Pranaman Posted November 19, 2008 My heart is telling me to go in a direction that is painful. Sounds like standing... This girl with a beautiful soul and I are very close. A while back, she cheated on me, it hurt. We broke up. A few months later, I took her back. With staff infection she couldn't walk for two months, once she was able to walk, she disappeared and made plans with me that she wouldn't follow through with. I didn't see her for a month. When her month long spree ended. I broke up with her. The rest of the day was wierd, cause she physically acted like we were still together, and I was awkward about it but I didn't push her away. Anyway, we ended up staying together... a few months fly by. Things feel great other than I still can't trust her with other guys. Then yesterday, find out that month she disappeared, she slept with someone we know. So I talk to her, she admits to sleeping with someone else too. So she cheated on me 3 times already. This doesn't make me feel good. But it doesn't hurt like the first time. I break up with her. Today, i miss the girl. We are still close, and I love her, aren't in love with her, but love her, care about her, I want to see her happy. The break up is sad, and i've never seen anyone as hurt as her, considering at that present moment, things were fine. If she cheated on me again, i'd feel emotional pain, deal with it, and lose a little more trust in her. I was tired of the feeling of loss and fear when she'd leave to party with people, and it hurt to know I wasn't just a jealous idiot but a person with fears manifested. Does anyone have any good books or articles, or just words that will lead to me to realization, or insight into this experience of my young life? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aetherous Posted November 19, 2008 Find a new girl. Seriously. She won't change. There are tons of girls out there...look for one who won't cheat on you. They do exist. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taiji Bum Posted November 19, 2008 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thelerner Posted November 19, 2008 You can bond a newborn chick to a piece of wood. As long as the wood is an early and consistent source of food. Humans bond too. We create incredibly strong ties that are both physical and emotional. Its not just in your head, its deep within your body too. The question is what are you bonded to? If its not nourishing break it. It won't be easy. Throw your physical and mental energies somewhere else. Work out hard, find a hobby and try to get passionate about it, even if you're just pretending. Need I say stay away from the old object of desire? Michael By the way, the question was not self centered, we've all experienced it one way or another and there's no magic wand, other then the cliche time heals all wounds and you'll get over it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yuen Biao Posted November 19, 2008 My heart is telling me to go in a direction that is painful. Sounds like standing... This girl with a beautiful soul and I are very close. A while back, she cheated on me, it hurt. We broke up. A few months later, I took her back. With staff infection she couldn't walk for two months, once she was able to walk, she disappeared and made plans with me that she wouldn't follow through with. I didn't see her for a month. When her month long spree ended. I broke up with her. The rest of the day was wierd, cause she physically acted like we were still together, and I was awkward about it but I didn't push her away. Anyway, we ended up staying together... a few months fly by. Things feel great other than I still can't trust her with other guys. Then yesterday, find out that month she disappeared, she slept with someone we know. So I talk to her, she admits to sleeping with someone else too. So she cheated on me 3 times already. This doesn't make me feel good. But it doesn't hurt like the first time. I break up with her. Today, i miss the girl. We are still close, and I love her, aren't in love with her, but love her, care about her, I want to see her happy. The break up is sad, and i've never seen anyone as hurt as her, considering at that present moment, things were fine. If she cheated on me again, i'd feel emotional pain, deal with it, and lose a little more trust in her. I was tired of the feeling of loss and fear when she'd leave to party with people, and it hurt to know I wasn't just a jealous idiot but a person with fears manifested. Does anyone have any good books or articles, or just words that will lead to me to realization, or insight into this experience of my young life? Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov wrote about the problems one can have when in a relationship with someone who is promiscuous. I cannot remember exactly what was written but the conclusion was that you are opening yourself up to negativity; that of your girl and the men she has slept with. It's all about the vibes, and the fact that seekers of the way are trying their best to be honest and pure is in contrast with the negativity and potential harm you may receive. I think that was the essence of Aivanhov's lectures as found in his book 'Lifeforce'. Like 'Scotty' said, get rid man and start afresh. There are better women out there! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pranaman Posted November 19, 2008 right on guys. That hit the spot. There have been so many moments where I accepted the unacceptable in our relationship just because I believed that accepting things as they are, was a part of growing. The time I came and put gas in her gasless car when it was just her and the guy that cheated on me in it, he lives about 25 miles away so she had to have picked him up, then gave the guy a place to stay, then payed for his bus to get home in the morning. I thought i'd grow from accepting that and even being giving. but maybe it did the opposite for me maybe not, it doesn't matter either way, cause that's the past, and now's now. Just 5 minutes ago, I started working on the cord on the back of my heart chakra that creates much guilt. She is crushed, I haven't seen a person so emotionally destroyed. It sucks that doing the right thing feels like the wrong way to go, and when I know it opens up a new life. Well, i'm going to go get some clothes so I don't look like a bum. My style of sweatpants(easy to train at bus stops in those) and the shirt i've been wearing for 2 weeks tends to not be too impressive to women. After training of course, I will take Michael's advice, i'm going to revive the old table tennis table from the garage, practice that, or basketball. I will get very passionate about this. I will work harder than I've been too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZenStatic Posted November 19, 2008 What I don't understand is how you can say she has a beautiful soul when she clearly is just selfish. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pranaman Posted November 19, 2008 (edited) The question is what are you bonded to? If its not nourishing break it. It won't be easy. What I don't understand is how you can say she has a beautiful soul when she clearly is just selfish. I said she is with a beautiful soul, just like you and me. But it only shines through her ego rarely. Just something I felt was worth telling, that she does have quality show itself through her at times of peace. Edited November 19, 2008 by Pranaman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bum Grasshopper Posted November 19, 2008 Even the largest storms don't last forever. The sun will shine upon you once again very soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
三江源 Posted November 19, 2008 Of course she is a beautiful soul! I dont doubt it at all. She is a young woman, at the sipping and tasting stage of her life when she feels driven and compelled towards sexual experiences as bees feels drawn to flowers. No doubt she also loves you, and is torn in two, with quite conflicting drives to deal with. My suggestion is that you do some EFT on your painful feelings, pranaman. It is an inevitable part of life to have a broken heart at some point, it is a crucial part of L'Education Sentimentale. We wouldnt be initiated into adulthood without experiencing betrayal... our innocence simply has to be challenged. Read Grimms Fairy Tales... we have to grow up, and it hurts. The challenge is to retain open heartedness and not ossify or take the rigid road of becoming judgmental and cold and self protective. Your pain will be eased a lot by using EFT. It will mean you dont have to experience it longer than you organically need to. You may or may not resonate with the work of Byron Katie, you can find her work on YouTube.. she would say that your girlfriend is utterly perfect as she is - becuase the world is perfect - and your problem lies within you for expecting her to be what she isnt right now, and so you need to revise your thinking patterns, for it is your thinking that is causing your grief, not your girlfriend who is so beautifully being true to herself. Hey ho .. good work to be done.. good luck. xxx cat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pranaman Posted November 19, 2008 yessum. I will look into this Byron Katie, she sounds really cool. As far as the break up goes, i've realized that is not when I feel it. Of course I will miss her. I will use EFT on the empathy I feel for her pain, when i think about that is when I feel it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hyok Posted November 19, 2008 I'm all for seeing the perfection in people, but when the vision of perfection begins to inflict unnecessary pain on ourselves, it's probably best to appreciate it from a distance. having experienced the pain of detachment, I can assure you(as others have mentioned) that there are plenty of other beautiful female souls out there who are at the same place of awareness as you are. good luck, man. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
三江源 Posted November 19, 2008 I'm all for seeing the perfection in people, but when the vision of perfection begins to inflict unnecessary pain on ourselves, it's probably best to appreciate it from a distance. We dont know what of our pain is unnecessary, that simply isnt something we can know. There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer. We can do EFT, though. so that our own thoughts and channels are uncluttered. So that we are a clearer vessel. Good luck to pranaman, and all of us. xxx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hyok Posted November 19, 2008 We dont know what of our pain is unnecessary, that simply isnt something we can know. Agreed. The Great Heartbreak of my life was a life-changing experience, full of grand introspection and a realization of what a good relationship is to me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mYTHmAKER Posted November 19, 2008 If I hadn't had my heart broken I never would have met my wife. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pranaman Posted November 19, 2008 you guys and gals are cool thank you Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mwight Posted November 19, 2008 (edited) mTkp9UqVVHs Not all women are like this, but I would say 90% are. (90% of men are equally as bad in different ways though)In my opinion relationships seem to be just another level of control and are generally just major distractions from your real purpose in life.I've decided to be a hermit, and stay away from relationships. They offer nothing, and only stand to hinder me. Edited November 19, 2008 by mwight Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rain Posted November 19, 2008 makes me wonder what kind of relationship you have with your moms... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mwight Posted November 19, 2008 (edited) makes me wonder what kind of relationship you have with your moms... I never really had a relationship with either of my parents. My grandmother raised me and she was a kind and sweet and very intelligent woman. She taught school as a biologist for over 40 years. Edited November 19, 2008 by mwight Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aetherous Posted November 19, 2008 Not all women are like this, but I would say 90% are. (90% of men are equally as bad in different ways though) Yup. It's true on a biological level. We can't help wanting the things we want. In my opinion relationships seem to be just another level of control and are generally just major distractions from your real purpose in life. True. I've decided to be a hermit, and stay away from relationships. They offer nothing, and only stand to hinder me. Same here, but I'm open. makes me wonder what kind of relationship you have with your moms... I think she's weird and I care for her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rain Posted November 19, 2008 (edited) Yup. It's true on a biological level. We can't help wanting the things we want. nonsense True. Same here, but I'm open. nonsense ;-D I think she's weird and I care for her. I kind of kindly knew that already. there is hope for you kid, just don't be too nice or youll turn out neurotic. lovs yah friendo. really. Edited November 19, 2008 by rain Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hyok Posted November 19, 2008 mTkp9UqVVHs Not all women are like this, but I would say 90% are. (90% of men are equally as bad in different ways though) In my opinion relationships seem to be just another level of control and are generally just major distractions from your real purpose in life. I've decided to be a hermit, and stay away from relationships. They offer nothing, and only stand to hinder me. LOL!!!!!! Oh man, that video was hilarious and, unfortunately, for the most part very true for many ordinary couples. I'm open to a woman in life, but it has very specific clauses attached to it. like for one, no marriage -- ever. secondly, she cannot prevent me from seeking truth otherwise it's over. Yeah, it's not going to be easy finding a person like this but quite frankly i'm not really looking. If it happens, it happens but most important is enlightenment. nothing will stand in the way of that, hence, no children either. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mYTHmAKER Posted November 20, 2008 mTkp9UqVVHs Not all women are like this, but I would say 90% are. (90% of men are equally as bad in different ways though) In my opinion relationships seem to be just another level of control and are generally just major distractions from your real purpose in life. I've decided to be a hermit, and stay away from relationships. They offer nothing, and only stand to hinder me. Couldn't watch the whole thing This is stereotyping Thankfully this has not been my experience Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gendao Posted November 20, 2008 Does anyone have any good books or articles, or just words that will lead to me to realization, or insight into this experience of my young life?You are an AFC with ONEITIS...an epidemic in our post-feminist culture today. When you've had enough of the BS, Google PUA and MRA...and start your long road to recovery... fDcNjhYJLwg And after you've found both extremes, you will have found the Middle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted November 20, 2008 Hey. I checked out that Byron Katie (at least I'm sure that she was mentioned somewhere in this thread...) Very well done (I know it might seem a bit overdone for some, but IMO she's got it). Anyway, why is everyone talking about the girl in the story? Cheers, Kate Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
