how to get ride of unwanted sexual desires?

[mewtwo]

I was wondering if there a way to get ride of unwanted desires wether they be sexual or not right now i am deling with an unwanted sexual desire that i feel i should get ride of.

[Aetherous]

Take up more hobbies so you don't have time to think about it. Staying busy is the thing that I've noticed works the best, without the mess.

[mwight]

work full time, smoke lots of pot, and play wow with all your free time, seems to work for my friends

[Wayfarer64]

No means no. - If (s)he says (s)he doesn't want you- take that at face value!

 

If you wish to not enjoy yr own desires, or manifest lust- there are many ways-

 

- Turn it to love... this is a good thing that has spiritual purpose and content and adds meaning and joy to living

- Become a monk... peer pressure helps- (avoid the Catholic Church those guys are just wierd about boys)

- Take cold showers... this actually works! but dont catch a cold.

- Grow old... old folks just seem to stop being horney after a while, the libido just skulks off, ignored and rejected.

- Remember the dead are watching you all the time. Spirits judge yr performance and laugh at yr foibles.

 

if you are young - wait until you are old to become celibate. There is a time for everything... (leave the live-stock out of this- they have their own problems!)

 

enjoy life it is a greater gift than any man-made belief or fantasy could offer.

[markern]

Getting rid of a certain desire is probably possible. Getting rid of all kinds of desire is impossible. Read in Daniel Ingrams blook about models of enlightenment. You can find it at interactivebuddha.com

[ToL]

"how to get ride of unwanted sexual desires?"

Understanding that you are not the only one who have them, and that alot of things that we think that only we have, and say "this is weird" "this is uniqe", we suddenly see in many other people, like seeing a really hot blonde girl walking in the street then suddenly falls down by mistake, that's funny and human, or when you are afraid of something, it's nice when there is someone else who is afraid with you... human factor when wired becomes human there is nothing weired about it, when fear becomes human, there is nothing to fear, because you are looking at it at eye level, with human compassion.

All the best,

ToL

[Anabhogya-Carya]

Castration

[Stigweard]

I was wondering if there a way to get ride of unwanted desires wether they be sexual or not right now i am deling with an unwanted sexual desire that i feel i should get ride of.

 

When we are disturbed by desires it pulls our energy away from our natural centre, the lower Tan Tien just below and behind the naval. For instance sexual desires tend to excite energy into the sexual organs.

 

Here is a practical technique that I trust you will use wisely and conscientiously. Only use it when necessary.

 

When sexual desire arises combine your breath with your visualisation and, as you gently breathe in, imagine you are drawing energy up from the genital area into your lower Tan Tien where it becomes calm. The 'drawing up' is like delicately sipping clear spring water through a straw. Do this breathing in sets of 3 until you are no longer disturbed.

 

Blessings,

[ddilulo_06]

I think it's caused from a lack of love. In my experience, I felt I had 2 options:

 

A)Replace the wank habit with something else that would distract me.

 

B)Open my heart... lemme 'splain

 

I believe all ailments come from a lack of love. Our ego then attempts to fill that empty feeling with things like food and a lot of pullin' the pud.

 

If I were you, I would learn to open more to love... by whatever means.

Edited December 29, 2008 by ddilulo_06

[thelerner]

[ddilulo_06]

[Stigweard]

There so many cool names for guy masturbation... only one I can think of for women is fluffing the flesh lettuce.

 

Can you guys think of any more?

 

Let us not over-indulge shall we?

[Mak_Tin_Si]

This is a good start with your intention.

 

I do have 100% confidence in helping you with this.

 

1. You can start training in Taoism, under a lineage, practise the 49days practise first. After you are done with that, obtained into the Taoism (stage2) and then keep trianing, then go (stage 3) when you have inherited the energy of the 5 prescepts and do the practise for it, you will for sure get rid of this desire by then.

 

2. You can use FU to drink down and clears out that "negative desires" you have in your mind. (not as permanent fix)

 

#1 takes longer time, but you also get good effect on the way to fully permanent cure for the whole life.

 

#2 is fast and effective but that is not a permanent fix.

 

Mak Tin si

 

I was wondering if there a way to get ride of unwanted desires wether they be sexual or not right now i am deling with an unwanted sexual desire that i feel i should get ride of.

[thelerner]

Has it worked for you? When was the last time you did the happy?

 

All of that seems like SO much effort.

 

 

I'm just quoting a wise taoist about said problem. When my sexual desires arise I head for the bedroom and my wife .

 

 

Michael

[Mak_Tin_Si]

We must keep in mind that hiding away from reality is not a way to solve problems. The solution for this strong desire of sex is to make it NOT come when it is not suppose to come. Then you have fixed it. If you just find ways to get it over when it arise, then that is not a cure for the problem anyway. You didn't cure it, you find others was to relief it.

[Stigweard]

We must keep in mind that hiding away from reality is not a way to solve problems. The solution for this strong desire of sex is to make it NOT come when it is not suppose to come. Then you have fixed it. If you just find ways to get it over when it arise, then that is not a cure for the problem anyway. You didn't cure it, you find others was to relief it.

 

 

Quite true ... in my experience and learning the 'correct' way to 'fix' such excessive desire is to learn how to maintain one's energy in the right manner. i.e. Keeping one's energy calm and centred in the lower Tan Tien.

[Mak_Tin_Si]

Yes, with the FAAT in your body, the FAAT will keep your qi in the right place without going all over your body and arise sexual desire. So when a taoist train good in taoism and have high level of FAAT, I mean the higher your FAAT is, the less desire you have. That is why those very highly trained immortals do not have much desire in anything.

 

Quite true ... in my experience and learning the 'correct' way to 'fix' such excessive desire is to learn how to maintain one's energy in the right manner. i.e. Keeping one's energy calm and centred in the lower Tan Tien.

[Riyue]

I was wondering if there a way to get ride of unwanted desires wether they be sexual or not right now i am deling with an unwanted sexual desire that i feel i should get ride of.

 

i have just posted some informations about xiao zhou tian . A great exercise for harmonizing. I think that it helps for your problem too.

Please go to:

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?showto...opid=96711&

[Mal]

Desire changes over time. While you are waiting for a change try to do something different with the energy

 

Shen Zhen had a good post on sexual desires. Here's a bit of it:

5. The most important point I have found that helps is to sit for 1 - 2.5 hours or so in proper seated meditation practice before sleep. This is perhaps the most important point, and will yield the most results."

 

 

I think it's caused from a lack of love. In my experience, I felt I had 2 options:

A)Replace the wank habit with something else that would distract me.

B)Open my heart... lemme 'splain <snip> learn to open more to love... by whatever means.

 

Yes "lustfull" "sexobject" desires transform rather nicely when you add a bit of love and compassion to them. A nice one I read here is if you see someone "sexy" instead of battling your desire happily share the energy you suddenly have with that person. Look them in the eyes, smile. If feels nice and is appreciated.

 

As long as there is love, not just pure lust, in there. So if you are going to reflect schoolgirls try for "loved grandfather" rather than "raincoat brigade" ok

[Anabhogya-Carya]

Yes, with the FAAT in your body, the FAAT will keep your qi in the right place without going all over your body and arise sexual desire.

 

With FAAT in your body only a very small niche of people will want to have sex with you anyways.

[rookie]

I would ask why your sexual feelings are unwanted?

 

I think the body's natural intelligence is missed by so many cultures, including what I am seeing from the Chineese. We are so egotistical and think that we know what is truely best for ourselves with our mind. The mind sure has its place, for sure, but I would suggest really listening to your body, really allowing it to talk to you. There is so much there.

So you have sexual feelings. Ok. So I have sexual feelings. So what?

Maybe I act on them, maybe not. I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

I am a man, I have a body, no matter what else is true, this part is true until I die.

Sexual feelings are so natural and a part of being alive. So what?

 

Why do so many think that sexual desires are bad or harmfull?

 

Closet Catholics? heh heh

 

just a joke there

I don't want to offend anyone

just pointing something out that may be overlooked

[altiora]

Well to be honest I think starting from the premise that you want to be "rid" of them is half the problem. It's likely to end in failure because you're likely to just repress and thereby increase the pressure of the desires.

 

We are human beings and therefore the vast majority of us will always have sexual desires. If it's any consolation th Desert Fathers of the Christian tradition were battling with their sexual desires even after decades in solitary retreat in the middle of the desert. Now if they couldn't be rid of those desires, then what hope for us ordinary mortals.

 

Sexual desire has troubled spiritual cultivators since the dawn of time, and always will.

 

A more Taoist (and common sense approach) would be to harmonise your sexual desires.

 

Many of the posts have suggested just keeping busy, doing other things, etc -- that is an aspect of harmonisation.

 

In my opinion there are two other things that bring further harmonisation (this is from personal experience):

 

1. establish the extent to which these desires are just spontaneous body functioning as opposed to products of your own "stoking the fires" by thoughts and external material i.e., how often do you have sexual day dreams; watch material that is likely to suggest/invite sexual response (not just pornography but also quite a few over sexualised prime time TV programs)?; how often to you have lustful thoughts when you see good looking people etc?

 

In my experience so much sexual desire isn't "natural" in the sense of spontaneous expression of bodily functions, but rather a response that is manufactured by our own chosen behaviour. This behaviour is encouraged by modern consumerist culture where sex and acquisition are inextricably linked. And that chosen behaviour costs a lot of time and energy that is ultimately unwarranted. So eliminate the behaviour that starts the desire off and half the battle is won.

 

2. establish the extent to which you just express your desires; i.e., do you access pornography, have casual sexual encounters, masturbate, engage in even more sexual day dreams.

 

Again in my experience I found that most of the power of sexual desire is that it would trigger off certain pre-programmed responses that had built up from repetition. Each repetition entrenches the behaviour as my habitual response to sexual desire. By consciously choosing not to follow this previous behaviour, slowly but gradually I took control and not let the sexual desire control me. Instead I went do something else.

 

This is just a "recipe" that I made up from my own experience. It's not an easy process but I found that thinking about those two things allowed me to be mindful of what is happening and its causes, and thereby allowed me to get my autonomy and power back to make the changes I wanted to happen.

 

This is not to say I'm a celibate monk -- but rather that I put sexual desire back into its rightful place and proportion, and consequently have a lot more time and energy to spend on things that really matter. Ironically it has also resulted in sexual conduct becoming more special.

 

And the other thing is not to get too worked up if your resolution crumbles. You do need strong determination and genuine motivation to succeed, but you have to laugh at how silly is our fixation with sex.

[Bum Grasshopper]

Well to be honest I think starting from the premise that you want to be "rid" of them is half the problem. It's likely to end in failure because you're likely to just repress and thereby increase the pressure of the desires.

 

We are human beings and therefore the vast majority of us will always have sexual desires. If it's any consolation th Desert Fathers of the Christian tradition were battling with their sexual desires even after decades in solitary retreat in the middle of the desert. Now if they couldn't be rid of those desires, then what hope for us ordinary mortals.

 

Sexual desire has troubled spiritual cultivators since the dawn of time, and always will.

 

A more Taoist (and common sense approach) would be to harmonise your sexual desires.

 

Many of the posts have suggested just keeping busy, doing other things, etc -- that is an aspect of harmonisation.

 

In my opinion there are two other things that bring further harmonisation (this is from personal experience):

 

1. establish the extent to which these desires are just spontaneous body functioning as opposed to products of your own "stoking the fires" by thoughts and external material i.e., how often do you have sexual day dreams; watch material that is likely to suggest/invite sexual response (not just pornography but also quite a few over sexualised prime time TV programs)?; how often to you have lustful thoughts when you see good looking people etc?

 

In my experience so much sexual desire isn't "natural" in the sense of spontaneous expression of bodily functions, but rather a response that is manufactured by our own chosen behaviour. This behaviour is encouraged by modern consumerist culture where sex and acquisition are inextricably linked. And that chosen behaviour costs a lot of time and energy that is ultimately unwarranted. So eliminate the behaviour that starts the desire off and half the battle is won.

 

2. establish the extent to which you just express your desires; i.e., do you access pornography, have casual sexual encounters, masturbate, engage in even more sexual day dreams.

 

Again in my experience I found that most of the power of sexual desire is that it would trigger off certain pre-programmed responses that had built up from repetition. Each repetition entrenches the behaviour as my habitual response to sexual desire. By consciously choosing not to follow this previous behaviour, slowly but gradually I took control and not let the sexual desire control me. Instead I went do something else.

 

This is just a "recipe" that I made up from my own experience. It's not an easy process but I found that thinking about those two things allowed me to be mindful of what is happening and its causes, and thereby allowed me to get my autonomy and power back to make the changes I wanted to happen.

 

This is not to say I'm a celibate monk -- but rather that I put sexual desire back into its rightful place and proportion, and consequently have a lot more time and energy to spend on things that really matter. Ironically it has also resulted in sexual conduct becoming more special.

 

And the other thing is not to get too worked up if your resolution crumbles. You do need strong determination and genuine motivation to succeed, but you have to laugh at how silly is our fixation with sex.

 

 

Very well put! I agree 100%

[Trash Filter]

I am also dealing with same issues. If you are relatively young, fit and healthy the hormones can be quite hard to fend off.

You got to replace it with a positive addiction. You got to not focus on it too long, but don't beat yourself up about the thought.

It takes time...

[exorcist_1699]

There is no unwanted sex drive .

 

The drive for sex is also the heart for Enlightenment /Tao(淫心即是道心);the stronger the drive you have , the easier the Enlightenment you can attain .

 

This is the dialectic of Taoist/Buddhist practice. As a famous Taoist poem tells us :

 

 

人情濃厚道情微

道用人情世罕知

 

 

My clumsy translation of it is as follows:

 

While the drive for Tao is always invisible , the drive for sex always explicit and strong ;

Tao secretly makes use of human drive in daily life that seldom anyone notices it .

Edited December 31, 2008 by exorcist_1699