Dealing with a parent with dementia

[ToP-fan]

My mom is in the early to mid stages of dementia............She is still functional as far as eating, dressing etc.

The things that are a problem for her(and me) is her short term memory which causes problems when she cleans, forgetting to put covers on tightly on food jars etc.

Since my dad passed away, I've moved in wih her

and what is really a challenge is the constant repitition.

She'll make a statement or ask a question and ten minutes later, she'll say or ask it again.................After six or seven times, it really starts to fry the nerves.

 

I'm asking my fellow tao bums if anyone has gone through this and the best ways to cope.

 

Peace,

 

ToP-fan

[Baguakid]

The problem with the elderly is they are usually unwilling to change or try something new. I have qigong exercises that would have helped my mother tremendously but she would not invest the time.

[Mak_Tin_Si]

I do have ways to help you and have had experience in curing this the problem of dementia too. I have had a person who got this problem for a while and what happen is he got this after a car accident. We have cured this for him and we cured it in a week or so.

 

You can PM me for more info on this issue and please provide me a description of the following so that I can help you to furthur investigate into the case.

 

- when it start

- what happen to your mom

- what have you tried for your mom

 

Mak Tin Si

 

My mom is in the early to mid stages of dementia............She is still functional as far as eating, dressing etc.

The things that are a problem for her(and me) is her short term memory which causes problems when she cleans, forgetting to put covers on tightly on food jars etc.

Since my dad passed away, I've moved in wih her

and what is really a challenge is the constant repitition.

She'll make a statement or ask a question and ten minutes later, she'll say or ask it again.................After six or seven times, it really starts to fry the nerves.

 

I'm asking my fellow tao bums if anyone has gone through this and the best ways to cope.

 

Peace,

 

ToP-fan

[markern]

This computer program is scientifically proven several times to improve memory and focus tremendously if it is used about half an hour a day for around a month. In young people the results are permanent at least for a year:

 

cogmed.com

 

Acupuncture should do at least a little bit for memory while also making your mother feel better in general and is something she can do without much effort on her own part. Otherwise there are of course al sorts of qigong yoga, breath excercises and meditations that help a lot but all of that of course depends on wether your mother is able and willing to do them. That can be a problem with anyone especialy elderly people, however they realy do help.

 

Dharma Singh Khalsa has some good stuff about al of this. Also from a nutritional point of view:

 

http://www.drdharma.com/Public/Home/index.cfm

 

Whis you and your mother all the best.

[Mak_Tin_Si]

from experience that I have cured for the past, dementia is usually caused by the damage of the soul (Hun). Sometimes when people get old, and they accumulate enough negative energy during their young age, it is time for it to burst. So that is why most people get this in their 50-60s.

 

We taoism fu, we can heal the soul (hun) and then also using a FU that strengthen the brain power to bring back the memory. After this the memory shall come back and then we will suggest cleansing for the body to wash out the negative that detoxified out of the body afterward.

 

With this method, I have had successful experience curing dementia problems for a few patients. Some of them are old people, some are from accidents brain damage.

 

If the brain also have internal bleeding or bruise, we can also cure that with FU+herb combo too.

 

We use Taoism medic healings call JUK YAU FOH, which is a kind of medic system used in the kingdom for thousands of years in China. This system do have 13 categories of healings, it cures all kinds of common to rare illness. You can just name almost anything you can think of and there is a solution to it. Even cancer and lukimea (blood decease) or internal bleeds etc,. It is organic and safe, no side effect, no negative energy or spirits involved and 100% traditional from the Taoism system.

[karen]

ToP-fan,

 

I went through this with my father. It really helps to have a support system for yourself as well as for the parent, because you're going to need help yourself, as you're finding out. You might try thinking of the behavior as just a symptom of the disease. At first my father began to be forgetful, and gradually his cognitive ability declined. He would often say sentences that dropped key words so that it was difficult to figure out what he was trying to say.

 

In the beginning, it was frustrating for me, and I would often feel irritated. But as I got more used to the idea that this was the disease talking, not him, I became more tolerant, and it became easier in that sense. Of course it was difficult to be close to him and be a caretaker while watching the decline. But when I stopped expecting him to behave and speak in the way that I wanted him to, it was a big relief.

 

Part of the irritation for me was really a coverup for the grief of losing him. And we usually project onto our parents a kind of responsibility or authority, a sense that they're capable and competent. And it's difficult to face the reality that they're human and subject to decline and death. Facing that is a major emotional process for us. What helped me most was to deal with that internally, so I didn't continue to project my childlike expectations onto him, and also so that I could begin my grieving. The grieving is not only for a death, but for the loss of who we expect our parents to be for us.

 

That's the process of growing up the parts of us that don't always come to maturity just because we go through the usual milestones of getting older. And it's a process we all have to go through whether our parents decline in this particular way or not, but dealing with a parent with dementia can actually be a spiritual gift, in a way, to help us learn spiritual lessons. It was a difficult, sad, yet also precious time for me that helped me make an even deeper spiritual connection with him as the other avenues of connection were being cut off.

 

Sometimes the disease process can be relieved, and in other cases dementia is the person's way of gradually disengaging from their earth life. You might have an intuitive sense as to what your mom's higher self needs to do. I had my father treated in a way that helped him release some of the emotional frustration of not being able to communicate, and that helped him to be more comfortable. He also had a more calm disposition and had more moments of clarity due to that. The dementia can be reversed in many cases, if that's what the higher self needs.

 

Often people decline this way after a major emotional trauma that the person is not processing, so anything to help your mother to process her grief, in whatever way is appropriate for her, should help.

 

Blessings,

Karen

[Mak_Tin_Si]

Another example from my experience..

 

One of my student who is around 90s, she is very healthy but the only problem is that she have very bad memory, and she always get frustrated all the time. Many accidents happen already, like she have start to boil something at home and forgot to turn off the fire.. burned the whole thing black! alarm rang...! It happens alot before and her son got mad at her all the time.

 

After she got into the lineage of Chi in Nature and practised the 49days practise for 49 days, she have improved the memory problem and that burning thing never happen ANYMORE. Her son was pretty well settled and convinced that she is finally doing the right thing. This of course takes effort and time to totally heal, but at least she is going a big step forward.

 

This practise is hard to convince the patient to do, but if you are her child, you can "do it for them".

 

The way to do it is that you first go into the lineage of Chi in Nature, enroll in as stage 1 student. Then finish the 49days practise yourself. During the mean while, you also register and enroll your parent into the lineage, this do not have to be told to them. They do not need to do anything or practise anything. After you are done with your own 49days, I can teach you a way to transfer your energy in practise to them, so you can start practising and push all the energy to them. So if you practise 10days for them, they got 10 days of the energy you gained. This can only be done between family members (close ones). So as respect for your parents, this is a way to pay back what they have gave you for the past. With your heart and effort, you can help your parents to improve this dementia problem.

[rain]

Ok. has she been scanned?

Has she been put on medication?

You'll need a network.

my mom had some strokes we found out after scanning her brain, she slowly developed dementia. it took a while before they named it dementia and she got mediciation to slow down the deterioration..but in the end the doctor took her off most medication, and she miraculously turned out a happy old elf. We felt lucky for this gift and never took it for granted. Many dement people can get develop quite a demonic temperament I've heard. It is also very tough fro a kid to have to take the role of the "parent"..because thats what happens.

It was frightening for her in the beginning because she understood that something was severely wrong.

I can only ditto Karens emotional reactions, "mom" .. really made me feel bad in the beginning, because she would act very irrational, like leave my son in the woods, or hit the dog with her can, or act like a little girl, wich really freaked me out. it was an exhausting and terrifying period. Me and my father had to adapt to something new and very unstable and only; "when we stopped expecting her to behave and speak in the way that we wanted her to, it was a big relief" to quote karen.

Till the end she loved to recite poems and could play the piano. It was quite fascinating and very touching.

The most profound fact was that I lost my mother while she changed into someone different. It took everybody years of hard work and silent grief before the situation stabilized and for us to adapt to her new "makeup" and focus on the core spirit that remained unbroken.. She changed much of her personality and finally got totally dependant on her surroundings. But now after her passing away I am incredibly grateful to have had the privilege of sharing this part of reality with her to be with her through these transitions.

Mind you I could never have made this transition on my own. Strangely it seemed like she shook off some bad karma during the process too. I sincerely hope so.

 

As I see it it is not a part time task and you will need help, prefereably professional. I will PM you the medication she got.

 

 

My mom is in the early to mid stages of dementia............She is still functional as far as eating, dressing etc.

The things that are a problem for her(and me) is her short term memory which causes problems when she cleans, forgetting to put covers on tightly on food jars etc.

Since my dad passed away, I've moved in wih her

and what is really a challenge is the constant repitition.

She'll make a statement or ask a question and ten minutes later, she'll say or ask it again.................After six or seven times, it really starts to fry the nerves.

 

I'm asking my fellow tao bums if anyone has gone through this and the best ways to cope.

 

Peace,

 

ToP-fan

Edited December 19, 2008 by rain

[Mak_Tin_Si]

With the problem of dementia, I really disagree getting a scan of the brain. Scans that western doctors use are very harmful for these person who already is very weak in energy. The Scan will mess up the energy field and harm the soul (hun) of the body for sure. I have experienced this before. Here let me share some experience.

 

A patient of mine who have been in a car accident, she got pain all over the body for 7days. Then she told me that after each scan she made in the hospital, she felt tired and more grumpy when she go back home. This is a pattern she found in 3-4 scans she did. After the last one, we gave her a bath cleansing FU for her to take a bath and neutralize the aura and also clean out all those negative energy from the scan, all of those grump and tired feelings, including some pain in the body are all GONE in instant after the bath.

 

Therefore, I suggest people who already have dementia for a period do not do any scans. Scans just makes it worst and doctors just ANALYZE, but cannot do much to totally cure the problem. It is doing more harm to the patient than help.

[zanshin]

Yes, the repetition is very frustrating. Part of that is it just isn't registering but maybe part boredom too. It's difficult when people can't get out and participate in old activities and family has taken over household management, but the wheels are still turning. I agree with the recs for a support system, but specifically you might ask for referral to licensed social worker in your area and recreational therapist- they should be able to help you a lot in finding support and services in your area and hopefully to find some activities your mom can participate in, maybe adaptations to old hobbies etc.- is there a senior center or adult day care she could do an exercise class, play cards, have lunch with other people in her generation nearby? Also speak with physician about possibility that depression could be part of the problem- sometimes with older people it can manifest as sort of a withdrawal and fogginess that may be mistaken as dementia. Good luck!

Edited December 19, 2008 by zanshin

[Bum Grasshopper]

I have a brainwave entrainment program that may help. It speeds up cognition of the left side of the brain with beta waves while sharping the right side with SMR waves.

 

She would have to sit quietly with headphones on for 30 minutes once or twice a day. If you think she would be cooperative I can post it for you.

[hyok]

I've heard that memory games helps in retaining long-term memory.

[Mak_Tin_Si]

Yes, doing mind games will help.

 

But first we must know the "cause" of the problem first. Some will be caused by aging, some is not. If we do know what caused the problem, then you can fix the "cause" which will lead to healing and curing. If not, it will just help for a while and it will come back.

 

experience from my patients agian:

 

A patient have had cancer and she went through the western medic treatment. After 3 months, she found herself better and the cancer seems to dissappear. But then after a half a year, the cancer is back again, this time it is much worst. From the analyze I have had for her, she actually got this from a funeral negative energy. This cannot be analyzed of course by the western doctors. So we started to give her treatment and we clean that negative energy out. After 7days, things are cured.

 

Instead of suffering from guess and check, we must first find out the "cause" of the problem before giving any treatments. This in the Taoism Medic system can be analyzed by seeing what the patient said, looking at the eye, ear and face of the patient, seeing the aura field of the person and calculating the life pattern of the person by using the birthdate and birth time. This is how we analyze for people as a Taoist.

[karen]

Also, many of the drugs that elderly people take on a regular basis for other issues, can easily cause symptoms associated with dementia. So it's important to look at the meds they're taking and rule that out as a cause. Many older people are taking a multitude of drugs, many of them unnecessary, often in doses that are too high for them, some drugs for the side effects of others - and the interactions among them can be powerful.

[Mak_Tin_Si]

Totally agreed!

 

I saw people who are old and fat, taking a box with dividers of 20 or more types of pills, red, pink, purple, white, yellow.. wow.. They are like having smarties! I wonder why you say their memory is not good, they know which one is for what reason.. wow, I was shocked. They can explain to you what effect each pills have, crazy.

 

But when it comes to other stuff, they just cannot remember a thing.

 

(specially when you ask them to pay you back money they own you. hahaha!)

 

 

 

Also, many of the drugs that elderly people take on a regular basis for other issues, can easily cause symptoms associated with dementia. So it's important to look at the meds they're taking and rule that out as a cause. Many older people are taking a multitude of drugs, many of them unnecessary, often in doses that are too high for them, some drugs for the side effects of others - and the interactions among them can be powerful.

[zanshin]

But if you owe them money maybe another story!

 

It's good to consider other possible causes and factors for behavior besides dementia. You mentioned she doesn't put the lids fully back on jars, but if her grip strength and coordination is not too good what seems like an absentminded annoying thing to you may be an adaptive habit for her.

[Mak_Tin_Si]

haha! Lucky, I didn't own them any money!

 

The adaptive habbits are also not hard to heal with the Taoism medic system of using FU and mantras.

 

 

But if you owe them money maybe another story!

 

It's good to consider other possible causes and factors for behavior besides dementia. You mentioned she doesn't put the lids fully back on jars, but if her grip strength and coordination is not too good what seems like an absentminded annoying thing to you may be an adaptive habit for her.

[ToP-fan]

Thanks everyone for the support and imput...

Karen, you hit the nail on the head about "expecting how they should react and the projecting aspect."

 

She'll be seeing a neurologist soon for an official diagnosis................I know there is some depression still going on since my dad just passed on Columbus day.

 

As far as any Alternative treatment goes...........she's from the old school does what her doctor tells her and she still smokes!

 

We are also looking into Adult Day Care and Senior activity centers...................Mom has been sort of an introvert most of her life and getting her out of her comfort zone will be a challenge.

 

A friend of mine is going through a similar situation with his mom, said a sense of humor is very important..............As a matter of fact, he said his mom could hide her own Easter eggs!

 

 

Anyway, thanks all for your kindness and support.

 

ToP-fan