.

love to each of you.

xxx

cat

sent energy your way Cat

 

may all thing work out peacefully

 

Santi

[mjjbecker]

You are most welcome.

 

Will send some smoke up for you and your friend.

 

Best,

 

Mike

[Vajrasattva]

Was in a nice place today with many woods trees and crystals. Sent you Mjjbecker & Cat some nice energy.

 

My best wishes to you both.

 

Cat the vibe i got was to smile more : ) so whatever it is Smile.

 

Thanks,

 

Santiago

Edited October 16, 2008 by Vajrasattva

[doc benway]

Cat,

Very cool to see you take the time to acknowledge everyone like that.

Best wishes to you

[三江源]

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Edited April 9, 2016 by 三江源

[Wayfarer64]

THE GREAT JOY IN MY LIFE THESE DAYS IS BEING ABLE TO LOOK OUT MY WINDOW & SEE OCEAN WAVES BREAKING ON A BEACH A FEW HUNDRED YARDS AWAY- SORRY CAPS-

 

How can I share that joy with my friends as I feel it? I guess that they each invision it as they will, and it may be that is enough...

 

i just hope to BE HERE NOW AND OPEN THE HEART TO SHARE THIS GLORIOUS STATE OF BEING-OOPS CAPS AGAIN!- SO BE IT !- i'M SHOUTING BUT NOT ON PURPOSE?!

 

Like king Lear... perhaps... into the wind...

 

in any case Cat yr heart seems to be full of love and giving and that is a great gift to everyone here!- thank you!

[三江源]

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Edited April 9, 2016 by 三江源

[Wayfarer64]

 

ha, Wayfarer, it was like you were raising your voice above the sound of the wind and the crash of the waves!

 

I have a vivid image of you there by the sea, lovely sense of S P A C E in your post!

 

xxxx

thankyou, too.

 

 

I am a space cadet! - people tell me this often- I like the idea that space has a place in my consciousness as well as other matters!

 

but I hope to delve deeper and further in my travels and travails... not putting so much import on the differences that occure to me...more compassion, less self absorbtion... the sea really helps...